• Member Since 10th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 23rd, 2019

Silent Earth


Evil is evil. Greater, lesser, middling, it's all the same. I haven't done only good in my life. But if Iā€™m to choose between one evil and another, then I prefer not to choose at all.

T

Know who you are. The rest follows.

A simple enough sentiment, but for Twilight, it seems an impossibility--how can a pony understand the love of another when she cannot even understand her own? But the heart wants what it wants, and as Twilight struggles between the feelings she has for her brother and the affections of a friend that she cannot return, there is one final lesson that she must learn to embrace:

Sometimes, there is no choice but to be true to yourself.

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 23 )

Hmmmm :unsuresweetie:
Well I like the description in it.

3674499
Well, that's something! This story was a bit of an experiment, so if people don't like it... *shrugs* The more you know.

Moves a bit fast but otherwise it's okay.:twilightsmile:

3724783
Yeah, that was one thing I was definitely afraid of. I did my best to try and diminish the feeling of jumping from one place to the next, but it still kinda lingers. I had it in my head that I really wanted this to be more in the realm of 15k words and not 50k, but in retrospect, I should have extended some scenes so that the transitions didn't feel so abrupt.

Thanks for reading, Xal! :pinkiehappy:

3726977 no problem, I learned that the hard way, eventually I just gave up and wrote the chapter with the content as it came, and that is also why I like running a chapter from only one perspective:twilightsmile:, otherwise my chapters would be hitting in the area of 40-50K :applejackconfused: from showing as many perspectives of the path as possible, while the encounters are going on.:twilightsmile:.

3727216
So true. Yeah, I stick to one perspective per chapter, usually. Otherwise shit just gets confusing. :derpyderp1:

3727411 indeed, I've seen it done well but most times it just becomes a confusing jumble of events that neither the author or the readers can pick through,:twilightsheepish: Just ruining the story experience. also many authors just give up and do the same chapter multiple times just from a different characters perspective:facehoof:

well there's a lot of fell in this story:eeyup::twilightsmile:

Just finished chapter one cant stop crying :fluttercry:

Beautiful story, heart wrenching but beautiful :pinkiesad2:

Cried so much :fluttercry: such sadness and depression :pinkiesad2:
This marks a truning point. Please, they need to be together, they need to love and live, not wallow in the pity of the darkness. I for one would like to see them happy and free in the next chapter.... if you are making another chapter :twilightsheepish:

I didn't ask for this feel-trip. This is one good story. Even if it is incest. What made it better that theres no clop. This should get more views and likes than it has.

I don't care how long I have to wait for the next chapter. This is brilliant.

4436866
Poor Twilight. She just wasn't meant for the sky.

4437005
Oh, there will be more. That I can promise. As for what will happen to them, well... we'll have to see. :pinkiesad2:

Very happy you enjoy.

4437514
On that we can agree. I don't have anything against clop, it's just not really my style. And this story, I think, is better off without it.

Thanks for the kind words, it truly means a lot. Hopefully it won't be too long. :scootangel:

4438386 maybe so but she needs LOVE everyone needs LOVE:eeyup:even villens:twilightsmile::heart:,not that there is any villens in this story:twilightsheepish:

Okay so sleep continues to elude me so I decided to read this thingy of yours.

All in all, I'd say it's not bad. I'm kinda iffy on Twi X SA but there's something quite beautiful about the way this story handles it. That may be due, in part, to the descriptions, specifically in the first chapter - they were very lovely to read, and I was pretty impressed. As I said, you have a very nice style, and it shows.

However, there are three main problems with the story:

Firstly, I feel like you got too enthusiastic with your prose in the second chapter - it was filled with a lot of flowery and empty words (purple prose) that meant I ended up skipping over paragraphs subconsciously.

Secondly, the big reveal of Twilight's secret in the scene with her friends was way too sudden. This comes back to that one piece of advice I left on your other story regarding 'iceberg'-like writing -- slowly uncovering secrets is what makes interactions compelling in my experience. For example, in my story Gods-In-Law the strength of the scene with Mother and Father comes from the fact that I left the explanation of Mother and Father's philosophy to near the end. Probably a poor example, but it might help you see what I'm getting at.

Thirdly, I don't really like the way Rainbow Dash has been written -- she feels too formal and... romantic? I'm not sure but she felt really off to me.

So yeah, that's about what I think of this story. It's a very emotional and beautiful story, but let down by a few key problems that make it feel a little disconnected and ruins the impact somewhat.

I haven't yet decided whether to fave this or not... (because I'm actually really intrigued by this)

But yeah, not a bad story by any means. Good work!

4504263
Oh boy. There was a tiny part of me that was hoping you wouldn't read this, because I knew you'd likely (rightfully) tear it apart. There are things I love and hate about this story, so it's good to hear what you may think of it.

I actually feel like the second chapter is far and away the better of the two, both in terms of pacing and prose. Is there a particular section that you feel is worse than the others?

I have an explanation (excuse?) for your second point. If it seems rushed, it's because, well... it was. Back when I first started the story, I had originally intended to write it in 3 parts, with the final section culminating in Twilight's admittance to her brother and the consequences that came of it. I soon realized that would not in any way work, and I was dumb for even attempting to write a story that was so dependent on a character's feelings, emotions, and perceptions of herself and the ones close to her in so short a timeframe.

That's part of the reason it took me 5 whole months to figure out where to go with the story, because once I'd realized I'd made a mistake I had no idea where to go. I'm not partial to the idea of scrapping a story entirely, or rewriting it completely; I feel it's a little insincere. This story definitely could have used an outside opinion before I posted it, and I might have been able to avoid having to try and write myself out of a corner, but hey, lesson learned.

I understand how you feel about Rainbow. Hopefully (should you decide to keep reading) you'll change your mind by the end. In what I've written so far, we see her briefly as her normal cocksure self, but she quickly realizes something is wrong with Twilight; once she knows just what is wrong, she becomes very quiet and passive. The reasons for her acting unlike her usual self are explained a bit in the opening chapter, but you're right that it feels a bit odd. And then, we see nothing but Twilight's memory and dream-projection of her, which is (understandably) very romanticized. I will do my best to expand on why Dash is a bit more subdued in later chapters.

Honestly, I'm surprised no one has mentioned Twilight. She's rather melodramatic, especially in the first chapter. I realized this while I was writing but decided to keep it how it was: I find it interesting to write the characters in ways that might seem outside their normal behavior (so long as I have a good reason for it; I think being in love with your sibling qualifies).

Thanks for the insight again, man. I think where this story really fails is in the planning and preparation. I needed to put more time into figuring out just what I wanted to say before I tried to say it. I'm glad you enjoyed the premise, at least -- it's one of my favorite parts about it. Not that a premise alone can carry a story, but hey: I'll get there. :rainbowdetermined2:
PLEASE KEEP POINTING OUT MY FLAWS IM TERRIBLE AND NEED TO GET GOOD :heart:

4506508

I actually feel like the second chapter is far and away the better of the two, both in terms of pacing and prose. Is there a particular section that you feel is worse than the others?

I feel like the second scene of chapter 2 is the worst offender.

Honestly, I'm surprised no one has mentioned Twilight. She's rather melodramatic, especially in the first chapter.

Yeah, I noted that, but... I dunno, I didn't really mind it. I'm kinda weird when it comes to melodrama though - I'm aware that it's pretty objectionable but I either don't spot it or don't really mind it.

And you're welcome! This is practice for me as well.

Okay, so I guess I am going to give you unofficial review of what I have just read. It feels necessary.

First off, I want to tell you that this story is done beautifully. Pearple Prose said some of your descriptions and stuff were a little much, but I disagree. I thought almost every word was well used and well placed. The story flowed extremely well, and the scenes and the emotions are portrayed accurately.

Now, before I go on praising, just a couple small gripes.

1: Pearple is right about RD. I can understand her approach to Twilight after Twilight revealed her big secret, and how she wanted Twilight to know that she did understand how it felt to want something she couldn't have, but she did it too suddenly. There was almost no dialogue, and very little interaction between the two that could have really set the scene for the kiss before she up and just did it.

2. Likewise, also in agreement with Pearple, you could have dragged out the "big reveal" scene a little bit more, and done it somewhat differently. I know Twilight was supposed to be at a breaking point with the stress of wanting SA, but no sane person or pony would out and reveal that they wanted to share incestuous relations with their brother so quickly after reaching that breaking point. Rather, I would picture Twilight breaking, her friends pressing her to just tell them what's wrong, which would finally lead to her just leaving without telling them. Then, you could write the scene with RD, to whom she would finally give in and reveal her secret, which would then lead to RD trying to explain how she understood how Twilight felt. Twilight did say herself that RD had no opinion on the matter when she first revealed it to her friends, so you could change the scene with just RD and Twilight to both portray RD's surprise at the secret, but also portray her understanding of why Twilight had been so reluctant to say anything.

3. Little gripe here. I think it is in the last sentence, you could change

licked the tears

to something more like

kissed the tears

or

wiped the tears

When I picture some one licking tears off my cheek, not only do I feel just a little defiled, but also feel that it would be best suited to, if anything, a romantic situation, which Twilight is most definitely not in, unless I misinterpreted that scene.

Otherwise, this story is amazing, and I truly believe it deserves a feature and way more views. It is a great mix of emotions and morality, and, personally, awed me. Most incest fics are about the incest, but this one shows a great example of some pony battling with the fact that she wants it, even though she knows perfectly well it is immoral and wrong.

Rating:
9/10

Regards,
-Touch of Darkness

5624703
Okay, so first off for me, is that I need to apologize for not getting around to this for... *checks date* ...nearly three months? Yikes. Anyway, I owe you a (albeit extremely belated) thank you; it's always a pleasure reading such in-depth feedback. I'll respond to your words point by point, I suppose.

1. Here's a secret: I very much regret even bringing RD into the conflict at all. Back when I first planned out (i.e. not at all) this story, it was going to be short and to the point. Three chapters: a character with a problem, and a definitive beginning, middle, and end.

It didn't work out that way.

I intended RD to work as a sort of catalyst for Twilight's emotions, and to act as the character who had been in a similar situation to Twilight and decided to go in a different direction (RD ignored her feelings and burried them; the implication then is that Twi would not). So in answer to your first issue with RD, I wanted it to be out of the blue, both for the readers AND the characters. There's no set up for the kiss because (at least I felt) there didn't need to be one: RD has no investment in it other than trying to help her friend understand that she's been there. She knows what it's like to be in that position of wanting something she shouldn't. The difference for Rainbow, is that she feels (at that point at least...) she has moved beyond those feelings. Does that make any sense?

2. I hate that scene. I hate reading it and I hate that I wrote it. I actually thought about the exact scenario you suggest a while ago, but for one reason or another (I'm lazy, and I also don't like retroactively changing the direction of stories I've already published) I've decided to leave the scene as is and just try to bear it. It's not optimal, I know. In fact a lot of what is really wrong and bad with the story comes down to my not having planned things out ahead of time. It's just poor planning and poor execution on my part. But hey, I write to get better. I like to think that I might be.

3. I hadn't intended it to be romantic (at least not strictly...), but yes I can understand what you mean. Thanks, I'll change it.

And again, thanks for your comments. I'm not sure the story is deserving of quite the praise you give it, but believe me, it's flattering to hear. I don't have anything against the idea of an incestuous relationship, but it seems the majority of the stories I see involve quite a lot of "incest" and very little "relationship". I wanted to know how such a relationship might affect the people (or ponies in this case) involved. Hopefully, I can at least scratch the surface.

6544350
Yup! Alive after all!

poke... is it still going?

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