Pinkie the Vampire Slayer
The three fillies looked up from their books at the commotion and Twilight bit back a sigh. She’d agreed to help them finish their research project on bats for Cheerilee’s class, but she hadn’t counted on just how easily they grew distracted.
Pinkie dropped her pack saddle on the floor, spilling a couple wooden stakes. “Well of course you know about slaying vampires. You live in a library, silly!”
“She’s got a point, you know.” Spike sauntered out of the basement, clutching a small stack of comic books. “This was bound to happen eventually. The only question was whether Pinkie Pie or Sweetie Belle would end up as the Slayer. Both names work.”
Then many things happened at once.
1. Twilight glared at the little dragon. “Spike, you’re not helping.”
2. “You mean I could have been the Vampire Slayer?” Sweetie Belle slumped back on her haunches. “I’m never going to get my cutie mark!”
3. Pinkie gasped and her mane flared out like a living thing. “Spike! Why didn’t I think of this before!” She rushed over to the dragon and began poking at his face with her hooves. “Oh no! You’ve got fangs, too? Did she already get to you?”
Spike rolled his eyes. “I’ve always had fangs, Pinkie. But it’s okay—I’ve still got a soul.”
“So we’re post Season Six, then.” Pinkie rubbed her chin with one hoof.
“I guess?” Spike gave a little shrug.
Twilight’s horn flared as she cast a voice amplification spell. “EVERYPONY, STOP!”
The library grew quiet as all eyes turned toward Twilight, who allowed herself a moment of self-satisfaction. Magic was wonderful. You could solve any problem with a suitable application of magic.
Spike closed one eye and squinted at her. “I dunno, Pinkie. Are you sure she’s a Giles and not a Willow?”
“SPIKE!” The little dragon fell silent. Twilight took a deep breath, calming herself. “Thank you. Now, will somepony explain to me what’s going on? And why, for pony’s sake, are we talking about vampire slaying?”
“There’s no ti—” Pinkie began to say, but she cut herself short at mid-sentence. Then she pursed her lips, glanced around the library, and made a series of rather complicated expressions. “I guess things probably would have gone better with the parasprites if I’d stopped to explain, wouldn’t they?”
Twilight nodded emphatically.
“Well, Fluttershy’s a vampire, right?”
“Fluttershy was a vampire, Pinkie. My magic fixed all that.”
“No no no, you just think you fixed it. You can’t be sure, Twilight. None of us can be sure. Have you seen her teeth? They didn’t go back to normal. And she’s a much better flyer than she was before. Rainbow Dash confirmed that for me. Your magic can’t fix everything.”
Of course her magic could fix everything. But aside from that point, Twilight was forced to admit that Pinkie seemed shockingly lucid. Sensible, even. Fluttershy had continued behaving strangely, despite Twilight’s counterspell. Maybe she’d picked the wrong one? That happened sometimes.
“But why are you talking about slaying, Pinkie? Fluttershy is our friend. I can’t believe you’d say something like that, even as a joke.”
“Oh, Fluttershy’s fine.” Pinkie waved her hoof dismissively. “She’s not the problem. Well, she is—but she isn’t. Fluttershy’s too kind to pose a threat to Ponyville, and anyway, all she wanted was to suck the juice out of apples. Your spell worked kinda like the old gypsy curse. She’s definitely got her soul back.”
This made about the usual amount of sense for Pinkie, but Twilight had learned years ago that she and Pinkie worked on different wavelengths. She’d had time to find a passable workaround.
“Spike, does that make any sense to you?”
The little dragon thought for a second, scratching his chest with one claw. “Yeah, I think so. Though if Fluttershy’s fine, I still don’t see what’s got Pinkie so worked up.”
“You don’t!?” Pinkie looked shocked. “Isn’t it obvious!?”
Spike thinned his lips and adopted his Thinking Dragon look. After half a minute, he shook his head. “Nope. I got nothin’.”
Pinkie pointed to the stack of comics Spike still held in one claw. “Issue 45, page 18.”
“Oh.” A light seemed to dawn in Spike’s eyes. “Ohhh.” He found the appropriate comic and riffled through it. “Ohhhhhhh.”
“You see?” Pinkie wore a self-satisfied look.
“Twilight! We gotta do something before this gets out of han— I mean cla— I mean hoof!”
And then Spike launched himself out the door of the library, with Pinkie hot on his heels.
“Oh for the love of… Girls, can I trust you to stay here and study for the next half an hour, and not get up to any mischief?”
Her request was met with a pouty chorus of, “Aww, Twilight!”
Pinkie poked her head back into the library. “No! Bring ‘em along. We need a Scooby Gang!”
The three fillies shared a look and dropped their books in a heap. Scootaloo was the first one to speak. “I don’t know what that means, but…” And then all three voices rose in chorus. “Cutie Mark Crusaders, Scooby Gang!”
They barreled out into the darkness, and Twilight had no choice but to follow. And if her magic happened to slam the library door shut a little more violently than usual, that was understandable. She could always find a spell to fix it, if the force caused any serious damage.
The door to the cottage crashed open and Pinkie, Spike and the Crusaders marched inside. Fluttershy, sitting at a small table with a large bowl of bright red apples, squeaked and shot into the air.
“Hold it right there, Fluttershy!” Pinkie fixed a flashlight on the face of the yellow pegasus—though, since the cottage was well-lit, this had little effect other than to make Fluttershy blink in pain. She wobbled in the air before crashing back to the floor of the cottage. Spike ran forward and leapt onto her back, pinning her to the ground.
Tears leaked from the corners of Fluttershy’s eyes. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! But they’re just so… so juicy. I can’t stop myself!"
“A likely story,” Pinkie said as she clip-clopped across the room to the table and began examining the bowl of apples. “But that’s not why we’re here. Tell us where he is!”
“Where he is?” Fluttershy blinked in confusion. “Don’t you mean—”
A crash sounded from the kitchen and Pinkie’s head whipped around. “Cutie Mark Scooby Gang!”
The three fillies saluted Pinkie and ran toward the kitchen, but before they could reach the door, Angel came charging out with a small apple tucked in his mouth.
Pinkie let out a scream. “Nooo, we’re too late! Angelus has returned! Everypony, run for your lives!”
Angel stopped just in front of the doorway. The Crusaders stopped halfway across the room from him, then turned to stare at Pinkie. Twilight rushed into the cottage, looking haggard and out of breath. There was a distinct lack of running for lives, all around.
“You mean we came here for the bunny?” Scootaloo screwed up her face into a look of bemused indignation.
“He’s not just a bunny, Scootaloo.” Spike sat up on Fluttershy’s back. “He’s Angelus, the Scourge of Equestria, the Demon with the Face of an Angel.”
“Aw, c’mon, he’s not that bad,” said Apple Bloom.
“But he’s eating apples!” Pinkie pointed an accusing hoof at the bunny.
“Um. Excuse me.” Fluttershy tried to stand up, but Spike was firmly lodged on her backside and she didn’t really want to knock him over. “Um. Angel has always liked apples.”
“But that’s no reason to turn him back into a vampire!” Pinkie shined the flashlight at her again, and Fluttershy had to turn her head away.
“Ah don’t think he’s a vampire, Pinkie.”
Scootaloo nodded her head. “Yeah, he looks pretty normal if you ask me.”
Sweetie sighed. “Okay, girls, why don’t we go finish Ms. Cheerilee’s report?”
A look of bliss came over Twilight’s face for a second. “What a wonderful idea! Spike, come back home whenever you and Pinkie are done here.” Then she tramped right back out of the cottage with the three fillies in tow.
“I didn’t… um… I mean, I don’t know how you’d even turn a bunny into a vampire. Do you?”
“So he’s just a regular bunny?” Pinkie sounded crestfallen.
“Yes. I mean, if that’s okay with you.”
Pinkie’s mane deflated a little. “Yeah, I suppose. Come on, Spike. Let’s go.”
The little dragon hopped off of Fluttershy and paused to stare at Angel for a moment. He pointed two claws at his eyes and then at the rabbit, gave a little growl, and then followed Pinkie out of the cottage, closing the door behind him.
A blonde-maned head poked out from the kitchen. “Is mah sister gone yet? ‘cause I’m mighty happy about your newfound affection for apples an’ all, but there’s some things I don’t rightly want to explain to her for a couple more years.”
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> Spike closed one eye and squinted at her. “I dunno, Pinkie. Are you sure she’s a Giles and not a Willow?”
/falls over
Okay, now that punchline I like.
Or rather, 
.
Heh.
1,569 words. Uh-oh! Got to cut 69 words down! Heh, 69.
3705081
Ah, I just sent it to 'em anyway. Gdocs said it was under.
3705091 True. This site usually says there are more words than there actually are. Maybe contractions count as two words or something.
So Twilight is a Watcher. I can buy that.
I'm laughing at that so hard I have tears in my eyes.
That was beautiful.
This.. Was weird. I'm... At a party. That in itself is weird. 30 minutes until 2014!
I suppose I ought to talk about the story though..
Little soup of references this was. This felt very season 4. Not sure if that's a good thing. Continuity nods everywhere, like Spike's comic obsession. My question is.. What's up with Surprise at the end? Is that relevant? Or is it just like those stingers the show has been doing recently?
3713620
Yeah, um, perhaps not best to overanalyze these too much. (Or from a Freudian perspective, perhaps best to analyze them most of all, I suppose)
I decided it'd be nice to participate in the EQD Writer's Training Grounds (and it looks like I may have dragged Georg into it, too, which is also nice). The question then was, well, what can I do with the most recent episode. I think the only time I've felt particularly inspired to write was after seeing Rainbow and Tank interact in "Just for Sidekicks", and that's what brought about "Amazingly Awesome Adventures".
So I slept on it, and overnight it came to me that "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" had a Spike and an Angel of its own, and that it might be fun to do a one-shot crossover for once. Or as much of a crossover as I'm ever likely to do, anyway: letting other bits of fiction exist in Equestria in a way that means ponies can know about them. But ponies don't have TVs (do they? I don't particularly remember seeing any ponies watching TV), so if I wanted to make Buffy be a thing in-universe, it seemed easier to do it by taking advantage of Spike's now-established liking of comics, rather than deal with the "do ponies have TV" question.
After that, I just let the thing write itself. If there were going to be antics, the CMC seemed like they probably ought to come along for a little flavor, and they gave me some opportunities in the cottage scene I wouldn't have had if I hadn't tossed them in early (e.g. an easy way to derail Pinkie and Spike, and an in for Applejack). Twilight alone wouldn't have served as nicely for either of those, I don't think—and I wasn't about to have Pinkie and Spike actually running around trying to spike Angel. That slips into dark, OOC territory very quickly.
Twilight's magic fixation and Applejack's appearance at the end were both outgrowths of fan reaction to the episode. I've seen quite a bit of, "Hasn't Twilight learned not to do things like that yet?" and a fair chunk of Flutterbat art has involved her going after Applejack or Big Mac... or more correctly, their flanks. AppleShy isn't exactly a standard pairing, but people have been having a little fun with it since the episode came out, and I thought it'd be nice to give it a little nod. And although it's awfully subtle, I really liked the way I managed to hint that there was something going on in the cottage we weren't seeing: Fluttershy's confusion when Pinkie asks after someone male, and the racket from the kitchen immediately following. Angel's appearance does enough to deflect the reader's attention away from that event, but I'd like to think some readers might catch the intentional mismatch between loud noises from the kitchen and Angel being who shows up afterward.
...um, yes, I did throw this together in about two hours. Maybe some analysis is fairer than I thought, given that I apparently managed to toss in character choice for plot streamlining, a small slew of topical references in two fandoms, foreshadowing, and narrative misdirection, despite how much time I spent on it.
(I'm a monster, aren't I? I guess this explains why I spend less time on editing than a lot of people...)
This Buffy×MLP crossover was pretty funny for a quick two-day shorfic. Though, the grammar mistakes were so glaring that I needed sunglasses to be able to read it at all.
3716969
If you don't mind me asking, could you give some examples? By its nature, this didn't get beta'ed, but I'm usually good at catching grammar and usage issues. If there are things that need fixing, I'd be happy to go back and fix them—and if there are issues I'm running afoul of and simply don't know about, those would be good to take care of, too.
ETA: Took an editing pass, and I did manage to catch a couple (a comma that should have been a full-stop and a missing quotation mark), but beyond that I'm at a loss.
You totally rock. Indisputably.
Statement reaffirmed.
What do you know about season six? @_@
7047840
Spike gets his soul back, obvs.
So does this mean Angelus turns into Bunicula?