• Member Since 16th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen Apr 14th, 2014

The Watcher of Death

A writer that hates math as much as he loves writing.


We all wished for power at one point of our lives but sometimes, that power could be forced upon you. Power that you never wished for but given to you against your will.

Now the question is, what will I do with it?

With everything but my name and memories taken from me and my home separated by death itself, I will find my purpose in this new world... Now if only the natives would leave me alone to do so.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 80 )

I find this to be most interesting... let us see where this goes, shall we?

Ahriman is a damned traitor, but good read so far

Seems good so far, lets see how you do with actual storytelling.

I can't waite to read more chapters from this story.


Completly agree, it's quite different from most HiE's and hopefully it will avoid most of the standard stuff

Interesting….Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely….Or is a lot more fun, either or…lets see how or human friend deals with power.

A warhammer slash MLP fic which seems promising! FINALLY! I look forward to seeing more of this! :pinkiehappy:

This is going to be fun.

He should have put him inside Ahrimans old thousand sons armor, the whole red/gold ancient egypt look is amazing and dosn't scream EVIL!! like the post heresy look does.
Because lets be honest, what chances does he have of not being seen as the bringer of the coming apocalypse and the harbinger of ultimate doom in a chaos sorcerer outfit?

A very fine start and an interesting one at that. how will our dear sap deal with MLP and also how will he screw it all up. I look forward to the results.

Ahriman, eh? Let's have a look.

Wow this is awesome. Very compelling plot, I will be watching this closely.

Hope to see more soon. :pinkiecrazy:

Extremely interested, will put on read later and check every day for updates!

First piece of advice, find an editor. Hell, here's the auto reviewer that I use to pre edit my stories.

Second, put this in Word and run autocorrect. (just a helpful hint, not really necessary with this chapter)

I think some words may have been the wrong tense and a few were missing a 'ly' on the end.

Lastly, the explanation of the warp in the beginning felt a little odd. Personally I think it would have been better if Zach had gone over this stuff while facing off with Tzeentch. Not all of it mind you just some of the more intimate details could have been done without. But all in all, these are fairly minor missteps.

The story premace is interesting, though I have to wonder if Tzeentch would stick his finger in the proverbial petri dish just over being spat on. Contaminating his experiment seems counter productive. And to be fair he did threaten to damn everyone on the planet to a fate worse than death if zach didn't play ball. I would think he would understand/not care about a little mortal spittle. Can't be the worst thing to happen to him. So unless he had some other motive for it, say, giving him a hurdle to rise above, then that would make sense.

TL;DR version: needs work, but you'll improve with time. Can't wait for the next chapter.

First off, THANK YOU! That auto reviewer will be so useful to me.
Unfortunately my Word is locked so I can't do that until I find a new one to download.
The Warp explanation is something that my friends and I came up with. We're all huge Warhammer fans with each of us following a certain god. I include that to show how it was possible for Tzeentch to just reach across universes to take one mortal.
I'm going off the thing on how gods were very vengeful in myths so Tzeentch made that single exception but the real reason will be explained in later chapters.
Finally practice makes perfect! Thank you and everyone else for reading and committing on my story.

You have my attention, Scribe of Tzeentch.
(You have to be aligned with the Changer of Ways to write something like this)

This is going to be good. :pinkiecrazy:

Fuck Yeah Ahriman :pinkiehappy: , this Story will be wonderful.

kind of disappointed really, i was hoping for the actual Ahirman not someone cosplaying as him :ajbemused:
but fuck it, i'll bite, lets see where you run with this

Not bad, I'll watch this to see where you go with it.

Yes! Another fanfic with the Warhammer 40k universe, I am literally dancing in my chair. i2.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/010/100/dis%20gon%20be%20good.gif

Welp, JarOfHearts touched upon it, but yeah, you have some tense errors, a few minor spelling errors, y'know, the runs.

Personally, were I to critique you, I would say give me some more content 'ere. When viewing through the eyes of a character, even in third person, it's pretty important to properly convey the feelings and reactions of said character, and to give a strong, lasting impression concerning how he views things. To be specific, when making a high-intensity scene like, say, him getting picked up by a chaos god, I'd really love to get into his mind, is the grip of Tzeentch painful? Does he feel queasy, or vertigo, at being manhandled so? What are his physical responses to being forced into this ultimatum? Remember, feelings are often also physical sensations, especially when talking about guilt, relief and diverse painful social interactions. :twilightblush:

Also, it feels to me like you sort of rushed the ending there a bit. It was mostly just, "Oh, and then, and then, and so I walked, and then penis." Personally I'd much prefer some slow waking up, get me a feel for his senses. How does he feel in that armor? What does he smell (Hint: Probably not much)? How does the armor change the way he sees things, and how he feels things? And the way he walks? Is it empowering or awkward?

The devil is in the details, my good sir. If you use GDocs, you can share the documents with me and I can give it a go-over and give you some tips, as 'twere, so don't hesitate to ask for help.

Quasi One, out. :trixieshiftright:

Oh Faust please forgive me!

That be the last Faust diety...ing (forgot the word for it) we will see in this fic? Please? :facehoof:

This is one Warhammer 40K I am interested in, keep up the good work old chap:moustache: (Oh dear Lord what has happened to me?) :facehoof:

looks good so far!:pinkiehappy:

also, for you who doesn't know who Tzeentch is


click the link for an informative, yet not totally serious description

also, Tzeentch planted that vision in Celestia's mind so that when she saw him, she'd either attack him or make his life miserable

also again, if you don't use "Change is sometimes necessary. But I prefer order. It is more...predictable." (one of his quotes) in this story, i'm going to be severely disappointed.

Hey! Cool beans, I've been working lately on a 40k crossover fic myself. Not quite the same thing, but I'm throwing this on my to-read list.

the possibilities are nearly limitless:pinkiecrazy:

SO looking forward to this:pinkiehappy::pinkiecrazy:

This interests me just as much as Tzeentch.

Knowledge is power, guard it well.


ah the forces of chaos....complete dickheads they be....why couldn't it be ork? they be fun!


That wiki describe him as the god of 'generally weird shit'.


3724396 yeah 1d4chan can get pretty wierd.
you should see their description of Kharn the betrayer, or simply, 'that team-killing fucktard'

i prefer this one: http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Main_Page#.Usa9YPTuKSo

Ahh when Celestia looked into the "oddity". Witch was the void if am right.Tzeentch gave her apossibly horrific vision of the future. that will now make Celestia wherey of Zach and most likey not turst him at first. That is if he become good(witch I hope he does). Lets just see where you take this.

Aww fuck yeah!

Awesome fic!! i want more :pinkiecrazy:

Zach didn't say anything but rather did something that caught even Tzeentch by surprise. He spat in the Chaos God's eye.

You lost me there.

Good luck with your story. Here's a parting gift:

The teen thought this over and despite the dying part, it did sound kinda of good.

*kind of good.
Kinda doesn't exist in written form.

Remember Zach "With great power come great responsibility."

Why the fuck couldn't I become a Hive Tyrant?

TYRANIDS FTW! But, seriously, if you don't include an ACTUAL 'nid in this... I will be most displeased.

The beginning was more or less of a test chapter to see how I will be going about the story. I have written before and this is how I generally like to do things.

Another thing is, like I stated before, my Word is locked somehow and I'm looking for a new one to download, not to mention I'm just not used to writing in Word or GDocs. I'm one of those writers who keeps their ideas and stories in notebooks and in their head.

Of course this was after my computer crashed and I lost all data for a huge writing project I've been planning since last July and had to restart for complete scratch.

Still thank you for your information and I'll be sure to follow them.

As an Ultramarine player, the fact that you are implied to like Tyranids is Heresy.


Soooo, Ahriman hn? Well, fits, since he is the most powerfull, ex-metahuman Sorcerer in the W40k-verse who is, despite beeing a chaos woreshipping badass still somehow a good guy. In a very twisted kind of way.

Hey, see the bright site buddy. At least you didnt woke up as Asdrubael Vect or even Urien Rarkarth.
Which would be actualy kinda RAD.
Because Dark Eldar rule supreme!
Just all the other factions didn´t know it. Yet.

As someone who started out with running a Thousand Son's army, and very much still a Chaos Marine player loyal to Tzeentch this interests me heavily. I must keep watching this as it mixes my two biggest fandoms, one of my favorite prompts for stories (shoving 40K where it doesn't belong) and my favorite Chaos God all into one, just like A Thousand Son in Equestria.

Dude, seriously, get an editor.
Also, you lose points for having someone become Ahriman, rather than use Ahriman himself.
Seriously, Ahriman is an awesome character.
I'll still fave to keep track, but the ice is thin.

What about their description for Ahriman? They called him the "Sorcerer of the Red Cyclops" and "an evil Persian Space Marine reeking of JUST AS PLANNED." So true though...

Ahriman, the only follower of Malal. Let the cheese dickey begin!

Learn to write Tzeentch :facehoof: He is not so stupid.

I was expecting Ahriman... i did get Ahriman... kinda. I mean i'm not complaining, I'm liking it so far (so it's not that far, only about a 3142 words worth) but i digress.
Just keep it up, i wanna know what's going to happen next. And i want to know FAST!!!:flutterrage:
Yeah, i should calm the fuck down...:unsuresweetie:

Wait, I actually did write a fic with Ahriman a while back, what the fuck, a coincidence? We should team up.

um, punch the wrong button? got a notice of a new chapter and so far nothing:fluttercry:

Sorry everyone! I hit the publish button when I trying to edit it! Guess that what happens when you spend half the night studying and decided to edit a story a bit. However the next chapter is almost complete so expect an update at least this weekend.

3751363 complete? and you make us wait? that is the most evilest thing i can imagine :fluttershbad:

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