Twilight Sparkle learns that she has more power than any other pony, including the two princesses. When all of Equestria is attacked by an immensly powerful being, Twilight must learn to use her powers to save her home and everypony that she knows.
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Short. cool. I liked it.
I'm happy to see you bring this story to some kind of ending, instead of dropping the idea entirely. It did feel like it was lacking a bit though, and the story could have been developed a little more in some parts (for example, Twilight learning how to use the key).
Overall, good job on the story (no complaints in the grammar department!). You definitely earned a few of these moustaches.
I should probably go to sleep now.
This was NOT a failure! It was one of the most amazing stories I have ever read!
More. Why did you stop?
You have my attention! Well written and intriguing, I think it's perfect in every way, and any suggestions I might have would only make it worse.
As I read and picture Scourge, I am reminded of this piece:
https://youtu.be/WBStQkvVhJ8
Ponderous, heavy-handed, tragic, ominous, and dark. I see a blend of a Death Knight from Warcraft with the face-lessness of Slenderman from his respective series. I doubt many other readers truly got that impression, but I did.
Perhaps, if it is not too daunting a task, you can write a seperate story that would be the equivalent of a more mature version of this one. I'd like to see that.
Some people make fun of my critical eye; because I tend to see many mistakes that they neither see nor care about. Even so, after reading through your second chapter I found only two punctuation errors! Truly amazing, as far as I am concerned.
This is one sentence, not two. The period at the end of the quote is supposed to be a comma.
In this case you need an apostrophe between his name and the following 's' after it because the scroll belongs to him. For this it would look like: "Star-Swirl's last scroll." I would also suggest you add the word 'detailed' after 'actions,' so it would look like this; "She instantly closed her eyes and began searching within herself, attempting to copy the actions detailed in Star-Swirl's last scroll."
If I am correct in assuming that was the end of the sentence, then it should be: "several moments now. He was growing impatient," rather than using a comma.
It's, stopped, Twilight's ? filled with light that beamed like spotlights. I assume you're talking about her eyes.
Oh, now I have nothing but praises for this perfect paragraph! What a perfect cliffhanger! Oh, how I love it. The best part is the last sentence. Fading into twilight... jeese, I've thought up dramatic scenes like this before and I too have thought about using the day fading into twilight because it is just so poetic!
Nothing but compliments.
Well, compliments and a handful of suggestions, but you know what I mean.
1874147
I agree with WrapperCat in every way. I think the story could do with further explanations and developments on the Astral Plane and this "key," but it was a great read.
You might (or might not) believe it to be a failure, but overall I think it was quite nice. Grammer was on point, and your only problems with the text itself were a handful of punctuational errors. It wasn't complicated or simple, and even though I'd like it to be longer I found the characters fun to read about. There weren't any plot-holes, (well, not any I can see), and the characters weren't OOC, or in Twilight and Celestia's case, too OOC for my liking.