• Member Since 4th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen Jan 15th, 2017

rogueunicorn


Um...

Comments ( 16 )

Sounds like the backstory of a potential villain.

Sometimes, you have to fight fire with fire.

Nice description. :ajbemused:

Comment posted by rogueunicorn deleted Dec 19th, 2013
Comment posted by rogueunicorn deleted Dec 19th, 2013

3651063 Does that mean you like it? :pinkiehappy:

Comment posted by rogueunicorn deleted Dec 19th, 2013
Comment posted by rogueunicorn deleted Dec 19th, 2013

3651378

I know this is a one-shot but I'd like to see more... she has the potential to go full bat guano crazy arsonist or she could choose to be more of a woobie destroyer of worlds like Charlie (Drew Barrymore) in Firestarter. It is implied that she's leaning toward the former at the moment.

3651388 I like the concept, and i'm pretty interested in where this could go, but the pacing is almost non existent. you need to put more detail into describing the surroundings and the actions of the characters, rather than just telling us whats happening. Anytime a character speaks they require quotation marks e.g

I'm going to teach you to keep your mouth shut

should be

"I'm going to teach you to keep your mouth shut"

There are quite a lot of things wrong with this story, and the only redeeming part is its concept and it's potential to be an awesome character drama.

3651433 I might write a sequel, if you ask nicely...

3651462 Well, the story was intended to be kind of vague, like a distant memory. But I will go back and add some more detail, if you think it will improve the storyline.

I just got inspired in the middle of the night, and honestly, I was so doped up on sleeping pills that I hardly remember even writing it. :derpyderp2:

I really hope to read more. I want to know what happened to her mother, where she's going, and what was in the basement!

3673861 It was really meant to be a one shot. But I'm glad you liked and favorited it. It really means a lot that you enjoyed it.

And I have an idea. Why don't YOU write the sequel?

And give me credit for the original lol.

LET IT BURN!!!! BURN TO THE GROUND!!!!!

Full review here, but in brief: a shame there's no twist or unpredictability here. It's just relentless unpleasantness followed by a predictable "shock" ending. A shame as there's potential in the setup.

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