• Member Since 18th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen Feb 18th, 2019

Darkened Lightning Storm


You, dear reader, are the reason any of us love what we do. You build up our worlds, and help us develop what and who we are. Without you, we wouldn't be ourselves.

T
Source

Firefly never knew what to expect from life, everything was always unexpected. She never thought she'd become a racer, or even have her own fans. Heck, she never even thought she would ever even get a coltfriend, let alone break up with one. But, unfortunately, life isn't always full of sunshine and Rainbows for this pink mare. Join Firefly, and 18 year old mare with a big heart an a passion for flying, as she struggles with the fact of being a teenage mother and the wonders of parenting.

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 29 )

Spit fire asking for a autograph when she was a foal? -takes off my shades-....thats an acadamy record!

this sounds allot like the story Raising rainbow, in the concept... sort of... also, i do recall you commenting on that story about how you love it... :/:rainbowderp::derpyderp2::derpyderp1:

3697460 yes... I did... It is best filly Dash story.. But everything will become different over time.. Just wait.. You shall see..

i realized as soon as i started reading that it has some very large differences and to that i say im sorry XD, its a good story i must say!:scootangel:

3699238 oh don't be sorry! Everybody sees things in different ways! And thank you, I always love when people enjoy reading my stories!

i mean, i love these types of story's!, they are usually awesome (some more than others :raritywink:) and there fun to read, especially when they turn out like yours did!, its a good story, and its a good read, i thoroughly enjoyed reading it! :heart:

3700761 Aww that just made my crappy day ten times better. Thanks!

Comment posted by MEgalodaRN deleted Dec 30th, 2013

Its a crime to hate story's as good as this!, i tell it as it is! Cause im an honest megalodon! :heart:

3700896 Oh my gosh.. you are just.. So awesome! :heart:

Thank you!

Hmmm... a few grammer errors, but dude I love the concept. It's good to know someone is making Firefly fics out there. I would however give you the advice of finding a proof-reader there is no shame in that, just someone who can read over it and tell you if it's too fast or not enough ying as there is yang. The story has great promise and a lot of potential, but could use some work in some key area's. :coolphoto:

Discription is something lacking in this chapter, visualising the apartment was something that you could do. Example = "The walls where plain and bare, mixed with a few scuffs from toys being thrown at them. The kitchen barely cleaned and the living room consisting of a few saggy pieces of furniture." Stuff like that. This will also make your chaps bigger and get more readers taking a look at the story. Ontop of that too it makes it generally a better fic to read. :rainbowwild:

All in all though this was a good fic, I really enjoy the idea you have here, but as I say no shame in getting a proof reader, or even finding someone to review your fic. :scootangel:

Kind regards ~Alex A

3703598

Thank you for your advice! I'll be sure to get a proof reader and add more detail when I get the chance!

3704170 no problem. I look forward to seeing where this goes~Alex

one thing a colt is not called a filly, "HI Fire Feather! I'm Rainbow Dash! You wanna go race?" Rainbow Asked as the colt nodded and the fillies ran off." your looking for the word foals not fillies. just helping

3763035 Thanks for pointing that out! I know it's foals, it was just a typo.

3763061 just doing my job critic and all :rainbowwild:

You and Lowell got me hooked on romance tagged fics. Before I would've never even looked at one. I tip my helmet to you.

4025859 And I hug my monitor pretending it's you :3

FRIENDSHIP YAAAY

you put the two fillies a few times. One of them is a colt. You could use Foals.

4429180 Otherwise, well done.

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