Chapter 2: I hate alicorn humor.
It was, appropriately enough, twilight when I arrived at the balcony on which Ms. Sparkle was having an evening tea with Princess Cadenza. As I flew nearer, the two were in the middle of sharing some anecdote about older times. Ms. Sparkle gave me a welcoming nod before she turned back to Princess Cadenza, and then she said “And then she said ‘And then I said, ‘Oatmeal? Are you crazy?’’”
The royal duo erupted into laughter. I didn’t quite understand what was so funny, but I was visiting for strictly business-related purposes. With a final beat of my wings, I slowed my descent and landed on the balcony. “Good evening, Miss Sparkle, Princess Cadenza,” I greeted the princesses.
Princess Cadenza greeted me with a wave of a foreleg. “Good evening, Greta.”
Ms. Sparkle smiled back at me. The stars in her mane glimmered, and the golden streak of sun in it was particularly vibrant today. Now that I was closer, I could see that the princesses’ horns were glowing faintly. A faint frown crossed my beak. I glanced at Canterlot clock tower, adjusting my glasses. My frown deepened slightly, then I turned back to the princesses. “Excuse me, but I couldn’t help but notice. As beautiful as this sunset is, it should have fully transitioned to night seventeen minutes ago.”
Princess Cadenza smiled. “We were just taking a little extra time to admire our handiwork, that’s all.”
Ms. Sparkle nodded. “Thanks for the concern, Greta, but it’s well within the safety threshold. Besides, you said it yourself. It’s beautiful.”
I couldn’t argue with that. “I trust that the sun will fully set soon, then?”
Ms. Sparkle slammed a hoof down on the ground. “No,” she shouted, her voice echoing throughout the Canterlot Castle district. “From this moment forth, the light will last forever!”
The pair immediately fell on their sides laughing for an uncomfortable length of time. I fear that I shall never understand alicorn humor.
Eventually, their laughing stopped, the sun set, the moons rose, and a small crowd of concerned-looking citizens dispersed. I sighed and opened up Ms. Sparkle’s planner. “I believe the citizens of Equestria are owed an extra twenty minutes of night, Ms. Sparkle,” I said, pulling out my pen.
“Tack it onto Nightmare Night,” Ms. Sparkle answered a bit too quickly. I suppose this must have been her intent all along. Not that I have anything against the holiday. I simply find it a bit silly to feign fear of a make believe monster like Nightmare Moon.
“As you wish, Ms. Sparkle.” I made the appropriate schedule revision. I took advantage of the brief lull to present Ms. Sparkle with a moderately-sized package I had come to deliver to her. “Feedback from the Institute of Arcane Sciences.” With a talon, I opened the box, revealing a pile of letters from Ms. Sparkle’s fellow researchers.
“Ooh, what do they say?” Ms. Sparkle leaned closer, as if the box contained candy.
I adjusted my trusty red glasses and began to skim through them.
“Let’s see… Ethics concern. Request for methodology clarification. A new member accusing you of being the princess in disguise.”
“Ooh, he’s a clever one.” Princess Cadenza remarked.
“Ethics concern. Official reprimand for your outburst at the conference. Interview request. This one is challenging your interpretation of the results.” Ms. Sparkle’s eyes shone at that. ”Specifically, he’s saying that your memory spell creates new memories in Ms. Orange instead of bringing back old ones.”
Ms. Sparkle rubbed her forehooves together with barely-restrained glee. “Oh goodness. A challenge to my conclusions. Oh how shall I ever defend my research?” The golden streak of sun in her mane pulsed as the intangible celestial winds that manipulated her mane intensified. “I suppose I have no choice but to gather more data points.”
I frowned. “Data points?”
“Right now, I only have Valencia Orange’s accounts of her past life as Snips. But! If I can revive more memories in more ponies who lived in Ponyville in that era, we can compare their accounts of what Ponyville was like, and if they all match up, then we have reproducible results!”
“Just one minute, Ms. Sparkle.” I interrupted. “Why didn’t you include more data points in your paper in the first place?”
“Not enough funding,” Ms. Sparkle shrugged. “Research needs research grants, and ponies aren’t usually willing to pony up for research topics that don’t bring in the bits. Most of the funding came from the Golden Lotus, of all things. You don’t see too many religious groups funding scientific research.”
“So where are you planning to get funding to get more data points? I hope you aren’t planning for one of the Princesses to start funding your research,” I reminded her.
Ms. Sparkle laughed. “I’ve gone a thousand years without using government money for my personal research. I’m not going to start now.”
“So where is the money coming from?” Princess Cadenza asked with curiosity.
Ms. Sparkle waved her hoof. “Private interests.”
“Private interests?” I raised an eyebrow. “What business stands to make money off of soul recycling?”
Ms. Sparkle smiled and sipped her tea. “Debt collectors.”
After Princess Cadenza’s strong objections and the subsequent spirited debate, I returned from the castle to fetch a damp cloth with which to wipe the tea cake frosting from Ms. Sparkle’s face. By now, night had fully settled in, although the moons and stars provided light by which we could see each other (Aided, of course, by the miniature stars in Ms. Sparkle’s own mane.) The princesses, as was typical in the evening, were chatting amicably as if the earlier argument had never occurred.
“So what’s the next step in your grand experiment?” Princess Cadenza asked. Ms. Sparkle was likely to explain it all in great detail whether we asked about it or not, but asking questions helped to direct her ramblings in a more focused direction.
I reached up to wipe some of the tea cake frosting from Ms. Sparkle’s face when her foreleg swung up to rest her chin on her hoof in thought, nearly knocking the cloth out of my talons. “Well,” she thought, “I’ve improved the soul tracer spell. It’s still limited to seeing if somepony had a connection to Ponyville a thousand years ago, but now I can use it over an area instead of just casting it on one pony at a time.”
Princess Cadenza raised an eyebrow. “A connection to Ponyville seems a bit vague.”
“Which is why I ended up finding Snips,” Ms. Sparkle said as she brought a frosting-covered hoof back to the floor and smeared the sugary goop on an expensive-looking rug. I took the brief window to start wiping the rest of the stuff off of Ms. Sparkle’s face. “But,” she continued, “I’ve found a way to narrow it down. Being in contact or close proximity to magical artifacts leaves a sort of... unique arcane scent on your soul.”
“I’m afraid I don’t quite understand, Ms. Sparkle,” I said, partly to get her to turn her head so I could continue cleaning. “You only need to find residents of Ponyville from a thousand years ago to prove your conclusions are sound. I fail to see the need to narrow your search results, especially using magical artifacts for a criteria.”
Ms. Sparkle’s immediate response was a wide grin. The sort of grin she usually wore when about to say something (she believed was) very clever. “You’d be right if I was only doing this for science,” she began. “But the real reason I’m doing this is to find some ponies that were very special to Cadance and me.”
I blinked. “Who?”
Princess Cadenza interjected. “She means me.”
“No, I meant, who are these ponies?” I clarified. “I’ve spent enough time around you to know Princess Cadenza’s nickname.” Not to mention its… creative spelling.
“In alphabetical order, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity.” Ms. Sparkle clapped her forehooves together, spreading the frosting contagion to the other hoof before firmly depositing both hooves on the rug. “And of course, my BBBFF.”
Her… what? “Who?”
“My big brother best friend forever! And Cadance’s husband.”
“Who?”
“She means me,” Princess Cadenza inserted.
“I know who ‘Cadance’ is,” I sighed. “I meant, who are… wait. You’re married, Princess Cadenza?”
“Was,” Princess Cadenza corrected me. “A situation I intend to correct as soon as Twilight finds Shining Armor.”
“Who?”
“My former husband,” Princess Cadenza clarified with just the barest hint of frustration.
“I see.” None of these names meant anything to me, so I decided to simply drop the matter. I had a feeling that I was going to become intimately acquainted with these people in due time, so there was little value in asking further questions about them.
“Anyway,” Ms. Sparkle continued. “All five of them spent about three years as the bearers of the Elements of Harmony. If I find ponies who had a strong link to the Elements a thousand years ago, I’ve found my friends.”
“What about Shining?” Princess Cadenza asked with a look of concern.
“Sorry, Cadance. I can’t find him yet,” Ms. Sparkle said. “The only artifact he spent any time around was the Crystal Heart, and the Heart was kept on public display. Not to mention fueled by the joy of everypony in the Empire. The soul tracer spell would be picking up thousands of ponies if I tried to search that way. “
A look of disappointment crossed Princess Cadenza’s face.
“Don’t worry, Cadance,” Ms. Sparkle proclaimed with a smile. “I’m making improvements to the soul tracer every day. Eventually, I’ll be able to ask for ponies by name.”
Princess Cadenza smiled. “That’s fantastic news, Twilight. I went a thousand years without him. I wouldn’t mind waiting ten more.”
Ms. Sparkle blinked. “Ten years? Try ten months! I’ll have Shining Armor at our table this Hearthswarming Eve!” As Ms. Sparkle turned to face the moons dramatically (granting me an opportunity to clear off more of that frosting), I could swear I saw a brief flash of a conspiratorial grin cross Princess Cadenza’s face.
“First, I need to give the new soul tracer a test run.” Ms. Sparkle’s horn glowed, and a map of the known world materialized before us. Several brilliant pinpoints of light shone. “These points are ponies that have the artifact signature of the Elements of Harmony all over them.”
The glow around Ms. Sparkle’s horn pulsed, and the image of the world map faded, replaced with one of Canterlot. I looked closely at it. “This seems a tad too convenient, Ms. Sparkle. There are four lights.”
Ms. Sparkle raised an eyebrow. “Four lights?”
“Three lights, I mean. Excuse me.” I gestured at the map. “One over at the Moonbean Coffee, and two right here in Canterlot Castle. I assume the one in Moonbean Coffee is one of your former associates, but having two more of your former companions residing in this very castle is unlikely, to say the least.”
“Well, this is intriguing,” Ms. Sparkle said, peering over the map. “One of those is me. I used to bear one of the Elements. I don’t really see the second light you’re talking about, though.”
I pondered. “It’s very faint, Ms. Sparkle. Is there a way you could dim or remove the other lights? I admit that even I had a hard time spotting it.” Griffons like myself have an excellent eye for detail compared to ponies, who possessed better situational awareness. Not to mention, I’ve always had excellent night vision.
“It’s worth a try.” Ms. Sparkle tapped the bright light on the map, which promptly vanished, and that was apparently enough to let the pony princesses see the dim one. “Interesting. It’s a light, but it’s a very weak reading. Somepony who spent a lot of time around the Elements, but never actually held them.”
Cadance raised an eyebrow. “Well, it’s not me. I didn't spent any time around the Elements.”
They started talking back and forth for a while, spewing out more proper nouns than I cared to commit to long-term memory and discussing events from a thousand years ago. I finished my cleaning (which was not part of the job description) and was on my way to carry the cloth back into the castle when Ms. Sparkle gasped. “It’s moving!”
I stopped and looked back. Princess Cadenza looked over the map. “Is it?”
Ms. Sparkle frowned. “I could have sworn I saw it move.”
I shrugged and continued down the hall again.
Princess Cadenza shouted. “I see it too! Greta, come back!”
I walked back with an exasperated sigh. “How may I help you, your highnesses?”
Ms. Sparkle looked me in the eye with a wide smile. “It’s you!”
“Excuse me, Ms. Sparkle?”
Her grinning didn’t stop. “You’re that dim light!”
“I’m sure this is very exciting for you.” If I wasn’t one of the friends she was looking for, I wasn’t sure why she was so worked up.
“We worked it out,” Princess Cadenza proclaimed. “You’re someone who, a thousand years ago, lived in Ponyville, and spent a lot of your time next to the Elements, but you never used them. And Twilight kept the Elements in the Golden Oak Library, so you must have lived in the library.”
“Why would anyone live in a library? Why would anyone keep these Elemen-”
Ms. Sparkle placed her hooves on my shoulders. “You’re Owloysius!” she declared triumphantly.
“Who?”
The princesses burst out into uncontrollable laughter.
I hate alicorn humor.
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So much funny!
lol
Was half expecting one of the Cakes, but this works too...
Also, I think our friendly neighborhood alicorns have snapped.
Huh. I almost thought it would be Spike, until I realized - as a dragon - he's probably still alive.
Awesome! You've really improved over the last centuries, Owloysius
3778936
Yeah, this should be mentioned. Though the story seems to imply that everyone close to Twilight and Cadence is deceased, Spike included. He probably is mortal, just very long lived.
3779012
It's only been 1000 years. Dragons live longer than that. Maybe he's just asleep for 100 years.
Either Owloysius or Spike, unless he's still alive because dragon. Was that mentioned in the last chapter?
Hahaha
Priceless.
I find it sad though, that Twilight doesn't seem to have tried verry hard in immortalizing her friends and their exploits through the history books. Just how much Gretta doesn't know is disheartening.
This is hilarious, but bittersweet at the same time. Finding your friends as totally different ponies and trying to bring back their memories should also bring back memories of all the other ponies they were at various times. You'd have everyone being attached to the remnants of several past lives, and I don't think most could handle that many attachments, leaving a lot of friendships broken soon after being "revived" and a lot of confused ponies. Plus, bringing back only the memories of the pony as you knew them would be unfair to everyone else who knew them. The phrase "oh, what a tangled web we weave" seems appropriate.
But screw ethics, cuz ponies.
I actually guessed Owloysius when she started asking "who" repeatedly. Was not expecting to be right!
That was certainly amusing.
Oh man, I absolutely have to guve you props for that joke. It couldn't have been exected better.
So, ponies past lives can be non-sapient animals? Presumably it works both ways, if that's the case.
Well, how the hell are you supposed to find anyone?! For all you know, Fluttershy is a deep sea anglerfish at the moment. Good luck finding her, even with your spell.
3779027
That's just general fantasy speaking. No one knows how dragons work in MLP, and the author might decide to go a different route with it. After all, we're speaking of an entirely fictional species here.
The griffon is the owl.
I... Ok. I can believe that. Somehow.
...And I can FULLY believe that one.
~Skeeter The Lurker
HAH
YOU
YOU ARE GREAT
Seriously, this is absolutely fantastic! Write more, please!
3779109
Given that fully grown dragons are having stated as napping for a century at a time (Dragonshy), one can assume they live for at least 10 centuries.
3779140
Or that they nap for a century and are then active for nine at which point they promptly drop dead.
3779173
Illogical. The only comparison to existing species is hibernation, which lasts for one season. This would imply that dragons have a similar hibernation cycle, but it's measured in centuries instead of months.
While one could claim anything you want with a story, without logic, it isn't a good story.
3779182
Logic? Magic. Hell, how do you logically explain how dragons are lithovoric and breathe teleportation fire?
I was expecting a bird
I guessed the wrong bird
3779076 Given that the tag is "Comedy" (and Sad and Tragedy aren't present) I imagine the mechanics of reincarnation will be gentle on the psyches of the ponies (and griffons) who are recovering memories. For example, I bet you that the personality will strongly match. Ms. Orange would probably like Snips if she met him.
The most important thing will be having Twilight and Cadence accept that a dead pony may wish to "move on" and have a new life without necessarily resuming all the connections of their past ones - in particular, Cadence will have to be ready to accept that maybe Shining Armor is married to someone else now. And has married others in the past thousand years too.
Once this spell becomes cheaper and more common it will really revolutionize pony society. With free access to past life memories everypony effectively *becomes* immortal, just swapping to new bodies whenever their old ones die. It'd be quite interesting to see how that pans out in years or decades.
3779209
They eat gems because it's the easiest way to ingest the minerals they need to grow healthy scales, as well as making their bones so strong. The same logic as in the Pern novles which is why fire-lizards - and thus dragons - did best with boron rich red meat. They eat primarily gems young because it's the easiest way to get the nutrition they need in large quantities.
As for the teleportation fire, that's an enchantment applied by Celestia, which is why it only sends letters to and from Celestia. That's why it torched the astronomy book in Owl-boy's intro episode. It only effects fire coming out of his mouth, not what comes out his nose.
3779237
For the second point, you used magic as an excuse, which kind of brings this whole argument full circle.
The first is just silly, because while real animals do need certain minerals to grow strong, there isn't a single one that can digest whole diamonds, let alone bite through them. Would it be biologically possible for something in nature to develop that ability? Maybe, but it would be a frightening damn thing.
Again, for all we know, Spike's guts are fueled by ambient magic, same goes with his fire, which is magical even without the ability to teleport scrolls.
I like alicorn humor.
3779075
nothing saying it was a lack of trying on her part, some finer details have been lost, for example many forgetting (again) that NMM was real and probably more.
3779272
I never said magic couldn't be logical, or that logic invalidated magic. All I'm asking is that magic be applied in a logical manner, and that rules applied to magic are applied consistently.
As for your point about the eating gems, there's never been any viable records of living dragons and their eating habits. And if D&D can make the rust monster that eats metal, I see no reason why FiM dragons can't eat gems. I came up with a logical explanation why they would eat gems. The fact that they can sit in magma comfortably implies their internals do not function on the same levels as we know.
Besides, their genetic code could be silicone based instead of carbon based, for all we know.
3779112 An interesting complication on that.
Let us assume that a pony can be held accountable for debt post mortem.
This raises a few questions:
Are they accountable for interest accrued during their time dead?
Also, assuming they are responsible for their debt, it would be reasonable to say they would also have a claim on their former property, as normally debt would be passed along in a similar matter as inheritance, so it would reasonably cut both ways. So, would their descendants be retroactively liable to their ancestor for the share of inheritance that they inherited?
Also, if they had no descendants/family, leaving their property in the care of the state or some other organization, would that organization again be liable for the value of the assets they acquired?
Really opening a can of worms here, Sparkle.
3779310
Magic by its very nature defies logic, but I suppose you're right in that it can be explained in a logical manner, though that doesn't make the explanation any less fantastical.
The reason why there have never been any viable records of living dragons is because dragons have never been alive (unless you mean komodo or bearded dragons). As far as magical Equestrian dragons are concerned, there may very well be a scientific explanation that Lauren Faust hasn't seen fit to inform us of, but until that day, everything they do can be explained away with magic. How they eat, how they poop, their scales could exude fireproofing magic for all we know.
How about SPIKE!!??
So long as it's all internally consistent, I'm fine with magic doing whatever!
3779337
Life cannot exist in defiance of logic. Even if we say all of Equestria's world is a result of creationism, once things start functioning, their bodies have to function in a logical manner.
Everything in Equestria as has been presented to us that has been explained has been logical. Heck, even Pinkie is logical if you take the time to understand her.
Magic does not by its very nature defy logic. It may defy science as we understand it, but logic is still present. In magic, A causes B. This is logical. If A causes B the first time, A causes B a second time. Logical. The fact that spells can be written down in books and be reproduced by others is proof of this. Even Discord doesn't defy logic. He can rewrite the laws of existence at a whim, much like Q from Star Trek (who voices him), because he functions based on different laws.
3779365
And here's the end of the debate. The author is well within his rights to say and do anything no matter how logical or illogical.
3779331
Oh god.
If interest is added to that... Yikes.
Unless they managed to get payment from the next of kin with that...
~Skeeter The Lurker
Wait, there's more than one moon now? Hmmm...
So let me see here:
Star Trek TNG reference. Nice.
Love Gerta. She's a keeper as our guide through Twilight's crazy.
I am a little concerned for the ponies who are going to be Twilight's 'victims/test subjects'. What's going to happen to their true selves if Twilight's goal is to bring back her friends. This seems to be the intended goal if she wants to bring back Shining Armor for Cadence. What if the pony or whatever is hosting Shining is already married? What if it's a child?
Also, how does Gerta having a link to Owloysius make any sense from a genetics perspective?
I thought this was a one shot, not a a multy chapter story. Also please tell me that ponies only remember what their past life was like, and not have them become a completely different pony.
Also 1000 years, yeah I am not falling for that part.
Because if Re carnation is to be believed, once you die, you are instantly born again in a new body. So Twilight would have to pass multiple memories to get the one she wants, even then some of the ponies past lives probably died at a young age, making it even harder.
So yeah, you should of made how much time has past shorter.
3779422
Twilight was feeling left out
3779075 Greta's a griffon. She probably just isn't that interested in pony history.
3779234
It eventually turns into...regeneration.
3779422 Caught that too in prereading, asked OT about it. It's deliberate. I didn't ask for specifics, but I'm guessing at some point Twilight and/or Cadance made a second moon. First thing I thought of when he confirmed the plural moons is "original moon is now Luna and Celestia's tomb", morbid as that may be. But we'll have to see what OT has to say about it.
3779486 Who says souls had to be reborn in a body of the same species each time. The other pets could be sentient creatures slight related to what they were 1000 years ago too.
Thouhg I bet Opal is a manticore and Gummy is a hydra.
For all we know Dash might be a griffon now, Rarity a diamond dog, Applejack a pegasus, Pinkie a Zebra, Shy a dragon.
Shiny could even be a Changeling Queen now.
You fucker. You wrote that entire fucking chapter just for the punch line at the end. Dammit. I love it.
She could have been less exposed maybe and still having some resonance. Maybe she was Tank!
3779422
Already been answered but I have to say it.
Hah! I get it!
3779562
It's the Smoon. Calling it now.
3779653
Man, that could be a story in and of itself: My husband the changeling queen. That would be simultaneously perfect/horrible, since she COULD actually imitate the original perfectly, but kinda messed up with the history.
Also, if changelings have any sort of hive memory, how WEIRD would it be to remember yourself, and have memories of yourself? You could write the only truly impartial account of the Canterlot invasion.
Strange choice for equestrian vocabulary.
Picard would like to have a word with you.
3779486
I could tell you, but the response would probably be illegal in most countries.
(Actually, nothing has stated genetics or familial relation so far. Rather than being a direct descendant, "past lives" were mentioned. A descendant is someone new who shares the same blood of the person in question. The past-life bit has to deal with reincarnation. Or rather, when a specific person's soul comes to inhabit a new body. Owl-boy's soul has been reborn as Greta.)