The little white pony peered through the slats in the closet door, trying to find an angle that allowed her a view of Rebecca and Scootaloo. Finally giving up, she turned to see Tiffany and Diamond Tiara were staring at her. She cleared her throat and straightened her posture, ready to address them, but Rebecca’s voice rang out.
“Servants! Your queen needs more cookies!”
“She can get them herself,” Diamond Tiara mumbled.
“Please, just play along for a little while, I think I am close to gaining her trust,” the white filly said, getting ready to push open the closet door. Something grabbed firmly onto her tail and began dragging her backwards. “Release me at once!” the filly squeaked after seeing Diamond Tiara latched onto her tail.
“Tiffany, hold her,” Diamond Tiara managed through a mouth full of hair. The little girl obeyed and lifted the filly from the floor like she had done to her own pony several times. The filly quickly accepted her fate and went limp in Tiffany’s arms.
Tiffany brought her up and actually began cuddling the pony. “She’s so soft!” she exclaimed.
“Please put me down,” the filly requested.
“Not until you answer some questions,” Diamond Tiara said, beginning to pace around the small closet. “Who are you and why did you say that you’re Princess Celestia?”
The filly rolled her eyes and replied, “Because I am. Now please, have this human put me down.” Neither Tiffany nor Diamond Tiara budged, and the filly sighed, “Discord did this to me. Please, believe me when I say I am who I say I am. I came here to rescue you and the others!”
Suddenly, the closet door flew open and the three servants squinted into the light. Standing there with her arms crossed was Rebecca, and her face turned red when she saw her cousin holding her pony.
“Put Miss Fluffypuff down, now!” she commanded. Tiffany obeyed and lowered the filly to the floor. “Now, come with me,” Rebecca said darkly, extending her hand toward her cousin’s.
Tiffany gave a nervous look back at Diamond Tiara and allowed Rebecca to escort her out of the walk-in closet. The door shut behind them, leaving Diamond Tiara and “Miss Fluffypuff” alone in the dark. Before either of them could speak, the door opened again.
“For treason, I send Princess to the dungeon!” Rebecca announced. An orange and maroon blur tumbled into the closet before the door slammed shut again. “This is the dungeon now,” Rebecca said from outside the door. She and Tiffany’s shadows disappeared as they walked away.
Scootaloo stood up and blinked rapidly, trying to get her eyes adjusted to the darkness. The first thing she could make out was the broad smile of Diamond Tiara inches from her face.
“So, do you still like Becky?” Diamond Tiara asked smugly.
----
“Miss Tiffany, please sit,” Rebecca said as sweetly as possible. She pulled a pink, plastic chair out for her cousin before taking her seat at the head of the table. Tiffany was visibly confused, but took her seat.
They sat in awkward silence until Tiffany finally asked, “Are we still playing Royal Tea Party?”
“Yes, and I’ve decided you’re a princess now,” Rebecca replied, taking a sip from her now cold tea. “So please, have some tea, but watch out, the last princess poisoned the cookies, which is why I sent her to the dungeon.”
Tiffany looked at the fancy tin of cookies, and felt her stomach growl. “Are we still getting ice-cream?” she asked.
“In a little while,” Rebecca said, setting her tea cup down. “First, let’s talk about ponies…your pony.”
“Diamond Tiara? What about her?” Tiffany asked.
“First of all: that is a stupid name,” Rebecca said, rolling her eyes. “Second of all: I want her.”
It took a moment for Rebecca’s words to sink in, and when they did, Tiffany just looked to her cousin in confusion. “You want Diamond Tiara? Why? You already have two ponies!”
“Because I only like one of them,” Rebecca replied, standing up. “The new one is mean and stupid; it can’t even remember its own name!” She began walking toward Tiffany and folded her hands together. “So I will trade you Miss Fluffypuff for your pony.”
Tiffany immediately began shaking her head in opposition. “No, Diamond Tiara is my best friend! I’d never trade her!”
Rebecca scoffed and sat in the chair next to Tiffany. “Best friend? Please. You can’t be friends with a pony. Give your pony to me, and I’ll be your best friend.”
“No,” Tiffany replied, standing up and walking back toward the closet. She was ready to open the door when Rebecca rushed in front of her, towering a full head taller than her younger cousin.
“How about we play a game?” Rebecca said with an evil smile. “The winner gets one of the loser’s ponies.” Before Tiffany could answer, Rebecca turned and flung open the closet door. The three ponies within jumped back in surprise and looked up with concern. “Ponies, we’re going to play a game.”
“W-what kind of game?” Scootaloo asked nervously.
“I’m very glad you asked, Princess,” Rebecca replied, putting her hands around the pony’s midsection and lifting the filly off the floor. She held the pony to her face and smiled the same evil smile she’d given her cousin.
“Girls? Are you ready for ice-cream?”
The shout echoed into the room from the stairwell and the girls looked at each other. “When we get back, we’ll be playing Island Adventure Resort on my Wii U,” Rebecca stated, dropping her pony and walking away. The filly landed on her hooves and scampered alongside the little girl.
“But I don’t know how to play that game,” Tiffany whined. She picked up Diamond Tiara (who at this point was accustomed to being hoisted without consent), and followed after her cousin.
Miss Fluffypuff trudged behind all of them; still not sure she’d convinced either of the ponies she was who she said she was. She was even less sure what exactly Discord had planned, but knew it went far beyond a few shady contracts.
The two girls and three ponies clambered down the stairs and found Kristin and Jen bundling up for the outside weather. Jen wore nothing but designer winter wear (all courtesy of Zack), the total price of which could have bought three months of groceries. She topped her outfit off with a Louis Vuitton cashmere beanie and then smiled at her sister.
Kristin got the overwhelming urge to smack her sister, but repressed it. Instead, she smiled back and turned to look at her daughter. “Put on your boots then put your pony on her leash,” she said, giving Diamond Tiara a smile that seemed genuine.
Tiffany set Diamond Tiara down and began putting on her rubber boots. She looked over at Rebecca, whose mother was helping her into her own designer clothing. When she was fully buttoned up, she looked like a miniature version of her mother.
The three ponies waited anxiously for the humans to bundle up. Cold temperatures bothered them far more than it did ponies. Kristin half expected her sister to dress the ponies up with little designer vests, or something frivolous, but all she grabbed next were the leashes and collars.
“Alright, let’s hook them up and go to Ben and Jerry’s!” Jen said with a giddy laugh. Scootaloo remained still as the collar was put around her neck, remembering what had happened the first time she’d tried to resist. Though Zack had been gentle about it, she feared what the giant was capable of.
Diamond Tiara hated it, but allowed Kristin to put the collar back on her. Tiffany lifted her into her backpack, and her mother helped her hoist it up. The pony peered over Tiffany’s shoulder and watched as Jen attempted to put Miss Fluffypuff’s collar on.
“No, I’ll have none of that,” the white filly said, turning from the collar. Jen proceeded to try harder, but the pony wouldn’t stay still.
“Miss Fluffypuff, stop being bad!” Rebecca said angrily, grabbing hold of the pony’s torso. The pony struggled, but could only watch as the collar clasped tightly around her neck.
Jen stood up and gave a gentle tug on the leash to make sure it was attached properly. She turned to her sister and said, “Zack thinks this one might be an Alpha, so we’re getting her spayed tomorrow. Take out the sex drive, and animals are much more obedient.”
Miss Fluffypuff’s eyes went wide and she crossed her rear legs protectively. “You can’t do that!” she shouted, but neither of the women seemed to hear her.
“We’re getting Princess spayed as well; you should think about having Tiffany’s pony fixed,” Jen continued.
Neither Rebecca nor Tiffany knew exactly what the adults were talking about, and nor did they care. Rebecca tugged on her mother’s free hand and managed to get her attention. “Can we go now?” she asked. “Tiffany and I want to hurry back and play more games.”
“Isn’t that sweet?” Jen laughed, looking to Kristin. She looked back down at her daughter smiled. “Sure thing honey, make sure you hold onto Princess’s leash tight, okay?”
Rebecca nodded and tugged Scootaloo forward. The large oak door opened and a cold wind whipped inside. The girls led their ponies out into the freezing city and waited for instructions from their mothers.
After Jen ensured the door was locked, she thrust her hands into her pockets and started shivering. “Okay! L-Let’s get g-going!” she said through clattering teeth. She waddled to the front of the group and wasted no time in walking up the sidewalk. The group followed her brisk pace, the ponies trailing behind, practically being dragged by their leashes.
“Princess, walk in front of me,” Rebecca commanded, tugging on Scootaloo’s leash. The filly coughed and reluctantly obeyed. Diamond Tiara felt superior, riding high and mighty from Tiffany’s backpack.
Right at the corner of Broadway and 104th street was the Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream Parlor; only two blocks from where Zack and Jen lived. The walk took less than five minutes, but when they reached the storefront, Scootaloo and Miss Fluffypuff were exhausted.
Rebecca and her mother wasted no time pushing through the double doors and dragging their ponies along behind them. By the time Kristin and Tiffany crossed the street and entered, the other two had already reserved seats.
“Thanks for waiting up, sis,” Kristin said sarcastically as she slid into the booth. Tiffany removed her backpack and set it on her lap as she took her seat.
Diamond Tiara looked back and forth, not seeing her fellow ponies. A sneeze from beneath the table made her look down, and she saw Scootaloo staring up at her. “Enjoy the walk?” Diamond Tiara asked smugly.
“Tiffany, put your pony on the floor with the others,” Jen whispered frantically. An older woman with glasses and a Ben and Jerry’s uniform started making her way over to their table (trying to force a smile even though she hated her job).
“Can’t she sit up here with me?” Tiffany asked, pouting her lips.
“Just do as Auntie Jen says, okay?” Kristin said, putting her hand on her daughter’s shoulder.
“What? No! “I refuse to dine on the floor with—Hey!” Diamond Tiara was cut short when the backpack slid beneath the table with her in it. She landed at Tiffany’s feet and glared up at the little girl. “Don’t forget my frozen yogurt!” she shouted up.
A pair of wrinkled, sagging legs in pantyhose walked up to the edge of the table and Diamond Tiara stared in disgust. “Good afternoon, I’m Linda, and I’ll be your server today,” the waitress said. There was the light metallic sound of spoons being placed followed by the sliding of menus across the table. “Do you know what you’ll be having today?”
“Cherry Garcia!” Rebecca shouted without a moment’s hesitation.
“Me too!” Tiffany said, and a moan of disgust came from Rebecca.
“Copy cat!”
The two girls went back and forth for a moment and the waitress let out an aggravated sigh. Diamond Tiara could see her foot tap up and down impatiently, sending ripples up her leg.
“Just a bottled water for me,” Jen said once the girls calmed down. There was a pause and everyone at the table looked to Kristin.
“Uh, can I just have a minute?” she asked, flipping the menu over and over again.
Once more, the waitress sighed, but Jen laughed, “Just get her a pint of frozen strawberry yogurt; it’s her faaavorite.”
“Sis, I’m trying to lose—”
“Two Cherry Garcia’s, a bottle of water, and a frozen strawberry yogurt; I’ll go put those right in for you,” the waitress interrupted. She quickly grabbed up the menus and walked away, not wanting to deal with the drama of customers.
“Hey! You forgot mine!” Diamond Tiara yelled out at the waitress. The pony climbed out of the backpack and contemplated running out into the crowded dining area to demand her frozen yogurt. The firm grip Kristin had on her leash was the only thing that stopped her.
Both Scootaloo and Miss Fluffypuff sat quietly on the dirty floor; the snow from the humans’ boots melting and forming cold, muddy puddles around them. Their leashes were tied in complicated knots around the legs of the table, discouraging them from escaping.
“That human; she likes you,” Miss Fluffypuff said quietly, looking at Diamond Tiara. “Do you think she can help us?”
“She’s, like, seven. She has even less power than we do,” Diamond Tiara said, rolling her eyes. She looked seriously at the filly and asked, “So you’re really Celestia?”
“I think she is, I mean, her cutie mark is this same,” Scootaloo whispered. She pointed her hoof at the sun emblazoned on the white filly’s flanks.
Diamond Tiara scoffed and turned to Scootaloo. “You’re no expert on cutie marks, blank-flank. Let me see.” She walked up to Miss Fluffypuff and stared at the filly’s flank, trying to recall the one time she’d seen the REAL Princess Celestia up close. The sun on the filly’s flank was similar, but she still wasn’t convinced.
“As powerful as you are, how did Discord do this to you?” Diamond Tiara asked skeptically. She took a few steps back so she could look at the filly’s face.
Shame swept across her face and she looked up to address her interrogator. “I was careless. I rushed in without thinking, because I feared for my subjects’ well being. It was clearly a trap, but I thought I could handle Discord’s tricks.”
“I guess not,” Diamond Tiara said without a hint of sympathy. “So then, Celestia, are you saying we’re stuck here because you messed up?”
The white filly’s expression changed from shame to anger in an instant. “Do not talk to me that way, child.” She stood up and approached Diamond Tiara, an air of authority surrounding her. “My sister will come to our aid; we just need to contact her before Discord does.”
Meanwhile, above the table, the humans were exchanging petty small talk, trying to kill time until their waitress returned. Tiffany and Rebecca refused to make eye contact with each other as their mothers spoke. Finally, the waitress reappeared, holding a tray with three pints of ice-cream and a bottle of water.
“Cherry Garcia, Cherry Garcia, frozen yogurt, and the water,” she said as she passed the tray’s contents out. “If there’s anything else I can get you, just ask.” The tone of her voice really meant, if you need something, bother someone else.
Kristin looked at her frozen yogurt and thought about all the calories it contained. Diamond Tiara had wanted frozen yogurt, she thought to herself. She gave a clandestine peek under the table, and then a light tug on the leash she still held in her other hand.
Diamond Tiara turned and glared, but her expression changed to mild surprise when she saw a pint of frozen yogurt being waved in front of her. Jen was busy texting, and Rebecca and Tiffany were too focused on their own ice cream to notice Kristin had slipped hers beneath the table.
Without a word, Diamond Tiara snatched the pint of frozen dairy and brought it to the floor. Celestia and Scootaloo looked at her in surprise (and with a hint of jealousy) as she greedily licked her treat.
“Those two act differently from the ones imprisoning us,” Celestia whispered very quietly.
“Ha,” Diamond Tiara laughed in between laps of frozen yogurt. “You should see the other one. He’s nothing like these two.”
“The one that bought you?” Scootaloo asked.
Diamond Tiara nodded. “Yeah, he seems alright, I guess. He told me he was going to help me get home, but I know he won’t.”
“Was his name David by chance?” Celestia asked.
Diamond Tiara stopped licking her frozen yogurt and looked to the filly with one eyebrow raised. “Yeah, why?” she asked.
“Discord mentioned him to Zack last night. It was…odd. It almost seemed like Discord was concerned, but the conversation was so brief, I couldn’t tell.”
“You probably imagined it; Discord doesn’t care about anypony or any human. That’s why he foalnapped us all and sold us here,” Diamond Tiara said with a shrug.
“I still think David might listen to Princess Celestia,” Scootaloo whispered.
“Whatever,” Diamond Tiara said. Suddenly, all the feet around the ponies scuffled as the humans stood up from their seats. “They’re leaving already? I’m not done yet!”
Jen peered beneath the table and smiled at the ponies. They looked at her with mixed reactions as she quickly untied the leashes and stood back up. She handed the ends of the leashes to her daughter and said, “Stay with Aunt Kristin, I’m going to go pay.”
Tiffany’s hands reached down until they made contact with her pony. A quiver of disgust went through Diamond Tiara’s body as she felt the sticky fingers of the little girl press against her fur.
“Ew, gross, gross, gross!” Diamond Tiara shouted, looking at the ice cream smeared face smiling down at her. “I’ll walk, just put me down!” She wriggled free and followed the leash to Kristin.
“Tiffany, let’s go get you washed up,” Kristin said, looking at her daughter and shaking her head. When Jen returned, Kristin handed her Diamond Tiara’s leash, and quickly escorted Tiffany to the washroom.
After a moment, they reappeared; the smears of cherry and chocolate washed clean from the little girl’s face. They left the busy ice cream store, catching many strange looks as they walked a trio of colorful ponies out into the city. Their trip back was just as brisk as the trip there; Jen leading the way with no regard for the ponies tethered to her.
She climbed up the steps and unlocked the door as fast she could manage with her shaking hands. As soon as all the ponies had scampered in behind her, she slammed the door shut and collapsed against it. “I need a cancer stick,” she said with a long sigh. And just like that, she flung the door back open and removed a cigarette from within her jacket. She plopped down on the cold, stone step, lit the cigarette, and closed the door behind her.
“Come on Tiffany, let’s go play that game,” Rebecca said slow and deliberately. She threw off her winter attire and waited at the foot of the stairs for her cousin.
“Mommy wants to get going soon, okay?” Kristin said as she helped her daughter out of her boots.
Tiffany looked at her pony with concern and then to her mother. “Can we leave now?” she asked, trying to prevent her mother from helping her with her coat. Her cousin glared at her from the staircase.
“Auntie Jen and I still have to discuss one more thing first,” Kristin explained.
Tiffany sighed and reluctantly followed her cousin up the staircase. Once back in the pink room, Rebecca shut the door and grinned. The three ponies sat together, watching and wondering just what was going on.
“So here’s how it’s going to work,” Rebecca began, “We’re going to play Island Adventure Resort.” She walked over to her large, flat screen television and turned it on with the push of a button. The screen lit up and displayed the blank HDMI channel until Rebecca turned on the game console next to it.
“But I don’t know how to play,” Tiffany repeated, but her cousin ignored her.
“We’ll play fifteen turns, and whoever wins gets the loser’s pony.” She opened a drawer on her television cabinet and removed four strange controllers with screens on them.
“Wait, hold on,” Diamond Tiara interrupted. She stepped forward and stood next to Tiffany defensively. “I’ll not be betted off like some cheap carnival prize!”
“Be quiet, pony,” Rebecca said, sliding two of the controllers across the carpet. “I make the rules. You and Tiffany will face off against Princess and me.”
Diamond Tiara looked down at the strange controller and then back up to the little girl. “So if we win, you lose Princess?” she asked.
Scootaloo quite liked the idea, but Rebecca shook her head angrily. “No! She’ll get Miss Fluffypuff, but I’m not going to lose!”
“Then Miss Fluffypuff has to play instead,” Diamond Tiara demanded.
Rebecca looked at her cousin’s pony angrily and clenched her fists. “Fine,” she said, tossing a controller to Celestia. “But I’m still not going to lose.” She then glared at Celestia and clarified, “We’re not going to lose.”
The disc inside the game console started spinning and the colorful title screen of Island Adventure Resort filled the television. Tropical steel drum music played as Rebecca began setting up the game. The ponies looked at their controllers with fascination when the screens on them suddenly lit up.
“Is this going to be like that stupid bowling game?” Diamond Tiara asked Tiffany.
“I don’t know,” she replied. Her lip began quivering and her eyes began sparkling. “I don’t want to lose you, Diamond!” She began sobbing silently and wiped her nose.
“Gross, stop it,” Diamond Tiara said, looking at the girl with a mixture of disgust and pity. She had no strong feelings for Tiffany or her family, but the thought of being trapped with this evil little girl was unbearable. She slowly put her hoof out and touched Tiffany’s shoulder. “We won’t lose,” she assured her.
Celestia stared at her controller as Rebecca went over all the controls and the function of each button. When the girl finished, Celestia looked up and nodded with determination. “I fully understand, and shall not disappoint you,” Celestia said.
“You better not,” Rebecca growled, finally starting the game.
A colorful island appeared on the television and the individual game controllers. Four little people stood on a large square at the base of a volcano, each with an indicator above their heads. Instructions appeared, but Rebecca rapidly pushed a button on her controller, making the text scroll by illegibly.
“That all looked important,” Celestia said quietly.
“Be quiet, Miss Fluffypuff,” Rebecca growled. A spinning die appeared above the character labeled P-1 and Rebecca pushed a button on her controller. The character on the screen jumped and stopped the die on a six, then proceeded to move forward six squares.
“Oh, so this is like Mario Party?” Tiffany asked excitedly. Her father had a box full of old game consoles in storage that he liked to take out every now and then. Tiffany’s favorite had always been a video game titled Mario Party, where you roll dice and race around a game board.
“No, this is nothing like that,” Rebecca said as if she had been personally offended. Her turn ended and Player Two’s Turn appeared on the screen. “Okay, hit A,” Rebecca instructed Celestia.
Celestia obeyed and her character stopped the spinning die on a 1. “Is that good?” she asked, looking to Rebecca excitedly.
“No,” she replied bluntly.
Both Tiffany and Diamond Tiara managed to roll 5’s and their characters progressed up the volcano. As soon as Diamond Tiara’s character stopped, Mini-Game appeared in bold letters on the screen.
“Okay, listen to me Miss Fluffypuff,” Rebecca said sternly. “We need to win all the mini-games. So don’t screw this up.”
Thousands of balloons flew across the screen and when they disappeared, the four characters were standing in a shooting type gallery. A ten second timer appeared and slowly began counting down.
“What do I do?” Celestia asked.
“Shoot the balloons, aim with the controller, hit A, and don’t miss,” Rebecca instructed, lifting her controller up from the floor. Tiffany mimicked her cousin, but the two ponies just looked at their controllers in contemplation. Diamond Tiara tried lifting and holding the awkward controller, but it simply slid out of her hooves.
“This is even dumber than the bowling game!” she complained. She looked over and saw Celestia supporting the controller out in front of her with her tail and getting ready to push the buttons with her hooves. As the timer hit 0, Diamond Tiara managed to get in the same position and aimed at the screen.
Balloons floated up and instantly started popping as Rebecca and Tiffany shot at them. Diamond Tiara eventually got the hang of it and managed to pop a few balloons. Celestia was mashing furiously on her controller the entire thirty seconds, and even for a few moments after the timer had stopped.
“I’m sure that was a flawless victory,” Rebecca said smugly, setting her controller down and waiting for the results to display. One by one, the scores rolled in from best performance to worst. Rebecca topped the board with forty hits and two misses, Tiffany at thirty hits and six misses, Diamond Tiara with ten hits and zero misses, and last place was Celestia with zero hits and one hundred and six misses.
“We win!” Tiffany exclaimed, looking at the combined scores.
“No!” Rebecca shouted. “That’s not fair!” She turned and physically slapped the white filly across the muzzle. “You’re stupid!”
The room went silent except for the obnoxious victory music playing through the television. Celestia slowly turned to face the little girl; the point of impact still stinging from the hit. “It is just a game,” she said calmly. “And I will play it how I choose.”
“You’re losing on purpose!” Rebecca shouted, pointing her finger in accusation.
“Tiffany! Time to go!” Kristin’s voice shouted from down the stairs. Tiffany looked at the door and then to her cousin who was fuming with anger. She didn’t dare move, but she didn’t want to stay either.
“You’ll stay until I win,” Rebecca commanded. She went back to staring at the screen and made her character roll the die. Once the character moved forward three spaces, she turned to Celestia. “Your turn,” she said with a glare.
“I’ll pass,” Celestia replied, sliding the controller away from herself.
Rebecca grabbed the controller and thrust it back at the filly. “You can’t pass, just go!” A vein started throbbing on the little girl’s temple and her face turned red.
Celestia simply crossed her hooves in front of her and put her nose into the air. “Then I forfeit,” she said to Rebecca’s extreme aggravation.
“You know what?!” Rebecca said, standing up and grabbing Celestia by the tail. She lifted the suddenly fearful pony from the floor and swung her toward Tiffany. “You can have this stupid pony! Princess is better than two stupid ponies anyway!”
Celestia was released mid swing and sailed into Tiffany’s waiting arms. “Thank you,” the pony said quietly.
“Now get your stupid ponies out of here,” Rebecca said, picking Scootaloo up and throwing her down at the tea party table. “Princess and I have important things to do.”
The orange filly looked at the others with fear and silently begged to be taken away as well. Rebecca proceeded to pass her the tin of “poisoned” cookies and waited for her to take one. Scootaloo had no choice but to play along and grabbed a sugar cookie between her hooves.
The sound of footsteps echoed outside the room as Kristin and Jen made their way up to check on the girls. Before Jen could open the door, Tiffany pushed it open and walked out with Diamond Tiara already on her leash.
“So, did you have a good time?” Jen asked, getting down on one knee to be eye level with Tiffany.
“Um, kinda,” Tiffany said shyly.
“That’s good,” Kristin said, already detecting her daughter’s displeasure. “Let’s get your things and we’ll go home.” She then looked down at Diamond Tiara, surprised to see her outside the backpack.
“I’ll be walking back,” the pony said before Kristin could ask. Kristin shrugged and walked down the stairs behind her daughter and pony. Tiffany carefully set her backpack down and put her boots and coat on.
“I’m so glad you could stop by,” Jen said, distracting Kristin with a quick embrace. Tiffany hoisted her backpack onto her back and waited for her mother to lead the way back home.
Kristin was released from her sister and looked at her with sisterly concern. “It was no problem, just, you know, be careful,” Kristin said. She then mimed out smoking a cigarette, and then rubbed her stomach.
“Yes, I know, I’ll quit!” Jen said, opening the door. “Just don’t tell Zack about the you-know-what!” She gave her sister a quick peck on the cheek and ushered her out the door.
----
Zack whistled casually as he made his way through the crowded parking garage. He fished through his pockets, finding his keys and pushing one of the buttons on them. The headlights of a silver BMW flashed in the distance and he began making his way towards it.
The car was perfectly centered between two parking spots, but Zack didn’t care. He hopped into the vehicle and started the powerful engine. His day was over, and he wanted nothing more than to go home and relax. He shifted into drive and carelessly sped through the dimly lit parking garage toward the exit.
A taxi cab had to slam on its brakes, but Zack got out into the New York traffic without a single problem. The blaring of the horn behind him was just ambient noise beneath the blaring of his radio. Zack stopped at a red light and drummed out the beat of the Foo Fighters song on his steering wheel.
“Don’t wanna be your monkey wrench!” he sang along. Suddenly, the radio station went silent and only the light crackle of static came out of the speakers. “The hell?” He fumbled with dial and couldn’t get any other station to come in.
“Hello Zackie.”
Zack’s head flew up and he saw Discord staring back at him from the rear view mirror. “D-Discord, buddy, what are you doin’ here?” Zack asked nervously.
Discord grinned and removed a scroll of parchment from inside his blazer. “Strictly business,” he said, unraveling it. He ran his finger along the words until he got to a part that was glowing red.
Several horns honked behind the BMW and a few cars swerved around. Zack realized the light was green and accelerated back into traffic. “T-There’s not something wrong, is there?”
“Oh, there’s plenty wrong, Zackie,” Discord said with an evil grin. “It would appear Becky has violated your contact; in several ways, might I add.”
Zack tried to focus on the road, but the man in his backseat had the majority of his attention. Horns honked again as he ran a red light and nearly took out several people crossing an intersection.
“Let’s see,” Discord brought the document in front of Zack’s face, obscuring his vision from the road, “It would appear your little step-daughter struck her new pony. If that wasn’t bad enough, she then gave that pony away!”
Zack ripped the contract out of Discord’s hands and threw it behind him. “Okay, so what do I owe you?!” He put his hands back on the wheel and narrowly avoided a parked SUV.
“You read the contract; you should know,” Discord said, raising his cane. The jeweled eyes of the dragon’s head gleamed as they stared at Zack. “In case you’ve forgotten, here’s a reminder!”
With those words, Discord tapped the cane against Zack’s head, sending waves of glowing magic across his body. His muscles tensed up and he fought to keep control of the vehicle. Suddenly, his foot smashed onto the accelerator and the BMW lurched forward.
“You’re not the first, and you won’t be the last, Zackie, my boy!” Discord shouted over the man’s screams. His yellow eyes spun wildly in their sockets as he laughed a hearty laugh. “Be seeing you!”
Zack looked back in his rearview mirror only to see the back seat empty. The BMW’s engine roared as he careened toward a crowded intersection, and he went to cut the wheel. The last thing he saw before the crash was a pair of hooves where his hands should have been.
Ooh I like were this is going...
The story is very gripping.
I fear what Discord Ultimate goal is...
4294726 That's because, Humans Are Bastards. And stupid! And useless! And they smell!
4311195 Discord is in serious trouble with Men in Black.
This is why you NEVER TRUST DISCORD.
You find the Ultimate McGuffin to KILL HIM DEAD!!
There are lots of things you can steal from anime that might work!
PS: The humans actually are bastards since they're willingly going along with enslaving sapient beings. They must all be white.
Everything just keeps getting more intriguing. It was worth the wait.
And bonus points for writing the first fic I've ever read mentioning Celestia getting fixed.
Only problem with this chapter is, I can't see as the adults are copacetic with Rebecca just handing off Celestia like that. Firstly she's a little girl. Secondly she didn't get permission. Thirdly she didn't pay for the pony. Contractually she doesn't own the pony, and as such can't sell it, give it away, or lose it in a bet.
I also can't see Celestia running away from evil instead of towards it, but maybe it's just me. The threat of hysterectomy does seem like enough to shake even the most self sacrificial hero's resolve.
...
Princess Fluffypuff
4329989
At no point did I state that the adults even knew of the exchange. Spoiler alert: Celestia is in the backpack!
4330022
Ohh I totally missed that, sorry. Someone's in trouble~
4329989 I don't think so. The weren't against Celestia being handed off because they didn't know about it--she was in the backpack.
She might not had been able to lose or bet the pony away, but if Discord had a stipulation in the Contract Zack signed, he [Zack] would had still been obliged to suffer the consequences from it.
Lastly, Celestia isn't running from evil, she just doesn't know who's on her side and who is not. She also doesn't have access to her magic, wings, or army of [nearly useless] guards. So she has to go with what she's got, and that's cunning and guile. (You work with the resources you have, not the resources you want.)
The only question is weather or not Scootaloo will suffer from the spaying. I think not as a missing Zack would distract Jen for a while, and a sentient, talking pony claiming to be her husband would do that even more.
4330076
Naw, Scootaloo is obedient and terrified. They were only going to spay the uppity ones.
Zack's not just missing. Zack's "died" in a tragic car accident. They couldn't even recover a body, no doubt.
Good riddance to Zack! Hope the same happened to Jen and Becky.
The one real problem I had with this chapter is that Tiffany had a pretty firm grip on the idiot ball. I mean, I know how it is when you have an overbearing bully making unreasonable demands, and you feel like you can't do anything but go along with it, but...at no point did she agree to the bet over the stupid game, and all she had to do was say "No, I'm not doing that." and refuse to do it.
I really hope Discord is jumping in before any ponies get maimed by veterenarians. I mean, surely he can't be allowing that to happen to ANY of the ponies...
4330103
I'm gonna bust out chap nine as fast as possible. The news broadcast and police interviews are going to be hilarious, especially when NYPD and PETA start looking for Zack, the man who tried to disguise a horse in his clothing before fleeing from the crash.
Zack is of course unconscious and taken to a vet.
4330142
Aww, that's not nearly as painful to Jen. Couldn't his car be like, that fancy carbon fiber that burns to a crisp if it ever does catch fire? Or maybe he crashed into a tanker truck! No wait, just as he crashed the nearby propane refinery coincidentally exploded reducing the area for a mile around including Zack's car and that orphanage, and a busload of nuns into flaming rubble. And Jen finds out while waiting for him to come home right after she's cooked a homemade candle-lit dinner for their 20th anniversary celebration and the only thing recoverable is the car radio which is blaring out their romantic special song in the background while the newscaster reports.
Yeah there's a reason I'm not the one writing this story.
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I'm not sure why this sentence is italicized. It doesn't really break from the style of the rest of the paragraph, and we're not really in Scootaloo's head at that moment (it's phrased as third person, even), so I don't really feel that just italicizing it makes it her thoughts, or that it's necessary to try to convey it as such.
Also, the wild Point-of-View swapping in the first part REALLY bothered me.
This kind of mistake... I don't remember what it's called, but the inconsistency is here: "The group followed" vs "the ponies trailing." If there were a comma instead of the semicolon, this would be fine, as the continuation of a single idea (although something should be done, then, about a similar issue coming up between the second and third parts of the sentence instead). With the semicolon, it should instead be "the ponies trailed behind," or some such. Either way will fix this. I think the latter would be better - and easier, since it doesn't mean changing the last part of the sentence to fit as well.
This is a type of error you make somewhat consistently, and it's worth re-checking the chapter for other instances.
I already like this chapter and what it's doing for the story, mind. I like it, but there are some obvious improvements you could make, most of them without a lot of work.
4330103
Just mentioning.
4330198
Yeah, this chapter was littered with misused commas, semicolons, and other things. Once my editor gets hold of it and punishes me for my failures, all that will be cleaned up. I will fix the specifics you pointed out though, thank you.
4330129
Most bullying would be easy to deal with if the targets would just stand up for themselves. Society being what it is and doing what it does, though, it's very easy to think, as a child, that you don't have alternatives.
4330218
Welks.
I wish I could believe that too...
Becky, needs to die...seriously
Looks like somepony doesn't share her sister's gaming skills!
I'm not particularly well-versed in the canon of that meme, but I'm aware enough of it that I felt the need to make a joke.
4329740
Don't make me give a Patrick Stewart speech on what humanity is capable of!
In any case I wonder if those that purchased ponys will be brought before the International Criminal Court after all is said and done. Imagine Zack before those tribunals.
In any case though the pace of the fic better pick up. Not because I'm impatient mind you, or that it would make literary sense, but if the situation isn't resolved by February it's going to turn into a three way mess. Why you ask? Well otherwisee the Ukrainian crisis erupts and the mess gets tied into what I've believed since March is the Second Cold War.
Imagine if you will the situation as follows. The report of sapient ponies reaches the world, the Russian intelligence community, sensing an opportunity to undermine the West attempts to use its intelligence officers in the U.S. to liberate some of these ponies. The U.S. government quickly applies damage control by using it's authority to bring its own citizens under control and releases the remainder and gives official apologies for the mess. This results in both factions trying to curry favor with their new interdimensional visitors. Sounds like the beginnings of a proxy war doesn't it?
Well in any case they'd have to deal with Discord first. Thankfully for us humanity has an anti Discord weapon. Avery Brooks, aka Benjamin "The" Sisko from Star Trek Deep Space Nine. Commander of the station of the same name, captain of the U.S.S. Defiant (Also known in some circles as Ben Sisko's Mother(expletive) pimp hand), Emissary of the Prophets, and Puncher of Q!
Zack, the rich better-than-you asshole with the worst daughter in the story, ponified, de-humanized and about to be treated like the same pet animals he had zero concerns for when he bought them for his brat?
Karma is a bitch, ain't it?
4330729 You forgot the Chinese is your analysis.
They'll steal the ponies and grind up their organs and bones and stuff to make immortality and sex potions.
(We're going to have so much fun taking this to absurd extremes, aren't we?)
4330947 Not before seeing what resources Equestria has to offer first and then the destruction of the population, surely you know the order these things are supposed to go in?
While it is your story...
...I really, REALLY hope Scoots doesn't get spayed. No way she deserves it.
Holy shit... Well, at least Celestia is with someone who wants to help them now. Hopefully they can also save Scootaloo before she gets spayed.
I'm a little concerned about what Discord said about Zack not being the first. Not only the fact that others had been turned into ponies or... whatever, but also that that suggests some of the other foals have been abused :S
4329989
I think it's less 'running from evil' and more finding an ally to confide in. As a prisoner of Rebbeca's, with none of her powers, she was helpless. At David's place, with a human who's apparantly on their side, she's got a chance to plan her next move and act. Also, considering what Jen and Zack seem to think of them they'd probably consider it nothing more than kids trading toys if they ever found out. Though I imagine they'll have more pressing issues on their minds now...
4330958 Hmm, I suppose it depends upon if they only get the ponies through Discord or have a direct path to Equestria.
They'll also buy up all the land and pave the roads, pretending to be friendly and benevolent.... until THE TRUTH is revealed!!! THE DREADED CHINESE COMMUNIST CONSPIRACY!!!
4331267 Most vets and shelters are going have rather... serious questions, about why there is a pony with wings that can talk, and these people are keeping it a slave, and want it spayed...
Soon the Men in Black will know...
They always know...
4331267 They'll probably be too worried about the whole accident and missing person thing to go to the vet.
4331553
Yeah, trading $2000 toys. No I think they'd object to it. Doesn't matter though, Rebecca can get in trouble or not later once she's found out. Also Zack's Celestia contract had a clause for don't hit the pony and probably a clause for poking her, for using a brush on her hair instead of a comb, for it being Tuesday, for feeding her after midnight etc. He can dispute ownership changes until he turns blue and it won't make him any less of Discord's second wave of sales.
You need to work on your characters a bit. One of the problems is Celestia. She's been acting unusually arrogant since her transformation. It's not like her at all.
And is it just me, or are the humans getting dumber and even more one-diminsional? You'd think by now that someone besides Dave would start to suspect something. I suppose Zack does now, but he doesn't count because "suspicious" is understating things a bit after what just happened.
Nobody's perfect-- every writer has a weakness. Mine, for example, is detail and attention. It's a lot of work for me to come up with enough detail to be passable, and as a result, I can only write a paragraph or two at a time before getting writer's block, and the struggle causes months of procrastination. Your weakness, on the other hand, is characterization. You struggle with creating deep, interesting characters, especially ones you created yourself. Practice can help with this. You've done well writing Dave, so you are able to do it. Now try going for two developed characters at a time-- try working on Diamond Tiara like you did with Dave. Thoughts, opinions, realizations, plans, internal debates, and other stuff like that. Don't stop Dave's character development, though-- you're still not done with him, after all.
I hope that helps.
4333892 I've got the exact opposite problem you've got: I write with too much detail, until what would for most writers be 200 words turns into 2,000.
4333892
I know exactly what you're saying. I'm going to take some time, go back, and fix those problems up a bit. I'm sure you'll notice a change in the upcoming chapters when I introduce the general public to the situation. Discord chose his clients because of their horrible natures. The rest of the world shall be much more sympathetic to the ponies, along with actually questioning their origins.
I wouldn't worry too much about Scootaloo getting spayed. I mean, any veterinarian is going to have some serious moral/ethical questions when they see that the "pet" pony can talk.
3 weeks and yet no new chapter...YOU LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAR!
4437420 Maybe...maybe he just y'know got the dates wrong....I mean...he wouldn't lie to us...would he?...
4437570 He is always lying!
4437879 No he's not...it's called, "Fiction"...
Very well done. Have a like, a fav, and a ribbon:
i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png
I´m kinda surprised about Tiara´s disrespect toward Celestia; ponies usually are very submissive toward their ruler (even if Celly´s present form is less awe-inspiring).
Also, I wonder when the former bully will experience a Heel-Realization when she compares Rebecca´s behaviour with hers.
UPDATE!!!
please... this story is one of my faves.
The way Diamond Tiara says so causally 'so be mean right back at her' suggests Diamond Tiara might not be a self-taught bully.
I wonder what Rebecca considers 'mean' with Celestia.
Tiffany immediately began shaking her head in opposition. “No, Diamond Tiara is my best friend! I’d never trade her!”
I wonder if Diamond Tiara can hear any of this . . . and if in that spoiled heart of hers, if a show of genuine loyalty can touch her at all.
Why did Rebecca turn on Scootaloo like that when before she was spoiling her?
A video game? A lot nicer than I THOUGHT her 'game' would be.
"But I don't know to play that game."
Have one of the freakin' ponies read the manual while the girls are busy and check out the game so they can give Tiffany tips so the game isn't completely lop sided!
If wonder what Discord would do if FLUTTERSHY found out about this. Her friendship and her are about the only things her cares about besides himself.
“Zack thinks this one might be an Alpha, so we’re getting her spayed tomorrow. Take out the sex drive, and animals are much more obedient.”
******!!!!!!!!! 0-0 Sweet mother of god! She's a senient being for crying out loud!
“We’re getting Princess spayed as well; you should think about having Tiffany’s pony fixed,” Jen continued.
Scootaloo already can't fly . . . and then not being able to have children? 0-0 Before she even has a chance to fall in love?
Do the fillies know what the adults are talking about?
“I think she is, I mean, her cutie mark is this same,” Scootaloo whispered. She pointed her hoof at the sun emblazoned on the white filly’s flanks.
0-0 That was there this whole time?
4359070 I really really hope so because it seems to me that all the people around the ponies seems to be extreme stupid with a few exceptions.