Judgment of Carrion

by Verlax

.̵̢͝͠.̷̕͘҉͏.͘͜͝͠

The village of West Port was a peaceful place. Ponies here worked primarily in the lumber mills, the pines this region was overgrown with providing ample building materials, both for shipbuilding and house construction. Besides, providing a city as large as Flankfurt with wood was a sure way to earn some coin. A peaceful place indeed.

Or, at least it was usually peaceful.

Right Blade was woken up from his slumber by the sounds of some sort of commotion going on in front of his cottage. Grumbling, he stood from his bed and went for the door.

He was greeted by a crowd of ponies, most of them his coworkers from the lumber mill, arguing about something. He was about to ask what was going on, then he noticed something on the coast. A frigate, a huge friggin frigate made landfall on the coast, cutting deep into the sandy beach and becoming stuck. It was old, completely rotten, and looked like it was going to fall apart if somepony as much as looked at it the wrong way. Shaking his head in disbelief, Right Blade approached the crowd gathered in front of his cottage.

"What in tarnation is going on?!" He asked.

"Hansa." One of the older workers at the lumber mill said sagely. "When in doubt, blame Hansa."

"Well, he's actually right." Iron Hoof, the village elder nodded. "The ship does look like one of them trading vessels of the Horseatic League. Wouldn't be surprised it has the HLS prefix."

The gathered crowd agreed with the elder's wisdom.

"Well, no reason to dawdle. You there, run along to Flankfurt and inform them that we have a shipwreck on our doorstep. The rest of you, come with me. We have to check for any survivors. Now move!"

The ponies did accordingly to the elder's orders and rushed to their assigned tasks. Soon a group of ponies was scaling the side of the vessel, climbing on deck and looking for survivors. But Right Blade stopped before he even touched the ship's boards. Led by a gut feeling, he looked at the ship's side, searching for its name. Where it should be written however he found only a small plate with a barely legible name scribed on it.

J̬ͅú̹d̬̼̲͕g͕͚̮̹̫e̸͔͍͙̳̻͎̻m̮͙̠̫̮e҉̤͎ͅn̠̝̪̗̪̞̣t҉̰̗͓̝͇͓ͅ ̧̯̙o͉̝̰̟͙͢f̝̘͓̀ ̢C̡̺̪̘̰̖̫ạ̰̼̯͕̫͟r͉̖r͚̠̳͠io̡̭͈̯̤̩ͅn͍͎

Author's Note:

Co-written by Spike the Scribe.

Sequel -> 2986 Steps

Comments

[atom2004]

A really pleasant read. Though I must say the first chapter was rather schematic, but then again, it was serving as a build-up for the second one. And there… well, you really know how to write a dark story. The mistery, the atmosphere of constant anxiety, the descriptions… the horror Also, a plus for using Zalgo, it's a silly little thing, but when used in the right way it can really add to the whole story (just like here).
The characters were nicely portrayed, to the point that I started to dislike Sticky Hooves from the very beginning (hungry for gold and rather dumb - that’s always a bad combination), and I just had a feeling he’s going to do something all other crew members will regret.
The ending... also somewhat typical, but satisfying. Though I was really hoping the captain would manage to sink that natatorial trap.

I can't write comments Either way, it seems now I have to take a look at "2986 Steps". Something tells me I should do that...

[Sulik]

One of the best MLP horror stories I've read. Too bad it has no characters from the show. But still it's great

[The Collapsed Library]

I honestly couldn't read the third chapter, I knew what I was getting into when I started, but I can't finish it. It literally terrifies me to even think about the third chapter.

[Zaid ValRoa]

Amazing read. You nailed the disturbing atmosphere early on and never let up. I'll be sure to check the sequel!

[Imaginedom]

Good read, very spooky. I don't like how you set up a great atmosphere only to overwrite a description of something. I didn't like the poems, also.