Luna’s Federation - Diplomancy by Other Means
Week 14 - Luna’s Federation - Diplomancy by Other Means
A Star Trek/My Little Pony Crossover
The Federation starship Pyxis has just finished carrying out a mapping mission at a spatial anomaly that is host to a peaceful race of pre-spaceflight creatures, when it discovers that sometimes the Prime Directive is not as powerful as it may seem.
EqD prompt: Making a promise is the easy part. Keeping it, on the other hoof...
14 - Leap of Faith
-or-
Luna’s Federation - Diplomancy by Other Means
“Celly!” A thunderous hammering echoed through the Canterlot castle as Princess Luna stood outside her sister’s bedchambers, requesting entrance by their traditional means. “Thou has meddled in my beloved night sky once too often! Get thy sun-loving plot out of bed and face us! We allowed thy interference last evening, thinking thou might merely have wished to add a new star to our blessed veil of night, but now you’re moving it!”
A faint clunking of the latch from the other side of the thick oaken door later, a rather bleary Princess Celestia appeared, with sleep mask shoved up on her forehead and both eyes nearly closed. “Luna. Sweetheart. I had a very difficult day with some very difficult ponies today, so if you could explain yourself in small words, I would appreciate it.”
Luna growled, pointing a hoof up at the sky. “New. Star. Moving. Stop it!”
Stifling a yawn, Celestia gave a soft peck on the forehead to her younger sister before turning and shuffling back to bed. “It’s not mine. You deal with it. Good night, Luna. Good night, chair. Good night, bed. G’night…”
Once again, Celestia’s bedroom resounded with the sounds of the Canterlot Royal Snore, and the attending guard closed the heavy door with a quiet thud.
But Luna was not around to hear it.
* * *
“Helm, why can’t we break free of orbit now!” Captain Lee Haan clung to his chair as the starship bucked and heaved beneath him, glaring at his helms officer as if she were somehow offending his decency.
“I’m sorry, sir,” she responded, touching another set of controls that reduced the shaking to a stiff vibration. “Additional power still ineffective. We’re stuck cold.”
“Request permission to use active sensors on the planet, sir,” said Lieutenant Strella at the Tactical station. “Perhaps if we can isolate the source of the tractor beam, we can destroy it.”
Haan gave his Andorian Weapons Officer a quelling look. “Somehow I don’t think Starfleet would look very favorably on us phasering some still-functioning ancient ruin on a Class B planet unless we were seriously in danger. If nothing else, the Histories and Antiquities sections would have us both filling out paperwork until we were old and grey. Still, it would be nice to see what we’re up against. Shut down the engines, Helm. Commander Tal, if you would please start active scanning.”
“Captain, I must protest.” Tal turned in her chair to face the captain, tucking an old-fashioned stylus behind one ear. “Subspace around this anomalous region is extremely sensitive. Starfleet only permitted our exploratory flight on the condition that we restrict our use of active scanners to a bare minimum.”
“Captain’s prerogative, Commander. I’d like to find out just what stuck us here before we call for a tow. If you need me, I’ll be in my ready room.”
“Aye, Captain.” The Trill touched a single button, making Lee conceal a grin as he walked back to his office for a quick call to Starfleet Histories and Antiquities. The middle-aged Trill had been itching to run a full active scan on the strange planetary system ever since their arrival, no matter how well she thought she was hiding it. No doubt a preprogrammed extensive scan was even now gathering detailed information on the native creatures and their odd home, along with the truly weird solar primary and its matching lunar secondary which both revolved around the planet instead of the way they were supposed to behave. He threw himself in his chair and tapped the accept key on the viewer, still paused in his conversation with Admiral Holite.
“Any luck, Captain?” The admiral had a desk full of ceramic pot shards with a micromanipulator, and Lee was irked that the pot being assembled was farther along than he was with his problem. Grabbing a coffee out of the replicator he took a noisy slurp and scowled before responding.
“Yes, all bad. This place could cause a Vulcan to go into a hopeless giggle fit. I mean in addition to the sun and that really odd moon, the way these tiny planetoids stay in perfect alignment with the moon is still driving the Science section crazy. At first, I thought I wanted to stay here for a couple of weeks, but now all I want to do is go into high warp and watch it vanish behind us.” Lee turned and looked out the thick transteel window before taking another drink of coffee. Then, after a very long pause, he took another.
“Captain!” the intercom sounded with Commander Tal’s excited voice. “We had a reading on the power source that was holding us in orbit, but it’s gone now. It just vanished.”
“Tal,” he started, taking another sip of coffee. “Was this power source about the size of a small terrestrial horse, with wings and one horn on the top of its head?”
There was a fairly long pause before the Science officer responded. “It could be.”
“Somewhat of a dark indigo in color, with blue eyes?”
“That seems oddly specific, Captain. Was Starfleet able to identify the natives of the planet?”
“No, Tal. Not yet.” Captain Haan took another drink of coffee and regarded the native hovering outside his window in cold vacuum, with wings outspread and both big eyes focused on his coffee cup with an unnatural urgency. “I think we should be able to ask them ourselves rather shortly.”
The faint ‘poomf’ of the native vanishing from outside the window and reappearing in his ready room was nearly drowned out by the honking wail of an intruder alert. With the razor-edged efficiency he had grown accustomed in his Security chief, Lieutenant Strella burst through the door to the room, phaser in hand and tracking to cover the feathered intruder—
—and then he stared in disbelief at his empty hand, while the phaser pistol he had been pointing at the native hovered in front of her, glowing a dark violet as the native turned it over for a closer examination.
“What marvelous weapons your Royal Guard possesseth. And such keen attention to your security, too. We must see about an exchange program for our military once proper relations have been established. But we are getting ahead of ourselves.” The native tucked both wings back along her flank and extended a hoof while floating the phaser back to his startled security chief. “We are Princess Luna of Equestria.”
“Captain Lee Haan, of the Federation starship Pyxis,” said Lee, shaking the proffered hoof with a growing sense of disconnection. After a moment to turn off the intruder alert, he continued, “Although I don’t think any military exchange is in store in your world’s immediate future, Princess. The Federation does not interfere in the development of non-starfaring species. The Prime Directive is quite specific; until your world develops interstellar travel on your own, we cannot have any contact with you.”
“Oh, stuff and nonsense,” said the native with a dismissive wave of one hoof. “Thou art among my stars, and we are here with you, therefore we are a star-faring race. Now, let us sit down and discuss how we shall converse between our nations over a beverage and some refreshments. This mechanism is the method which you used to procure that wonderfully scented beverage which you are drinking, yes?”
The native tapped on the wall above the replicator unit and tried to peer inside, while Captain Haas experienced a premonition of just what was going to happen to him at his General Court-Martial and how many years he was going to spend in debriefing. His thoughts slowed his response enough that the native had time enough to spot the disposal chute behind the replicator and get her own idea on how it worked.
“Ah, ‘tis a speaking tube. We have such in the castle.” Clearing her throat, the princess placed her nose into the replicator chamber and bellowed, “WE HATH NEED OF A BEVERAGE SIMILAR TO THE ONE JUST DELIVERED TO THY CAPTAIN!”
Through the ringing in his ears, Lee could vaguely hear the computer respond, “Please be more specific. There are five hundred and seventy four varieties of coffee available.” This time he managed to get his hands over his ears while Princess Luna inhaled for another verbal blast, and was vaguely aware of Lieutenant Strella rolling out the door with his hand over his own sensitive antenna.
“SOMETHING NATIVE TO THE EASTERN LANDMASS OF ASIA WITH THREE SUGARS AND A SMALL AMOUNT OF NON-CLOTTED CREAM!” After the replicator finished, the native picked up the cup in her strange colorful telekinesis and took a small sip. “Delightful. Far better than our last trip to your planet. Didst we hear correctly that thy chef can make over five hundred variants of this excellent beverage?”
“Captain Haas,” said a low but urgent voice that made Lee abruptly and uncomfortably aware that he had not closed his call to Starfleet Base Delta Seven several hundred light-years away. “The Prime Directive clearly states that you are to terminate any conversation with this native lifeform and return it to the planet. You are not authorized to place yourself into a First Contact situation.”
“First contact? We beg thy pardon?” Lee got an extremely close look at the rear end of the creature as it whirled around to face the viewscreen and smacked him in the face with its tail. There seemed to be some sort of planetary body, quite probably the system’s strange moon portrayed on its muscular flank, which was probably indicative of where he was going to spend the rest of his life after Starfleet finished with the legal proceedings.
“My, stars! It is a communication device. I had no idea you humans had progressed so far. Amazing what you are capable of if left alone for a few centuries.” She leaned forward until her nose was almost touching the screen. “And a puzzle!” She giggled, dancing on the tips of her hooves in the ready room with her cup of coffee hoving at her side. “We just love puzzles.”
There was a second ‘poomf’ and the room became distinctly emptier, although Captain Lee could still see the happy native as she was looking over Admiral Holite’s shoulder at the pile of potshards. Some tiny fraction of his mind considered the compatibility of the fractious old admiral for their soon-to-be prison cell even as he watched Luna pick up the scattered potshards in front of the admiral and examine them with a careful eye.
“Now you can’t… Put those down… That’s a Yuan Dynasty excavation! It’s very fragile and—”
The admiral had a croggled look on his face that Captain Haas recognized, due to the reflection of his own face on the transteel window separating him from however many of these creatures who occupied the surface of the planet below. The indigo field that surrounded the shards spun them in a tight circle, and the resulting vase quickly formed as the pieces slipped back together. There was a faint glow from the cracks between the pieces and Luna sat it back down on the table with a satisfied smile.
“Huzzah! Although you were missing a few pieces that I had to recreate. Would it be possible…” The creature stopped, and held a hoof up to her mouth. “Oh, beg pardon. We did it again. We are Princess Luna, Diarch of Equestria.”
The admiral shook the offered hoof and blinked a few times before suavely bowing to give it a gentle kiss. “I am Admiral Holite, of Starfleet Command. As a princess of a star-faring race, it is only proper that we sit down and see what sort of arrangements may be made between our peoples…”
~ ~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~ ~
Several hours later, Captain Haas stood on the bridge, watching Princess Luna effortlessly heft several heavy cargo containers at her side. Included in the trade goods were a portable replicator programmed with every coffee recipe in the Starfleet memory banks, as well as a number of items the First Contact team tended to call ‘beads and jangles.’
“Farewell, Captain Lee Haas. We are well pleased with thy role in our proposed treaty, and look forward to many years of friendship between our ponies. Peoples. We promise thou shalt not regret thy decision. My sister and I shall be most pleased to return to thy vessel tomorrow night and continue our conversation.”
Lee nodded his head and smiled broadly. “Thank you, Princess Luna. We look forward to seeing you then.”
The smile stayed on his face until the Equestrian princess faded from view and Commander Tal announced, “Captain, passive sensors record Luna has returned to her home.”
“Good. Helm, execute Scalded Cat.”
Less than three seconds later, the starship Pyxis was at maximum warp.
~ ~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~ ~
Commander Tal took her seat at the side of the captain in the ready room with the rest of the crew gathered around the table, each with a cup of coffee. “You were right, Captain. It has been nearly an entire day, and there have been no sign of pursuit. As you surmised, it appears the beings are only able to transport themselves by means of a subspace carrier wave. I’ve entered the system as a navigational hazard with a two parsec exclusion zone around it, and that should keep the Equestrian race securely in their home system until they develop space flight on their own.”
“Very good, Commander. I really hated lying to Princess Luna that way, but keeping the Prime Directive is far more important.” Lee leaned back in his chair and looked at his command crew, all of which were looking back in his direction.
But just a little off to either side.
And a little higher.
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I seem to be on a Luna kick. Well, she is Best Princess..
*Tsk tsk tsk* Well Lee, looks like you have some explaining to do to a pair of upset pony princesses for breaking promises. But hey! Buck up! Could always be worse.
.... could've broke a Pinkie Promise instead.
What has she done...? What has she DONE?!? I'm thinking that she sent a few... er... 'Ambassadors'... to pursue the First Contact.
Admiral Holite and Captain Haas missed an important point. You see: Luna knew about humans already. That implies that First Contact already happened, possibly way in the past. There's no telling what Magic can do. You'd think after encountering Q ("We doth call the trickster 'Discord' and apologise that we were not able to stop him inflicting his petty amusements on your people.") they'd realise that parapsychic abilities of sufficient power can short circuit the normal technological limitations on interstellar travel. Just because they don't have warp drive (yet) doesn't mean that the ponies can't travel between worlds, stars and even times.
Celestia has purview over all natural fusion reactors? Interesting, but it makes me want to attribute some daytime phenomenon to Luna to maintain symmetry.
Also, either Luna has some serious chops when it comes to teleportation, or line of sight includes videoconference feeds.
In any case, Pony Trek fics are often fun. Seeing Starfleet figure out how the Prime Directive applies to sapients who can go superluminal under their own power is always a hoot. In this case, the answer seems to be, "Don't think about it and maybe it will go away."
Protip: It won't.
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The Federation has a long history of hoping problems will go away - most notably The Cardassians and, previously (a generation before Kirk's time), the Klingons. It's never worked but the hope remains strong.
I didn't know before this chapter how much I needed to read a fun Pony/Trek crossover.
And Luna makes a good point, she and almost certainly her sister too pretty solidly count as a space faring race all on their own.
Nice chapter. Now I need to go read some Ponytrek... and I never wanted to before...
I don't normally do this, but I think its warranted here, if you have the smallest shred of this left that you could expand upon, please more. Please.
All the best things. The Andorian immediately deciding to blow something up, check. Luna doing anything, check. At least two annoyed ponies behind the captain, check.
Ooooh, I really like the ending to this one. Starfleet's not going to know what hit it...
Eheheheh, I love how Luna had the upper hoof throughout that interaction.
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The Organians certainly went away in ST:TOS, assuming they're not related to the Q Continuum, that is. I'm wondering how they'll play out in the new timeline (ST:NT?). I mean, with a more militant Starfleet and nervous Klingons (thanks, Nero), Vulcan destroyed (ditto), Khan already defeated and dropped into cold storage instead of onto Ceti Alpha V, and man-portable interstellar transporter technology (Thanks, original timeline Spock—why is a starship even needed, now?), all bets are off on how the first contact will play out this time around.
Please tell me there's more.
7029791 No, but there's an extraordinary feature box story called Why No One Messes With Luna.