• Member Since 18th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen Yesterday

jh 8

a beginning writer


“Dragons are not meant to live with ponies”

Spike thought that he had found his place among ponies, especially after the dragon migration.
But things didn't turn out the way he thought.
Life had other plans for him:

It has been more than three years since Spike was banished from Ponyville and shunned by his friends.
He now lives a relatively quiet life in the Everfree Forest.
But what happens when events lead spike to look back at his old life, and take him back to the times where everything went wrong? And what happened to Spike after Pony kind turns her back on him?

Chapters (11)
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Comments ( 147 )

@jh 8...

Yes, you do have a lot of major technical writing errors, glaringly so.


Since you were up-front about your writing inexperience and English not being your primary language, I can cut you some judgmental slack by not simply hitting the Dislike button and moving on. Make no mistake, you do need to do a LOT of corrective work on the technical writing front. Few literary errors kill a story quicker than poor technical writing, regardless of how good the story-premise is.

My best advice for you for improving your writing?

1. Find an Editor. Preferably fluent in English, of course.

2. Recruit Proofreaders. With literary writing, you should only have one Editor, but you can have multiple Proofreaders. Obviously, they should be English-fluent as well if possible.

3. Healthy Word Counts. Take the time to write out a minimum average of 3000+ words per chapter, if not a higher average. Low word-counts (1000 or less) are another warning sign of poor technical writing, and also shows lazy Author effort.

4. Finally... Always Remember: It is NEVER "too late" to go back to add-on, edit, refine, revise, or even completely overhaul your fan-fiction work for the better.

Hope this helps.

@ pendrake72

I would like to thank you for your constructive criticism. ( and for giving this error ridden story a chance)

I will try to find a proof reader or an editor. That probably has to be someone from this website, because the friends I know that like mlp are not that good with the English language either.

I agree on the word count, I already have a new chapter with 3000+ words. I kept this chapter short to see people’s reaction to this idea (even if the idea is not so original) and my writing style/ grammar

still not sure on either to be honest, but wings could be an interesting option

These ponies need to be burned. :flutterrage:

3691293 Yes. * Does evil hand gesture *
They will burn. :pinkiecrazy:

The plan? The plan is to grow big and destroy ponyville.

3671485 Oh my gosh. You said the exact same Step 4 to me! :pinkiegasp:

Comment posted by pendrake72 deleted Dec 30th, 2013


Yes, I did. Because such advice is applicable to all fan-fiction writers; yet far too few heed it, or act upon it.

But it does not make it any less true.

~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~


Good job on a healthy word-count for Chapter #2. Keep it up, or work towards even better, on that literary front.

For finding an Editor & Proofreader(s) here on FiMfiction site itself...
~ a. Looking for Editors
~ b. The Proofreader Group

As I Commented before, you should only have a single Editor, but you can have multiple Proofreaders.

Why didn't he just burn them?

Is anyone else hoping Spike goes Asura their asses?:twilightangry2::twilightangry2::twilightangry2::twilightangry2:

You know what this story needs? A chapter from the mane 6's POV. Heck even if we don't get that chapter I'll speculate what they were thinking until we do get that chapter.:heart:~Fluttermac36 (Or even a side-story!)

I don't understand he is a dragon why doesn't he fight back

spike better get some justice for what has been done to him or i'am going to be pissed

I hope at least gives Twilight the bird at one point.:twilightangry2:

Yay! Another story like this! Just the description has got me amped up and ready to read! Don't disappoint...

Edit: MAKE THEM ALL PAY!!! EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM MUST BURN!!! Make them all pay for the shit they did to spike!

We shall see, for now I’m just trying to keep the quality up. And not ripping-off other stories

I like this chapter a lot. Can't wait for the next one.

I can't wait to see what else you have planned and I hope Spike gets his good ending.

:moustache: "Twilight...The definition of insanity is trying the exact same thing over and over and expecting different results. I'm not insane, so there's no point in trying to explain it to you for the hundredth time."

If it includes the deaths of everyone who wronged Spike.
Spike's freedom.

3912084 It's okay to be a little crazy.


Just a little hint, there is a reason why the element of Laughter wasn’t listed between the other elements mentioned in this chapter.

3690835 we shall make them pay!!!!

if it is a monster they want then a monster they shall get!!! :pinkiecrazy:

come now gather my friends to day we break through the dawn!

we shall teach them the true meaning of friendship :pinkiecrazy:

I enjoyed this chapter. Spike has so much doubt but in the end risking your life for someone you hate... There is nothing more honourable :scootangel:

Good question Spike but sometimes you have to do the right thing even if you don't want to do it.

hmm three ponies that just happened to be in the everfree forest and got stuck in a tree because of timberwolves? now i wonder who those 3 could be :unsuresweetie:

yeah, it is kind of obvious that Twist and two of her friends just happened to be in the Everfree forest :twistnerd: :twilightsmile:

4283127 Decisions. Deicisions.

Leave the three ponies to die.

Be selfless and help the three ponies.

4287273 :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: Hey there my friend I forgot to ask how your tests (Highschool finals) went? :pinkiesmile:

My finals are in about two weeks. The tests that occupied me before could be described as Hight-stakes tests before the finals, and a large essay. Fortunately they went well. thanks for asking :eeyup:


I'm hoping that is the last of the history chapters, though they do put the story into perspective, I kinda saw this one a mile away.
Now onward with Spike's return to Ponyville, or not, either way good story.

sorry for the slow pace of the story, but I started this plotline, and I should finish it. the same goes for the other plotline. but we will get there in about a year or so:pinkiecrazy:

It's not that bad, I've seen a lot worse. If you're in the market for an editor or proofreader than you should look around some group that help people find other people like that.



Take your time, the slow pace doesn't bother me at all

Great chapter. I liked it. I don't see though how this story will play out. I hope the next chapter comes out soon.

Can't wait for the next chapter :rainbowlaugh:

You win: My gratitude for making a amazing story. :pinkiesmile:

This story has alot of potential, I just think you should take the time to either proofread your stories or find an editor.

I hope this story has a big pay off where Spike gives the bird to Twilight and marries Pinkie at the end..........Lel. :moustache:

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