The Peach Boy; A Tale of a Blessed Birth

EThe Frog that Would Become Emperor; Cold Night in The Crystal Empire, part 1
MLP: FiM
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Being the only human in Ponyville is challenging but now stuck in the Crystal Empire during an attack of Windigos. He decides to keep every one's spirits up with a funny l
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Twilight
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Cadance
Shining Armor
Freewing Alchemist P · 3.6k words · 13 2 · 736 views
EStories For Spike; Tales from the Storyteller
MLP: FiM
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Felling low the The Storyteller of Ponyville desides to tell some stores about dragons to raise his spirts.
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Spike
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Freewing Alchemist P · 2.7k words · 9 3 · 663 views

This story is a sequel to Mouse, Cat & Dog; A Story for a Rainy Day

Why trying to help a new Peach farmer that just come to Ponyville a human and his employer fall victim to a prank.
After which they meet the local bakers and owner of Sugar cube Corners, The Cakes.
While waiting out a storm, the human is inspired to tell them an old fairytale about a equally miraculous birth.

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Comments ( 14 )

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soulknight13

soulknight13 #1 · Dec 18th, 2013 · · ·

Nice like it I aint hard this story thanks.

Freewing Alchemist P

Freewing Alchemist P #2 · Dec 18th, 2013 · · ·

3644031 your welcome

Alpha Scorpii

Alpha Scorpii #3 · Dec 18th, 2013 · · ·

Can you believe that I hadn't read the Momotaro legend until now? I mean, I had heard of it and I knew the basic premise, but I had never really read it.

Anyway, nice story

Freewing Alchemist P

Freewing Alchemist P #4 · Dec 18th, 2013 · · ·

3645691 Thank you

Mr Good Guy

Mr Good Guy #5 · Oct 24th, 2018 · · ·

Ohhh.... so much editing and proofreading needs to be done here.... Maybe I should do this, because some of this is just plain painful....

Ok, let's get started... corrections in brackets, italics represent errors....

The Peach Boy; A Tale of a Blessed Birth. should be ( Momotaro The Peach Boy: A Tale Of A Blessed Birth )
MLPFiM (Based off of the MLP: FIM universe/ A story based within the MLP: FIM universe) *(Don't forget to state that you don't own the franchise, state copyrights and so on)
The one thing you think I would hate about my new life would be the constant deserter that occur in this town but that is not it. (You'd think that the one thing I would hate about my new life here in this town, would be the constant disasters that occur here, but that's not it.

With me so far? Should I continue?

Freewing Alchemist P

Freewing Alchemist P #6 · Oct 25th, 2018 · · ·

9250822Yes

Mr Good Guy

Mr Good Guy #7 · Oct 26th, 2018 · · ·

9251449
Ok, but something I got to ask, is this related to the Easter story in any way, like does this come before, or after, timeline-wise, because if it does, that would just add a whole bunch of confusion.... anyway, I'll try to get back to editing and proofreading now, but this is just basic, and I think, afterwards, this story might need some more work done to improve the writing quality somewhat....

Mr Good Guy

Mr Good Guy #8 · Oct 27th, 2018 · · ·

9251449
Ok, back to editing and proofreading....

What I do not like about my new home of Equestria is the fact they use solid gold coins as legal tender and you have to haggle. I hate haggling I always feel that I’m getting ripped off. These ponies are too good at bargaining and I am not. That’s why I always need to find a little extra work.
(What I don't like about my new home in Ponyville of Equestria is the fact that they use solid gold coins as currency,*(legal tender sounds a little confusing, until I looked it up) and you're allowed to haggle.*(Not have to haggle, I don't think it's required by Equestrian law) I. Hate. Haggling. I always feel like I'm getting ripped off./ I hate haggling because I always feel like I'm getting ripped off. Not to mention the fact that these ponies are a lot better at it than I am./ Plus, these ponies are too good at bargaining. That's why I always need to find some extra work./So I always need to find a little extra work.)
On this fine day I was working for a new farm pony in town by the name of Peach Bottom. Dang, Peach Bottom, even for a pony that was a weird name. As you could guess she was peach farmer but she was a reddish, peach colored Pegasus. She had a southern twang and acts a sweet voice. I had been helping her hall in all her product and setting up her new stall at the market place. I like the farmers market and all the fresh fruit and even some fish, some Pegasus do like seafood.
(On this fine day, I was working for a new farm pony in town by the name of Peach Bottom. Dang, Peach Bottom, even now when I think about it, that sounded like a weird name for a pony.* (this part could be kept as is previously though, so it's fine.) As you could guess, she was a peach farmer, but she was a Pegasus, with a peach-colored coat, and and a darker reddish, peach-colored mane. She also had a sweet voice with a southern twang. I had helped her haul in all of her products and set up her new stall at the marketplace. I like the farmers' market, all the fresh fruit and there was even some fish, some Pegasi did like seafood.)

How's it looking? Anything you want to add? Something you don't understand?

Mr Good Guy

Mr Good Guy #9 · Nov 21st, 2018 · · ·

9251449
Hey, you didn't respond to my last reply, so I was wondering if I should continue with the proofreading/error correction and so on....

Freewing Alchemist P

Freewing Alchemist P #10 · Nov 21st, 2018 · · ·

9305624 Sorry I got sick for a while and I was trying to pick it up later.

Mr Good Guy

Mr Good Guy #11 · Nov 21st, 2018 · · ·

9305774
Oh, ok, sorry about that, are you feeling better, then? Should I continue?

Freewing Alchemist P

Freewing Alchemist P #12 · Nov 22nd, 2018 · · ·

9306963 Yeah, thanks again. Though I probably should say I won't be On line tomorrow because of Thanks giving.

Mr Good Guy

Mr Good Guy #13 · Nov 22nd, 2018 · · ·

9307079
Ok, just send me a message to let me know how it all looks when you get back online, though I might take a while myself, plus you might want to relook at your edits, because you missed a couple of stuff, I'll try to quote them here:

The one thing you think I would hate about my new life would be the constant disasters that occur in this town, but that is not all(Why is all used here?)... What I do not like about my new home? The fact they use solid gold coins as currency and you have to haggle for the best prices. I hate haggling I always feel that I’m getting ripped off. These ponies are too good at bargaining and I am not. That’s why I always need to find a little extra work.

How about this?
(The one thing you'd think I would hate about my new life would be the constant disasters that occur in this town, but that's not it (or) that's not it at all. (Is this what you were trying to say?) What I don't like about my new life in Ponyville/Equestria (here you could add "is" or " , you ask?" then join the next sentence together or start it, respectively.) The fact that they use solid gold coins as currency and you have to haggle for the best prices.

(After that, you could say- "I. Hate. Haggling." for emphasis, or say " I hate haggling because...") I. Hate. Haggling. I always feel like I'm getting ripped off. (or) I hate haggling because I always feel like I'm getting ripped off.

These ponies are too good at bargaining and I'm not. (This part is relatively minor, though.) If you want to add some more emphasis, feeling, flair or fluidity to this part here, you could say, (Not to mention that these ponies are way too good at bargaining and I'm not. And/Or maybe say something like I'm a complete amateur at it or I completely stink at it. instead.

On this fine day I was working for a new farm pony in town by the name of Peach Bottom. Dang, Peach Bottom, even for a pony that was a weird name. She was a Pegasus, with a peach-colored coat, and a darker reddish, peach-colored mane. She also had a sweet voice with a southern twang. I had been helping her haul in all her product and setting up her new stall at the market place. I like the farmers market and all the fresh fruit and even some fish, some Pegasus do like seafood.

"Products (Plural) and Pegasi, (also Plural). Other than that, pretty good.

Here's for some of the new stuff....

"Thank you dar’lin,” She told me with a smile and batted her eyelash at me almost flirting. “I’m sure glad that you be’n a round and all.”
("Thank you, darlin', " she told me with a smile and batted her eyelashes at me, almost flirting / in an almost flirtatious manner. I'm sure glad that you'd been aroun' and all. / about you bein' aroun' and all.)
“No problem Ms. Peach.” I replied as I set up another viewing stand. (No problem, Ms. Peach, I replied as I set up another viewing stand. (No commas) )
“Ahy, no Ms. You can call me Peach Bottom.” She flashed me a big smile. ( Hey, no Ms. You can call me Peach Bottom.) *Or if you want to add to this, "Hey, no Ms. Just Peach Bottom is fine, darlin'. Ms. makes me sound old/ Ms. Peach is my granny/mama. / You more than done deserved enough o' my respect fer that." or something along those lines.
It had been a long day as the customers filed in to by the new product, Sweet Peaches. I was kind of worried that I would alienate some of the other friends I’ve made by helping this stranger but I guess helping a new pony was all part of this town. Good thing too, I like the Apples, they are nice ponies. (buy the new product) (other friends I'd made) (helping out this stranger, but )
It was near the end of the day and we were going close the stall when something strange started to happen. Peaches started to disappear and I could hear giggling. Peach Bottom and I were becoming concerned. I mean I’ve been a victim of both Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash pranks before, but Peach Bottom has not. She might get the wrong idea. (going to close) (started to get concerned/ were starting to get concerned) (I mean, I'd been a victim of both Pinkie Pie's and Rainbow Dash's pranks before, but Peach Bottom hadn't. She'd might've gotten the wrong idea.

What do you think so far? Any mistakes? Comments? Anything you might want to add to this? Keep going?

Freewing Alchemist P

Freewing Alchemist P #14 · Dec 2nd, 2018 · · ·

9307193 OK got this one done thanks. Sorry for the wait bad weather and power outages.

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