1. The Promotion
Of the many pubs spread throughout Canterlot, the Rusty Horseshoe was especially lively that night. Shining Armor and his squad were celebrating his recent promotion to captain of the Royal Guard. He was in such a great mood that he was buying rounds for everypony. He knew that it would hurt his bit bag, but it was a celebration and everypony desired not to remember that night. He was not left out, for his squad sent hard cider after hard cider his way.
The few bell towers around town began to ring the time. It was midnight and Shining wasn't sure if he was going to be able to make it back to his place. He hadn't had that much to drink since his twenty-first birthday. Shining lucked out, however. One of the rookies had decided to not drink that night to keep an eye out for anypony needing help getting home after.
“You're such a good pony, Flash.” Shining said, alcohol slurring his speech slightly as he leaned on Flash. Flash just nodded his head as he walked his commander back home. As Shining started to sway from side to side as they walked, Flash put one of his wings around Shining to keep him from falling over. The walk normally wouldn't have been so long, but his captain insisted on stopping every few feet to talk to every plant or sign they passed, mistaking them for ponies.
“Commander, can you please stop asking that tree to join you in bed later?” Shining paused in his one sided discussion with a tree, turning to give Flash a lopsided grin.
“You can join in too if you like. We can turn this party into a threesome.” Shining gave Flash a sultry look. Flash just sighed as he pulled Shining away from the tree. Shining tried to get free, so he could go back to the tree, mistaking it for a hot nursemare. He was starting to get a little bummed out with Flash Sentry’s soberness.
“Sir, I hope you know that it was a tree that you were hitting on,” Flash stated bluntly, causing Shining to stop and blink, looking between Flash and the tree a few times.
“Are you sure?” Flash nodded.
“Dang it! I thought I was going to get lucky tonight! Maybe if we stop by a pub before you drop me off, it’ll give me a better chance.” Shining gave him a grin and put a hoof around him. “Come on, Flashy. I know you will have a great time at the pub and, who knows, you may even get lucky yourself.”
Flash didn't know what to do. It was still his commander's big night. One or two drinks wouldn't hurt, and he should still be okay to get his commander back home if he was careful. Shining smiled, pulling Flash down a the road that he knew by heart, to pub that he thought was the best in the whole city.
The pub was a little hole in the wall. Inside, the place had a low key feel. One could hide here for a few hours before going home to their wife or husband with no one the wiser. However, it also had a feel that you could meet with a single pony and have a few nice drinks. Flash thought that he should keep this place in mind for another day, when he had time off and could really enjoy a few drinks, without worrying about his new boss getting any more plastered than he already was.
“Hey, Shiny. What brings you here at this hour? And who is the lightweight ya brought?” The bar mare smiled, waving them over to the bar. Her mane was light brown with hints of gray, but her coat was still a fire red and her cutie mark was of two mugs with nice heads of foam on their tops.
Having sobered up a bit since his encounter with the tree, Shining guided Flash over with him, smiling as he took a seat. “Hey, Maggie. Just thought I would stop by and finish off my little celebration here and get this guy to loosen up a bit. And I don’t know if little Flash here and is a lightweight or not. Haven’t seen him drink yet.” Shining slapped a hoof to Flash’s back, a bit harder than expected, causing Flash to throw his hooves to the bar to successfully avoid falling off the stool.
“So, your name is Flash, huh? Must be new to the guards. I always take a little pride in knowing all the guards.” Maggie leaned forward, smiling a smile that always seemed to make stallions of any age weak in the knees.
“Y-yes, ma’am. I just joined last week,” Flash stuttered, slightly flustered from just looking at her smile.
“Let me guess. You been given that promotion that you been working hard for and this young stallion chose to be the nice guy and take your sorry, drunk flank home?” She gave Shining a knowing look that left both stallions’ jaws hanging. The only thing came to his mind was to nod.
“Maggie, how did you know?” Shining asked as Maggie just chuckled, turning around to fill two mugs with the golden drinks the the ponies had come for.
“Shiny, you should know that a mare never tells her secrets.” Slamming the two mugs in front of the shocked stallions. “Drink up, boys. It’s on me. Shiny, you earned it, and, newbie, you are going to need it.” She grinned as both stallions downed their drinks.
Flash sighed as he licked the last few remaining drops of alcohol stuck on his muzzle. Shining was grinning again like a fool. Flash blinked and looked over to Maggie in hopes that she may be kind enough to shine some light on what was going on.
Maggie just smiled warmly at him, dropping two more mugs in front of them. “Don’t worry about him; he always grins like that when he has some of my personal brew.” Flash nodded, gladly taking a drink from his new mug.
“I can’t really blame him," Flash sighed. "This stuff is really good.” She beamed as she leaned on the bar top.
“You really mean it?” Maggie asked. Flash nodded, finishing off his mug as Shining downed his, nodding alongside him. “Well, thank you, boys. The drinks are on me, so drink your fill.” Shining cheered, Flash nodding beside him as Maggie smiled, turning to refill the mugs.
This went on for a few rounds, each one starting to take its toll on Flash. After he finished what he thought was his fifth round of drinks, he decided to call it quits. “I’m sorry, Magg... I think that I’ve had enough and…” Flash paused, pointing towards Shining, now passed out on the bartop. “I think the commander had one too many.”
“One more won’t hurt my favorite newbie,” Maggie insisted with a purr, as she placed one last mug in front of Flash, gave him her winning smile. Flash’s brain couldn't take a stand against her hypnotic smile, so he downed this mug, quickly feeling like he was about to fall out of his seat.
“Thanks for the last drink, Maggie. I will just take…” Flash paused, trying to recall the name of the pony passed out next to him, “Commander back home.” He said, lightly giving Shining a push to wake him, though not with the result he expected. Shining woke with a start, flailing his hooves as he fell back, landing on the floor.
Flash rushed to help Shining back to his hooves and found him staring with what some call bedroom eyes. Flash, now with a foggy mind, didn’t notice nor would he have cared. He did find Shining kind of good looking, but that was beside the point; he had to get the commander back to his place.
He waved bye to Maggie as he and Shining walked side by side out the door. Shining was so glad that Flash was there and not just because Flash was keeping him from falling over. He may have been a new guy to the guards, but he had a good head on his shoulders, and not a bad looking head neither.
The next half hour was spent walking, occasionally pausing to regain their balance as they went. Soon, they found themselves inside the castle, wandering down the halls of rooms to find the one that belonged to Shining. Their quest came to sudden stop when they both walked right into the flank of Princess Celestia.
“Oh, hello, Captain Armor. I didn’t think that you would be out this late. And hello there, Flash Sentry. I hope you are doing well with the guard.” Celestia gave them both the warm smile she gave to all her subjects. Shining and Flash looked at each other and giggled for a bit.
“You want to know something, Flash?” Shining asked as he slurred a few words.
“What’s that boss man?”
“Mares have it easy around here,” Shining said as he throw a hoof over Flash’s shoulders. “All they have to do is flutter their eyelashes or show a little flank and that would make any stallion do anything they asked them to do.”
Celestia took a long look at the two drunken stallions before her and let out a long sigh. She had been ruling this kingdom for a long time and dealing with drunk stallions was nothing new. After the first few hundred times, she was starting to enjoy watching drunken stallions make fools of themselves in front of her.
She was even starting to giggle with them as they tried to imitate being mares. They were batting their eyelashes at each other and sometimes at her. When they started to stumble around each other in an attempt to shake their flanks at each, she couldn’t take it any more and burst out laughing at the two.
Once she calmed down, it was time to do something about these two. Over the years she had learned about how truthful a drunk pony could be. And, so she decided to allow these two a chance to learn a lesson about life from the other horseshoe.
“Thank you for the wonderful show, my little ponies. But, I think it is time for all of us to be in bed.” Celestia gave them a warm, motherly smile this time. They both smiled back at her as each of them started to yawn. “Let me help you two get to bed, safely.”
They both said their thanks as Celestia’s horn started to glow and both stallions were bathed in white light. Once the light faded, both Shining and Flash were fast asleep on the floor. There was one pony Celestia could call upon to help her teach this type of lesson.
“Discord, I need to have a word with you.” She didn’t have to wait long. There was a quick flash and floating in front of her was the draconequus still in his PJ’s. He let out a yawn as he pulled off both his eyes and rubbed them on his PJ’s before placing them back on his face.
“Yes, what is it? I hope you know I was having a lovely dream about it snowing ice cream. And, it was getting to the best part where it would change over to hail sprinkles.” He gave his lips a nice lick.
“I’m being nice right now, Discord. I let part of you out of your stone prison, because I have need of your skills.”
“Oh, I know this, Celestia.” He pulled a leash that suddenly appeared around his neck. “I can still feel your leash. So, may I ask what they are for?” He jabbed a thumb at Shining and Flash.
“They are here for a lesson that I need your help teaching.”
“A lesson you say. I think I may be more than happy to help. As long as it causes a little chaos along the way. So, what can I do to help?” Discord grinned, happy at the chance to cause some mayhem.
“I need you to change their lives around. Can you make it so they were born mares and not stallions, but let them keep their memories of being stallions?” Celestia asked in hope that it could be done.
“Can I do it? You can bet that little pretty sun on your butt that I can. Do you want them to also have memories of being mares?” He put his hands together and started to pop his knuckles.
“Nope, they just need their memories of being stallions.”
“I like how you think there, Celestia. I never knew you had such a fun side hidden from me.” She gave him a smile as he snapped his fingers and smiled at his handy work. Celestia gave them a look over with a grin, as she teleported them to Shining’s room for a nice rest before the real fun started.
“There is a lot you don’t know about me, Discord. Who knows? I might let you out again for that date you promised me all those years ago.” Celestia gave him a playful wink, Discord’s cheeks flushing a bright shade of red.
“I think I might have left the shower running in my stone prison. Gotta go.” He faded away, Celestia left giggling as she made her way back to her room.
The rays of the morning light seemed to be conspiring against Shining, as they insisted on shining in his face. He tried to roll over to get away from the evil rays of the sun, but found that something blocked him, another pony lying in his way. Still feeling the effects of his “little” drinking the night before, his body was slow to wake. The scent coming from the mane of the pony next to him made him think of sweet apples, hinting at a mare laying beside him.
His groggy and hungover mind failed to notice the new void between his back legs as he tried to remember the mare he seems to have gotten lucky with the previous night. He thought that he must have gotten lucky last night and had a mare join him to bed last night. Giving up, he decided to just cuddle against her with a smile, her mane feeling nice and soft. A soft murr comes from the mare beside him as she wiggled back against him.
“Thank you, Miss, for cuddling with me this morning.” came the low, sweet voice of the mare beside him.
“I think that should be my line, Miss,” Shining whispered into her ear, trying to act sweet.
“I don’t wish to be rude at such an early hour, but I’m the stallion here,” said the mare, rolling over to look him in the eyes. Recognition hit him like a brick as he caught sight of the eyes of the mare next to him.
“Flash, is that you?” Shining stammered, the mare just nodding in response.
“Captain Armor?” Flash asked in reply, Shining only able to nod before both of them were jumping out of the bed, faster than a recruit running late on their first day of training. They raced to the big mirror that every room had. What Shining Armor saw before him was a very lovely mare with the same coloration and marking as him, down to the cutie mark on her flank. Every time he moved, the mare would mimic his movements with perfect precision. Shining started to give his body a pat down and felt like he was about to pass out when he discovered the lack of the one thing that made him a stallion, now replaced with the parts that made a mare a mare.
As he glanced over, he notices Flash doing the same thing, though, not faring as well as he had. Flash had fainted and Shining couldn’t leave his friend laying there on the ground. So using his magic, he placed Flash back on the bed, taking a seat in front of the mirror, trying to figure out what could have possibly happened the night before.
“I’m not a mare...” He, or rather she, murmured in a voice not her own.
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yay
There's a lot of errors in your description. I'm a little concerned.
You start so many new fics, ever think of finishing one?
Nice!, i like this story!, and cannot wait for more!
3700854
I just got one more that I had on the back burner for a while that I like to finish up. It's a one shot that I been meaning to finish for a long time now. Once it's done, I will start on the first round of updates. Starting with 'Octavia is Pregnant!" I will redo my description.
3700866
Suggest getting an editor.
3700869
I did have an editor for the story. I'm not going to bug them about the description.
3700876
Bad move, should have.
3700882
I feel bad enough for making them edit my bad stories, but to edited the description is just mean on a whole new level.
sweetles, wonder where this goes.
Your story has a good premise, but you need to have edits done widespread here. Your spacing should be more pronounced, with your speakers accurately depicted. Half the time, I was unsure of who was talking, since the wrong character would be placed in the paragraph after the quote. You'd quote Shining, and continue the paragraph from Maggie's view. If you want to switch perspectives, you should separate the quotes and their speakers into separate paragraphs, one for each speaker. It's okay to use multiple quotes in one paragraph, provided they are spoken by the same character.
Space it out and give your editor a small smack on the back of the hand, they missed a fair amount of mistakes. Misspelling and misuse of the 'your' + 'you're', a few missing letters and other menial things that throw the feeling of the fic off.
I could run through it and pop you some suggestions to clean it up a bit. Also, it's better to describe Celestia's face rather than make us link to a photo that only interrupts our reading flow. If it was a song, then go ahead (except don't post copyrighted lyrics), but linking to a picture shows you could not accurately describe her face. If you can clean this up, I'll be more inclined to drop a fave on it and a like, but for now, it's an unfinished work that needs some tender love 'n care
3700999
Sure, I would love that. If you could just PM them to me. Thank you so much. I will see about having a second pair of eyes take a look at this story as soon as I can.
My friend in 'book. You forever have all my yes.
Now this looks hilarious Ill give this a definite read.
This looks like a decent start for your story. Color me interested.
3700894
You should have told me that you might want a quick look taken at your description. I see it as part of the story, and it's no big deal to edit a couple paragraphs after an entire chapter. And your writing is very good. I had to do very little major edits, actually.
3700999
I don't mean to sound offended, but I'm only human. I make mistakes. I'll take your word for it if I missed a few commonly misused words, but I read through it a few times, never having seen it before, and I thought it was pretty clear who was talking... Though another editor is a great idea... Ya'know, two heads are better than one and whatnot.
3701322
I'm sorry if I came off as rude, I'm just a stickler for tenses and grammar stuff. I didn't mean to insult, just show that a fair amount slipped through the cracks. I'm penning a message to the author with my suggestions as we speak. I hope you don't think poorly of me for this, I just want to help the stories that need work to become something great. It's in the popular box, but if he fixes it up real nice, we could be looking at the feature box, mate!
3701342
3701322
Right now I have a close friend of mine who is kind of a grammar nut taking close look at the story as we speak. As soon as the new changes are ready, I will post the update. Please give him a little time to do their thing.
3701371
So wait, did you want that message or no? I've almost finished looking through it and have spent a bit doing so. I've got some ideas you might like, but if no, I'll just forego that and delete what I've got so far.
3701380
No, send it. I would love to see what you have to say.
3701385
Will do. expect it within the hour.
3701387
Okay, I think I might have a busy night tonight. And do you really think that this story could get in 'the box'?
3701400
With that T.L.C. I proposed? certainly!
3701404
If it does, I think I might pass out.
...need...more! I love forced genderbending! It mess up the life of those involved just enough for my inner sadistic to enjoy, but not enough to get a Dark tag. Speaking of my inner sadistic, it make me want to do something. *chuckle*hahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAMWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*cough*Where was i? Oh yeah, *clear throat* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.(yes i am insane)
Good lesson to note when you're being the designated
driverwalker, bartenders will see it as a challenge to get you drunk to the gills.Shining didn't dig the hole nearly deep enough. I'd add to the story, exposit further on his thoughts regarding fair and gender equitable society to really drive home the point that he has some issues to get over, issues which only our kindly ruler Trollestia can help
himher get through.Not bad, maybe a little too fast but not bad
One error I noticed.
I believe that would be weak.
Just trying to help.
There seems to be a lot of tense slippage in this. One line will be in past tense, then it'll slip into present tense, then back again.
Like here-
The first part is in past tense, but then, after the bit of dialogue, it slips into present tense. And this is everywhere, and it's distracting. You need to pick on tense and stick with it.
Several things wrong here.
1) No need to capitalize 'said'. There should be a comma inside the quotation marks. If you want a period drop the said and it'll work.
2) There should be a period after 'eyes' as the comma makes it a run-on sentence and it reads funny.
3) Again, tense slippage, it flips between the two.
It should read something like this-
Le derp.
Also, missing words. This line for example
reads funny. I think you mean 'He was starting to get bummed out with Flash Sentry being sober.'
It started off fine, the tense was consistent, then around, here
the tense slippages started. That line started in past tense, but ended in present tense. It should be 'put a hoof' rather than 'puts'.
You really need a proofreader, like badly. It has promise and looks like it could be really funny, but all the errors and stuff ruin the immersion and story telling and are distracting.
I like it
Certainly not the bet spelling or grammar I've seen, but still far from the worst. The story itself is fairly interesting, I suppose. I'll read more if I hear of a continuation.
The last few paragraphs
[youtube=http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=P3ALwKeSEYs]
So far I like it and trololololol gosh I've said girls have it so easy man am I glad that hasn't happened to me
Genderbending fiction? Sure. Why not.
ShepardShining-Commander, we believe you should have listened to your companion to prevent such an outcome. We await more, nonetheless.3702854
You did well!
atf2l.org/img/thumbs_up_heavy-244x300.png
trollestia strikes again
Can I ask for the link to the image? It's just too good...
Why the heck not
3701409
FEATURE BOX! CALLED IT!
(and that's pre-edit, too! Nice Job!)
3702854 3702848 3703402
I actually took the liberty to go over the entire thing last night and PM'd the suggestions to the author. He's also having a close friend go over it for him. Most, if not all of your ideas, I pointed out to him. We know it's a little messy, but in due time, it'll be cleaned up. He's promised an update within the next few days, so your concerns will be addressed.
It a great start!
cant wait for more!!!!!!!!!!
Nice, but you might want to reread this chapter: there's a couple of slips
Anyway, I'm keeping an eye on this
Interesting start!
But seriously, Shiny, Flash, don't you remember how Twilight can get? 
Anyways, Keep up the good work! 
Ok, so reviewing time. It's a very interesting story, and I kept reading to the very last line. However there are a few inconsistencies, where I think you need to work, (Which in this moment means two). First of which is the line below...
...The entirety of which was unneeded. You could have deleted the lines, and the story would have been better for it. In any story, there is one rule of thumb...and that is 'show don't tell'. In essence, the story should speak for itself. It's fine, but in the future, just let your readers figure it out. It will make all the difference.
Secondly, the story up to that point, just after they get out of Maggie's Bar, and they're walking up to Celestia. That whole point is awkward, you got at least that right, but not the kind of awkward of drunken buffoons. It's the awkward of being poorly written. Your characterization was off at that point, as if you had forgotten the story up until you wrote that, and then continued at the normal quality over the scene break. Perhaps, instead of telling us how Celestia felt, leading up to the Trollestia commentary, you just showed her smiling a devious smirk. Again, this leads back to the 'show don't tell'.
Apart from these moments, everything was ok. I look forward to seeing the next chapter.
ISA
This is what you get for saying that "Mares are easy". That isn't true, for the fact that The Mane Six have fought things that would frightened others.
Prepare for the worst, dudes, or should I say dudettes!
-Celestia
P.S: This is the Character writing, you shouldn't have got drunk.
Celestia was too quick to anger.
Hey cool a rule 63 story with Shining Armor that doesn't involve clop.
ih3.redbubble.net/image.15002584.5864/fc,550x550,army.u1.jpg
3704280
I have made the edits that my friend made. If you see that I miss something, just send me a PM my way and I will jump right back in.
3704776 That does not involve clop, yet. Give it time, i have the feeling that there will be some in the future.