PonyFall:Adventures in Chaos

by Draequine

New Day 1: The Spirit of Hangovers

Hello again, or not, if this is the only letter you’ve seen.

Now I don’t know how you found this letter, and I’m betting I don’t want to know. (Sorry if the way you received this note wasn’t exactly... natural, but that’s the way these things go, I’m afraid.)

Why did you get this letter? Well, hopefully it’s because you can actually do something to get me out of here. Don’t bother asking where ‘here’ is, because where I am doesn’t have a where, a when, or a what. It’s just a hole in nothing; a nowhere place that is unaffected by time and reality.

If you don’t understand this, just tear up this letter right now, because it isn’t for you, and if you do, then yay for me~!

If you can do something to help me out, then it shouldn’t be too difficult to find my previous letter. Not that you have to, since it was just a first attempt at this, really.

Here’s all you need to know; I found a man named Discord. He wasn’t always a man. Once he was a cartoon.

I think you might know that there are almost countless universes out there, and that it is indeed possible for a universe to almost perfectly mirror a work of fiction in ours. Well, Discord is someone from one of these universes. Specifically one filled with magical talking pastel colored ponies.

Discord was a villain there. Technically he isn’t evil, but he certainly isn’t good either. He went by “The Spirit of Chaos” and did nothing but cause disharmony. If you care to learn more about him, then just google “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic”. Yes, he is a character in that show.

If you think this is just a joke, think back to how you got this letter. (Again, I’m sorry about how you may have gotten this letter, but it’s not like I can send these with any accuracy.)

He’s the reason I’m here, but it’s my fault for sticking with him after the second week.

I’m going to be straight with you, I’m not a nice man. I’m not bad, but I’m not good. I’m also a little funny in the head. (I have a voice in my head. It isn’t a part of me anymore, but that still counts as being crazy, right?) Now, why should you help me out of here?

Because I can fix this. I am all that stands between the world and a whole mess of chaos

Alright, I can’t fix this, but I’ll tell you who can help you fix it. I know, it is pretty dickish of me, but I won’t tell you who or where the heroes that can defeat Discord are. I won’t even give you names.

As I have said before, I’m not a complete bastard. You aren’t going to face Discord completely unarmed. I know for a fact that he isn’t completely invincible, it’s just that he can’t be hurt by anyone or anything in any way. Okay, that doesn’t make much sense, does it? Perhaps I should explain...

---

Where should I start? I already wrote about the first week in the last letter, so I think I’ll just pick up where I left off.

Right, so Discord did a faceplant on concrete. God of Chaos or not, he wasn’t waking up anytime soon, or so the voice in my head kept saying.

~Right! This is your last chance, Ashton, just ditch him!~

---

You know how crazy people have voices in their heads telling them to do stuff? Most of the time, those voices aren’t that different from the ones hearing them, and their usual dialogue consists of a steady stream of whispers that further erode their sanity. Crazy voice isn’t like that at all. Well, he was until I found Discord, but now he is his own separate person. A person that intensely hated every fiber of my being, but I liked to think that he had finally learned tolerate me.

---

Crazy Voice, I’m not leaving Discord like this. Yes, I know you shouldn’t talk to the voices in your head. Anyways. Who knows what he’ll do when he wakes up?

~Which is why you should get as much distance between you and him as possible.~

When has that stopped him? So far, Discord had proven to be able to do anything.

~Well, what are you going to do, Ashton?~

I don’t know! Something! The entire day (if you can call multiple trips back and forth through time a day) was the epitome of hectic, and I was just about to call it quits and drag Discord into an alley and sleep in a dumpster. Then I took an inventory, and realized I had around two thousand dollars.

I called out to a taxi. It’s driver stared at me like I was some kind of freak show. I don’t blame him for thinking so, because I was wearing a collection of clothes that don’t have the right to be mentioned in the same sentence together, much less worn together.

“Is da circus in town or sumting, kid?” The driver chuckled, flicking a cigarette out of his window. I’m not that good with placing accents, but I just know that he was screwing with me. I was tired of being screwed with.

I really want to do something horrible to this man.

~You don’t need to do anything, Ashton, you have money.~

---

It’s rather sad when the voice in your head is saner than you. I flashed the cash and pointed to Discord, who had been nudged off the street by pedestrians.

Money was money, so the taxi driver shrugged and let me drag Discord into the cab.

---

“So’s, where ya going, clowns?”, The driver must have thought he was so hilarious. He wouldn't stop chuckling the entire ride.

“I need to get to a hotel, please.”

“Hah! A polite clown”, the driver turned in his seat, “What kind o’ ‘otel kid?” The driver was much too gruff for a job like this, I think. He looked more like a lumberjack than a cabbie

“Something that will take cash and isn’t too shitty?”

“Hah! I know jus’ da place, clown.”

---

And so he did. New York wasn’t as claustrophobic as I thought it would be, with all those buildings looming over everyone. The cabby had taken me and Discord to this place called St. Mark’s hotel.

---

~Ready for the outrageous fare?~ Crazy Voice was ever the cynic.

Well, this is New York, the fare is supposed to be high. Whereas I am always a realist. In addition to taking in the view of New York, I had kept my eye on the meter. It was ridiculously high, but I wasn’t about to start anything with this man.

“On da house, clowns! Hah!” This was completely unexpected. I’m still not sure if Discord was responsible for this free ride or not. “Jus’ call for Sammy when you need a ride now, ya hear?”

“Uh... Okay?” I said, naturally taking this in stride with my usual suave demeanor.

Did that actually happen? We’re in New York, right? I had decided to stop trusting reality after eating a slice of picnic basket as a talking dingo.

~I’m not so sure now.~

Once more unto the breach, then. I’m still not sure that was the correct quote.

~Ugh.~ Crazy certainly thought it wasn’t.

The hotel certainly looked clean, but after what I had been through anything would have. The clerk had that disdainful look most people have when faced with undesirables, which Discord and I totally were, but that didn’t stop me from being offended.

“Yus? Do you want a room... sir?” I still wonder how he could have sound so snooty working in a cheap hotel like this.

---

Flashing cash didn't change his attitude, but it did give Discord and I a suite, and a wheelchair. Which didn’t make much sense, since there wasn’t a single elevator in the building. Three floors of dragging Discord up stairs. It was such fun.

Once I had gotten Discord in the room and on the bed, it had finally hit me.

---

This is Discord.

~Yes, yes it is, Ashton. A gold star for you!~ Which had brought my total up to two shiny stars.

You are Crazy Voice.

~Uh huh, finally going through a meltdown?~

I think so. You weren’t always like this, were you?

~No Ashton, I was only a hallucination until the dream.~

What dream? That’s Discord. Crazy Voice. Ponies. Oh my GOD! OH MY GOD!

I’m not proud of the freak out I had. I always thought that when I finally snapped I would have killed a few people. Nope, instead of murdering someone, I just sat down and thought it over.

“That’s Discord, currently passed out on the bed,” I had figured if I said this outloud, it would make sense.

“We are in New York. I have traveled through time. I have been a talking Dingo.” So far, saying it hadn’t brought any clarity.

“I have met Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Angel, Rainbow Dash, Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle. These are supposed to be fictional characters.”

I tried saying it one more time, just to be sure. “Discord is a fictional character. I brought Discord to my home a week and one day ago.”

~Thank you for the pointless recap, Ashton.~

“What did I do for the week he was there?” I didn’t even bother to talk to Crazy Voice using my head.

~Nothing.~

“I let the Spirit of Chaos spend a week in my apartment, unsupervised, while my Dad was locked up...” Just before my brain had decided to lock up and shut down, I finished my monologue with a weak, “Why?”

---

Right, so I suppose you’re wondering why I let Discord spend a week living with me. Why I didn’t check up with my father, who was arrested. (I still don’t even know what he was arrested for!)

The thing is, even with all this time (If you can call it that) on my hands to think about this, I still don’t know! I’m sure I wasn’t looking for excitement in my life; I was content being a loser. I know it wasn’t because he was my responsibility, because if he had been, I would have dropped him like a sack of potatoes. Did I let him live with me to stop him from plunging the world into chaos? After reading my last letter, what do you think? Exactly.

I didn’t peek into the room he was using during that week, I didn’t do anything for him during that week, and he didn’t do anything that week. Why!? Why didn’t he do anything until a week later?!

Only weirdos write about their sleep deprived dreams, so I’ll spare you the lucid details. I clearly remember what the first thing I noticed was when I woke up. I still had my clothes on. A week ago that would have been the norm, but I had gotten used to being in a different costume every time I blinked.

---

Am I still in a hotel? There wasn’t any harm in a quick reality check.

~Yes, Ashton, you are still in a hotel.~ Crazy Voice was the only one who would oblige me in these questions for some reason.

Human? The last thing I wanted was to be a talking dingo in New York. If I was lucky enough to be a dingo.

~If one were to squint hard enough, I’m sure you could pass for human~ A prime example of Crazy Voice wit.

---

Having completed my system check, I left the bed. To my surprise, Discord was still asleep. I was completely stumped on what to do next. Until I sighed, of course.

---

“Guh!” I gagged and quickly glanced back at Discord to see if he had awoken to my smell. Then I realized that he would have been woken up by it already if the smell could have roused him from his sleep.

I can still remember the stench. It was the accumulated scent of all the terror, excitement, and boredom of the previous week catching up with me. It was finally time to have an actual bath!

I can actually feel the stress dripping off. It was fantastic to have a bath after all the crazy stuff that had happened.

~That’s probably because the water’s just cold enough not to boil you alive.~ It may have been hotter than my usual baths, but how else was I supposed to sterilize myself?

The bath was merely a blissful respite before all the chaos had begun again.

“Oooooh...”

---

I’m not ashamed to write that I did as much as humanly possible to ignore the groan.

---

“Uggggh!” Alas, it was not enough.

“Alright, wait a sec, Discord. Let me get dressed.” Much to no one’s surprise, the clothes changed into a hawaiian t-shirt and green shorts.

At least it isn’t a kilt with a turtleneck. Now that I think about it, it’s strange that they changed, since, at the time, Discord was completely powerless. Probably just some leftover magic or something.

I hadn’t bothered to dry off, being curious as to what Discord wanted. “Well?”

“Hngggh?” Discord was draped onto the bed, his arm laid across his eyes. He wasn’t wearing the habit anymore, it had turned into a turtleneck with tweed jeans. I tugged his arm from his face, revealing his bloodshot eyes.

“Wakey wakey, Discord,” I said with the hint of a smile. He looked so confused, it was kinda funny.

“Oh dear... now, when did I make you?” He asked sleepy before squinting his eyes “And how do you know my name?”

“Haha, very funny, Discord. You didn’t make me. I’m Ashton.” I had said suspiciously.

---

Of course, I didn’t believe that Discord actually had a bout of amnesia. Anyone would have thought Discord was joking if they had spent more than three days with him.

---

“What’s an Ashton?” Normally, they’d be right, but this time? No.

“Don’t you remember?” I was starting to get a bit worried, but quickly realized that him getting amnesia was probably a good thing.

“Remember wh- arghh!” He clutched his head. “Oh, my head...”

“Wait... do you have a hangover?” You could say that Discord binged on chaos.

“What’s a hangover? Wait, I’m moving!” He gasped, giving me a small clue to how far back his memory loss went. “Good gracious, what am I?”

As much fun as it would have been to watch him inspect himself a second time, I quickly answered, “Human.”

“Oh, well, I can’t have that, then. Humans look much too strange.” He loudly snapped his fingers to no avail. He realized he was completely powerless. “Oh, dear.”

“Can’t change back into a draconequus, then?” I can’t remember what prompted me to say that. Oh, wait, yes I do.

~You should totally ask him some inane question to piss him off.~

D’okay! I was so stupid back then...

“Really, who are you, and how do you know me?” I was in for a long talk.

---

I didn’t need to tell you that, but this is probably the only way you can find out what happened. It felt good to write about this, anyway, so I think I’ll keep writing letters like this until I’m out of here.

Yours truly,
Ashton Thomas

Comments

[truthaura]

i know this is expected but.....WUT

[Focusphobia]

Oh...

[Thunderbug80]

I'm enjoying the new style. Good stuff.

[Teh Foopie]

Okay, I am liking this style much better.

A hint of chaos and mystery, without being unintelligible.

[Paladin Redflare]

I'm actually able to tell what's going on! This is fabulous!

[Willow the Pegasus]

Nice new style. And with it, STARTING OVER. Oh dear.

[Forderz]

Ashton finally becoming an actual human being and not a aimless drifter? Legible syntax?

Awesome!

[nightelf37]

WAT.