• Published 18th Dec 2013
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The Rites Encyclopedia - CvBrony



A collection of silly, fourth-wall-breaking, bite-sized skits explaining and expanding on the world of Rites of Ascension

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Higher Power: Alicorn Worship Part 1

“Fillies and Gentlecolts, have you come to hear the Word of Twilight Sparkle, Alicorn Supreme!?”

“Spiiiike…” Twilight groaned, facehooving.

“Amen!” Rainbow shouted, throwing her forehooves in the air.

Spike continued, thumbing on a book. “Fall on your haunches and behold her glory! She, who fearlessly went into battle and vanquished the evil of Nightmare Moon!”

“Preach it!” Applejack bowed to the ground at Twilight.

“Spike, please don’t…” Twilight still hadn’t lifted her head up.

“If she had only vanquished the evil of Nightmare Moon and not redeemed the Princess Luna, it would have been enough!”

Twilight groaned.

“Amen, brother!” Rainbow started bowing too.

“If she had only redeemed the Princess Luna and not discovered the Elements of Harmony, it would have been enough!”

“Oh, it was a mir-a-cle!” Applejack yelled out.

“If she had only discovered the Elements of Harmony, and not rescued the Princess Celestia from the sun, it would have been enough!”

“Praise! The Princess is back!” Rainbow leaped into the air, seemingly revering the sky.

“If she had only rescued the Princess Celestia from the sun and not led the Elements to the mountain to evict the dragon, it would have been enough!”

“Spike, stop it!” Twilight stomped a hoof.

“If she had only led the Elements to the mountain to evict the dragon, and not pacified the Ursa Minor to defeat the heretic Trixie, it would have been enough!”

“Trixie’s not even a heretic!” Twilight shouted, then cringed when she realized the implication. “Wait, I mean, this isn’t a religion!

“Down with the heretic! Down! Praise Twilight!” Applejack hollered, tossing her hat on the ground.

“If she had only pacified the Ursa Minor to defeat the heretic Trixie, and not sealed the demon Discord back in his stony prison, it would have been enough!”

“Sing it! Sing it out loud! Wooo!” Rainbow laughed.

“Guys, please! This is going far enough!” Twilight yanked the book out of Spike’s hands. “Celestia said we shouldn’t be worshipped!”

“If she had only sealed the demon Discord back in his stony prison, and not exposed the changeling Chrysalis, it would have been enough!”

“Expose that changeling! Expose! Expose!” Applejack chanted.

“Expose! Expose!” Rainbow joined in.

“Guys!” Twilight screamed at the top of her lungs. “Sto—!”

“Stop it right now!”

Thunder and lightning cracked through the room, knocking Rainbow to the floor and Spike on his rear.

Princess Luna stepped up to the group, tears already streaming down her face. “You dare! You all dare! What is the matter with all of you!?

Spike stood back up, holding his arms up in surrender. “Hey! It was just a joke! We were doing this segment and—”

“Just a joke!? Just. A. Joke!? It is not a joke!” More lightning cracked, sending Spike back down. “It is never a joke! You weren’t there! You cannot possibly understand!”

Rainbow swallowed. “Understand what?”

Luna stomped up to her and flared out her wings. “The consequences! The adoration of your ponies, looking up at you like you’re the parent of every one! The crushed looks on their faces when they see you fail in battle! The helpless cries when they can’t do anything for themselves because they are used to you fulfilling their needs! Their shuns when you turn out to be anything less than perfect!”

Luna cringed, eyes squeezing out ever more tears. “And you all think this is funny!? Out! Get out! All of you! Get out of my home!

The three huddled together, eyes wide and legs shaking.

“I said out!”

Luna lunged at them, and they took off running out of the room, the Princess in hot pursuit.

“Out! Ouuuut!”

Twilight coughed lightly, scratching her head with a hoof. “We… we need a moment, everybody.”


... To Be Continued in Part 2

Author's Note:

BANG!

Drama.

Yup, I can do that in this one if I want. ;)

Also, yup, this chapter is basically just a huuuuuge Bioshock Infinite reference. Normally I wouldn't do something so direct, but since this is about worshipping those who are not gods, AND since it's non-canon silliness, I went ahead and did it. For those who don't know what I'm talking about, see this video.