• Member Since 28th Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Craine


An old writer polishing his ways, giving feedback, and helping fellow authors. Nothing more.

T

Nagatha Harshwhinny was a professional. When she set a goal, it was done. When she took charge, production soared. When she spoke, ponies listened. A lifetime of strict regiments and no tolerance for slouching instilled a discipline that rivaled that of Canterlot's Royal Guard; a template for order and leadership.

But Harshwhinny's fateful visit to Ponyville changed all that, and made her realize that absolute, 100%, crystal-clear professionalism came at a terrible price...

Her.


A bellowing shout out to my wonderful proofreaders Pearple Prose, JeffCtv, OkemosBrony, and Skeeter The Lurker.

Rated "Teen" for suggestive themes, mild adult content, alcohol consumption, and someone who had TOO much fun writing this.

Enjoy!

And Merry-f**ckin-Christmas!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 18 )

I loved that you named her Nagatha. I may have to steal it.

If I wasn't already a Daring Dash shipper, you might have made me a Harshwinbow shipper. ...I just realized the shipping name I made like 5 seconds ago is a combination of Harsh, win, and bow.

Great, this is now gonna be my new ship that I'm going to obsess over for the next few weeks.

Thanks a lot :fluttercry:

Well..... this suddenly got very interesting^^ Great job chosing the end point for it to^^ It's like the incarnated form of "I'll leave the rest to your imagination" ^^ Also I gotta give her credit for setting her goal high^^ Forcing Rainbow into submission is not an easy task. To bad we'll never know how her little mission ended^^

Sir Author, perhaps you would allow another author do do the sequel/chapter two/alternate ending? I've seen your clop work, and you already refused.
On another note:rainbowlaugh: she IS a total MILF, how did I not see that? This was on par with your best work, if it is not your best.
I suppose Miss Harshwhinney is going to be with Dash in my mind for a few weeks. And now that I've finished it...Go Masterball!
<Harshdash turns red, pulled inside, shakes once, twice, three times, stops shaking, button turns off>

3677204 Heh! Actually, one of my proofreaders told me that name, and he said he got it from some other person. Who knows how far the chain goes. :trixieshiftright:

3677316 Obscured references FTW!

3677475 S'what I do.

3680308 Reader interpretation is exactly what I went for with this. I wanted to set the grounds for readers to smile when they read the last sentence, and fill their head with all the terrible things Harshwhinny wanted to do to poor Dash. Not sure if succeeded.

3680489 My best work? Well, I wouldn't go that far. After I did my final read-through I KNEW it was boring. Yes, I told a story--tired to be as clear and well-paced as I could--but for entertainment value, it crashed and burned. *Sigh*... It just sucks not having time on my hands. My imagination goes wild everyday, but the most I've ever done is write them in their rawest form. Fun, yes, I just don't have time to do anymore than that. And by the time I DO manage to connect the dots and expand on the idea, I don't even care about it anymore.

Well... enough venting.

I'm sure there are a few folks who may want to expand on this. I'm saying it here: they have my permission. As long as they message me saying there interested, they can knock themselves out. And if the Master Ball lying still beside you tells me anything, you'll be the lucky candidate.

3680940 NO IT'S FINISHED

3681496 Dont worry, you did^^ Like I said though i doubt RD will go down as easily as Harshwinny might think^^

Sweet mother of Trixie, is it true? The Harshwhinny Is Best Pony group's first ever Dashwhinny story?

Hats (and scarves, and fetching purple sweaters) off to you, good sir or madam. Mind those verbs — there are a few slips into present tense — but otherwise, good to see this ship finally getting some attention.

I weep for Miss Harshwhinny's lost dignity. Sic transit gloria mundi. :applecry:

3681544 Hmmm... You know? After some thought, I just might make a bonus chapter featuring that little scenario.


3683873

there are a few slips into present tense

WHAT?! Ugh! Thought I eliminated those mistakes in the purge! *Loads shotgun* Will seek and destroy. And, to tell the truth, I thought there'd be another DashWhinny fic to pop in the MHiBP group. Of course, it was a 1200 word oneshot with the mature and sex tags on it... :facehoof:

Hope I impressed!

3685295 If by weep you mean cackling with a flagrant disregard for dignity itself, than I know that feel. :trollestia:

3693975 really? oh that would be really interesting to read^^ :moustache::twilightsmile:

3693975 <primes musket> Do it filly! We all await the sequel.

Dear God, I have sunken to the lowest level of shipping... :twilightoops:
Listening to Katy Perry's Teenage Dream is a strange setting for this fanfic. :rainbowlaugh:

This is so freakin' awesome. The characterisations are brilliant. :rainbowkiss:

This is one of those stories that I have to leave a comment on rather than upvote or downvote. It does some things well and other things not so well.

The prose itself works nicely. It's easy to swallow, and at moments actually beautiful. The problem is that the plot doesn't do anything with all that emotion and description. The first third of the story is spent on rather superfluous buildup and backstory. The isn't any conclusion or resolution. The characters are described vividly, but their actions are so boring. There's a distinct disconnect between what is being described and promised by the evocative writing and what actually happens. The plot feels bland, the characters feel boring, and this creates a big disconnect with how the story is told.

Judging by the author's note, I'm guessing this was exactly what you were aiming at. I suppose as a self-indulgent mood piece, it works fine. Reading it wasn't an unpleasant experience.

5/10; great delivery, boring content.

Also;

her looked forward

It reminded her of something she forgets as she

Tense shift

experience, nd thus

This has 69 likes. 5611495 < That has been around for 69 weeks. And I just found out I had 69 visitors in the US! WHAT.

This was a nice little character piece about Ms. Harshwhinny. The first half was a bit slow, but the dense exposition matched Ms. Harshwhinny's demeanor, so it felt fitting. I didn't think the second half was as strong, because the characterization of Rainbow Dash was a little sloppy, and didn't give much reason for Harshwhinny to be interested, but it was passable. Really, the greatest weakness of the story is the shipping, which is a shocking thing for me to say! At the very least Ms. Harshwhinny's interest in Rainbow is a little undefined, so if I interpret it as her simply being sexually attracted to Dash, while perhaps also, subconsciously, seeing her as an excuse to be a little wild, then it works for me. At the very least, this story didn't try to play the whole "opposites attract" card to suggest a workable relationship between these two, who are shown to be so diametrically opposed.

So, in summary, I like the characterization of Ms. Harshwhinny, even if the story had little else to it.

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