PonyFall:Adventures in Chaos

by Draequine

Chapter Four: Roomies (DANGER ZONE)

Chapter Four
April 20th 2012

---

---

A lot can happen in a week with Discord as a room-mate. You find out that chocolate milk is, indeed, quite flammable, that Discord's favorite color is the negative of Octarine, and that merely thinking of such a hue will give you a nosebleed. You may also discover more about yourself, that you may be hiding certain feelings from yourself. Feelings that could only be revealed from spending a week living in a toaster box of an apartment with the spirit of chaos himself. A feeling of absolute... Hate! Why don't I just get rid of this freeloader you ask? Simple, he has the rent money.

---

I stare long and hard at the abomination before me. The coating of grime encasing it's once porcelain white skin was an unholy mixture of chocolate, barbecue sauce, disgusting moldy cheese, and a thin film of bacon grease. It is a battle of wills that I am losing. Oh dear god that stench! The smell makes me want to vomit. I slowly back out of the room, losing my nerve, but never taking my eyes off that monstrosity. I roll through the door way and kick close the door with a satisfying slam. I live to fight another day.

~Congratulations on running away from a pile of dirty dishes... You are such a manly man~

Grimacing at the harsh truth uttered in my head, I trudge forward toward the door. My heart is pounding, and my eyes are watering. The door is doing a piss poor job of blocking the vile odor coming from the kitchen. It's just a blanket nailed over the doorway after all. Wait, how did I slam it, if it wasn't a door?

~It's really really dirty. We are talking about a petrified cotton board here.~

I push the "door" up, ready to face my fears. The foul wave of smell nearly knocked me over, but I know that if I were to fall, that would entail me being on the tile floor of the kitchen. The grimy, disgusting, vile, tiled floor. That's not going to happen. I hang on the refrigerator door for dear life. I have wandered where vermin fear to tread!!! Woe is me!!! WOE IS ME! ~ You know you could just, I don't know... Grow a pair YAH PUSSY! Its just a bit of foulness!

I glance at my armaments. My comrades in the war against this filth. I nod at the small tower of sponges, give a quick look over Mr. Hair Dryer, and- dear sweet merciful Hades! They've gotten Colonel Spatula! I watch in horror as the metal cooking utensil crawls away. Must. Get. The. Hell. away! I force myself to look at the dishes once more. Has the mold grown higher since I just left the room? Oh my god I think I just heard it speak! Am I hyperventilating now? Vision...Going...Dark. Oh hello ground!

~L-O-L, You are unconscious!~

Fuck off me.

I open my eyes. It takes me a second to realize where I am layi-OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD GET UP GET UP GET OF THE FLOOR! I manage to scramble off the ground before the dirt noticed me. Do souls follow the 5 second rule I wonder? Uggh.

~Just do the dishes you goat licking pansy.~

I thought we said we would never think of that again.

Shaking my head, I grab the nearest cleanest dish... Ooooh, that's a pretty shade of brownish green.

---

I stumbled out from the kitchen, a mere shell of the man I once was. I saw into the abyss, and it into me. I am truly scarred from this event. I am-~Being super over-dramatic about doing dishes, which by the way, you did a shitty job of. Who the hell uses a blow dryer to clean dishes? Everyone knows that you should use them to clean bathtubs... Preferably when they are full of water. Hint Hint.~

I collapse on the couch and stare at the new colorful pattern on the ceiling. ”It's just ketchup and mayonnaise”, I keep telling myself,” Just ketchup and mayonnaise”. Discord has been trying to throw hotdogs up in the air to see if they'd stick. From the fair number of indents in the stucco, he has been at it for quite a while. I let out a loud gasp. He actually got one to stick! Amazing! How long will it stay up the- the hotdog detaches from the ceiling with a sickening plop and falls, perfectly mind you, into one of the buns placed on the stained carpet below. Sometimes, I am in awe of what Discord does, and as much as I would like to say that he plans these things to happen, I know that the truth is, he is just making this stuff up as he goes. He's just some kind of creepy James Bond... Except, instead of neat gadgets, he has a suit full of crazy.

Thump. Thump. Thumpity. Honk!

I turn to look at the door where the noise emanated. It's a door to a place of unimaginable dullness, of unbridled creativity, incalculable cruelty, and boundless kindness... the real world. I figured that it would rear its head eventually.

Thump. Thump. Thumpity. Honk!

It's probably one of the neighbors... or the police. Shit. I am going to get evicted! Ahhhh! Maybe if I just ignore it... it will go away!

~Another brilliant plan from the mind of Colonel Pimp Daddy Z. Ramses Akbar! Truly the greatest mind of our generation.~

I have had enough of your snark. I am getting the spatula. I'll get blitzed out of my mind on whatever mold spores are festering on it, just try me!

Thump. Thump. Thumpity. Honk!

The foot steps are getting closer. Who ever is making that racket is standing just outside my door. I hold my breath, a bead of sweat trickles down neck, tickling my chest hairs. I hear the jingle jangle of keys, and almost give a sigh of relief... until I realize that the only person who would come in at this time of- I look out the window... night, could only be- The door opens with a loud click. It's Discord, the chaos roommate from hell.

"Oh honey, I'm home!" He yells gleefully as he strides through the door. He is wearing a catfish costume, a fancy catfish costume to be precise. Tuxedo and a top hat fancy. The fact that he was wearing a giant catfish mask did not detract from the amount of fanciness this costume had.

By now I am completely unfazed by all the zany costumes he finds every day. Just yesterday he found a sailor moon costume. I didn't even know they were still making those. Coincidentally, that was the day that I bought razors for him. I don't think the nightmares will ever go away.

I sigh as I put out my hand out. He stares at me in contempt for a while before he rolls his eyes and reaches into his back pocket. He withdrawals a fat stack of cash and flings it at me. I don't react fast enough and it hits me square in the face. I sigh as the money flies everywhere. Discord looks at me expectantly. Putting on the fakest smile I could muster as I deadpan," So, how was your day?"

"Oh... the usual", he replies in his nonchalant manner as he takes the catfish mask off his head. "Found a goat, painted it pink, and then I left it on the top floor of that quilt museum. After that I found this delightful costume just lying in the dumpster! Can you believe it?" He scoffs. " So how was my little 'wizard' today?" He asks as he walks into my old room.

"The same thing that I do every day when you’re gone Discord. Cleaning up the messes you make." I grumble as i recall the great pudding carpet incident of April 16th.

"Pah, I will find a way to pierce that cold boring shell you’re hiding behind Ashton", Discord yells from the room. I hear the clattering of boxes tumbling in the other room. Don't tell he found the board games.

~He found the board games! Hahahaha! Crazy voice gleefully chirps.

"Oh! This looks interesting!" I hear more boxes falling... plastic pieces probably being haphazardly spread across the entire carpet like a mine field of pain. Not that I care though, having already declared to myself that the room was no-mans land, especially after hearing the noises coming from there the night before.

~Aren't you the least curious as to how he procured a rooster and a sheep?~

Not even in the slightest." I still don't get the point of clothes Ashton", I hear him say, slightly muffled. He walks out of the room wearing some old clothes of mine, clothes that are obviously to small for him, along with a sailors hat and a bib. He was carrying a stack of board games. I let out a weary sigh, before giving up and clearing the table in front of the couch.

---

I stare into his hetero-chromatic eyes. They show nothing of his intent, gleaming like a pair of mirrors. Say what you will about Discord, when he wants to, he has one hell of a poker face. Wait for it... wait for it. Ha! That smile betrays him. Right?

~We talked about this Ashton. You can't just project meanings to meaningless mannerisms. Discord’s always smiling.~ The inner voice said condescendingly.

It doesn't matter, I am the one with the most experience in this game. Discord doesn't have squat on me! This is a real mans game, and there is no room for a namby pamby deity from the magical land of little ponies! I squint as I look directly into those mismatched eyes, those cracked windows to his twisted soul and," Is it a girl?"

He strokes his beard in thought, saying," The concept of human gender still baffles me, but if I were to guess I would say..." He leans his head closer to the board." Nope." I flick all the female faces down. "Does your person have a beard?"

"Yes" I say as I take a sip from my coke. Blast, he is good at this game! Indeed, Guess Who is the true thinking mans game. You have to get into your opponents mind, and discern his character. If they are vain, like Discord here, they will usually choose the closest character resembling themselves. I, however, always choose one of the corner characters all the time, since most people focus on the middle of their board

~You got this info from /b/chan by the way... just throwing that out there~

The internet is never wrong! I give a smirk as I announce the right answer. "It's Philip isn't it." I direct my gaze to the picture of a black bearded man on the second to top row.

"Nope", he says bluntly, with mischief in his eyes. Damn, so much for that. It was probably bill, that kooky ginger bastard. It's always the gingers. I have at least a few turns before discord stumbles on to the identity of my character. "Is it... not Richard?" Son of a bitch!

"No..." I say through grinding teeth. He giggles as he rakes his hand across the board, slamming down all the faces but one. Okay, I gotta think here...Discord is above strategy, skill, and luck. He goes straight to the cheating. Except it is too creative to be considered cheating, he elevates it to an art form. I scratch my hair and wrack my brain. Think Ashton, think!

~In your case, it would be herp Ashton, derp!~

This is Discord, he is both crazy and vain. It's kind of obvious what character he has. "It's you isn't it?" He drops the smile, and pauses for a second. His face twitches a bit as he grabs the little card from his board and slowly hands it to me. Its a laminated picture of himself, giving two thumbs up to the camera. "I was wondering about why we had an ID card for a 'Mr. Funk Nasty' with the picture cut out", I say cheekily. He frowns and flips the board game into the air. I dodge the flying faces. "For the spirit of chaos you sure are predictable." He gasps, staring at me with sincere surprise.

~Sometime you astound yourself with your stupidity.~

Discord narrows his eyes as he gets up and stomps into my old room. He slams the door so hard that the table jumps. That's not good. I hear the sound of steel on steel as he rummages through what sounds like the pile of shitty swords that I own. I withdraw Sebastien from under the couch. Ha! They called me mad for keeping deadly weapons under all my furniture! I sure showed them!

~Who is they? Bitch, are you cheating on me? You dirty slut!~

I run to the computer, figuring that I have a few extra minutes while Discord is putting on some crazy costume to find some suitable fighting music. I wipe the cheeto dust from off the mouse and slap the keyboard as I wait for the screen to flicker to life. I am greeted by picture of lolcats and 24 separate tabs of recipes, rage memes, ponies, and sexy naked ladies. I rub my eyes as I exit out of the browser, and open back up again. Okay, lets do it the lazy way and just type out what I want... I type i- I hear a loud clang from the other room and cringe. Okay where was I? I see the history show up below the search bar and can't help but glance at it. Among the various tasteless sites I spy www.fimfiction.net/chat, just below www.kitticatz.com and just above www.SpunkiSpidiGirlz.gov.

Geez, I haven't been on the IRC for how long now? Ever since I found Discord, I haven't really talked to anyone else.
I don't know if it’s because he has been such a handful, or just too damn interesting. From the state of the rooms, I think it’s the latter. Might as well check if #fimfic has chilled out since the pink flashing sky dealio. I click the connect button. Sweet lord look at all the people! Around 70 names line the right of the chat. Why! Why did they have to put the chat link near the top? Damn, if I couldn't get a word in edge wise before, I certainly won't now. It won't hurt to try though.

[20:32] == Draequine [[e-mail]] has joined #fimfiction
[20:33] <Obselescence> ""Aw, Spikey-Wikey," the unicorn said with a chortle that she failed to contain. "We want food." "Well go get some hoe. The kitchen's right there." He pointed a claw to the kitchen. "Let a bro sleep.""

Hmmm, well they are quoting fics, so I guess they aren't freaking out too bad about the flashing pink sky. Better say hello then.

[20:33] <Draequine> Hey guys, long time no see! Its been a pretty chaotic week for me, so I couldn't get on.

I giggle at my pun. The chat overflows with comments that are completely irrelevant to my statement.

[20:33] == ENP [[e-mail]] has quit [Ping timeout: 361 seconds]
[20:33] <Obselescence> I can't tell
[20:33] <Obselescence> if this fic is the best thing ever
[20:33] <Obselescence> or the worst
[20:33] <Cyanide> Wat

I wonder what people thought about the crazy pink flashes.

[20:33] <Draequine> What about them pink flashes last week, eh? Who else thought they were tripping balls? Did anyone else smell fudge?
[20:33] == ENP [[e-mail]] has joined #fimfiction
[20:33] <RDSmashBrother> ?
[20:33] <DonnaNoble> Hey, anyone? Who has a fanfic idea for me so I could deicate it to them? No, I'm not stealing fanfic ideas.
[20:33] <Aquarian_Poet> ...let a bro sleep?

I was completely ignored. Damn them all! Fuck, I might as well get something off my chest.

[20:33] <Draequine> Last week I found the humanized version of Discord. He may or may not be a hobo, but he does pay the rent.
[20:33] <DonnaNoble> ...
[20:33] <Carmine> xD
[20:33] <Obselescence> ""But we're hungry," the cyan pegasus whined, putting on a poor pouty face, her lip sticking out and red eyes drooped. She looked like Rarity when she got 20% more duckface."
[20:33] <ENP> alan wake crossover

I sigh and open up a new tab to find the right music to have an epic battle to. Last time I fought with discord, it was actually starting to get boring, trident or no. I think quietly to myself, Dub step is right out of the question, He will like that too much... I don't want any songs with lyrics, or any heavy metal songs actually, but classical would be waaaay to composed for this fight. Ha, of course! Jazz is always the answer! I click into my saved bookmarks to pull out my Favorite Jazz piece. Bitches love jazz.

Just before I hit play on the clip I hear a small beep. I scares me so bad that I accidentally fart. What the hell is this!? I look through the chat and find a solitary comment directed to me.

[20:33] <Aquarian_Poet> ...what?!
[20:33] <Carmine> What.
[20:33] <Carmine> Just... what.
[20:33] <ENP> writes himself into equestria to save his wife
[20:34] <Aquarian_Poet> How is that... even... anything?
[20:34] <Carmine> I need to get to writing.
[20:34] <Carmine> Gotta wor on A Party of Two
[20:34] <Cyanide> Yo, who a dragon gotta blow to get a g&t up in here!
[20:34] <Carmine> *Work
[20:34] <Obselescence> Apparently
[20:34] <Professor_Piggy> DonnaNoble Rarity is stunned when Sweetie Belle out fashion designs her and claims world fame.
[20:34] <FullMetalPony> "Draequine did you really find Discord?! PM me! I need help!
[20:34] <Obselescence> the guy wrote it sober
[20:34] <Carmine> Which, surprisingly, isn't a shipfic OR clopfic.

Ha, He is probably sarcastic... There is no way in hell that I would find someone who believes that I have found a humanized MLP character... and definitely not another brony! I might as well see how far he goes with this, just in case.

[20:35] <Draequine> Yea, I gotta deal with dis- BRB

I quickly hit enter as I hear discord yell triumphantly," Ah ha!" Its on now, Discord! I slam the play button.

---

Our swords make a sweet melody amongst the intense jazz flowing out of my room. Step, pivot, duck. The broadsword whizzes by me. I am terrified that I am going to slip on one of the many hot dog buns that litter the floor. That, and the way that Discord is holding his weapon. It's not a bat, damn it, and don't get me started with that ridiculous fencing uniform paired he is wearing. I am sure it would have made sense if he was a using fencing foil, but that is a broadsword. At least he was getting slightly better at swordsmanship since the first time we fought. Not as good as me, but still.

~Why are we doing this?~

Because if we don't, then he will probably kill us by accident. Plus it's admittedly fun.

~Wrong! The only reason that Discord still does this shit is because you refuse to assert yourself in this obviously gay relationship between you two~

I am not gay! To prove it, I am going to end this fight right now, and stab this silly dip-shit. Step, step... er... Fuck! I trip and bang my shoulder on the coffee table. Ouch! I get nudged in the side by a giggling discord. I quickly roll forward and scramble to my feet. Damn him! He must have distracted me!

~You can't do anything else but dodge like a little pansy... I told you that you should have splurged on additional swordplay lessons!~

Shush, now is the time for clever banter to be exchanged between me and discord, I must have absolute silence!

~You think to yourself, as crazy squealing jazz blares from your computer in the other room~

Ignoring the cheeky voice, I rehearse a great quote I read from Moby Dick. " From hell’s heart I stab at thee; for hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee." That really classed up this duel.

Discords eyes narrows as he replies," From dull and dusty books you garner quotes to toss at me" He thrusts his sword, and nearly takes a tumble into a pile of what would favorably be called miscellaneous pointy items. I side step this attack and put my room at my back. Discord turns to face me, panting hard. He gasps out," You know what you fight like Ashton?

"No, What?" I ask curiously.

"You fight like a potato." He says.

"Yeah? Well... how appropriate! You fight like a potato farmer!" I cry out reflexively

Discord pauses, looks at me for a moment, and just shakes his head. Damn it brain! Why you so stupid? I cringe at my own stupidity.

~If I had control over your arms, I would use them to face palm... and then to strangle you, of course.~

He thrusts at me again, this time a little more accurate, forcing me to deflect it and step back. This requires drastic measures now. I am going to have to get personal. "Do you know why I keep you around, Discord", I ask him as he flails his sword around.

"Why, oh great and powerful wizard, do you keep me here?" he asks snidely.

"Well its not because I am afraid that you will break into this apartment and stab me in my sleep." Actually I was terrified of this happening every night. "No, it’s because you entertain me. To be honest, you are some crazy hobo who I let live here, illegally mind you, just because you have a talent for making easy cash quickly." Discord frowns at me. "Even if you were actually the real Discord, you are still powerless here!" He cringes and takes a step back.

"I thought you believed in me Ashton!" He says giving a half-hearted wave of his sword as he attempts to look like his feelings were fake hurt, instead of sincerely hurt. The things I do to win petty games.

"I doubt you could cause any real chaos on earth", I taunt. Discords eyes narrow as he glares at me. Oh Cheesy testicles. He advances on me, and I take step back, and then another step, and another, until I my back is to the wall of my room.

"Who are you to say that I can't cause chaos", He yells, sword raised. "Do you know who I am? I am the man who's going to explodifiy your brain hole with chocolate milk!" He shouts out, incoherently frothing with rage. He swings. The music screeches to a violent halt. I squeeze my eyes shut in calm acceptance of death. Being killed by a crazy hobo isn't the worst way to go.

Seconds pass, and I hear a high pitch wailing. I risk opening my eyes. No. No no no no! This is even worse then dying! I see my computer, my poor poor computer, impaled on a broadsword. I hear its pitiful death rattles as a shower of sparks flow out of its wound. I stare at her murderer. I see him smiling, and twitching... and convulsing, since he has a death grip on the metal sword that's currently imbedded in my precious precious computer. I can salvage this! I can do this, I can- He jerks violently, ripping the wires from the wall. He stares at the abolished computer fear, and heaves the sword over my head and accidentally lets go in mid swing. I reach my hand out as it sails over my head and smashes through the closed window.

Its dead quiet in the room, save for the squealing of the speakers. I turn to discord, who has now recovered from my cruel taunt. He has his finger to his lip, in a 'Who-me?' expression. My mind floods with violent thoughts.

~Kill him slowly, make it last, cut the man, paint the lines, cut the man, paint the lines, eat his soul, rape him with a rake!~ My inner voice sing songed in a cheerful tone.

He steps back a step. I twitch my eye as the blood lust overcomes me. The last of my sanity strips away. "Crush! Kill! Destroy! Swag!" I scream with all my might. My vision fades as I black ou-

---

I come to my senses. My head is pounding and I taste the flavor of my coppery blood in my mouth. I am standing over a body. Oh my god I killed a hobo! Shit. Okay Ashton, you have to make a plan here. You can't just wing it this time! I need a drink. I take a step over the body and slowly walk into the kitchen, rubbing my aching head. I open the fridge, the light in it flickers momentarily before fizzling out. I grab another coke and slam the door shut. I stare at the can in my hand. I need something more then just coke to deal with this crazy town bullshit!

I yank at one of the drawers, which grind open in protest. After a few moments of rummaging I finally find what I am after. I beheld the perfect tool for the endeavor I am about to take, my thinking crazy straw! My mission accomplished, I walk back into the living to decide what to do with the body.

I now know, without a doubt, that the Discord that has spent a week with me, isn't the real Discord, because if he was I wouldn't have been able to kill him so easily. I don't know whenever to be disappointed or relieved. I go with a mix of the two. Now... what to do about the corpse bleeding in my living room. Well the dumpster is the closest, but I would have to go to the store to get large trash bags. I think my dad had a gallon of lye laying around here.

~Lutefisk anyone?~

Bah, what the hell am I thinking!? Lutefisk is disgusting! He would last me much longer as mincemeat. I sigh. Where can I find an industrial meat grinder at this hour? I feel movement on the carpet behind me. It's probably some mice. I hear the corpse moan. Sweet jebus! I kick the zombie in the head repeatedly. It stops moving. Note to self, add Zombie Slayer to resume.

~Addendum: Nitwit who doesn't know the difference between a passed out hobo and corpse~

Pffft, he is totally a zombie and you- I know it... I think. I cautiously put my fingers to the bodies throat. Yea he is de- I feel a pulse- finatly alive... and I had just kicked him in the head repeatedly. I face palm. I had better wake him up then, but how? Looking at the coke in my hand for a moment, I bid it a fond farewell and hurl it at discords bruised face. He sputters loudly as he gets up on his elbow, his hand on his bruised head. He looked at me with a sad frown on his face.

I stare at Discord, still angry with him. "I know you don't feel guilty about what you have done, so I'll bite... what's wrong?"

"You're right." He says morosely, he chews on his lip a bit.

"About what?" I ask, confused.

"That I can't cause any real chaos." He sighs.

Feeling sorry for him, yet again, I say," Oh come on, you already flipped my life upside down, and you haven't been here for more then a week!"

"Oh come now Ashton..." he says softly, as if addressing a child," If I had my powers back I would be long gone."

"Come to think of it why are you still here any way? I would think that being the spirit of chaos meant that you are basically a free spirit, untethered to any one place, powers or no powers", I ask, curious now since this may be the only time to get a straight answer from him for once, or ,at least, a slightly crooked one.

"Oh so it was a coincidence that you, someone that already knows who I am and what I am capable of, not only find me, but let me live with you as well."

~That was just poor decision making and outright stupidity on your part.~

"No", He continues, "It was most certainly... fate." He spat out with a grimace.

I was shocked. "I didn't take you as a person to believe in destiny Discord." He is the spirit of chaos, he kicks fate in the balls no matter what he does... doesn't he?

He sniffs." I don't know where you would get that silly idea. My whole existence is..." he pauses with a sigh " was to defy fate in all its forms, from the little things, like gravity and eating to the bigger picture, trying to stop the predestined itself!" That didn't work out for him much did it, what with the whole being turned to stone a second time, when he had access to the elements of harmony no less! He shakes his head before saying," As I was saying, finding myself powerless on this ,admittedly delightfully strange, world has made me realize something about myself."

"And that would be?" I ask in suspense.

"That without my powers, I am nothing." Discord puts his face in his hands. ~I hope he doesn't start cutting himself... that is one stain we will refuse to clean.~ I don't know how to respond! Crap sacks.

"Want some chocolate milk?" I say as I take the crazy straw embedded in his hair. "I'll let you use the crazy straw!" I say, trying to sound playful. I fail horribly.

"That's all I am now aren't I? Just a crazy straw in this bale of hay called earth!" his words drip with scorn. Oh great, he’s going noir on me. He continues this rant he has started," Oh sure, I may act differently, I make look slightly different, but somewhere out there is another million people. People just. Like. Me." Is that what he is getting pissy about? That he isn't unique anymore? I am glad I kicked his ass.

"Okay then..." I murmur, uncertain of what to say.

I see a tear trickle down his face as he keeps talking. "I feel like I am just a two dimensional character now!" I barely restrain myself from laughing. He sure hit the nail on the head. He continues crying," I have no personality beyond being the spirit of chaos! I am just a crazy old mule." He starts sobbing.

"You’re kidding right?" I blurt out. He stares up at me. "Uhhh...", I pause, not sure how to say this. "You think you are bland? That you are unoriginal? Listen Discord, you are a cheeky, crafty son of a bitch that everyone loves to hate. The only thing you are lacking in is sanity.

Discord slowly gets up. "I suppose you are-" He gasps as he clutches his chest. His eyes twitch, and his pupils become dilated. "Hnnnnnnng", He strains a syllable as a vein on his forehead throbs. He is convulsing. Ooooh, he must be having a stro- He just flashed. He is flashing colors now! A... ah? What happened to his face? Where is his face!? Discord has become a flashing blur... this can't be happening. This can't be happening! Unnngh! Brain. Taquitos.

~Awww the little baby can't take a little madness? Self, I am disappoint.~

The craziness finally stops. Okay, diagnosis check. My name is Ashton Thomas. I like bacon. I have no grasp of the concept of salads. I have all my limbs. My hair is on fire. My hair is on fire?! I make a dash for the bathroom, jumping over the smoldering pile of cheetos on the floor, and past a yet again unconscious Discord. I shove my head into the open toilet, and get rewarded with a satisfying fizzling sound as the flames are quenched... did I flush?

Discord leans on the door way. He has his broad creepy smile back on his face, and his eyes shine with a delight that sets me on unease. "Sooo.... what was that?" I ask as I squeeze past him.

"Oooooh, nothing", he says innocently," Now look into my eyes." Fuck! I shut my eyes a tight as I can. "Oh, as if that's going to keep me from looking at what makes you tick." He chuckles and he puts his hand my head, ruffling my singed hair. I can't help but open my eyes... and see a pair of entrancing multi-layered eyes staring at me. A sense of calmness over takes me as he dissipates from view. So is he gone?

-~Nope~- Came a new voice in my head.

The ground rushes toward me as everything goes black. Hello darkness... my old friend.

Comments

[Garion]

Y U NO BE MAGIC

[123456789123456789]

This sheet just got serious, yo.

[Tech_Priest]

I wonder if my life would be better if I also had a voice in my head....

[Alicorn king]

I love this story the best

I can't stop laughing

[cheetaboy7]

Bloody BRILLIANT! Oh, I can't wait for the voices in his head to start talking to each other. This is going far better than I expected this story to go!

[Draequine]

476984

Your about to be horribly surprised at what happens.

[Paladin Redflare]

I just started reading this story today, and another update?! OH MY, IT'S BEAUTIFUL!

[cheetaboy7]

476996
"Horribly surprised" just makes me more exited!

[Draequine]

477005

Just for yew!

[Paladin Redflare]

Oh my goddesses... does that mean he got his powers back? Epic either way.

[Jaysteeny]

OHGAWD OHGAWD OHGAWD OHGAWD OHGAWD OHGAWD OHGAWD OHGAWD OHGAWD OHGAWD OHGAWD OHGAWD

[Generaal]

"Crush! Kill! Destroy! Swag!"

I lolled XD

[Rangerdash115]

Shitstorm inbound!!!!!!!!!

[aleksic]

CRUSH KILL DESTROY SWAG
i lauhed so hard at this, i fell off my chair. You sir made my day

[SteveTheViking]

Gawd now he has THREE different consiousnesses (spelled right?) in his head.
And there's also that whole magic thingy...
You know what. It's just a lot easier to sit back and watch this unfold.

[oldtimeydude]

Uh oh... This can't be good for him or the world...

[Shanenator]

God damn, these PonyFall stories are a riot. This shit is so funny my roommates keep giving me weird looks. I just can't stop laughing! STOP STARING AT ME HO.

...Anyways, I think this one is my new favorite. It makes little to no sense, references everything funny and good in the world, and Discord is best pone. Can't wait to read the rest of this, so fucking good.

Also, I can't tell at this point which of the PonyFall stories are self-inserts or not. I hope your irl isn't exactly like this, sounds rather disgusting lol. Oh yeah, and fucking hilarious voices in your head. Might wanna have a doc look at that.