• Published 13th Mar 2012
  • 2,929 Views, 43 Comments

Maelstrom - DarthSylar12



It has been a long and bloody war between the Royal Equestrian Airforce and those of the ShadowBolt Revolution. Now two former friends clash

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Maelstrom

“Everypony down on the deck!”

“Griffons! 8 O’clock high!”

Shouting. She heard shouting.

“They’ve breached the Cloudiseum.”

“District 9 is lost, its breaking apart! “

The Roar of war, the caconophy of conflict

“Enemy Airship incoming!”

“For Celestia! For Luna! For EQUESTRIA!”

It was proof. That she was alive. That she was still in hell.

“Fluttershy!” She heard the cry and rose to her hooves. Her once pristine Blue and Yellow uniform, was now tarnished and torn. She looked over to a mare with a fiery mane.

“Lieutenant Spitfire.” She said still regaining her faculties. “Is something wrong Lieutenant?”

“Nothing much ma’am” Fluttershy looked the mare up and down. Water and blood had mixed into a puddle beneath her hooves, with stains still clinging to her flight suit. “Most of it’s the enemies’ ma’am! Nothing to worry about.” She stated, answering an unasked question. Fluttershy steadied herself and looked out the swirling storm outside.

“Status Report.” She stated coldly.

“The Cloudiseum has been breached. No civilians were there, already evacuated, but we lost ammunition stored. And a pride of Griffons came in, damned monsters.”

“Any more Lieutenant?” She turned to face Spitfire, who had her legs crossed nervously. “I’m waiting!”

“She’s…She’s leading the assault.”Spitfire averting her eyes, knowing the response that was coming.

“Where is She?”

“Fluttershy! You’re in no condition to leave this position and-

“Where is She? That’s an order soldier!” She shouted.

“She’s directing an artillery crew above the weather factory but we have-“ With the sound of broken glass from the now demolished window as her answer. Spitfire gazed out into the raging maelstrom of combat that had engulfed all of Cloudsdale


“Shadow Commander!”

“Yes Sergeant Silverwing. What news from the front.”

“General Gilda and her pride have a downed two supply craft.”

“Were they munitions as our intelligence suspected?”

“Yes Sir! Three pre-made tornados and thirty clouds full of hail. I already have Blitz and Thunderstrike moving them in our ships.

“Deploy them.” Soarin Silverwing’s mouth dropped and stared blankly at the mare. “What are you waiting for? I said deploy them!” She snapped, whipping his jaw with her flowing prismatic tail. Recovering he answered

“But why? With the constant bombardment and these storms you’ve unleashed? What are you trying to do? Tear the town-“ A clear right hook to the face ended his sentence knocking him across the cumulus floor. Shadow Commander marched towards her subordinate, her magenta eyes burning behind the yellow lenses of her goggles. She presses her front hooves hard upon his chest squeezing the breath out of him.

“That is exactly my intent, Sergeant. This city is nothing more than a monument to the grievous injustices of the Celestian Monarchy. We demolish it. Scatter it to the winds of time. Do I make myself clear?” She punctuated that final order by smashing the ground near his muzzle as she returned to her vantage point of the battle. Soarin slowly got back to his hooves. His head down.

“Yes, sir.” He wheezed out as he flew off to deliver his orders. She looked out at the growling battle before her. She smirked, this was all going according to plan and no one, not even her husband was going to talk her out of this. It had to be done. For the good of everypony. For the good of the pegasi. She heard the sound of flapping wings approach her from behind.

“I told you deploy the weapons, Soarin. My decision has been made. And that’s final!” She stated coldly as she turned to face a face she hadn’t seen in many months. She smirked slightly, their eyes met. No words were exchanged. All that was heard was the sound of Shadow Commander Rainbow Dash being violently thrown from the top of the factory.

No need for weapons. Just teeth and hoofs. They fought mere minutes but to them it felt like hours. Each burst of speed, or upward drift brought them deeper into the furball. Around them their respective forces battled in and around the city. Airships let loose devastating volleys from their cannons while pegasi and unicorns stirred up storms and other such weather phenomenon to use against the enemy.

The clanging of the swords, the smashing of shields, the bellowing cannons, and the din of war was ignored by the two commanders as they dueled amongst the crowds and clouds. Eventually the two ponies crashed on to a bank of clouds in the center of the conflict. Even though battered and beaten, they still rose to their hooves. Heavily breathing they took to the wing and continued their battle.

The winds howled and lighting crashed as the two former friends clashed in the growing maelstrom that had engulfed their former home, Cloudsdale.

“How dare you? HOW DARE YOU? We were your friends and you betrayed us, for what? Power? Bits? What was it, Rainbow? What made you do all this?” She gestured to the horrifc battle around them. Rainbow paused.

“You don't understand, Shy! We ShadowBolts are dedicated to the cause that the Pegasi could finally return to being the proud warriors we once were. Like my ancestor, Commander Hurricane! We will be free to conquer the buffalo lands to the south and the Zebra nation, giving us room to expand and removed the yoke of the mere weather service we had been reduced. That is what I’m doing it for. And anypony who stands against this dream shall be crushed. It is what has to be done! That is why I did it Shy! I'm doing it for Equestria! For our future!” She stated proudly. Her forehooves gesturing as if she were still speaking at her political rallies those many months ago. Fluttershy fumed. So many memories of the pain and suffering this war had caused flushed over her. One particular crime came to mind.

“Was that what happened to Twilight, to Spike. Were they crushed for the protection of this grand vision? Were you thinking only of their good and that of the pegasi when you sunk their airship? Were the 50 additional lives? Was that necessary, Rainbow?” The rumble of the thunder and cannons was deafening, yet each word stung Rainbow's heart deeper than any arrow or blade.

“They made their choice. They choose poorly. Now I offer you once more chance. Join me. Together we can lead this revolution, end this pointless bloodshed. With our elements we can oust Celestia and Luna, bring the dream Peagasopolis to fruition and spread our wings freely across all nations. We can do it together!”

Fluttershy looked around at the chaotic melee that raged across the skies. She was flanked by two figures wearing the same blue and yellow uniform that she wore, the uniform tattered and bloodied in the conflict, the uniform that her friend once idolized.

“No Rainbow! I am the sole remaining element. For your loyalty is only to yourself. Let this be our final battle, Dash. As it is my sacred duty to the Princesses of Equestria, as bearer of the Element of Kindness. I shall end this discord. And! I! Shall! Restore! Harmony!!!!”

The two flew at each other with tremendous speed and their crash echoed even in the heavy storm of war. The furious brawl resulted in Fluttershy’s reinforcements falling unconscious to their doom. But Fluttershy had no time to mourn their passing as she fought for her life. No punches were pulled. They intended to end their struggle this day. Rainbow may have had speed and strength on her side, but she had never dealt with Fluttershy when she was angry. Vitriol and adrenalin burned in her veins as she brought blow upon blow against the cyan peagasus.

Rainbow slammed the yellow mare against a passing airship, only for her to buck the rainbow maned pony into a passing cyclone. She struggled against the currents and the torrents of rain blinding her slightly. As she released herself from the phenomenon, she looked around to find her quarry. A bird like whistle drew her attention upwards, where she found Fluttershy holding a storm cloud. Before she could even react, Fluttershy began to buck the cloud unleashing a flurry of furious lighting strikes. The strikes seared her flesh and scraped her uniforms. Her pained screams fell upon deaf ears as Fluttershy continued to unleash her fury upon her enemy. Several bolts struck rainbow’s face ravaging and burning her severely. The pain was too much and black and blue pegasus plummeted on to a nearby cloud. Fluttershy pursued her. Fluttershy looked at the pathetic sight. Her former friend could barely stand. Her coat blackened and bruised. She steadily approached the Commander of the ShadowBolts and readied herself to deliver a killing blow. Rainbow looked up at her with her dark pink eyes. Fluttershy looked at the ravaged face of her friend. Burnt flesh and exposed bone, it sickened Fluttershy to see her like this. Her intrinsic kindness spoke to her, begging her to spare her former friend. Reluctantly she bowed to its request, remembering the last time she ignored its call.

“Commander Fluttershy.” Her radio crackled.

“Yes, Captain Fleetfoot.” Fluttershy answered.

“Our forces need to pull out. The city, its collapsing.” Fluttershy looked around her. It was true, the city, her home, was crumbling from the destruction. Her heart shattered along with the city. “Commander? Your orders?” She let out a heavy sigh.

“Get everyone out. I’ll report back to the Cascade as soon as possible. Send a message to Canterlot, Cloudsdale has fallen.” She was about to leave when her back legs grabbed. It was Rainbow, mustering the last her strength, her scared face twisted into a devious sneer.

“You never had the heart to kill did you Shy. If so you’d have done me in now. Guess you just don’t have it in you to execute anypony. At least not anyone who could fight back.” Her eyes burned with unrelenting anger as she spat at Fluttershy. “Tell me, Shy! Why is it easier to kill a filly than a mare?” Fluttershy allowed a tear to fall from her eye before she bucked Rainbow into the arms of waiting Griffons. She took to the wing, tears streaming down her face, not looking back at Rainbow, who was cackling madly, leaving the disaster behind her.

Macintosh looked on as the squadrons filed back into the airship R.E.A Cascade. The deck was filled with medics, awaiting the wounded and tired ponies fresh from the battle. The skies even miles away from Cloudsdale were still filled with raging and turbulent storms. It had been that way all over Equestria since the start of the war. He looked on waiting on her return. But with each passing moment, his heart sank and fear crept over his mind. He resolved to stay strong. The Admiral of the Fleet could not be caught weeping, even for his own wife.

“Here she comes. The Commander!” one of the nurses shouted. Macintosh looked on she touched down on the deck. Her uniform was torn. Under it he could tell she had been savagely beaten. A few nurses rushed to her aid but with a flap of her wings she dismissed them and galloped to the bridge, Macintosh followed after her.

Fluttershy knew she needed medical attention, but she needed to get more information about the other fronts. The war had engulfed all of Equestria and as the Supreme Commander of the Royal Army she needed to be informed as to the other battles. Besides, her own medical knowledge would be enough to heal her wounds, once her chief concerns were alleviated.

She knew Macintosh was following her and without looking back she could hear him release a sigh of relief. She only wished she could give more than just her safe return.

______________________________________________________________________________

Gilda glanced outside the window the Hammer, flagship of the ShadowBolt Revolution, as the remains of Cloudsdale split off and scattered in the wind. What wasn’t blown across the Equestria was in ruins on the ground amongst the bodies and derelict vessels from the battle. Gilda was never much for emotions but a tear did fall for her former home. She heard steps behind her and recognized them as her good friend Soarin, fresh from the infirmary. They sat in silence watching the aftermath of their grand victory.

“Gonna miss the old place, huh?” Soarin asked breaking the silence.

“I grew up there with my mother and father. They weren’t the best memories. We were poor in a ghetto. Nopony wanted us near anypony. But it was home.”

“Wouldn’t know. Born in Canterlot, but I did so many shows and training camps there, almost felt like a second home.” They both sighed.

“So? How is she?” Gilda inquired, eyes still transfixed on the empty sky ahead of them.

“Her face is…messed up. The doc gave her a mask. Help with swelling but its more than that. There are parts to damaged or exposed for a graft. I doubt she’ll ever look like her old self. I doubt she’ll ever be her old self.”

“I know.” The two heard a voice say behind them. They turned and were greeted by Rainbow Dash. She was wearing a new pristine uniform which bore the Element of Loyalty ,now tarnished and grey in , on her breast and a mask covering her face. It was a simple metallic faceplate that covered her whole face, topped with a simple black helmet hiding all traces of her prismatic mane. The faceplate was shiny and reflective. Despite the mask conveying no emotion what so ever, they felt the hurt in her voice. “I’m sorry about what I did to you Soarin. I shouldn’t have treated you that way. I was just caught up in the moment and I…I lashed out at you. But I stand by my decision. Cloudsdale had to go.” The silence prevailed as she embraced her husband. He didn’t return it but didn’t force her away. When she released him, he looked her in the face, but all he saw was he own face reflect, slightly swollen from when she hit him.

“The boys’ll be expecting a speech. I’ll be waiting for you in mess hall.” He planted a soft kiss to the top of her helmet and left her with Gilda, who was still staring off into empty space.

“It was our home Dash. I hoped we could go back there. Make it better.”

“There was nothing we could fix there. You remember how Ponies treated you and your family. They were cruel. We couldn’t fix Cloudsdale. And we don’t need it anymore.” She wrapped a forehoof around her friend. They held this moment for all it was worth. “I couldn’t have done this without you G. Your work with the different prides has given us the number we needed to continue this fight. Now come on. We have to congratulate our soldiers on the good work they’ve done.”

They both walked to the grand mess hall where a stage had been prepared for her and her staff.

“All rise for the Shadow Commander!” Soarin shouted the pegasi and griffons following his instruction and gave a salute to their leader. Dash walked to the microphone and cleared her throat.

“Greetings ShadowBolts! Today we have accomplished a major step towards our Grand Vision. The city of Cloudsdale and its dismal factories are no more!” A cry of victory rose up from the hall. She continued. “We have sacrificed much. We have been bloodied and beaten, yet still we fight and will continue to until we are victorious. They say that we are just rebels and dissidents with no cause other than to spread discord, but we are now closer to our goal than ever before. The cowards of the R.E.A have been forced back. By the day more and more cities are either becoming sympathetic to our cause or are openly rebelling against the crown. The Tyrants have split their forces in a vain effort to maintain order. That is why our next strike will be the most important one of the campaign. Our next target is…” She paused for dramatic effect before showing a large map with red X on the city of. “Canterlot!” The announcement was met by thunderous cheers and applause. She continued on. “Soon we shall burn down that corrupt throne of the tyrants. Soon we shall have their heads on pikes. Soon we shall be free of their dominance. Soon we shall rule over all of Equestia. Join me my fellow warriors in the oath of the ShadowBolts. From out of darkness, their judgment comes. Let the fools in Canterlot, turn and run. For we shall darken the moon and rip down the sun. And Equestria shall remember the day, The SHADOWBOLTS WON!!!” They shouted in unison shaking hooves at the heavens challenging the princesses to stop them.

“Long Live Shadow Commander! Long Live Shadow Commander! Long Live Shadow Commander!” The crowd continued to chant the name of their champion as they made course of the capital city.


Flutteshy stared out of her cabin’s window as the Cascade sailed through the storm clouds. The fleet had been ordered back to Canterlot. Partially due to intelligence saying that a ShadowBolt attack was imminent, mostly because she had failed on the frontlines. It was yet another brutal situation report. The alliance with the Dragons had fallen through, at least they weren’t with the enemy but they cared not for who ruled the ponies. The second fleet had failed in the siege of Las Pegasus. Baltimare was in ruins after a hurricane was dropped in the center of the city. Settlements like Applelossa and Dodge Junction had seceded not wishing to be involved with war. Lastly Riots in Manehatten resulted in the Night Guard forcing Martial Law on the city. The riots had been growing out of control. Mainly due to belief that the Princesses didn’t care about the ponies anymore. They call for them to be on the frontlines and restore order to the nation. Even some of the highest members of the R.E.A felt betrayed by their monarchy and there were rumblings of a second revolution once the ShadowBolts were dealt with.

Fluttershy knew the truth, so too does Rainbow. She knew that it was not negligence that prevented the Princesses from ending this war, it was impotence. Luna and Celestia were dying, an unforeseen side effect of losing their connection with the Elements. They had vowed to keep it a secret, not wishing to stir the population into a panic until we knew if there were means to reverse the effect. Naturally Rainbow abused this knowledge when she started her Revolution. And one by one her friends fell. First AJ, she tried to talk Rainbow out of her plans, she is still in a coma. It’s still unknown if it was Rainbow’s doing or the shock of learning the extent of Rainbow’s plans. Twilight and Spike were sent out with a full Royal guard brigade to bring Rainbow in…she demonstrated the true destructive power of the Sonic Rainboom that day. Pinkie couldn’t handle losing Twilight and hung herself. She had written in her suicide note that she hoped it would change Dash’s heart. There were rumors of Rainbow visiting her gravesite but nothing noticeably changed in her tactics or ferocity. Rarity died from by the claws of an assassin while training recruits aboard the Cascade. She only wanted to do her part for the friends she had lost. Fluttershy just held her bodies close and wept for a full day. A tear dripped down Fluttershy’s face onto the mass of folders detailing just how badly she was running the war. She heard her cabin door open; she didn’t need to turn around to know who it was.

“Go to bed Macintosh. I just need to be alone.” She said. The sounds of his hoofsteps were his answer. He stopped next to her a gently placed a first aid kit next to her.

“Thought ya could use some help bandaging yourself up.” He said as pulled a sponge out and began run it across her brow, wiping the sweat and dried blood from her face. She looked at her husband of two years. His emerald eyes were still pools in which her mind wandered free from the horrors of war. How see wished she could on see them. But alas her eyes followed a large scar that ran from his left eye down his neck. An assassin came after her and he jumped in front of her taking the talon for her. She averted her gaze, not wishing to be reminded of how this war had endangered those she cared about. She felt Macintosh place a hoof beneath her chin, forcing her to look him in his glowing eyes one more.

“It’s not yer fault dear.” He said softly. “I’d have taken a thousand slings and arrows to keep you safe.” He leaned in and they gently kissed, the first kiss they had shared in several months. They broke for air, even though wished to hold that moment for an eternity. “Let me check out yer wounds. Ah’ll take make you feel better. He began to gently caress her neck as his hoof neared the zipper of her ragged flight suit. Fluttershy rested her head on Mac’s shoulder as the zipper glided down easily. Macintosh carefully pushed the suit over her wings and let it pool under her hooves. They held each other for a few moments taking in each other’s warmth. He ran a hoof along her face and if gently glided down her body until.

“Ouch!” Fluttershy shouted, extending her wings and gliding back from Mac’s hoof. Shocked Mac looked to see where he had touched her and noticed that he had grazed her scar. It wasn’t really a scar, but more a burn deep and severe in the shape of pink butterfly. Realizing his mistake he looked down at his hooves.

“Sorry Shy. Ah didn’t mean to agitate it.”

“It’s okay Macintosh. You forgot.” A heavy silence prevailed in the room. Fluttershy knew that this was the moment to talk to him. It was not really a good time for it, buts she doubted there would ever be such a time. Just bring it up now, like a band aid rip it off quick. She thought, letting off a sigh. “We haven’t been this close in months have we?”

“Guess not. Running a war can do that.” He gave a weak smile. Feeling that the conversation, even though he knew not the topic of it, would not be pleasant, he prepped himself for the worse.

“That may be so. But we live on the same airship and just about run into each other every day I’m aboard. And yet we never share moments like this.”

“As Ah said. War changes things. We’re busy and tired. It’s understandable.” Mac continued to force grin really hoping that the conversation went into a sunnier direction. But, from the way Fluttershy was pacing, he could tell that she had something more on her mind. Once more she exhaled a heavy sigh.

“When the war is over. What will we do?”

“Well. We’d move back to Ponyville, reopen Sweet Apple Acres. Shouldn’t be to hard and Applebloom can help with repairs and the bucking.”

“And Applejack?”

“She’d…need some things explained. It would be hard on her…very hard. But she’s a strong pony.”

“That’s if she awakens.”

“Part me wish she wouldn’t. It would break mah heart to tell her what became of Equestria. But she’d push through it, if it meant healing the wounds the war had left.”

“Would you forgive her? For what she did to Applejack.”

“She deserves punishment. More than just for what she did to mah kin.” He looked down a pang of anger igniting in him. “What are you getting at, Shy?”

“Would forgive the ShadowBolts? If they surrendered.”

“They would have to face the process of law. But Ah wouldn’t fault them personally. They fight for their cause as seriously as ours.” Before he could once more ask for the relevance on these questions, Fluttershy asks another.

“Would you forgive yourself for what you have done in the war?” He had to stop and think. In this war he done things he would have never thought possible. Acts of heroism straight out of a Daring Do novel and brutal acts against the enemy he couldn’t have fathomed, some which haunted his dreams.

“Ah…Ah will never forget what Ah have done in this conflict. Ah killed the pony with mah bare hooves, lead this ship through a raging maelstrom and duel a griffon to the death, but none of those things will stick with me. What Ah ask myself to forgive, are the lives Ah mistakenly lead to their deaths.” He took a moment to breath out a sigh. “The raids Ah orderd, the ships lost, all the husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, sons and daughter that won’t go home because of me. That is what Ah wrestle with at nights.” He paused to choke back tears refusing to show weakness, even to Her. “Ah will carry their names with me back to Sweet Apple Acres. Ah forgive myself for what Ah’ve done here in the name of the Princesses. But Ah’ll never forget them, the ones Ah failed.” The air stung with tension as both ponies felt an emotional levy was about to break and there was no hope of holding it back now. Fluttershy gingerly prepared her final questions and broke the silence and what little peace they held onto.

“Do you forgive me?” She pleaded his honest answer with her sapphire eyes. Macintosh unconsciously traced his scar with his hoof, believing it to be what was asking about.

“Of course Ah do Shy. Ah’d gladly take a dozen more talons from them monsters if it meant keeping you safe. Now is that what’s got you all-“ She silenced him by raising her hoof.

“Do you forgive me for what I’ve done in this war? For how its changed me?” she stated slowly as if each act she wished him to absolve her of flashed before her eyes. Macintosh shared in that montage. He’d seen her do things that he could never have imagined when he courted her, when married her, when he laid with and dreamt a future with her. None of past few months seem fathomable, but what she’d done to protect the fleet and fight this war was beyond the impossible in his mind. But, she was his wife. He could look past her actions. Most of them that is.

“You did what you had to Shy. You’ll carry them yourself, but Ah forgive you. Ah love you and nothing can-“ Again silence by her hoof, this time pointed at her chest, at the burn. She walked over to her desk and grabbed an old news paper and threw it at Macintosh’s hooves. He knew what it said and averted his gaze. He needed not to look at it as the words printed on the front page were burned into his memory.


Traitor Scootaloo: To Die by hanging at Noon, Today

[/center]The pegasus mare Scootaloo Streaks has been sentenced to death, for her crimes of treason, sabotage and espionage against the Princesses of Equestria, by a Military Tribunal. The traitor will be hung at High Noon today in Fillydelphia. The execution will be held publicly under the watch of the High Military Council, Captain Braveheart, Prince Shining Armor, Captain of the Solar Guard Blitzwing, Captain of the Night Guard Pipsqueak, Commander Fluttershy of the first fleet.

That is all he could remember of that text. He didn’t need to read the details. He was there in the crowd. He watched as the High Military Council signal the hangman to perform his task. As Fluttershy gripped her chest and screamed as she felt her element, kindness, burn itself into her chest. A grim reminder of how she had betrayed it.

“Do you forgive me for that?” She broke his dark memories with her question, she was trembling. “Do you forgive me for what I did to her?” Macintosh took a deep breath and spoke clearly.

“Nnope” Neither pony looked at each other. Fluttershy once more looked out the window and raised her left hoof to remove something from it. She then gently placed a simple gold wedding band on her desk.

“I can’t forgive myself either Macintosh. I expected the same from you. No matter how this war ends. I’m not the same pony you fell in love with and this scar is proof that I never will be again. You deserve to be happy when this ends Mac. You deserve somepony better.” She waited for a response, but only heard him galloping out of her cabin. Had she looked back she would have seen the tears dripping down his face.

She continued to watch out as Canterlot came into view. Looking down at the famous sculpture garden, she couldn't help but think that Discord was laughing at them all in his stone prison. He had won. Harmony in Equestria was Dead.

Comments ( 42 )

...Wow. But if somehow Discord is released, IT would bring a new chapter about. Nice story.

318630 :pinkiehappy: Thanks for the comment. Yeah. I have very vague ideas on continuing this, if I do continue it. And bringing out Discord in a fight at Canterlot would pretty much make everything go crazy. Again thanks for reading and the comment. :heart:

Not that I cried or anything, but I really need a tissue. Some dirt got in my eye.
:fluttercry:

318697 *hands you tissue* thanks for reading and the comment. Why do I have tissues? Uh, no reason. :applecry:

Wow. im touched

just a quick note: "Princesses of Equstria" <----wrong spelling

318725 whoops :twilightblush: my bad. Could you tell me where it is exactly so I may correct it. Thanks for the read and the comment! :pinkiehappy:

The front page where it goes traitor scootaloo>>>>

Or just go ctrl-f and paste it in the search

Wow, this was really good. *sniffle*
I really enjoyed reading it.

318868 :pinkiehappy: Thank you very much reading it and your comment. :yay: You Rock!!!!

Little bit odd idea for a fic I give it that, but you managed to pull it out quite fine. There were some spelling errors here and there but it was enjoyable to read, even if I cannot grasp the idea of Fluttershy being an commander :fluttershysad:

Very nice! Stalin personally doesn't like sad stories, but this one is pretty well done. Although, gaps before quotes are too big in Stalin's opinion. Keep the good work and good luck!

Also, the picture is outstanding!

Very sad and sorrowful, not a story I like to read most of the time... but somehow it works...

Poor... everyone.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! :pinkiegasp:
Whoa, whoa... :rainbowderp:

Whoa... :rainbowhuh:

Whoa. :twilightoops:

This made me sad. For that, You and I can never be friends.

HOWEVER, I will admire how good your story is and simply say- nice work.

Nice. I'd like to see another chapter, you could use the assault on Canterlot (obviously).

I would really like an in depth explaination on why dash is so mean :rainbowdetermined2: . but i really liked the story. Here i will reward you will five out if five spikes :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache: /:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

Basically what emberdash said ;>_>;

:raritycry:

SCOOOOOOOOOOTS!:d

Lovely (albeit sad and dark) story. :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

Hmm... nah. I don't really have much to say about this in terms of positives. The premise of this story doesn't make sense, and everyone is out of character. Now, I know war changes people, but this is ridiculous. Rainbow Dash doesn't even have the "changed by war" excuse. She started the whole thing for no reason. And Fluttershy is no warrior. She never will be. She's too kind and timid. Yet here, you have her as a fearless general. I don't think necessity alone is enough to change that.

This story is nothing but senseless violence and characters acting emo.

319041 First Thanks for reading and your comment. Yeah, Spelling and me arn't the best of friends and don't get me started on my complex relationship with grammar. :unsuresweetie: It was a bit odd, but I just felt really inspired by ScarbDynasty1's picture that I left a short scene in his comments and then got to writing this over the weekend. Yeah making Fluttershy commander was a big step but I felt it showed just how much she A) had changed over the course of the war and B) highlights a determination to bring Rainbow to justice. Again thanks for the Comment :pinkiehappy:

319108 Thank you Stalin...:facehoof: for the comment. I'm not one for sad stories either but I guess there are few ways to depict war other than sad. Yeah the gaps are something weird with the formatting. And all love for the picture goes to ScarbDynasty1 on deviantart. I just got so inspired by the picture. Thanks again, Comrade. :pinkiehappy:

319110 Thanks for reading. :ajsleepy: Yeah I understand if this isn't everybody's cup of cider. I don't really like this genre myself, yet paradoxically it what I am always writing, but I felt so inspired by the picture that I had to give it that tragic and dark feel. I'm glad that you could look past it and see that it works. Thanks for the comment. :pinkiehappy:

Here's for everybody who's sad now...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNrXMOSkBas

319697

So you write a genre you don't really like reading?

Weird...

319330 Thank for commenting. I feel kind embarrassed that its getting featured. It's not really my best work, cranked it out over the weekend. And if this is the first war story featured I hope that means we'll be seeing some well written war fiction in future. :pinkiehappy: Thanks for reading and have a nice day.

319372 :raritycry: Well I'm sorry we can never be friends...will this cheer you up... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNrXMOSkBas
Thanks for reading and your comment. :pinkiehappy: and I hope we can make amends in the future.

319403 I have ideas for the Assault on Canterlot, but I'm not sure if I'll return to this fic, seeing as it was a just a lighting strike of inspiration, and if I did it would be further down the line seeing as I have other fics to work on. Thanks for reading and you comment is much appreciated. Have a nice day. :pinkiehappy:

319407 I'm sorry that I didn't add that in. I don't have a real answer at this moment. But I'll give it a shot. Rainbow Dash started down this path after learning about what was happening to the Princesses and felt betrayed that the two most powerful beings in lives of all ponies were going away and her belief that the Canterlot Aristocracy would not have the best intentions for all ponies. So she gather followers to try and impose change but it was blocked by the corrupt officials, breeding a deep seated anger and frustration that exploded into this conflict. Part of her knows that she is hurting Equestria more than what she sought to protect it from, but her stubbornness and loyalty to those under her prevents her from turning away.
:ajsleepy: I know its not the best explanation but I hope it gives you some insight as to why she is this. Thanks for all the Spike, now where am I gonna put them all. :pinkiehappy: Thanks for reading and your comment.

319580 :pinkiehappy:Thanks for the read and the comment. More Spikes :yay: YAY!!!!!

319590 Thanks for your comment. I suspected that this wouldn't be everyone's cup of cider and its understandable. Thank you for your honest opinion. I know the characters are off and that's because I didn't really plan this one out. It was just a lighting in a bottle, one weekend and done story, so naturally some parts are going to falter. Your opinion is just a valid as everyone else's and I will take it into consideration in future enterprises. Thank you for the comment :pinkiehappy: and have a nice day.

319703 I know it sounds crazy...because it is...:pinkiecrazy:

319757

Not to mention, that's life for ya! Completely insane!

Impressive, but you need to run over it for spell and grammar check. You switch between present and past tense at the start of Fluttershy's final scene.

Also, you might want to fix the article on Scootaloo. you have "

" at the beginning, but since you didn't have the counterpart, it stayed that way. Might want to clean that up.

That aside, good story. And I for one vote for the Discord release/new chapter.

A great man had told me nothing is alway's keept in harmony everything colapses but only I stand againt what he said and told me only if you let it happend

319710 Perfect, I am totally cheered up now. Amends have been made. Keep writing, fellow artist.

Great Story, i enjoyed reading it and also looking at the cover image is making me think, what would i prefer to be, a wonderbolt or a shadowbolt

Alright, where do I enlist?
NOPONY KILLS TWILIGHT AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!

If I see rainbow again I will get a 2 barreled shotgun and SHOOT THAT MOTHER BUCKER IN THE BUCKING FACE WITH BOTH BARRELS!

Honestly, I think that you shouldn't continue this and just let the readers imagination as to what happens next be up to them.

Of course, this isn't my story, but that's my opinion.

The story was well written, even though it was grim. I don't think RD would turn traitor like that for that purpose. It would have to take some major event for that to happen. Fluttershy taking the role as Commander seems far fetched, but she definitely had a good reason to take up the cause. Good job on the overall feel of the story, it feels very believable.

Kudos to you for the feature!

Discord Truly Got The Last Laugh In This. The Princesses Dying. Equestria in Chaos. The Elements Shattered.

:raritycry::fluttercry:


IM DYING INSIDE FROM ALL OF IT

HOW COULD YOUUUUU


I'm just going to crawl into a little ball and die now

THIS IS WHY I CAN NEVER READ SAD OR GORY FICS

Still gonna thumbs up and favourite.

Why is fluttershy scared for betraying her element when all rainbow's is is grayed out? :applejackunsure:

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