• Member Since 16th Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen Jul 1st, 2014

Grey Prophet


T

A heated confrontation with Celestia over her portrayal as Nightmare Moon and her sister's authoritarianism leads Luna to search for answers about the past, unwittingly tangling Twilight and her friends into a cosmic struggle between order and liberty. The tragedy of the past bleeds into the present as the Royal Guard, led by the (in)famous Captain Braveheart, pursues the moon goddess as if the fate of the world depended on it. A tale dedicated to the history and government of Equestria, the psychology and political/moral philosophy of the characters, and especially that amorphous and mysterious force that so many seek yet so few gain: power. What is its nature, what drives us to pursue it and keep it? What does it mean to be a leader, a princess, or a goddess at that matter? These are but a few of the questions the characters must struggle with in order to restore harmony to Equestria. This story tries to bring an edge of realism to the political organization and history of Equestria. If you're seeking utopia or dystopia or extremes of any sort, it's not here. .

Chapters (14)
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Comments ( 51 )

First: All of my hate for posting 79,000 words all at once. I lost two otherwise productive hours reading this.

Second: All of my love for writing this. One of the best examples of writing I've seen on this site, up there with Pony Psychology Series, Traveler, and The Empty Room.

I could go on and on about the engaging plot, the rich settings, and deep themes that your story presents, but I'm going to choose to just rant about my favorite aspect of most stories: the characters.

You've created a rich, relatable, and well-developed cast of personalities, each of whom feels fresh and unique. Yes, the foundation that the show provides is still there, but you've taken the main and side characters from FIM and thoroughly explored them. In addition, all of the side and original characters that you've incorporated are wonderfully designed. There's something to like about everyone, even the "bad guys".

What I especially enjoy is that you don't write in black and white, but shades of grey. You've presented us a central conflict, and show us how everyone, no matter where their alliances lie, is reacting to it, showing the good and bad of each side. And that's something that very few writers are capable of.

A wonderful story thus far; I can't wait for more.

Man, Braveheart makes Blueblood look good. That takes quite a bit of work.

I've been reading this on FanFiction.net and I really hope you decide to continue the tale. :twilightsmile:

I honestly think that with some editing of chapter 1 your story wouldn't have any huge collisions with canon:
In episode S02E04 Luna may simply have tried to fit into the world her sister has created, but after seeing the towns positive reaction to her more natural self she decides to confront Celestia about their role as rulers.
If the creativity of this fic is anything to go by; I'm sure you'll figure something out. :raritywink:

Your comments at the end are right, this chapter is a bit of a diversion from the main story but, I'll tell you, I loved it. No need to make apologies(although I would take faster updates) as I think this might be the single strongest chapter in the story.

I'd say that this was a worthwhile deversion... :twilightsmile:

...and I STILL can't see how you can wrap this up in under three chapters. :applejackconfused:

Dam, I'm so glad this great story isn't dead. I demand MOAR!

Wow. I've had the FF.net link in my bookmarks for more than a week, waiting for a time when I could free up my schedule enough to take a gander. Not only did I manage to find it on FimFiction, but literally JUST before the return from a drought of updates. (Is it slightly rational to have blamed the release of Luna Eclipsed for the delay, judging from the post dates?)

I have no idea why I waited until it bore fruit again to dive in. It's an impeccable story in its own right, and I adore the way few if any characters are portrayed as completely morally good or evil, completely right or wrong. The sort of complexity that seldom fails to draw me in. Seriously, it was one of my favorite things about Watchmen - even the villain wasn't truly evil, if anything well-intentioned extremism personified.

And your characterization is absolutely brilliant. The canon characters are faithful to the show, and your OCs are just as sympathetic and, yes, interesting as Twilight's crew. And the departure from the main story was welcome; I think RD and AJ benefit from the character development you've given them. If I have any desires, it would be to give Fluttershy some time in the spotlight. I don't seem to find enough fics that do enough for her development-wise, but maybe in my mind she's too set-in-stone for the development to register.

I can't even say the mass of text I just unleashed does my opinion justice. You may very well have overhauled all of my previous headcanons, especially about Equestrian politics and the hidden depths of the Celestia/Luna mythos. I'm certain my computer would have shattered if I five-starred any harder. Please never stop being awesome.

Bout fuckin' time! Love this story. Good to see the guards have reconciled with our heroes, at least to some degree. Was also a bit surprised by Philomena, last chapter I was absolutely convinced she'd be pulling a Laserbeak and acting as Celestia's spy. Or, perhaps she is and she's just that clever. Ruh roh!

I once again utter the ultimate aspiring truth of such epics, the reaction all cliffhangers in all great tales should hope to elicit from their audience:

SHIT.

JUST.

GOT.

REAL.

"With a jolt and a yelp, Taffy lost hold of the teacup that had been carefully cradled between her hooves, sending the "

You did not finish the scentence.

Otherwise good chapter. :twilightsmile:

So you're setting Twilight up to follow Morning Star's path? btw, do you know how many other people caught that Morning Star is a reference to Lucifer revealing knowledge to Eve?

187922 Thank you, I thought I had deleted that sentence.

Ah, this is good. I was afraid Braveheart was going to be all Ahab to Luna's Not-So-White Whale. I can actually see a Happy Ending now, not just a Bitter Sweet one.

...and if it turns out that `Tia has been sitting on her flank in Everfree Castle this whole time, I'm going to reach into your setting's universe, grab the ***** by the nosehares, and buck her upside the head! The blood of that foal back in Ponyville is on her hooves as WELL as Rarity's. Perhaps MORE SO! :twilightangry2:

That awkward moment when you realize that you'll never write anything even comparable to this fic.
You sir, are a genius. I actually feel like crying now because of Luna's predicament, this is one of the very few things that have provoked that kind of emotional response in me.
And therefore you have created a truly magnificent story, albeit severally under-looked due to lack of updates, kind of like scented venom.

Out of curiosity how long exactly did it take you to write this chapter? You seem to have put an extraordinary amount of effort into it.

255829

Funny you should say that, 'cause I'm posting one right now.

Writing takes me awhile and I'm somewhat of a busy person, so it really depends from chapter to chapter. The last one took three weeks, I think, with about a page a day or so. I'm trying to finish this story quickly before Spring Break, because I have piles and piles of research I have to distill and won't have time. It would be a shame if I couldn't, because the final chapter will be one that's been in my head for almost a year now.

Of course. :facehoof: :trollestia:

Ya told us two more chapters, and now there's four more. I don't know whether to be grateful the series goes on longer, or pissed I have to spend even more time waiting for a resolution.

Pretty excited now, as usual. I loved this chance to flesh out Storm Cloud and Braveheart, even if it was meant to be part of a more focus-neutral longer chapter. So basically now I'm awaiting part 12-2.

Bring it on.

Yay! Update! :twilightsmile:

Oh SNAP! Ajax is going to kill somepony! :pinkiegasp:

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Out of curiosity, what does one such as yourself study? Sorry for being nosy, but it seems you know a lot about psychology and well, politics. and how they go together.

264949
WOW, I once read an article about "altruism and war" but that's about it. Considering what's in the story, It really is no surprise that you studied those things (Can i call them subjects?). Honestly I've never even heard of half of them, probably because I never went to university.

Thanks for indulging my curiosity. I appreciated it. I wouldn't mind having a discussion but I don't really know where to start as I've never studied any of these.

Sounds like braveheart is just a little sore that Luna took away some of Celestia's attention :trollestia:

Got to say he's really messed up, he seems to expect that the whole "im a soldier i do what i want" angle excuses whatever he does. Admittedly he didn't kill Big Mac and he held back on the last blow, but he attacked the mane 6 just based off rumors, fears and guesses. And didn't stop to think for a second if an "immortal" goddess is scared, shivering, and bloody in a small shack that maybe she isn't as powerfull or evil as he thought. I mean if she was NightMare Moon she wouldn't have been cut up at all, and she would've killed him at first sight.

Feel free to correct me if im wrong at all i just don't like Braveheart as a pony very much, he's callous and kinda a jerk. Although since you might've been amining for that this might be praise...

291721

An excellent observation, but it runs a little deeper than that.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by that, because he does stop to contemplate those very things in the heat of the moment. The aggressive action did proceed the thinking, in this you are correct.

Indeed, the character is a jerk, but I would not call him callous, though I'm sure he'd want to come across as such. This was intentional. Braveheart wasn't written to be adored. He's a polarizing figure in many respects; people either like him or despise him. It's up to the reader to interpret the character, so my opinion of him is worthless.

wow man this is shaping up great, brave heart may have been a huge prick but at least he learned something.
Celestia is i guess stripped of power? I guess she gave up her powers or something? Although seeing as she's more or less the villain here it could in all likelihood be a trap. I mean it's not like she sent any help to Luna and the elements besides philomina. And i really doubt at this point she'd really have lost her powers. So for now i leave thee with "ITS A TRAP!"

Interesting fate for Ajax.

Yeah, I'm here too, dude. :rainbowlaugh: I finally decided to make an account here and I'm glad I did. I was starting to wonder when the next update for this was gonna be on the OTHER ff.net, so I'm happy to see an update here. Also dying to see how this all turns out. :raritystarry:

521013
You REALLY aren't getting the underlying message of this story, are you? There IS no central villain. Just a group of ignorant foals, each doing what he or she THINKS is right, and Royally making a mess of things. I believe the word used in situations like this is "Sheeple", those who blindly follow their own beliefs and their leaders, only to be led to slaughter.

In `Tia's defense, she never meant to banish Luna, only to keep her from leaving this reality. The fact that the elements sealed her away for 1,000 years was an open wound upon her soul. To add salt to that wound, Morning Star used Luna's name to rally her troops under, painting her as a monster in the eyes of those still loyal to Celestia. And then we have the issue of Celestia having a REALLY hard time getting the hang of setting and raising the Moon, thus imparting onto everyone that Celestia and Luna was fighting for control over the Sun and Moon. In the end, NOTHING Celestia could have said at the time would have spared Luna's reputation. Her little revisionist history, blaming an imaginary "Nightmare" entity who stole Luna's body, was the best she could do.

This whole story is a Tragedy of Errors. `Tia went to Everfree Castle and shucked off her power, spurned on by Luna's rant over her sudden Mortality Realization. Because she didn't TELL ANYONE, the Canterlot command structure looked at Folklore, ignored Celestia's Revisionist History, blamed Luna, and kickstarted this whole FUBAR into high gear. It's like Storm Cloud said: No one is to blame, because EVERYONE is to blame.

523550
I agree. But being simple is sometimes easier and more fun, so until we get to the big reveal, it's all Celestia's fault.

Very interesting. As nasty and awful as Braveheart was... I still feel sad. For all he stood for, I still wish he had seen the sun. :fluttercry::pinkiesad2::raritydespair::applecry::ajsleepy:
And oh dear Celestia... What have you done... :trollestia:
You and your sister need to get passed whatever wrongs have been committed between you, and address the public together, as sisters. They need to be told that history was a lie to maintain order. They need to know, from Celestia's own mouth, that Luna isn't evil. I think the ponies of Equestria have unfortunately made it brutally clear that they are too panicky to live without their ruler... but it needs to truly and surely be rulers at this point. They were meant to rule together, and I most certainly pray that the both of them can be healed, both of their physical troubles, and of the emotional traumas that are causing them and their subjects so much suffering. I want to see them happy. That's all I want, honestly.
a.deviantart.net/avatars/c/e/celestiawtfplz.png?1 a.deviantart.net/avatars/p/r/princesslunaummplz.jpg?2

"Hopefully their brief romp in the snow satisfied Pinkie's pallet for fun for awhile."

E'yup. My mind went straight to the gutter...dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png

Argh!! That was the worst place to end!! :raritycry:

Here I am finally digging into my story backlog and catching up with this.... I've got to say, this chapter (or two, depending how you count) actually was pretty tedious for me. It seems to me like you delved way, way, way too deeply into the philosophy and backstory surrounding Braveheart's death. I mean, flashbacks... introspection... banter with the dragon... every other character's take on the situation... more introspection... a dragged-out death scene... and finally, a final author's note comparing him with Boromir? Was it really necessary to lead us (the readers) by the nose through every step, every inch, of this?

Could we not be trusted to figure out anything for ourselves, or be allowed to interpret anything in our own way? The irony is, I'm usually one to complain about stories that are too sketchy and authors who won't throw their readers a rope to pull them out of the quicksand. In this case you decided a rope wasn't enough, you had to build a suspension bridge.

Anyhow... It feels like we've been trudging around in Everfree Forest for months. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?

wow twilight summed up this whole story just by calling it a tragedy.

like, really you could rewrite, this changing the characters, travel back in time, and give it to a greek... is playwright the word? And they'd be able to make serious money off it.

I've been following this fanfic from the beginning, mostly at fanfiction.net. It's been a truly amazing journey, seeing just how much the cast could grow in just one, albeit extended, night! I loved the continually developing backstory, and how the reader's understanding of the past grew as Twilight's did. Applejack, too, was a particularly compelling character in your story, and that was something I really appreciated. She gets over-simplified way too often! Braveheart, Storm, and Lighting were each standouts in their own right, and you managed to mix a few bits of cute and comic in with all of the tragedy to keep things in the spirit of FiM. Yet, it wasn't all tragedy. It was hopeful, too. And even though it ended with several deaths, it ended with the hope of a better future for all of Equestria. It was a fantastic story. Thank you for writing it and sharing it with us. I will admit that I'm sad to see you won't be writing any more, most likely, but just from my 13,000 word fanfic I have come to understand how much writing takes out of you. I could never have made it o 140,000 like you did! Still, you shared with us a beautiful piece of yourself, and all I can do is say thank you. :twilightsmile:

Well, this all seems to be wrapping up nicely. Even though my dislike of Celestia (canon) made me unable to give a quarter fuck about how she felt when Ajax died, I guess it was pretty sweet how she and Luna made up.

It doesn't take bells and a beard to see

I think this is my favorite part, actually. I love it when people make up new idioms for their fantasy worlds.

This fanfic is just screaming for an epilogue. it would finish off a great fic in grand style.

It's strange though when Celestia remarks that she been hunted before,
>“I know what sort of fear and pain you felt today, Luna. I know what it's like to face a mob of angry mortals who blame me for their ills. I know what it's like to face death. I know because I lived this day a thousand times.”
but she had her divinity to help her survive. Without it, I'm unsure. I wonder what would have happened if Luna actually died either due to Braveheart or Ajax.
Also, what's going to happen to the Celestia when she has to explain what happens to the citizens of Equestria. I like how the two princesses reconcile but it's already gotten bigger than the both of them. Celestia's current actions and snowballing lies when compared to Luna's sins, has been punished , seem a lot worse if you look at it from a normal pony's point of view, due to the fact that Celestia abandoned her throne which caused the upheaval, while Luna's actions happened a thousand years ago, making it ancient history and furthermore she had already been punished for them.

Even with these two dangling plot threads that I've pointed out. This has been a rollercoaster ride of epic proportions. The characters grew within each and every chapter, especially Applejack and your OCs. It's a pity that you've chosen not to write after this. So thank you for writing this out and for sharing your masterpiece.

I don't know... Celestia's 'i wasn't thinking' excuse for all the strange things that happened feels a little cheap. Well explained, but still cheap.

Asides from that, i am glad you finished it and I read it, I feel the last chapter could easily be two or three chapters, celestia could recount the story in the form of several flashbacks, etc, but this is good enough too :3

You'd probably love for me to put up a massive, long-winded review of this chapter. Inevitably, I'd turn it into one of the story as a whole, and it would rival any of the analytical praise or scathing deconstruction I've done elsewhere on the site.

But no. Too many feels, can't even words.

Just take all my love. Take it.

Nice fiction, probably the best story involving Luna as the main character. However, I think you’ve included too many side characters, also some parts seem extensive and unnecessary (ex. Pinkie’s craziness in Zecora’s hut).

827235
This! All of my THIS! *Manly Tears*

I'm sorry to say that this story is one of my least favorite stories yet. I hated the fact that you made every bad character good in the end, it made me want to just stop reading another thing I disliked was that you went into to much detail on the backstors I found this to be extremely boring other than that it was fine.

1349011

disliked was that you went into to much detail on the backstors

Really? Really?

denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw4687_large.jpg

A Characters back-story is what makes them, it's the very reason you should care about them. In fact, had you read the entire story properly, you would realize that none of the Characters were "bad" to begin with.

They're all being far too forgiving towards Celestia, especially since her stupid test has resulted in people dying and she knew full well people would die because of it. What a bitch. You really need to bring that point up some more.

This is the second story in a rove I read where Celestia gets of from doing ful on evil and inexcusable deeds, only to get of whit a little slap on the wrist... this was rely a good story until it totally bucket up in the last chapter. :ajbemused:

This is the second storie i readfrom begginig to end, love both the implication in politics and dont worry the ending was amaizing in my opinion it is according to the storie, love the way you manage the relation and personalities of both Luna and Celestia, thanks for sharing

This story really needs an epilogue, it really does.

I remember being deeply engaged by this story on Fanfiction.net. Now, though, I kinda hate it for being one of the many bar-raising fanfics that executes a brilliant and compelling plot involving the mane six in a unique light and doesn't have enough fucking imagination to find a decent role for Spike. And it's only the really intelligent, powerhouse authors like you who pull this.

So... Looking back at this gem...
Have you ever thought of labeling the chapters? It'd make it easier to go back and find scenes....

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