Perfect Silence
There was no wind. That was probably what unnerved her the most. It was unnatural, just like the static and unmoving dust at her hooves, disturbed only by her slow and steady hoof-falls.
The silence. She could have sworn that it made a noise of its own.
"Monster."
Silent, save for the voice whispering in her ear.
"Why are you still here?"
"Be quiet," Nightmare Moon spat. Her words reverberated and warped in the perfect silence of the lunar landscape. The infinite, unquenchable darkness of the void watched her as she wandered, stars twinkling in grim amusement.
“Not until you give me back what is mine,” the voice whispered.
Nightmare Moon laughed. “Yours? My dear, you should have thought about that before making a deal with me. We’re in this together from now on.”
“You are nothing.”
Nightmare Moon hit her hoof on a stray rock. It clanged against the already battered and misshapen armour on her leg. She cursed. “Shut up! You and your insufferable whining.” The Nightmare grabbed her greaves with her magic and wrestled it off, throwing it into the dust. Then she pulverised the offending stone with a frustrated stomp.
“Always destroying. Always fighting. Always complaining when you don’t get your way. Is that all you can do, monster?”
Nightmare snorted. “At least I’m a monster that admits to being a monster. Now, what do they say about monsters who are so deluded that they pin all their crimes on another?”
The other mind retreated, allowing Nightmare a chance to focus on… Nothing. She looked around for something to preoccupy her thoughts with, and found nothing. Nothing but ash and dust and pain and emptiness and—
“Monster.”
Nightmare Moon’s thoughts leapt instantly to the voice in her head. “Ha! You’re like a broken record, you know that?” She opened her magnificent black wings and flapped, once, leaping into the air.
“What are you doing?”
“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m flying around looking for something to do on this blasted rock.”
“Why?”
“Because I—” Nightmare cut herself off with a grunt. She was falling, slowly. She flapped her wings harder and faster, but she couldn’t ascend at all. “What— What are you doing to me?”
“Nothing. You’re falling on your own.”
“What are you talking about? I am the greatest flier on the face of Equestria!”
“We are not on Equestria. Don’t you remember the last time you attempted to fly here?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Give up.”
“Never!” Nightmare screeched. She continued to plummet towards the moon. “You’re just dragging me down. AGAIN.”
She hit the dust and stumbled forward on four unsteady hooves. A crater emerged before her, and she tumbled down with a yell. The dust bloomed out around her, floating through the empty air and landing gently. Nightmare picked herself up, brushed away the dust, and looked around the crater.
In the centre stood the remains of a castle, from what Nightmare could discern. The alicorn treaded softly through the ashes, dispersing the gathered sand with a whisper of magic. She excavated the ruins, revealing the perfectly black walls of what once must have been a beautiful palace.
Nightmare Moon pondered it. Who had built it? It seemed almost too perfect a fit for a grand, divine goddess such as herself. Had someone been here, on this desolate rock, once before? The air was too thin. It was too cold. There was no food or water. How Nightmare had even managed to survive this long was beyond even her own brilliance. How long had she even been up here, anyway? It seemed like only yesterday since… that.
Nightmare shook the thoughts away, directing her attention elsewhere. She wondered what Luna thought of this discovery.
“Monster.”
“Speak of the devil,” Nightmare Moon said, with a smirk. “Does this look familiar, perhaps?”
She felt the other mind focus on the ruins before them. “Yes.”
“Ha,” Nightmare Moon gloated. “You built this, didn’t you? And then you lost it, like the pathetic waste of space you are. It’s no wonder why you summoned me to do your dirty work.”
No answer.
Nightmare Moon’s smirk turned into a grin. “I think I might claim this little patch of dust for my own. I shall rebuild what you and your incompetence lost, so long ago.”
She gathered the dust at her hooves into a mound, then wrapped it in the glow of her horn. She forced magic into the material, compressing it and fusing it together. With a whispered word, she held a block of pure black onyx in her hooves.
“Perfect,” Nightmare Moon said. “I shall be Empress of my own world, and this shall be my castle.”
And the voice whispered: “Monster.”
Her hooves hurt. How long had she been working? Days? Weeks? It felt like several hours, at most. Her magic continued to flow, as mighty as ever. She had used up all the dust within the basin of the crater, and now she had to drudge backwards and forwards gathering the material needed.
It would be worth it in the end, however. This would all be worth it, Nightmare knew. After all, who was better than that pathetic excuse for a Princess of the Night?
“I am,” she whispered.
Yes, she was. And she would prove it with a castle of her very own, and further the insult by using the very bones of Luna’s old castle as the foundation.
Her hooves pounded into the dust. The silence stretched on. The emptiness above and beyond her continued to mock and insult her with its treachery. Surely, it should be bowing to her divinity. She was Empress of this place, was she not?
“You are nothing.”
“Oh, darn,” Nightmare said, with a roll of her eyes. “I was hoping you’d decided to leave for good this time.”
“Nothing you do ever matters. You are nothing.”
“I’m certainly more than you are, right now. I have a body of my own, for one.”
Nightmare felt the other mind attempt to respond, and she consciously suppressed it. It certainly never said anything useful. Nothing that could help its gracious host with her masterpiece.
The crater appeared out of the darkness once again, and Nightmare slowly floated down to the floor of the basin. Before her stood the castle. It was taller than before, the walls rising to halfway up the depth of the crater. Nightmare looked upon it with a wistful smile, imagining the grand, tapered spires of a palace so perfect that it would make even Castle Everfree look like a peasant’s hovel.
Gray dust turned to sleek black rock in the grip of her magic, and she melded the onyx with the walls of her castle. Slowly, the towers began to climb higher, reaching up into that impossible black void.
“Why do you persist? Why are you so obsessed?”
“Because I am better than you,” Nightmare hissed, straining as she manipulated the forces under her command, “and I will show you just how perfect I am.”
“You are nothing.”
“No!” she screamed. “I am not nothing! I—”
“Stop. Please,” the voice begged. “Just stop.”
“I must be better. I must be Nightmare Moon.” Hot tears froze to her cheeks. “I must be perfect.”
Her hooves bled. The dust coated them, digging into the wounds and stabbing her with a thousand tiny needles. The cold froze her warm blood to her skin. She just wanted to sit and lie and rest until her wounds recovered. Until she could sleep forever. Until her lungs finally stopped breathing.
But she had done it. The onyx palace stood before her, crawling out of the crater and disappearing into the impossible darkness above her. It was sparse, yes—and it was, perhaps, a little isolated. But that was irrelevant. Who would truly be capable of serving her majesty, anyway?
Nightmare Moon smiled. This was her castle. Her stronghold. Her sanctuary. She stepped forward, lightly, her hooves planting themselves in the dust and carrying her forward. The open maw of the castle devoured her, swallowed her up in the omnipresent darkness. A weak light glowed from her horn. The insides lit up, revealing all her perfectly carved handiwork. Staircases, corridors, windows, and—the centrepiece of her work of art—her very own throne.
Nightmare’s hooves clacked against the icy floor. The throne stood at the far end, atop a perfect dais. The light of the stars shone through the window above it, shining on the midnight black throne, lending it a perfect sheen. The throne, too, was perfect; perfect in shape, perfect in size, perfect in splendor. This was not like her—Luna’s—pathetic stool, far away in the Everfree castle. This was a statue of blades, stone, darkness, and blood; a throne for the perfect goddess of conquering, destruction, and tyranny that was Nightmare Moon. It dug into the spine, drew blood, froze it in their veins, reminding them just how utterly perfect and indomitable they must have been.
It was perfection itself.
Nightmare Moon climbed the dais slowly, reverently, and gazed upon her masterpiece. She sank into the unyielding stone of the chair, feeling the sharp edges of the seat cut into her skin. She shivered as warm blood poured down her back. It pooled on the seat, freezing against her backside. The pain was both unbearable and oh-so-very-delicious.
Nightmare Moon sat atop her perfect throne. The perfect throne in her perfect castle. Even the voice had decided to leave her alone. Perhaps now she could find a modicum of genuine peace. She smiled.
Perfect silence. Not a soul moved. There was no wind. There were no ponies. It consumed and submerged, drowned and devoured, worming its way under the skin and into the brain.
Perfect.
Silence.
In the maddening quietness of the moon, the whispering in her ear boomed.
“I will take back what is mine.”
Nightmare Moon’s eyes opened. She didn’t remember when she closed them. Before her, a blue alicorn stood, at the base of the dais. Her eyes were glassy, dull, their gaze as icy as the stone that made up her throne.
Nightmare Moon glared at her. “How are you here? That’s impossible.”
Luna ignored her. “You are nothing.” She began to walk towards the throne.
“Stop,” Nightmare Moon commanded. Luna ignored her again. “I said stop.”
Those eyes, they stared right through her, unbreaking, immovable. Nightmare panicked. Her horn lit up threateningly. “I said…” A bolt of black lightning tore towards the approaching princess. The attack phased through her as if it wasn’t even there.
“You delude yourself,” the voice whispered. “You call yourself perfect. You are not. You are simply a frightened little filly in the body of a god.”
Bloody black hooves scrabbled against the smooth stone. Her movements shifted the blades in her back, and she cried out. Her frozen skin tore when she attempted to pull herself to her hooves. Her cries turned to a long, terrified shriek.
“Why won’t you leave me?! Your goddess commands you!” More lightning. Magic stormed throughout the room, reflecting off the ebony walls and scorching the transmuted rock.
“Listen to me.” She was right there. Right in front of the throne. Nightmare’s fangs bit deep into her bottom lip, drawing more blood. Frozen tears scorched her eyeballs.
“No!” Nightmare screamed. The room shook with the force. “I will not listen to a weak and pathetic being such as yourself! I—” She stomped the floor with her hooves. “—Am—” Twice. “Perfect.” The floor shattered, as the magic holding it together began to crumble.
Nightmare looked up at Luna, and froze. Light was shining from the Night Princess’s eyes. She slowly grew taller, her fur turning from blue to blinding white.
“No,” Nightmare whispered.
The white goddess took a step.
“No, stop.”
Another.
“Stop!
Her mouth opened.
Nightmare clamped her hooves over her ears. “No, please, don’t!”
The whispers struck her like the fist of an angry goddess.
“WHY?”
And Nightmare Moon screamed as her perfect palace crumbled into dust and ash around her. She screamed as her perfect black fur turned blue, the stars in her mane falling, the energy dissolving. Her slitted pupils becoming clear teal orbs for a single instant.
And as she screamed, her answer rang clear in her mind.
Because I wanted to be like you.
And then she, too, turned to ash.
Nightmare Moon woke up.
She blinked slowly. She was lying in the sand. Her face was half-covered in dust. She couldn’t hear anything.
She climbed to her hooves, awkwardly. She looked around at the unceasing desert around her, pondering how she got there. She didn’t remember anything. How long had she been lying there?
She hesitated, then took one step. And then another. And another. She trudged forward, no direction in mind.
The silence was perfect. The darkness was infinite.
A voice whispered in her ear.
“Monster.”
The stars twinkled with grim amusement.
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Yay...
Happiness.
Deep and an interesting concept.
Really not much else to say.
Oh, this story. I liked this. I forget what I scored this as (and I can't check, because I wasn't logged in, apparently). Good show, either way.
It may be a pile of balls, but at least it's a pile of Pear's balls. Thought this was pretty decent in the writeoff, so you get a little something special from me.
3707044
Thanks chum
Lonely Happiness... I'll say it here; you've captured that concept in a beautiful and disgusting way. You've definitely ventured down the dark path with this one, what with the mind-raping, the cold air of solitude, and the self mutilation.
Perhaps the most wonderful concept of this, is something I've ACTUALLY yet to see: Luna tormenting Nightmare. I'm actually a bit jealous I didn't think of it first! Though t'was merely a dream, Luna's contempt burned along side her compassion; I could see what she tried to do with her cruel words only after she begged Nightmare to stop. That was a terrific selling point I think.
The idea of Nightmare Moon being a masochist was ENITRELY unexpected, made even more chilling with her throne. I mean, seriously, WTF? The drive, the locomotion. All of it developed her character in a way that's a rarity and an absolute joy to behold. And that's the saddest part of this whole thing. After about half way through reading this, I remembered that Nightmare Moon was ALONE. She wondered dust and blackness, hearing only what she wants to hear, knowing only what she's heard, and acknowledging subjects that not only didn't exist, but mocked her still.
None more so, than Luna.
The heartbreaking, cringe-worthy determination I felt from Nightmare only added to this. She toils, cuts, and bleeds herself dry to build something nopony would ever appreciate, or even know about, and all Luna does throughout, is belittle and demine. It's perfect. The coldness of solitude, and the warm satisfaction of happiness all rolled into a psycho-thrilling, self-mutilating masterpiece that magnifies self-conflict. Something that--against all odds--you keep improving at.
I did, however, have one little problem with it.
The lack of detail concerning Nightmare's narcissism left me feeling a bit dry. The last three times she uttered the word 'Perfect', I just shook my head and asked, "How?" I suspect you intended to relay such a message through the narration, in which she is brilliant and perfect and godly and sexy and... Yeah. But it failed to resonate without a sentence or two of backstory, or an explanation on why she so goddamned perfect. If there had been, her inevitable breakdown would be twice as painful and INFINITELY more delicious.
All in all, while this piece won't get a standing ovation from me, it gets a long and resolute applause for originality and absolute, indistinguishable daring. You, my friend, have earned another fave from this guy.
Craine...
*Sighs*... I missed reviewing your stories.
3708508
And I missed getting reviewed by you, dude! That was another awesome review from the master himself.
Goddamn. If only I'd just added that little extra piece of development. That seems to be my problem; I just always seem to miss the mark through some lack of development of one thing or another. Gonna need to work on that for my next stories.
Thanks again, Craine.
...Now, if only I could motivate myself to finish this Chrysalis story. Think I might squeeze out another 500 words or so before bed.
This is an incredible piece mate. The way you've captured the desolation of delusion and the unending self doubting state of being completely alone. Beautiful and awful, terrifying because I know this state myself. I remember lying, staring at the ceiling age fifteen and my room being Nightmare's moon for me. So moving.
Just, so deep. I don't really know what else to say.
this story was very breath taking I never would have expected luna to come face to face with nightmare moon
I come away feeling like Luna was the monster here more than Nightmare Moon.
fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/060/f/5/princess_celestia_approved_by_ambris-d4rftlj.png
Approved for Celestia's Library.
Best pony can be evil.
3840535
And I can be evil to best pony.
3840542
WOAH...
This was fantastic. Why doesn't it have a dark tag?
You conveyed the absolute, never ending solitude perfectly. Most of that was masterfully written. I personally think that it could have done with more narration and less direct speech, but that's just me. My reasoning for that is that silence is hard to achieve when someone or somepony is speaking. Yes, using narration to replace speech doesn't rove what was actually said, but the silence isn't broken nearly as much by narration as it is by direct speech. Having been going for silence as a large part of this, that's a bit of a problem. Don't worry! You still got a favourite from me. The story is fantastic, and much better than I can ever hope to achieve, but that's a slight issue I had with it.
Keep doing this. You're fantastic.
~ Decaf
3961420
Thanks for the great comment! And that's a good criticism that I hadn't thought of before.
Glad you enjoyed.
3963783
No problem. I loved it.
24.media.tumblr.com/a257ad5165644b1f79354634dfdee284/tumblr_mqo61uYbwk1rj6vd5o1_400.png
It seems almost as if Nightmare is stuck in a loop controlled by Luna. Torturing her over and over by making her rebuild the same castle time, and time again.
3708508 Your explanation made me like the story even more.
4055605 I missed that--now I see, yes, she must be rebuilding the same castle. I was puzzled on first reading as to how she couldn't know the castle was there, and how Luna could have built it. I don't think Luna is making her do it, though.
4067053
>internet is down for a day
>finally get onto fimfic
>tfw Bad Horse faves your story
Huh.
Seriously though, glad an esteemed gentleman such as yourself enjoyed my horsewords. :D
4067053
I thought it was some nice, twisted irony. Nightmare Moon steals Luna's body, taking what is hers. Luna makes Nightmare continually rebuild and destroy a castle for 1000 years with said body.
This has been sitting on my read later list for war seems like forever but I'm really glad I got around to finally reading it. Superb job!
4215243
Thank you very much!
Psychological chaos. My favorite. The epitome of the how far you delve into Nightmare's psyche is via her throne. It fits her perfectly.
I'm really, really impressed by this one, Pearp.
4227807
Thank you. It really means a lot coming from a guy I respect.
I really enjoyed this, excellent work. Among other things I love that you put NMM through an endless cycle of creation and destruction, ultimately being tormented endlessly by her victim (and thus, by herself).
So Luna continues to remember all that happens, and NMM doesn't. I didn't recall line this until the second run-through. Nicely done.
The comments helped me come to terms a little more that there is no particular side to root for: seems like while NMM is the usual "villain" with the pride and the insecurity, there's that Luna who I can only hope is projecting... there's a trade-off of catharsis for momentum that stretches past the end, and I can appreciate that. Either way, definitely fresh concept and characterization, great style.
EDIT: I AM A SILLY PONE
4461450
Part of SA? Do you mean as in, my other fic got featured, and therefore I can't get featured again? I'm a little confused.
4461542
I... huh. And we had featured that after you joined... must've missed the policy change in the chat then. Never mind me then.
4463735
Joined? Joined Seattle's Angels? But I'm not a Seattle's Angel...
4463809
And of course I realize this afterwards. I dun derped.
4463834
Haha! It's cool, bro. I do hang out in the SA public Skype chat a lot, and I was on one of the podcasts as a guest once as well, so I can see why I might be mistaken.
I'm really, really glad you liked this story, though. Thanks for reading.
Oh my... another gem in your story pile!
And this gem has sharp edges and a strange hunger - one that cannot be assuaged by food, or love, or even a planet to rule.
Now if only I could remember just what would, actually, sate it....
Light and laughter,
SongCoyote
5128544
:D
Powerful story that almost makes one sympathetic to Nightmare Moon stuck in an endless cycle of despair, destruction and shattered pride. Almost. Superb job in my mind.
I could never take 'NMM is physically on the moon' stories seriously, but for 2.2k words, it was worth a shot.
I think I probably missed something regarding the story itself, but as an aside, I have to ask: why, oh why, is it so common to unnecessarily deify Luna and Celestia? It's like every writer willfully ignores canon to define them as goddesses and it always rips me right out of a story. I find it rather infuriating.
5446507
I know how you feel, actually - I just felt like trying to make the concept fit in my head and this was the sort of imagery it invoked.
I don't know about other writers, but I just do it because I'm really a big fan of that sort of mythos so I like to experiment with it in my stories. Sorry to hear you're not a fan.
Thanks for reading, broheim :D
Ahh...
Brilliance. Just brilliance. This was a very interesting take on the relationship between Luna and Nightmare Moon, one that I haven't seen before.
And while the writing style is, admittedly, not gaining any points for originality- it's been used in many, many other stories, in many other places- it still fit the story very well.
You could add a bit more towards the middle of the story, about the building of the palace- like, where she got all of that onyx from, for example... there was this bit in the beginning:
which tells us that she's using magic, but I had to re-read the story to really notice this line. It felt a bit... forgettable, and that left me feeling slightly confused throughout the rest of the story. (Of course, I also like to over-analyze things...)
You could also, if you wanted, add a bit more in the end. It's a little unclear weather the whole experience was supposed to be a dream, or... something else. But this is more personal choice, if you wanted to leave it open-ended like that, or if you actually wanted to give more of an explanation.
I also have to mention- good job with the length of the story. I'm finding, in my own writing experience, that it can be hard to write a story that's neither too short nor too long for the topic, but you did very well here, I think.
So, overall, I say... 9 almost-but-not-quite-creepily huge pinkie pie smiles out of 10.
I'm not a huge fan of the banishment being on the Moon (though it doesn't annoy me as much as it does Mr M!) but I still enjoyed this, especially the unusual angle it takes. Vague non-spoilery comments go!
I approve. This really puts a(n somewhat) new perspective on Luna's banishment.
Man, I can see why Aragon recommended this, it's really good!
I'm gonna have to read the rest of your stories sometime, but for now I'm going to bed.
I'll do my homework tomorrow.
Fantastic prose, I honestly wish I could think of more to say but 1) I'm pleasantly surprised 2) also speechless 3) also also on a mobile device.
Tiny nitpick: any particular reason behind the slice of life tag?
8080690
Not really. It felt appropriate for some reason. And technically it is a slice of life, it's just not a very pleasant life to take a slice out of. :D
8080779 I would not eat this life cake. So, yeah, not pleasant.
A wonderfully cold, atmospheric wee piece. Well worth the recommendation.
For whatever reason, I read the above line as Luna, chiding the Nightmare for making a poor deal, meaning that the whispering is the Nightmare, sending forth a stream of negativity with the bladed throne as a tool for penance.
On rereading, I can see that this interpretation was wrong but I still think it's an interesting perspective.
There have been many stories about Luna, Nightmare Moon and the Nightmare on the moon.
Yours is a great one and reminded me of what I think is my favourite, Hoofprints.
There have also been stories of what they actually did during that thousand years.
In The Mare Who Once Lived on the Moon, Luna spends the time by running ahead of Equestria's shadow as it passes across the moon, constantly racing the darkness.
In my own mind Nightmare Moon spends a thousand years dancing across the lunar plains, exulting in her physical perfection and patterning the moon with her hoofsteps.
8805447
EEEEEE~!
Someone referenced Hoofprints!
One of my all time favourite shorts.
According to the checkmark on the chapter, I read this at some point but never commented on it. Shame on me. A fascinating look at a cyclical psychological breakdown that becomes all too literal. Nightmare Moon's masochistic throne is especially telling of the self-loathing lurking under the surface. Great work. Glad I reread it (apparently.)
Luna sounds like the bad guy here. Not really Nightmare Moon's fault she was made