Twilight Sparkle and Her Friends Play Age of Empires II

by swirlstar

Main Menu

Chapter 1 – Main Menu

The mournful tunes of the Aztec flute wandered throughout the Golden Oaks Library-

“Twi’, stop reading the History,” Applejack said.

“Well sorry for being interested in something other than killing people!” Twilight leered at the pony opposite her. “I mean, there are so many questions that need to be answered here! What are “people”? Are they the same beings that created these laptops? Why do they speak Equestrian? And why do they like killing so much?”

Rainbow Dash let out a clearly audible yawn. “The question I want to ask is why Rarity and Fluttershy don’t like playing this amazing game.”

“Yeah. All about killin’ animals and destroyin’ things. Celestia knows why,” the orange mare deadpanned.

“They’re not real animals, silly!” Pinkie Pie explained. “The things we see are actually just numbers in- “

“You’ve told us a billion times already, Pinkie, and it still ain’t makin’ the slightest lick of sense.”

Meee-eee-

“Stop reading the History, Twilight,” the country pony warned.

“Look, I just want to measure up what I’ve read so far with what the text says!” the purple alicorn protested.

“You can do that after we’ve finished.”

“You always say that,” the Princess groaned, nevertheless obeying. “And it never happens because every game ends with us chasing Rainbow Dash around Ponyville.”

“Hey! I Pinkie Pie Promised!” the weathermare protested.

“Yeah,” Twilight rolled her eyes. “Like the last time we played. And the time before that. And the time before that… “

“Will you just get in the multiplayer lobby already!” the pink host’s shrill voice crescendoed over the budding argument.

The alicorn sighed and complied once more – some royal, right? – and player “Ioannes I Tzimiskes” proceeded to join the last open spot within the multiplayer lobby, alongside “Hi I’m Pinkie”, “WONDRBOLTS_RULE” and “SAA_IS_BETTER”. Evidently Applejack and Rainbow Dash had incorporated multiplayer matches into their friendly rivalry; no wonder the pegasus was extra-desperate today. Her Highness wasn’t complaining.

The purple pony sighed again as she regarded the game settings. “Again?” she complained. “You realize that there’s nothing here stopping Rainbow Dash from doing the Exact. Same. Thing, Pinkie.”

“She Pinkie Pie Promised. It’s an honor system,” the party pony replied pensively.

“Why don’t you just change the settings so that Rainbow can’t do what she normally does?!” Twilight moaned.

“Well because if I do that, it would mean that the Pinkie Pie Promise Honor System doesn’t work! And the Pinkie Pie Promise Honor System does work!” the pink pony insisted indignantly. “Because if it didn’t work, I’d change the settings!”

“But that’s… urgh! Fine,” Twilight concentrated back on her own preparations. “Civilizations. The Basileia Rhomaion for me, as usual.”

“You have ‘Byzantines’ down as your civ’, though,” Rainbow Dash helpfully pointed out.

“That is the Basileia Rhomaion. The Roman Empire. The ponies – people – there never called themselves the ‘Byzantines’: that was some name other people gave them afterwards.”

“Funny how you know so much about things you’ve never even seen, Twi’,” Applejack observed, not without a hint of accusation.

“Books,” the purple alicorn gestured at her mini-stack of yellowing paper. “Pinkie gets them from… wherever.”

“Uh huh. Where do you get the books anyway, Pinkie- ”

“Random!” Pinkie Pie bounced up at the mention of her name. “I choose ‘Random!’”

Twilight looked knowingly at Applejack. The orange pony rolled her eyes.

“I think I’ll be the Goths… ” Rainbow Dash tentatively announced.

Abruptly the world stopped on a dime.

The other three players looked at each other, paused for a second and drew collective breath.

“NO!”

“Whoa!” the prismatic mare, caught unawares, tilted slightly too far back and tumbled off her chair, falling onto the ground with an audible thud. “Oof!... ow! W-why not?”

“Goths are stupid!” Twilight gesticulated wildly. “They’re no fun! I don’t want to play a game with a million soldiers attacking me!”

The weathermare pouted, clambering up to her spot as Applejack snickered unkindly. “But you always play as the Byzantines!” Rainbow Dash accused. “I don’t tell you who you can and can’t play!”

“Basileia Rhomaion! And at least I don’t just go around and destroy everything with a billion ponies!”

“Well that’s what I do… alright, alright!” The cyan pegasus backed down under the other ponies’ impatient glare. “I’ll play as the Huns!”

Twilight shook her head immediately, having learnt all the nuances of the game off by heart.. “No, no! The Huns are even- “

“Twi’, you can’t just stop Rainbow from playing anypony you don’t like,” the cowpony advised Her Highness. “It’s only fair.”

“But the Huns are… argh!” The alicorn resigned herself to the fact, not wanting to be overly domineering. “Fine. Play Huns. Applejack?”

“Franks,” the farm mare answered matter-of-factly.

“Let me guess… because of the farming.”

“Well it was either that or the Persians, and the Persian ponies are ugly.”

“I think they’re supposed to be elephants, Applejack,” the alicorn clarified, scrolling through the Persian tech tree.

“What’s an ‘elephant’?”

“It’s… ” The bookish mare caught a glimpse of Pinkie Pie’s impatient face. “Never mind.”

“Now teams!” The party pony quickly reclaimed center stage. “Twilight, you’re with me!”

Applejack’s mouth opened in shock. “But Pinkie, I’m competing with Rainbow!”

“Yeah!” the prismatic mare chipped in. “How are we supposed to know who’s better if we’re on the same team?”

“Too late!” Pinkie Pie chirped happily, grabbing Twilight by the neck and hugging her close despite the latter’s struggles. “There’s a scoreboard you can bring up in the game!”

"But- " Defeated, the pegasus and the farm pony slumped back into their seats, resorting to semi-dirty looks at each other.

Pinkie Pie poked in the relevant data and looked up, azure-blue eyes sparkling with anticipation. “Ready? Remember to click the button!”

Click. “Yes, Pinkie.”

Click. “Yep!”

Click. “All done! Oh, this is going to be sooo awesome!”

“One 2-v-2-Black-Forest-Normal-Map -200-Population-Map-Revealed-Dark-Age-Start game coming right up!” Pinkie Pie screamed in anticipatory delight. “Ready your headphones!”

Exasperated sighs at Pinkie’s hyperactivity. “Yes, Pinkie.”

“Three!”

Twilight lifted her gear up to her ears.

“Two!”

Her hoof was trembling and sweating with excitement. Oh, how she needed this fix - how she needed it so badly!

“One-point-five!”

King of Kings, Ruler of Rulers; the Orthodox God, dual-natured in Godhead and Manhood; Theotokos, the Virgin Mary; mighty souls of Justinian, Heraclius, Nikephoros and Basil – let this be the day in the life of the Romans!

“One!”

A pause.

Comments

[lordvad3r95]

Yeah Twilight, Byzantines FTW!

[xTSGx]

>Looking at the Histories
>Not repeatedly clicking on the Vikings to hear their sound
[youtube=B-mMLa-smpE]
Do you even histories?

>Black Forest
>Byzantines

Mah nigga. And I don't see why you'd have a problem with the Goths, Twilight, considering the Cataphracts curbstomp infantry, Huskarl included.