Celestia and Luna decide to settle one of their little disputes by switching bodies for a day. Heaven knows what will go wrong.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 8th Dec, 2013
- offline last seen Aug 18th, 2016
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I like to pretend that I know what I'm doing.
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Joined 8th Dec, 2013 ·
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Might want to edit it, especiallyneaer the end of Luna's day when you slip into first person a moment. Other than that, very nice, moving story.
3678061 I may. I've always wanted to explore Blueblood's character, but I never really had a good plot line for it.
3678321 Maybe.
3678600 Thanks! I can't tell you how many times I read over it and I still miss something every time. It's always nice to have a second pair of eyes.
No Soup Ladle?
Really good story, I liked it alot. Loved the last line too.
The only thing I would change is I would take out the last little bit about them recapping what their day was like. The reader has already read all of that, we know what went on. We don't need to hear it again. It got a little tedious at that part, since we've heard it all.
Other than that, really good. Liked and faved.
I totally loved the story, it was like:
:
Dawwww~
Anyway, nice work on the ending, didn't expected it
3682915 Surprise!
3683020 Thanks again for the advice.
3683545 Thank you so much!
3683937 I don't really know all that much about Bioshock. I would hate to take your idea and make a mess out of it. You should write it!
fc05.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2013/358/d/e/comic___hearth_s_warming_for_luna_by_muffinshire-d6z9lft.png
Something for an epilogue I think
I hate to be that guy, but neither Blueblood nor Luna called anypony a name. Luna called Blueblood despicable, but that was it, and Blueblood noether asked for different servers, nor called Starlight any names... Inconsistencies and such... Also, Celestia didn't bring up Luna not having a pedestal-thingy or the group of teens that harassed her... It is very good otherwise, but those instances popped out at me. Oh, also, when Luna snaps at Blueblood, she says "somebody" instead of "somepony."
As much as I like this fic, I cannot get over the contrivance that is Soup Ladle. Making him a mysterious figure at the end did not help.
You still get my thumb up for an awesome story none the less! :D
4254554 Thanks for reading, and doubly so for the feedback!
As for the ending, well... that was something I debated with myself a lot over. Eventually I decided to just go for it, though I may head back in and edit it out now. If you don't mind me asking, I do have one question: did the whole Soup Ladle thing lessen the gravity of Celestia and Luna's reconciliation?
4255666
The reconciliation of the days events? No, not at all. Having a mysterious character bring people together and disappear is normally very cool. And besides that, they still saw things from each other's views and made up.
Soup Ladle just came off as a character who was there at the right time, for no reason, with the right words to say. It's Sudden cause there is no evidence of previous arguments between the princesses.
I have to say... I'm quite impressed with this.
11k and all of it engaging.
Very nice work, man. Very nice indeed.
24.media.tumblr.com/a257ad5165644b1f79354634dfdee284/tumblr_mqo61uYbwk1rj6vd5o1_400.png
~Skeeter The Lurker
4274772 Wow, thanks!
Very cool story, quite enjoyable. Thumb and a fave from me.
I do have to agree with 4255908, I did wince a little at Soup Ladle, his presence in the story did feel a little contrived, but not so much that it detracted from the story. By the time I'd gotten part way through Luna's day as Celestia, I'd pretty much forgotten about him.
4325711 Thanks for the feedback! I'm definitely going to go back and rework the whole Soup Ladle scene so that it's not as forced.
Yes wonderful story, this tale seems like a one-shot but could you possibly do more..or start another story to sequel this one? Sorry if I'm being pushy but this story caught my eye and i'm just begging for more..
4443320 Thanks for reading!
To be honest, I was contemplating a sequel surrounding Starlight but I'm not sure yet. Maybe if/when inspiration strikes.
4443375 Ahh yes, I've been having trouble thinking of a story myself..Its always usually an idea or two about the royal sisters..they have honestly become my favorite since there is so much to explore with their characters, and how they interact with others..etc..Oh sorry i'm just jumbling randomly..Anyway I hope you find your inspiration!
This was lovely. I'll do a full review soon. Sorry if there was a long wait, I.R.L has been ridiculous
Have a Review
Point of View:
-Presentation: I liked the third person presentation. Simple, yet elegant you pulled it off rather well. Few hiccups here and there, but nothing that actually stood out to me.
-Execution: Perfect. You stayed true to the point of the story the whole time. I was not once lost or trying to figure out WHY something was happening, and was led through the story in a smooth comfortable way.
-Presentation of Environment: I feel this story didn't actually need it. Being a short one shot story that focuses on the learning of the two sisters in there opposites day to day life spending time on describing where a princess was didn't seem to fit. HOWEVER! Where actual description of the area was not needed, I felt you did an amazing job on the mood of the story. I was well aware of how the locations made the sisters feel, with the descriptions of the area's remaining simple. It streamlined your story and allowed me to read what I wanted to read, and not force me to skip parts out of boredom
- Execution: I believe I answered this in the above.
Flow
- Presentation: Flow was good. Few parts lagged a bit, but hardly anything I would knock you for.
- Execution: Your execution on this part was above par and I have no complaints
- Improvements: None that I feel qualified to give
Mood:
- Intended Mood: I feel you set a rather simple mood, I know what it is but I just can't find the word for it. I'll just go with "Sense of realization"
- Received Mood: I got your intended mood clear as crystal. I also got a few better moods as well. Much of it was witty and funny, and I found myself chuckling in my chair. After many curious looks from my partner I decided to tell her what was going on. Even she liked the comedy. The heartfelt moments were very good, and you get an actual sense of realization and/or gratitude similar to what the characters get.
- Pointers: You did an amazing job, and for that I can not give you any real constructive pointers. Keep writing, and any little mistakes you see will be fixed naturally as your writing continues.
Grammar:
B's: - These are for stories that have no major errors in grammar. Just basic that distract mildly from the story.
You did an amazing job as I said, and little grammar errors at this point are yours to fix on your own. See them, embrace there existence, and fix them accordingly.
Tips:
I feel tips are for those who fully need them. I don't believe you need any tips so to say. You have a strong command of the English Language in my eyes, and while you may have some minor mistakes, I certainly did not want to relent from the story to try and find them. As I said before, anything that needs to be improved at this point, is up to you to improve. Read your work, find your mistakes, and fix them in the future.
I honestly feel that this story deserves many more views than it currently has, and for that I am ashamed of this site. To you however, I say keep on writing, and I can promise I would not be surprised to see more of you in the future!
Rating:
My unofficial PCaRG rating of this story, is "You Must Read This".
Expect my like and favorite, as this story deserves it.
5002877 Thanks for the review! Though, as a PCaRG admin myself, I am obligated to remind you that you shouldn't post reviews on the group's behalf if you're not yet a commentator—even if you label them as "unofficial".
You're always welcome to apply to be a commentator you'd like, though! If we're going to finish clearing out the folders any time soon, we need all the help we can get.
And yet Celestia didn't mention that fact that she'd turned into Nightmare Moon and screamed at the teenagers while in Luna's body?
...I think that qualified as important information.
This was a great story. Would like to see how Luna's new assistant works out.
I haven't finished the story yet but I'm betting this is discord LOL