PonyFall:Adventures in Chaos

by Draequine

Names (DANGER ZONE)

Names
Chapter next

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I could never remember names, or faces. Probably due to my aforementioned apathy. Never really saw the point in remembering people who were just dull, sad sacks going through life like I was.

In some works of fiction however, names are very important. It might be that knowing someone’s name allows you to have control over them, or in others, knowing a name can let you curse them.

I would never have thought that names would turn out to be serious shit in the real world.

This must be what hell feels like. I just can not stop twitching! Whenever if its the sudden heightened senses of being a human in the body of an animal combined with psychological trauma of being exposed to whatever the hell Discord uses to navigate the space inbetween like a particularly evil version of doctor. Then again it could just be the stress.

~Brain cancer! Gooooo brain cancer!~

Now, twitching isn’t all that bad, if you’re a human that is. When you have a fur coat and a nose that-

~Who the hell are you thinking to? Because you know for a fact I couldn’t care less for your self commentary that rambles non-stop right?~

Aforementioned chaotic exposure probably has something to do with my new style of narration, I think to Crazy Voice, desperate for a distraction from the miasma in this mobile hotbox.

I can’t even think of -

~Ahem, your are thinking right now, boy.~

Jesus! Can’t I detach myself from this ridiculous situation for a little while without you butting in?

~Fine, only so you can suffer in silence. By the way, you are now aware of that other smell in the car.~

Gah! Need fresh air! Air! Wait, no, this is Australia! Oh god the stench. But Australia! Air... but... dropbears!

Oh wait a second... the car isn’t moving. Gotta get out gotta get out gotta get out. Ouch! Oh, right, no thumbs.

...

Oh my god, I have no thumbs!

...

Oh right, dingo.

Oh no, something else is happening!

Wait, no, thats just a sneeze.

Wait...

I am in the Australian wilderness.

~Yup~

I stretch my back a bit in anticipation of having to fight off a rabid pinecone. +15 to initiative .

~Why aren’t you commenting on the surroundings in your usual inane descriptive blathering, boy?~

What can I say. It’s basically the same as any other desolate wilderness. Yah got your trees, your dirt, your campsite equipment... In fact I am hard pressed to find anything unique about this place that I couldn’t have found in amurica.

“Is this really Australia? Nothing has tried to kill me for a good fifteen minutes now.”

Say, while we are on the topic of passive aggressive comments on our out-of-character behavior, why are you sounding more like me? You don’t sound nearly as foreboding lately.

~...~

Whatever.

Alright, don’t forget to make him feel a bit guilty now Ashton. “Not since you ran me over, anyway.” I mutter just loud enough for him to hear.

He twists his head back at me, looking like a weary hobo.“Yes, this is Australia. Burrinjuck Nature Reserve, to be exact. We’re fairly close to Canberra.”

“Wow, you answered that quicker than I thought you would.”
Bleagh, geography, why do I even ask that question when I don’t really care where I am?

~Same reason that you are going to ask the next one.~

“Mind telling me the date as well?”

He gives me an incredulous stare and turns his head to the others. “Hey, I’m going to have a chat with Ashton alone for a bit. Are you going to be alright by yourselves for a few minutes?”

Pinkie Pie gives an adorable salute and shouts out, “Sure thing, Captain!” She drags Fluttershy along as Angel follows close behind. No doubt going to have a party for a koala or something.

Doug turns back to face me. “Date huh? It’s the seventeenth of April. Just what happened to you that caused you to end up as an animal that doesn’t know where he is or what the date is?”

Discord obviously. Nah, saying his name always ends up poorly for everyone doesn’t it?

~Oh you sound so sure that you can summon Discord by saying his name. He isn’t Beetlejuice you twat.~

I refuse to take the chance.

“Well I...” 16th? That can’t be right... “Wait, Australia isn’t uh... it’s not four days behind America is it? Time zones and all that.” Wait, no, Australia is a day behind a the most... That must mean... Son of a bitch I am in the past! That means I have to wait even longer for the season finale!

~You do know that those characters are currently in the real world right?~

Its still a cartoon Crazy, and its still being made by a somewhat greedy toy company. Though the metaphysical-philosopher in me wonders if that certain spark that made the show so good will be gone until the characters are back in Equestria.

~Naaah~

“Come on.” He says, walking ahead of me toward the source of a delightful, moist, breeze. “You coming?”

wait.

Moist? Moist means wet...
Wet means water.
Water means clean.
Clean means purge.
Purge means NO FLUFFY PONY GUNK!

I make a flawless leap into the lake, which was admittedly lower then I thought it would be.

Oh, this was a cliff overlooking a lake wasn’t it?

~Looks like it~

This is going to hurt isn’t-

~Yes.~

I sputter, hacking about 2 pints of water out my nose. Not that cold surprisingly. I look up to see Dougs astonished face. Hehe. “Sorry, I haven’t had a bath in...” Wait, I’m in Australia... WHY DO I KEEP FORGETTING THIS! “Wait, this water doesn’t have spider piranhas in it, does it?”

“Nah mate,” he says reassuringly from the side of the steep hill

That's good.

“There might be a few snakes, but nothing that’ll kill you in under an hour.” Hah, as if there would be anything mundane as snakes in Australia. “Just holler if you feel something bite you.”

Wait, is he serious?

~Yes.~

Nah, he is probably just trying to get even with me. I stare at Doug, not quite sure what to say. Then it hits me.

Ponies.

“So, uh... Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie then?” Wow, paws are just HORRIBLE at scrubbing!

“Yeah that’s them, I think. Angel, too. I thought they were just weird pony fans until I broke a Pinkie promise,” So it took him awhile to accept that fictional characters might actually be real. Not that surprising.

~Yes, only a complete weirdo would believe that ponies from a children's show would spontaneously come into being.~

“You still haven’t told me how you ended up like this.” Damn, now that’s a question I didn’t want asked.

~Be honest, you would rather not be asked anything at all, You lazy sack of fur!~

“Look, I really don’t want to talk about that right now. Let’s just say that I said something monumentally stupid,” Yes, just be vague and... “Wait, you broke a Pinkie promise?” Meh, I suppose that would just be another thing hell bent on destroying him.

“Yeah, and it’s something I don’t recommend doing, either. Have you ever seen someone’s eyes change color as they’re surrounded by an aura of pure rage? It’s not something I want to experience again.” Yup, classic Pinkie pie.

Oooh Doug has a nice throwing arm.
“So, who did you find?” I may as well tell him that I found Discord, even though its blatantly obvious. Actually, why would he even need to ask? WHO ELSE WOULD TURN ME INTO A DAMN MANGO SUCKING DINGO?

I’ll call him out on this stupid game of his. “So you really don’t know, Doug?” I feign polite curiosity.

“Well based off what the girls have told me, I have my suspicions,” Uhuh, just say it will you? “How did you get away?” Why is he changing the subject?

“Get away from who?” Like a fisherman from Innsmouth, this is one squid of a subject you aren’t getting away from Doug.

~Now that was a horribly forced analogy. Is the chaos getting to you, boy?~

“Well, I suppose with all the ponies basically falling into my lap, I’ll discover who you found sooner or later anyway,” Still skirting around the subject? Come on this is getting old.

“So you really don’t know, even when it’s so glaringly obvious?”

“No clue.” He’s refusing to say it. He doesn’t seem like he would be this stubborn... unless if he can’t say it. “I guess you don’t want to hear about all the other ponies I’ve found. Oh well.”

Whatever, this is more interesting than whatever lame background pony you might have found! “Not even a guess?”I ask coyly.

“Oh I don’t know.” He gets up, walking back and forth a bit. “Maybe you found Ned Stark!”Ooh, australian sarcasm! How quaint “Or maybe it was Fred Flintstone, and I’m supposed to be the long, lost heir to the Flintstone empire!”

Alright lets get serious “Hey, I’m being serious here, Doug!”
Super serious. “You said you had suspicions. Who do you suspect I found?”

“You know who I think you found.” His eye twitches. “It’s that one guy.” He... He doesn’t know.
“The one that causes, you know... things.” Wait, he definitely did know. I am sure of it

“Ha, I knew it!” Okay, so I don’t really know what I knew but this is probably the best way to make him think that I know what’s really going on. Plus, I could probably get this guy to come up with the answer for me. I’ll just pretend I knew all along

“Damn it, you know who it is that I think you found! Why can’t I think of the name?” Yup, he is getting flustered

“Ha, don’t you see?” I laugh a bit, enforcing that I knew something that he didn’t.

Durr hur, Me gullible australian, you magic wizard who make brain feel funny.

~I bet it wasn’t all that hard to think like that, huh.~

Oh shush, can’t I have a moment of privacy to secretly mock someone who can’t even say Discords name?

Wait...

Name. Oh my god.

“It’s all in the name!” I pass off my sudden realization with jovial chuckling.

“You have to tell me the name of who you found, or I’ll never be able to figure it out, regardless of how obvious it is!” He says what should have been obvious to me as soon as I met Discord. I mean, anyone would have instantly thought that he was someone cosplaying as the spirit of chaos when I first saw him.

I give him evidence to confirm his theory. “It’s why I didn’t realize you had found Pinkie or Fluttershy until they said their names, even though I was staring them right in the face! It was the same way for the Cutie Mark Crusaders!”

“Wait, what did you say?” Crap “You’re Fullmetal_Pony?” Wait... isn’t that the fanfic writer that did those conversion bureau fics? He shakes his head “That doesn’t seem right, he seemed to be a little more... stable. And how would the Crusaders turn you into a dingo?” He’s starting to grasp at straws.

“Fullmetal_Pony? Wasn’t he the guy who wrote that one fanfic?”I ask to confirm my suspicions. Wait... I don’t even care. I am just going to hazard a guess and say that mister "fullmetal" is John. “I wouldn’t be surprised if that did happen to him. Would serve him right.”

“And how did you come across him and the Crusaders?” It might break him if I told him how I traveled from an abandoned apartment window to a college dorm wind. Without a doubt, Discord is the only MLP character capable of doing that. As much fun as it would be to see his brain knot up trying to overcome the bizarre magic’s keeping him from really knowing who found me, I will probably need him to pull me up this steep hill.

Lets go with empathy garnering truthiness “Well, he hit me with a shower stand and tied me up...”

“I suppose the royal princesses beat you with candy canes, too?”

“No, John was the only one to hit me.” Surprisingly. That one chick who wanted to thwack discord with the lamp looked pretty violent. “Wait, did you find the princesses?” Damn, and I thought I was getting lucky with finding fictional characters

“Oh yes,” Oh, I definitely know he’s lying, but I’ll play along none the less.
“Both of them, and several other ponies, too. I just can’t seem to remember their locations though.” Snide smart ass comment coming up... now.
“Maybe it’d come back to me if a certain dingo would stop being mysterious and just tell me who he found?”

Pah, take my mystique and I have nothing left! Except of course a bundle of neurotic psychosis.
Oh and pessimism, can’t forget that character flaw. “Knowing my luck, they’ll find me at breakfast tomorrow. Ashton, the sentient toaster!” Lets go with another truth. “Fine, I’ll tell you who I found. It was Tom.”

“Tom? Rarity’s boulder, Tom?” He asks warily. Hmm, well he does believe me, but he knows that Tom isn’t the one behind me being a dingo.

“That’s the one!” Teehee, its fun messing with australians.
“Oh, didn’t I mention that I found two Equestrians?”

“Did I mention that I’ve found seven?” He said, with what was obviously a smug smile It isn’t a competition! If it was, I would totally be winning though, because you are just a dirty lying australian CHEATER!

“Yeah. You found Pinkie, Fluttershy, Angel, the three Cutie Mark Crusaders, and the two princesses. Wait, that’s eight! You said you found seven; you didn’t find the two princesses?” And thats Jenga. Damn, even I wouldn’t have messed up that kind of lie.

~Oh really?~

“Oh, sorry mate. I must not have spoken the entire truth. Frustrating, isn’t it?”Oooh, such a burn mista down-unda man.

~A bit bitchy are we? Sure you aren’t a lady dingo?~

Shove the hell off, you’re just jealous that I actually have a body

~HATE!~

“You can either tell me who you found, or keep it a secret. But don’t expect anyone to offer you any help by remaining mysterious.”

“It’s for your own good, really,”
All this truth is making me sick! I can only struggle to get a hand- er... paw hold on the rocky hillside.
“It’s best that I don’t say his name.”
I wonder how close I could get without telling his name. There is only what, a handful of male characters in mlp?

Thankfully the oaf slides down to help nudge me up.

“Hey.” So how about I change the subject now. How about something more relevant to the situation? “Do you think becoming a dingo makes me a furry?”

“Only if you go mate with another one,”
Makes perfect sense.
“Look, you want to keep your secrets, that’s fine. I can actually respect someone who knows how to keep their mouth shut about our situation. But this is where we part ways. I have an obligation to get these three, and any other Equestrians I stumble across, back to their rightful home. I can’t trust anyone who isn’t willing to cooperate.” Hah, that’s funny... It’s almost like he is implying that he...

“Wait,” My ears slacken.
“You’re just going to leave me to fend for myself in the Australian wilderness?”

“No, mate. Whoever did this to you is the one leaving you to fend for yourself in the Australian wilderness.” Damn his fancy australian mann logic!” If you ever want to be free of him, you might want to consider someday telling me his name.”

“Please, you don’t need to know the name!”
I beg him.
“The last person I told his name to got hurt really badly.”

“And did you help this person out, or did you leave that person to fend for themselves?” Oh such seriousness. It’s almost as if he considers me an evildoer!

~Hmm, lets do a check list shall we? Nothing but chaos and destruction in your wake? Check. Shifty and conniving personality? Check! Absolutely bonkers? Hahahaha! Check, check, and CHECK!~

“Well, when I got zapped into a dingo and sent here, the character I found was nursing a serious wound to his manhood.” Well, that’s certainly a truth. Doug takes the bait and nods, seeing me in a different light... probably. Thinking of him getting kicked in the nuts still gives me the giggles. Ha!

“Hey!”“Just how long ago was it when you ran into Fullmetal_Pony and the Cutie Mark Crusaders?”Hmm, How long ago was it anyway? It seems like ages ago.

~Thats the ADD talking, boy.~

Ignoring you Crazy, I stare into space thinking about how long ago it actually was. Huh, not that long ago actually.

“An hour or so ago, I guess. After John took that awful tumble down the stairs and Apple Bloom bucked Discord right in the b-”

“Discord!” Doug exclaims, his eyes shined with glorious realization

“Oh balls,” Stupid stupid stupid! OSTRICH THEORY! Gah! No thumbs! Oh Lyra I feel your pain!
Oh what’s he going to do? I don’t think I would get better if he decided to turn me into a newt!
…
Nothing is happening
“Wait, where is he?”

“That’s strange, he usually..” Actually he doesn’t “usually” anything does he? He always does the exact opposite of what you expect him to do, so if I expect him to show up, he won’t will h-

“OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT?” I cry as dive for cover behind Doug, that wonderful australian outback hero person. As I cower I hear the rumbling of a massive engine, and the crashing of trees as some sort of vile, no doubt chaotic contraption made it’s way for us.

I close my eyes even tighter, maybe if I keep them shut he will just ign-

“Well hello, Ashton!” The haunting voice creeps into my ears.
“A little hot under the collar?”

Comments

[Thunderbug80]

Who are these two handsome chaps in the Australian wilderness?

[Yozzoy]

Is good!

[Yozzoy]

1458335 It's obviously Saxton Hale and the Red Sniper.

[Paladin Redflare]

FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- this is taking a while ah tell you what. I need somepony to talk to.

[BeckC01]

YES!! Finally, another chapter! Can NOT wait for another one!

[Jaysteeny]

Wow, that chapter contained a lot less mindf*** than I was expecting, and enough I'm only just able to process it.

[Shanenator]

Ok, just one more to go. Off to TheSlorg's page!! W00t! Liking the PonyFall stuff, keep it up!

[The philosopher]

You know, I just wanted to say this is a beautiful story. Why? Because it makes no sense. You've captured the nature of Discord and applied it to the text, and thus it makes very little sense. But if you didn't do that, then Discord would be out of character, now wouldn't he? This story is supposed to revolve around chaos, and you've written this story in such a style perfectly. And to see the world not through Ashton's eyes, but his mind, is ingenious! Because-as stated before-this is a story of chaos, irrationality.And what is more irrational and chaotic then the human mind?