• Published 6th Jan 2014
  • 17,321 Views, 827 Comments

The Not-So-Normal Adventures of King Sombra and Pinkie Pie - Harmony Charmer

Sequel to "The Cake Batter Incident". An unlikely bond is formed when Pinkie is tasked to reform Sombra, the ex-king of the Crystal Empire.

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Chapter 1: Sombra and Pinkie Foalsit for the Cakes'

"And over there is Bon Bon's house!" Pinkie chirped happily, hopping monotonously alongside Sombra. The ex-tyrant hadn't said anything over the course of the tour, but if Pinkie noticed, she gave no sign of it. He felt trapped, the scarf she had gotten for him wrapped around both their necks.

'It might as well be a chain,' Sombra thought darkly, eyeing all the happy ponies and cheery setting with contempt. He thought back to his days of rule, where crystal ponies were chained up, much like how he felt.

'A taste of your own medicine, you demon,' the voice in his head whispered haughtily, causing Sombra to cringe in annoyance. That voice had been bothering him for the past couple of days, ever since that incident with the cake batter. Sombra may have a sweet tooth, but he had officially sworn off cake batter for the next millennia.

"Sombry?" he heard Pinkie ask. He had barely registered her question and continued walking. She had stopped moving and stood in front of him, causing their bodies to collide. Their muzzles touched, something Sombra found a little too intimate for his liking. He jumped back and wiped his mouth with his bare hoof.

"What?" he snapped, after nearly rubbing his lips off, "Why are you looking at me that way?"

Pinkie leaned into his face, making him feel uncomfortable.

"I said, we're at Sugarcube Corner," she chimed, "haven't you been paying attention?"

'No', he answered inwardly. He didn't want to say so out loud, for fear of Pinkie's reaction. He found out that Pinkie had a darker side, one that she did a good job of hiding. He'd taken note that her friends had seen it beforehoof and that they, too, would rather see it hidden away.

Before Sombra could make an excuse for her to not bother him, Pinkie let out a dramatic gasp and put her hooves to her face. Sombra had studied her long enough to know that she did this whenever she had an idea or realized something. It was one of the few things he'd figured out about her.

"I should introduce you to the Cakes!" Pinkie exclaimed happily, throwing her hooves in the air.

Sombra felt a sense of dread and groaned loudly. Pinkie's socialism was one of the main causes of his misery. He hated meeting new ponies, whether it be peasants or politicians.

Pinkie started hopping to the entrance of the bakery, tugging Sombra with her. She began rambling on about the Cakes', but they fell on deaf ears. Upon entering, he froze and eyed all the confectionery treats within a hoof's reach. Sombra's eyes widened and he could feel himself start to drool.

He ran his tongue across his fangs and whispered in a low tone, "Caaaaanndyyyy...."

"Sombry, I want you to meet Mrs.Cake!" Pinkie said, snapping Sombra out of his trance-like state, while pointing at an adult mare. Her mane and tail resembled that of frosting on a cupcake, swirled and pink. If Sombra hadn't known any better, he would've thought she was Pinkie's mother.

Mrs.Cake waved and smiled nervously at him, paling in comparison to Pinkie's 100 watt grin.

"Oh, uh," she stammered, "hello, 'Sombry'."

Sombra could feel a vein pulse in his temple and almost snapped at her, but he heard a loud squeal originate from below him. He looked down and saw a small cream colored pegasus with a spiked up brown mane. The other foal, who was a unicorn for some unknown reason, with a pastel yellow coat and orange mane laid on it's back, wriggling happily. The cream colored toddler wrapped it's legs around Sombra's large hoof, giggling and smiling at nothing.

"Oh, Pound!" Pinkie exclaimed, scooping up the foal before Sombra could react. The foal started fussing as Pinkie placed him down, reaching towards Sombra. Pinkie turned around and waggled her tail in front of his face.

"Come on, who wants Auntie Pinkie's tail?" Pinkie asked, her curly tail bouncing monotonously.

Pound Cake smiled and giggled happily, letting out a small cry of joy.

"Curly!" he exclaimed, gumming the tip of her tail. Pinkie laughed and took her tail away from him. She dashed to the entrance to kitchen and peeked over the top of the doors.

"Where's Pinkie...?" she drawled, ducking down. Both the foals watched the entrance expectantly, waiting in suspense.

"We can clearly see you!" Sombra exclaimed, pointing a hoof, but the foals paid him no mind.

Pinkie burst out of the kitchen and smiled happily.

"Here I am!" she exclaimed, then backed into the kitchen again, repeating the process until the foals were laughing. Pinkie rushed over and laid on the floor, the foals climbing onto her as she laughed happily. Sombra heard Mrs.Cake laugh and turned to look at her.

"She's so great with them, don't ya think?" she asked Sombra, glancing at Pinkie. Sombra didn't know much about foals, other than the fact that they were smelly, loud and annoying. The fact Pinkie could stand it didn't surprise him, her being all of those things.

"Cup!" a voice shouted from upstairs. Pinkie perked up and smiled, then dashed to the bottom of the stairs.

"Yay!" Pinkie cheered, "You get to meet Mr.Cake!" Her happiness was short-lived, because a stallion, who Sombra could only assume to be Mr.Cake, came bounding down that stairs and past her.

"Cup, we have to get this order delivered!" he exclaimed, a large white box balanced on his back. Mrs.Cake gasped and put her hooves to her face.

"Oh, goodness!" she clamored, dashing to her husband's side. They bounded past Sombra, knocking him aside. Pinkie quirked a brow and watched as the married couple ran to and fro.

"I don't remember there being any orders," she murmured, sounding uncharacteristically resigned. Mrs.Cake rushed past Pinkie and spared her a glance.

"Well, you've been in and out of the shop for your 'secret mission', remember?" she inquired, grabbing a tube full of pink frosting. Sombra thought it strange she called reforming him a "secret mission", seeing as how she walks him around town like a trophy. Pinkie blinked in shock and her ears flattened.

"I guess you're right," she admitted, getting up. She got up and rushed over to Mr.Cake's side, trying to assist him with getting items. He waved his hoof and shook his head.

"It's alright, Pinkie," he assured her, "I got it." Pinkie looked a bit sad for a moment, but she quickly smiled.

"Okie dokie lokie!" she chirped, hopping over to where she found Sombra on the floor. "Whatcha ya doin' on the floor, Sombry?" He glowered at her and prepared a scathing retort, but was interrupted by the Cakes' rushing past. They pushed through the doors, not sparing a glance their way.

"Pinkie, you don't mind watching the twins and shop while we're gone, do you?" Mr.Cake asked, peeking his head in. Pinkie blinked and rubbed a hoof nervously on the back of her head.

"Well, I guess I could watch Sombry and the twins," she admitted, but Mr.Cake had already left without hearing her reply. Once the doors closed, Sombra and Pinkie turned towards the foals simultaneously. Pound Cake smiled and waddled over to Sombra. He wrapped himself around Sombra's giant hoof again, giggling.

Sombra didn't know how to react to this foal's affections. He never had any foals of his own, although he had needed an heir in the event of his demise. He'd never gotten the chance, because of those wretched princesses. Now, seeing this small colt looking at him stirred feelings within him.

Did he even want children? It didn't sound like much to some ponies, but to him it carried a lot of weight. What would be the point of it? He didn't age when he had his powers, so why would he need a an heir?

'Because I don't have my powers,' he thought darkly, 'I'm just a regular mortal...'

He crouched down, bringing himself to the colt's level.

"Er, hello..." Sombra struggled to remember the colt's name, "Pound Cake, was it?"

Pound giggled and flew up to Sombra's horn, slinging himself on it like a bar. Sombra reached towards the foal and picked him up off it.

"That is not meant for swinging!" Sombra exclaimed, baring his fangs.

Pound Cake blinked, then burst into tears. He started wailing loudly, pounding his tiny hooves on Sombra's large ones. Sombra panicked and held the foal away from him.

"Quick, somepony, make him stop!" he shouted, trying to stay as far from the foal as possible.

Pinkie quickly grabbed Pound Cake, then began whispering sweet things to calm him down. Once he stopped crying, Pinkie placed Pound Cake on the floor next to his sister. She turned towards Sombra and gave him a strange look.

"You're acting like you've never held a baby before," she said, looking him up and down. He felt shock come across his features, to which Pinkie mirrored. "You've never held a foal?" she asked in a stage whisper. He thought about lying to her, heck, insulting her, even.

'But what would that accomplish?' he thought, 'She'll just keep bothering me.' He sighed raggedly and shook his head slowly.

"Didn't you have a marefriend in the Crystal Empire?" she asked.

He had barely processed her question when his eyes widened in shock.

"WHAT?!" he exclaimed, his jaw dropping in pure surprise. Pinkie blinked innocently, then quirked her brow again.

"Well, I figured somepony as handsome as you would have a fillyfriend," she replied coolly, then added slyly, "or a mistress."

A wave of heat flushed Sombra's cheeks, something that had not happened in over one thousand years. He put a hoof to his cheek and pointed an accusing hoof at Pinkie.

"WITCH!" he proclaimed, "You cast a spell to make my face rise in temperature, you enchantress!"

Pinkie blinked in surprise, then started giggling.

"No, silly filly, I'm not an enchantress!" she giggled, "Zecora is, though! Well, I used to think she was, but to be honest I still think she can cast spells, even though she's a zebra and zebras don't have horns like unicorns do and-"

She was interrupted by Sombra shoving his hoof into her mouth.

"Please," he begged, "shut your heathen mouth. Can you promise me that?"

Pinkie nodded her head, a muffled, "Mm-hmm" coming from her covered mouth.

He put his hoof down and savored the silence that came. It only lasted for a few seconds, when a loud BANG! resonated throughout the bakery. What followed afterwards was a cry of pain.

Pinkie's blue eyes widened in horror and she sprang up into the air, defying gravity while she flailed her legs.

"THE TWINS!" she exclaimed, zooming over to where she heard the noise. She dashed through the kitchen doors, while Sombra followed hurriedly. The last thing he needed was to be blamed for a foal being injured due to Pinkie's incompetence.

Upon entering the kitchen, he froze in shock. Pinkie was holding Pound Cake, who was still crying from an unknown injury. Pumpkin Cake was on the floor, joining in the chorus of cries.

"Sombry, make Pumpkin stop crying, please," Pinkie requested, rocking Pound in her forelegs.

Sombra blinked in shock, then shook his head. "No!" he exclaimed, "I don't know anything about foals, let alone fillies!"

Pinkie narrowed her eyes at him, a bad sign of what was to come.

"Sombra, so help me, if you don't make Pumpkin feel better, I will make Twilight take your desserts away!" she shouted, her blue eyes turning icy.

Sombra felt a sense a dread overcome him and his jaw dropped in horror. Twilight gave him desserts as a reward for doing as Pinkie said, when she said it. All she would have to do is say the word and he wouldn't have ice cream for who knows how long.

"You wouldn't dare..." he growled in a low tone, returning her glare. She leaned towards him and let out the same low growl Sombra had.

"Try me," she snarled, then nodded towards Pumpkin.

Having little choice in the matter, Sombra begrudgingly walked over to the crying filly. He brought himself down to her level, attempting to look smaller. Pumpkin turned towards him, her cries ceasing as she started to look at him.

"Uh, hello there, little..." he looked at Pinkie for encouragement, who nodded at him to continue, "...baby."

He heard Pinkie smack her hoof across her forehead, a custom he had grown used to doing whenever she did something foolish. Being on the other side of it was not that appealing.

Pumpkin resumed her crying and fell onto her back, waddling her little legs. Sombra's thoughts began to race as his panic levels rose through the roof.

'I have to figure out a way to calm her down,' looking around the room for something to distract Pumpkin. Upon looking, he caught sight of the kitchen doors. An idea formed in his head, but it would require sacrificing his pride and possibly his masculinity. 'Never mind those things,' he convinced himself, 'your desserts are at stake!'

Sombra walked over to the kitchen doors and walked out. Pinkie let out shouts of protest, but he ignored her. All that mattered was earning his dessert back. He peeked over the doors, gazing into the room. Pinkie gave him strange look, along with Pumpkin and Pound.

"Where's Sombry...?" he said, regretfully using Pinkie's nickname for him. Pinkie's eyes widened in shock and her jaw dropped. Sombra jumped out from the doors, standing on his hind legs and a fake smile plastered onto his face. "Here I am!" he exclaimed, causing Pumpkin to smile.

He went back behind the door, mentally preparing himself for his own embarrassment. "Where's Sombry...?" he drawled, peeking over the doors again. Pumpkin and Pound were both waiting suspense, while Pinkie watched in amazement. He popped out again, his wacky grin on his face still.

"Here I am!" he said with a laugh, causing the twins to start laughing. Despite that, he kept repeating the process over and over again, until he, too, was laughing. He collapsed to the floor and rolled onto his back, the foals climbing over him. He didn't fight against it, just laughing until he was out of breath and his sides hurt. He looked up and saw Pinkie watching him, a smile on her face.

"What are you grinning about?" Sombra asked, his smile dissipating. She shook her head, still grinning.

"Oh, nothing..." she said, walking towards the Twins, "...Sombry." She bounced off, laughing wholeheartedly while Sombra fumed silently. She scooped up the Twins, whose eyes starting to droop.

'I must have tired them out,' he mused while Pumpkin yawned loudly.

Pinkie placed the infants on her back and walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Sombra followed her up, until they reached the foals room. He waited by the doorway as Pinkie placed the Twins in their crib. She tucked them in, kissing them both on the forehead.

"Have a nice nap," she whispered as she pulled her head out of the crib.

She heard a loud THUD! and turned around abruptly. Sombra was on the ground, loud snores resonating from him. Drool began to drip from his mouth as he breathed deeply and evenly. She smiled, then grabbed a spare blanket on top of the toy chest. She pulled it over him, but it barely covered his torso.

She let out a yawn of her own and began to sway slightly.

'I should probably stay by the door in case- errr....' she mused lazily, then collapsed beside Sombra's sleeping form, snores of her own joining his.

* * *

"Oh, I wonder if Pinkie was able to handle the Twins," Mrs.Cake murmured to herself, watching as the bakery came into view.

"You don't normally worry about her, Cup," Mr.Cake said, "what's different about leaving her alone with them now?"

Mrs.Cake sighed as they arrived at the bakery. She held the door open for her husband, waiting for him to enter.

"Because," she started, "she had a stallion with her."

Mr.Cake blinked in realization, as if just remembering that there was another pony with Pinkie at the bakery. He was a large fella, and he looked awful strange compared to the other ponies in Ponyville. He had dark colors and his horn was unlike he'd ever seen on a unicorn.

"I'm sure it's nothing, Cup," Mr.Cake assured, making his way up the stairs. Mrs.Cake shook her head.

"I think you and I both remember what happened when we were that age," she said, quirking a brow.

Mr.Cake felt a sense of alarm overcome him at the thought of his adopted niece doing anything with a stallion.

"Oh, dear, you're right!" he dashed upstairs and stopped abruptly when he heard the sounds of snoring. His wife had followed him and looked to him for a signal. He held his hoof to mouth, then mouthed a "shh". She nodded in response and followed him towards the sound.

It was coming from the Twins's room, which confused him. The Twins weren't snorers. 'But Pinkie is,' he thought, causing him to fume silently. He peeked into the room and what he saw shocked him. Pinkie was curled up next to the stallion he'd seen only hours ago, sleeping soundly, save for the snores she made when she slept.

"Oh, dear..." he heard his wife murmur as she looked over his shoulder. He glanced over at the crib and saw that the Twins were sleeping. Did they put them down for a nap and end up taking one themselves? He smiled at the idea of it.

"Do you know what we should do?" he heard his wife whisper.

He kept his gaze on the sleeping pair, but replied with, "Yes?"

"Take pictures!"

Author's Note:

HA! We should start saying "Shut your heathen mouth," more often!!! Yeah, but seriously, this story was so fun to write! I thought it would be interesting to see Sombra as a dad! I mean, have you SEEN how cute the baby Sombra pics are? I like to think that's what his kids will look like; CUTE! And then there's Pinkie's filly pics! GAH, THE CUTENESS IS TOO MUCH FOR ME TO BARE!!! THEIR BABIES SHALL BE ADORABLE! I mean, uh..... MOOSE!

Hey, I recently read somewhere that Sombra might be a Shadhavar? They're creature deriving from Persian culture. Although the mostly resemble gazelles, they are oftentimes called, "Evil Unicorns". They have curved horns, sharp teeth for eating meat(as Sombra is said to do), and tear streaks from their eyes(Yeah, I know with Sombra it's dark magic, but STILL). Is it possible? If so, I'd like to explore this theory and have fun with it!!!