This story is about the life of one boy named CJ. He's the average college student, he's in marching band, plays clarinet, and is all round a cool guy to hang out with. However, he's been though countless battles, emotional ones, and he's suffering inside. But one day he was practicing his clarinet like he always does outside of his house. When he decides to take a break and take a nap, then something happens. An earthquake happens which wakes up CJ. He realizes he's just floating in the air, just....there. He looks down to see a colorful portal of something. He's confused by this, and then remembers he's floating in the air somehow. We hear a slight comment from him as he falls through the weird looking puddle of colors. Where does this take him? What will he find there? How will he get back home? Or will he want to go back home? Why am I asking so many questions? Will I ever find out why I'm asking so many questions? Oh well, these will be answered soon enough in my story. That is if you choose to read it.
This is my first ever fan fic, so I'm open to comments, still need an editor i guess you could say, someone who's better at English than I am. I'ts my worst subject XD.
This looks pretty good. I like it alot so tracking.
Hey, not bad.
(God I love breaking the comments)
Initial thoughts: So... You have to synopsis down pat for the next three chapters... any Idea on the release date?
Bottom line, this is really hard to read... This story at the moment is like an abstract painting, the painter gives zero (Or all) effort yet expects US to give the picture meaning. It is really easy to check a story before you post it. All I see is this:
"X happened, but Y happened as well... so therefor Z occurred, and it was (okay/wrong/bad/good)."
Let me level with you... This story, is not good so far (from an IB1 HL English Student's perspective).
I mean, the intro sucks, and as a result, character development sucks and overall plot... sucks. Really.
Now... Don't get upset, I'm giving you an outsider's opinion, something that EVERYONE needs when creating anything. Now also, if you have been here long enough, you'd (probably) know me by now... I get the prologue of these stories, and make them shine brighter then a diamond (Modesty? Wut R Dat? Can I eat it?). So here I go...
(Assuming that the time CJ is in his world is the Prologue)
YOURS:
This is a story about your average college student, who’s also in the marching band and plays the clarinet pretty well. He’s played the clarinet for 8-9 years, he’s lost track, and he always practices outside his house to the left. He has never liked to be around big groups of people, he’s always been the kind of person that secludes himself from society. From here, is where we start his story.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It started as a normal day for CJ; he opened his clarinet case and started putting it together.
*sigh* You know, being single my whole life sucks. I just wish that I could find one person to make me happy. Sadly, after all of the heart breaks and rejections, I’m just better off alone. I’m just saying fuck it, I’m done, I’m better off alone….Ok time to stop with the self pity, I have practicing to do.
So with that, CJ started practicing his clarinet, playing soft, slow melodies with such care and grace that it just made everything more...peaceful. CJ has always let music be a big part of his life, he never goes anywhere without his iPod, and you would always see him listening to it everywhere he went. You would often hear the wubs coming from his headphones. He just blasted it as loud as he could and just kept walking on, not giving a fuck. But when he finished practicing he put his clarinet up and decided to take a nap.
“I hope I don’t wake up with any bugs or anything on else on me. I hate being afraid of spiders. It’s just something about the eyes that freak me out, just having 8 instead of 2.
At this point CJ shivers at the thought of waking up with one on his face. But, even with that on his mind, he decides to take a nap. Clarinet lying on his chest, he stares at the sun that’s slowly began to set under the horizon.
“Think I should go inside…naaaa, I’ll be fine, seriously, what could possibly go wrong?”
I’m pretty sure we all know to NEVER say that, and CJ soon learns not to as well. Most people mean it as a rhetorical question, but the worlds just says “No, fuck you, were doing it anyways”
So as CJ lies there sound asleep, then a slight rumble sounds from somewhere. CJ wakes up wondering what that noise was.
“W-what’s going on? Is it an earthquake or just a tremor?”
At that point he saw the ground started to crack around him, leaving him helpless as he just sat there waiting for the ground to bury him alive.
“Well, I’ve lived a good life I guess, even though I’ve never had a girlfriend. Damn, I wish I did. I would treat her like the way she’s supposed to be treated, protect her when she’s in trouble, and hold her when she’s scared or just needs a shoulder to cry on.”
After he said that, the earth just seemed to open up underneath him, leaving him floating in the air. He looked down to see a slight, colorful ripple in the ground. Not like the fire and lava you would expect.
“Why the hell am I floating? Wait, IM FLOATING? Since when could I float? And about the time CJ said that he looked down, again.
“Oh shit” and as usual whenever someone says that after they look down, he just falls into the…rift? I guess that’s what you would call it.
When he fell through, all he noticed was a beautiful sunset and the greenest grass he’d ever seen coming towards his face.
“Oh fuck m-“about that time CJ’s face makes full contact with the ground. His body just flattened out like a plank sticking up in the air, and he was fully unconscious as his body hit the ground, CJ snoring away like he was asleep.
MINE:
Cameron James, or CJ as he liked to introduce himself as, was a fairly shy person, never usually seen without his family or that far from his home. An individual, that was what he'd call himself... besides, he was too wrapped up with high school, clarinet and the internet to find solace in anything that isn't a music sheet for his instrument or not on Memebase. No one at his school could care less for his musical talent and he was bordering on depression... that was until he stumbled on a rather colorful picture of colorful creatures playing in a colorful world, he then searched more on that subject, soon after he was hooked. His music would wrap solely around this new topic, and a frown seen on his face was increasingly rare. He just felt like he wanted to smile.
Playing his music before then felt so bland, it tasted plain. No, the songs he plays derive from his very soul, or how he would explain it it would. It now felt like he was making music on his clarinet, not just making sound from his instrument. His songs have soul, a deeper meaning... kind of like how he'd explain himself actually. Deep and meaningful... he sighed, Yet so isolated and shy... he summed up. He had just finished his piece in the park he was playing in and decided to lay down for a break, his clarinet close to his heart, rising and falling in sync to his breathing, offering no warmth yet warming his heart at the same time. So symbolic as his clarinet was, it meant his life, it was meaning, without his clarinet CJ would be meaningless. He laughed as he rolled over to his case, took apart his clarinet, and packed it away. I find it funny how my life and meaning fits into such a small case... he chuckled, it was then he realized just how tired he was after playing his clarinet, he shrugged, The grass is comfortable at least... He used his clarinet case as a makeshift pillow as he drifted slowly of to sleep, watching as his eyes fell slowly in sync with the sun's golden rays... What am I? A poet now? he smiled as consciousness evaded him.
I've never been this content before...
It's like the clarinet and I are one now...
The clarinet is my soul...
My soul is my clarinet...
Breaks apart easily...
Yet, when together and handled properly...
Creates beautiful music...
...
Yep...
Definitely a poet...
A feint rumbling.
I'm still dreaming right?
That tremor wasn't real...
...
Right?
A harsher tremble.
I'm still dreaming...
It's not real...
...
Right?!
A tremendous tremor.
Holy fuck, I'm not dreaming this.
CJ abruptly awoke, it looked to be around midnight, the moon was above him, but it wouldn't stay still... wait... the moon doesn't move like that. Oh yeah, I'm shaking. He shot up and tried to stand but was knocked but down again from the force of the shaking. He was going to die if he stayed there he realized. He tried his standing again, to success. He got out of there as fast as he could... HOLY SHIT WAIT! MY CLARINET! He turned around to notice eroding cracks of the earth slowly making their way to the case. Leave it, Leave it leave it leaveit leaveit leevit leevitleevitleevitleevitleevit, FUCK! He finished thinking as he ran toward his clarinet, he slid as his approached his target and grasped hold of it, he tried to stand back up again but was too late, the ground opened up beneath him, and he... floated... there? What?
He opened his eyes that he didn't realized he had shut. He was slowly being turned around to face down. When he was facing down he expected to see the mantle of the world, but instead only blackness was seen... Until a dark blue orb appeared and exploded into a portal of sorts. He didn't have time for proper analysis on the bare fact that he was already speeding towards it.
Well, fuck.
END
So that's that, that is how I'd write it, but if this was my own story, I wouldn't post this until I have checked this and edited this three times. "This is only a first pass.
" Do tell me what you think of it
.
Quillo out...
318677 ...Dafuq?
Clarinet, really? I mean out of all the instruments in band you pick the clarinet. Think about after high school, when is playing a clarinet going to get you any pussy? Personally, I play guitar and I played alto sax in high school. At least alto sax is kind of cool, can impress women with it. You can't impress a woman with a clarinet. What is she going to say ,"Oh baby! You're g minor scale on your clarinet makes me so wet. Soak that reed you dirty boy." it isn't going to happen. You could've picked a flute and it would've been cooler (Flute and alto saxophone have the same fingerings with slight differences, if you can play one well you can learn other super easily.)
Secondly, Romance? Let me guess, you turn yourself into a pony after coming through a portal and fall in 'love' with one of the main six? Totally never been done before. Going to wait for more comments before I read this.
Okay... Normally I would have been the first to say this, but "318743" beat me to it. Writing a story, its painting a picture with words, and I gotta be honest, he knows what he is talking about. Getting one of his 'fixes' is an honor. That means your story was good, but has a LOT of potential that is currently buried. as for my own minor complaints, "Continuity" Knowing who knows what is very difficult. I admit. But Angel bunny is in fact, a male. so, this paragraph.
"Angel came back later with the animals, and they were scared of him that’s for sure. They were very cautious, even the bear she took care of was scared of him. That kind of startled him a bit seeing a grizzly walk around from behind a house like that was…odd."
Is a rip in the space time continuum, and should be rewritten or burned. "The bear she took care of." No. He doesn't know its fluttershy's yet, remember?
As for your fight scene, I warned you against this kind of line.
"The legs connected with his Solar Plexus, and he heard bones crack, break, and organs get punctured by his ribs. He coughed up blood, and simply said “ow” in a very weak tone before passing out." Okay, internal damage? Organ punctures, SERIOUSLY!? You are NOT a medical journal. Have you ever had internal damage or wounded organs? Cuz, you cant say "Oh ow my spleen" it doesn't work. the pain is in the region, but not focused like it is externally. And it burns a shit ton more. You also cant "Hear" organs getting punctured. I mean, seriously now. You can keep the 'Solar plexus' because most people will go "Oh you know, im sure he means somewhere on his chest" because of the breaking ribs. But, still trying to add suspense by adding the ability to feel internal damage, your just fishing for sympathy in your character. Thats a no no.
Taking those couple of fixes and a few typos, as well as using Quillos suggestion to "paint" instead of simply tell it, is all there really is. So far, its not horrible. And, I like the clarinet. so, that's a bonus. But, over all the story is... Good, but it needs a lot of improvement. However, as far as firsts go, you're starting off better then most people. So, yea. Good job man.
318743
I SOOOO hate you right now..
You're doing the thing I hate the most: MASSIVE EDITING / REWRITING THE STORY
For Cellys sake! I came here to read HIS story, written by HIM with HIS style! I don't want to read the 'perfect' rewrites made by 'pros'.. I want HIS story that contains HIS feeling put into it
THIS IS THE. WORST. THING. EVER!
Of course giving advice is different, but completely rewriting them ruins the whole thing for me...(Even if the rewrites are just examples, they may leave a emotional mark in them that stops them from doing their kind of stuff, cause they want the story to be "better"(also known as, your style). In this case, the story is ruined (at least for me)...)
318950>>318743 *sigh* so many haters
I happen to like this as it is!
Please continue! I don't care what others think of it, this story is good!
319089
They're not hating, are they?
At least Kintra is telling us his opinion about the story (good but requires improvement) and tells us WHY he thinks so.
As for Quillo, I'm not even going to think about it. I'm still raging at him and I don't feel like buying new monitor this year
319167 well, i guess so... and i also don't want to have to buy a new moniter (literally, i once got so mad i punched my moniter across the room)
Ok, not holding grudges. I am completely new to this site. English is my worst subject. I dont know how to describe stuff very well, and I basically suck at writing, hands down. But you guys say that I have potential, and looking at everyone's comments has made, good or bad, and I don't take it as hating. Its just their personal opinion on my story. It's a free country, and everyone's open to their own opinion, good or bad. And Quillo, no hard feelings. Your trying to make me a better writer, and you too Kintra, and I respect that.. And on the whole bones breaking thing, no, I have never broken a single bone in my body, well, maybe my toes cause I stub them so much,
but I thought you meant describe how many bones were broken, what he felt puncture, etc. And no need to be punching monitors across rooms either, that still pretty funny though. I did have chapter two almost done, but now I'm starting to have second thoughts if i should put it up or not. It may be a few days before I do so. Like my friend said this morning, "you don't want to write on it too much, cause you may burn yourself out." This story is just off the top of my head, literally. I just got done reading some and thought, you know what, I'm going to make my own Fanfic. Now, that I've started, I have to keep going. Im not one who leaves things unfinished. Ill try to become a better writer, but thanks for all the comments and opinions. They shall be recorded and used for future references.
Btw thanks for the whole bear thing Kintra, I'll make sure to fix that right away
I re-read Quillos story, and i liked it, It was good, very good. And NotABrony, the clarinet is personally my favorite instrument, besides trumpet and barry sax. You were...almost correct about the romance part. Not releasing any spoilers. But yes, I can play guitar as well, not much, but I can play it. Hate all you want, I mean yea, never had a gf, never done anything with a girl basically besides hug. Do i really give a fuck though? Not really, I decided not to worry about relationships in high school. High school is supposed to be one of the funnest times in your life, along side college. After that, it just gets dull. Besides, I plan on waiting till I get married before going all the way. So yea, say what you want.
Honestly... though, this is how I responded to your responses.
318950
arch.413chan.net/brohoof-%28n1293574743684%29.png
319053
). Why did I just type in Spanish? To state my point that's why. METAPHORICAL ENGAGEMENT MODE! Imagine that he wrote this in Spanish, and you can almost understand it. Then I come along, translate it to english, and you can read it. All I did was translate his soul/words/feeling from his words into story written words. So people that don't have my translating abilities can read it. (Btw: ¿Puedes tu lees palabras españoles? = Can you read Spanish words?)
¿Puedes tu lees palabras españoles?
No, didn't think so (Least I hope not
319089 I never said I hated the story. Just that way it was presented. And I don't like it the way it is, so do many others like me.
319146 I like you
319167 Was that the smash I heard, did you honestly 'rage' over my comment? Really? I should do it more often.
And besides, it's obvious that you have thought about it, considering the fact that you commented back on it, but really thinking is a good habit to learn. Besides, considering that you have brought up the subject too many times, your mind will do anything but avoid said topic.
There, I think I wrapped things up, now... I must go! The IB1 awaits!
Quillo out...
319889 ... in your avatar... what's with the way you're staring at the pony?!?!
319889 Brohoof? .... i162.photobucket.com/albums/t260/volvaga/_89510b2adbf76041205a1ee5b5e5cd6c.gif
319847 Yup, not a problem man, as I said, your story has a lot of potential, and being one who rights just from the top of his head (I did for my first story) Eventually, yea you will burn yourself out. But, for me, it's become a process, Write out the story how you feel it should be, and then reread it. An area you feel deserves more "Fluff" fluff it! You see a typo, or a place where the story breaks, fix it. For me, I write the story, and then go through and improve it. If I sent in my 'bare bones' chapters, they would look a lot like yours does now. The general story, without focusing on detail and other things like that, so I think, just go through and try and fluff out some areas, like when your character first "Fell" into the area. He took it surprisingly well, try and flesh out his feelings, I mean, he is waking up in a random area that is not his room.
Try placing yourself in their shoes, and then be realistic about it. I know for a fact most of us would flip our shit if we suddenly woke up in the middle of a forest.
God, im ranting again. I do that, sorry. In general, take your time. go over your chapters, make them a little more emotionally real. His reaction to fluttershy was okay, I mean, kinda. He sees fluttershy and falls, but he sees the three others and just kinda, "Oh hai."
I'm sorry, im done.
I think I've decided on a solution. I may let this go for 3 or so chapters, then something will happen. Then I will make a sequel, telling the story I was wanting to tell, but in a better way. Or....TOO MANY OPTIONS...I know this is MY story and I write it how I choose but....I want people to understand it. I know some have that *ability* that Quillo (btw I understood what you said in spanish
), which I do. But now, I have to think of a median. Where both can understand it without trying so hard. Dang it 
319889
Spanish, WTF?
The story was already clear english for me. It was actually a lot better than MANY other stories 'round here
And about the raging thing, I just got TOTALLY MAAAADDDDDD
(Yep, I'm overexaggerating)
), but...
when you came and rewrote the whole thing. Sure, your version was... a LOT better to read (and understand
I just go total rage when someone just rewrites the story. It's the same as I would go "Lol ok I did dis and dat", my "editor" makes it into a story with his epik leet skillz and I go and publish it as mine, and people enjoy and compliment it. I just.. WHY THE HELL MAKE FICS IN THE FIRST PLACE IF YOU DON'T WRITE THEM
Sure, most people need help with grammar etc., which can be fixed by having proofreaders, who FIX those errors. It's different from what you did, since you rewrote the whole story in better form... It just.. Doesn't feel his anymore..
PS:
What smash are you speaking about? I don't remember punching my monitor.. It was a overexaggerated example.
Many
here. God, im an idiot. But honestly, thats how I react to strange places. Im the kind of person who stays calm in panicky situations. God....so MANY 
I need a redo
(Gotta love them comment breaks)
319847 <- This, guys, is the potential of a good writer.
Ideas, style, characterization etc. have a small part in being a good writer, what matters is how you take criticism, and you took it amazingly well. Good job.
318797>>319887 I don't see why not clarinet, it's different. I depict the clarinet as calm, smooth, moving, uplifting, enlightening and spiritual, I honestly don't see why you shouldn't pick the clarinet. Music is an art, like story writing but through different means. The instrument just decides what color you use, how heavy the brush strokes and the size of the brush. Be creative, read one word and understand two.
Quillo out...
(Yep... Definitely an artist...)
319970
1) What are you doing here if you don't understand the meaning of a metaphor?
2) I didn't post this story under my own name silly, I assumed the role of his editor and edited it using my flare, it's up to him to increase it furthermore.
3) (Engaging TOK mode) The only reason that it doesn't feel like his any more is because that he posted his original then I edited it, had he sent the prologue to me then I edited it without saying anything... It would 'feel' like his wouldn't it? On the bare fact that you had no Idea that I was here.
4) (Referencing the smash)
[img]data:image/jpeg;base64,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
319898 Dunno really, the program said 3, 2, 1 and this happened. 'Sides... I have a pony in my hand... Your argument is invalid. *Snobbish huff*
Quillo, your the man. Right now im stressing on how i should do chapter two. I had it ready to go on my iPod. But now that i read all this. I want to redo it all, all 4,000 words of it (rough estimate). Thats the main reason i chose the clarinet, I used to be in precussion. However, i soon got bored of that. I needed something with a bit more...variety. I saw the flute, but it wasn't for me. The trumpet, good instrument yes, very good with jazz, and overall good sounding instrument. I needed something that would fit me. Im weird at times, very weird. Im overall weird, my band director says I invented weird, which at times i believe. Once I started playing the clarinet, I just fell in love with it. It was the instrument for me. I just liked the way it felt, the way it sounded, the way it just...synced with me. Music is usually the way I express myself. When I play the clarinet, I just feel so calm, just like all my worldly problems just...go away. It's just me and the music, the way it should be. I want to play jazz, cause that has randomness in it. For now though, I'll stick with the slow, caring, uplifting melodies. I guess that can describe the kindness in my heart, I'm a very nice person, never get mad...annoyed yes, never mad. I guess thats why when your in a band and playing a soft song like that, there's always that evil sounding low brass section that decides to slowly sneak its way in untill it overpowers the kindness and softness the song is supposed to show. Then it's a struggle between the sound. Who can overpower the other, usually the soft and caring side of the song looses, Which is when I bring it up an octave. I look at it this way. Music is the universal language. It describes feeling, emotion, sadness, happiness, fun times, sad times, and can describe feelings when words cannot. Some people take music for granted, and use it to help them get things (for instance sex, other stuff, etc...) I'm not saying thats a bad way of looking at it. People have their own opinion in music. To me, music is the most wonderful thing in this world (besides Fallout and Ponies). Music has been my life, and i describe my life through my instrument. I play sad songs, happy songs, funny/ crazy songs, heck, even the Halo theme song. Music will always be with you wherever you go, it'll never let you down. When you're all alone, there's always a song, or something you can think of that wont make you feel like your totally alone. Yes, you'll still be alone, but having that song in your head will make you that much happier, knowing there's something to keep your mind off of the loneliness. Music, Fallout, Ponies, these are things I will never let go of in life, and even in death. I will love all 3 till the very end. Music is my way of life, and I wouldn't choose anything else over it.
Yea....kinda got carried away XD....i hate it when i do this.
320186 ... Have a picture.
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ln8eqbZJqd1qbxl92o1_500.gif
That was the voice of a true artist... now... Replicate that emotion into your story writing and add that to your list of talents.
(Btw, Elder Scrolls over Fallout.
)
320148 <*STARES AT PONY*> ummmmm, ableben? <*jumps onto your head*> ... <*licky licky licky*> DAFUQ!?!?!?!
Lol if only it were that easy. Just like the flip of the switch then *Boom* master writer. Pffffft I wish. Its going to take some work to get used to this. But all i can say is COME AT ME BRO!
Btw i like all the games from bethesda...i no life skyrim, fallout, and Oblivion equally...well oblivions out cause of Skyrim, but you get the point XD
320148
And my point is understood in the exactly wrong way. I shall stop this useless chat and go learn english properly, since it seems like nothing I try to explain is understood in the way I want it to....
Thee shall have a nice day...
320221 Try writing to your favourite music that matches the scene nicely.
Por ejemplo:
Epic scenes: Songs like, Game over (Simba remix) by LDUK or First of the Year (Equinox) By Skrillex
Sad scenes: El Mariachi by Robert Rodgriguez or Sleep to Dream (Swimming with dolphins) by Klaypex or With you, Friends (Long drive) By Skrillex or Beyond by LDUK
Romance scenes: Summit by Skrillex, Part Me Part You by LDUK, Room Of Anger Jungle by LDUK or even Cyper Tranquility by LDUK
Quiet scenes: MOON by LDUK, Game Over (Xactyl remix) by LDUK
These are just some suggestions, you can use these, or your own. (PS LDUK MUSIC IS ALL FREE!)
(YES I'm a technofreak)
Quillo out...
So am I....Those Wubs...but usually I listen to music made by fellow bronies like micthemicrophone, The Living Tombstone, DJAlexS, WoodenToaster, etc....along with skrillex...and yea, usually for fight scenes i put in a little FFDP (Five Finger Death Punch).
However, I have one question. I was reading back on my chapter two i previously wrote, now being revised. I figured out i outsmarted myself, which happens often...is it alright if I PM you about it Quillo and get your outlook on it?
Music I'd choose for scenes
Epic Scenes: Back for More - FFDP, Hell - Disturbed, Raise Hell - Hed PE, Kyoto - Skrillex, Rock n' Roll - Skrillex, Generation Dead - FFDP, Meet the Monster - FFDP, Menace - FFDP (One of my favs by this band), Wont Back Down - Eminem, any many, many more choices.
Sad/ Depressing scenes: Remember Everything - FFDP, The Tragic Truth - FFDP, Pins and Needles - Billy Talent, Far From Home - FFDP, Crying in The Rain - ItaloBrothers, and many more there too.
Romance: One Shot - Landsdowne, (Typical) Every Time We Touch - Cascada, It must Have been Love - ItaloBrothers, Love is On Fire - ItaloBrothers, (dont have that many here, wasnt much for them back in my depression rut, now i dont care as long as its good.)
320268
Thou shall not utilize Shakespearean English incorrectly.
Thy line should be as follows:
Thou shall have a nice day
I ask thou to learn and use the Old English correctly or you could just speak normally.
320213 The only thing I understood... dafuq?
320530 well, Tenshura (me) speaks like this, while
<ableben, speaks in these> 2 different OC's (okay, there are technically 13, but the others arent here right now)
well, ableben jumped onto your head and began licking you
I think he was referring to that little pony you have in your hand there. Like it just, comes to life, jumps on your head and starts licking your hair XD...I think XD
320524
CBA.
And it doesn't really matter as long as you can understand it
320556 That's okay as well!
320540 Quillo is actually the name of my pony... Steve is my actual name. Steve starts with an 'Ess' and I'm a man, EssMan. :D
(Oh and, clonetrooperkev gave me Manar.)
Well, I've started redoing the 2nd chapter...and its a WHOLE lot better than the original, like night and day. but theres still a ton more to write. All i can say is thanks for the help Kintra and Quillo, you guys corrected me from a path of awefulness and non descriptive chapters-ness XD. From now on I vow to make my chapters more descriptive....no I have to come up with more descriptive words -_-..ohh well with school, Spanish, Games, This,and Band, ohhh man. I'm going to be one busy little man over the summer. And Quillo, The way you took that crappy chapter one and made it into....that...you sir, are truly a master at writing fanfics. I am honored to have you judge my chapters XD...dont get me wrong Kintra. I respect you both as very talented writers, and I'm glad your both supporting me to do my best. Now, comes that hard part. BACK TO Ch.2! Not sure if it will be good though, maybe a slight improvement, I hope.
320851 Remember, the second try is Always, ALWAYS better then the first, and the third? Even better.
Yea, I decided to take a break and kill some reapers before i start up again. And the 3rd may be slightly better than the second. I hope, and ill try my hardest to make it worth reading.
320847 well, then steve, there's one of my OC's currently on your rather wet head who is (for some reason that escapes me) licking your head.
321028
*Picks up tiny pony*
"Why are you licking my face?"
321309 <*tounge stretches and sticks into your ear*>
321340
*Picks up scissors*
"You know what I can do with these?"
321418 <*another tounge comes out and sticks in your other ear*>
SINCE WHEN DO HORSES HAVE 2 TONGUES!
321470 *uses scissors to cut tounges*
"Take that, you abomination!"
321476 weeeeeeeell, you don't want to know...
Well now, not the horse cant talk. Great job Quillo XD.
now*