Sometimes, things are easier said than done. Especially for Twilight Sparkle. She no longer has to think about most spells in order to cast them, they just come naturally. However, there is one that she can never quite get used to and that is the teleportation spell. Teleporting has a strange effect on unicorns and for some reason, discussing it taboo.
A collaborative effort with my friend, Kalreas!
Please support him by letting him know what you thought of this story, should you choose to do so.
Chapters (1)
I sense innuendo. But I guess I'll have to read to find out.
Should be wasn't
I feel the same way--in my first two Derpy fics, to avoid any issues, I never named her.
I liked it! Both ponies in character; a good slice-of-life story. Bravo!
Why would it be forbidden? I mean the only reason I could think of was that other pony races actually could teleport.
This is going to be good
Is their going to be any difference between alicorn and unicorn telepotation or are they going to be the same?
3648542
Actually, isn't is actually quite a usable term there, given the situation.
I guess it depends on how you read it, but it works either way, considering real-time conversation.
3648597
I can't quote a hard-and-fast rule, but to me the sentence as written comes off as incomplete with the tense change, and implies that Twilight is no longer upset by the end of the sentence. For example:
I was upset my car is on fire
vs
I was upset my car was on fire
The first sentence really needs something to complete it, since it implies that I am no longer upset about my car being on fire.
3648639
I can see where you're coming from by using that angle, with the usage of 'was' and 'is' in the sentence, but it can be done differently.
With just that information alone, there's no real indication of any past tense writing before isn't is put into play. Not to mention that it is written, generally, in present tense.
Ditzy is, throughout the explanation, still not satisfied with the answer.
Then again, I could just be being stubborn and not fully seeing your side of the discussion, so I could be walking into some danger here.
I apologize if so.
3648639
Okay. Conference had.
You're right.
I apologize for my lack of knowledge, sir.
3648688
Glad to help! Tense switching is a common problem in stories--most of which are written in past tense (except for the dialogue). Heaven only knows I had enough trouble with it when I started writing.
If you're interested in reading something written in present tense throughout--just to see how different it feels--you could give my own Here I Am a read.
Also, as an aside: I like to use present tense in dreams. It sets it off from the rest of the story.
3648706 God, it means so much that you enjoy this story. I've been a fan of yours for a while now :D
3648713
Aww, thanks!
You did a reading of Hearth's Warming Eve way back when. I should put that up on a blog post, 'cause 'tis the season.
3648735
3648767
The tense switching is something you should fix, too. In case everyone forgot.
...well? What DOES it feel like?
...ah, it's one of those embarrassing secrets, isn't it?
Hey, this is in the 'popular' box!
Missing Bit?
Also you should do a question and answer story between Twilight and Ditzy.
3652270Three guests check into a hotel room. The clerk says the bill is $30, so each guest pays $10. Later the clerk realizes the bill should only be $25. To rectify this, he gives the bellhop $5 to return to the guests. On the way to the room, the bellhop realizes that he cannot divide the money equally. As the guests didn't know the total of the revised bill, the bellhop decides to just give each guest $1 and keep $2 for himself. Each guest got $1 back: so now each guest only paid $9; bringing the total paid to $27. The bellhop has $2. And $27 + $2 = $29 so, if the guests originally handed over $30, what happened to the remaining $1?
3652327 Hotel's total cash is A, bellhop's is B, guest 1 is X, guest 2 is Y, guest 3 is Z.
Hotel after first part has A+30, and guests have X-10, Y-10, and Z-10.
Hotel gives 5 to bellhop, so hotel has A+25, bellhop has B+5
Bellhop gives 1 to each guest, so bellhop is B+2, guests are X-9, Y-9, and Z-9.
So, totals are A+25, B+2, X-9, Y-9, and Z-9.
And, A + 25 + B + 2 + X - 9 + Y - 9 + Z - 9 = A + B + X + Y + Z.
Shorter version, the guests paid 27 dollars total, and the hotel has 25, and the bellhop has two. The 30 is irrelevant.
3648560
Maybe it's forbidden because it goes through a magical mystical dimension between points A and B.
I don't get it.
3652327
Technically its a division error when the bellhop gives it back, the guests paid 9.33 each with one paying 9.34 (that way we dont lose a penny), and he has 2.
The fallacy goes back when you try to figure 25/3 and the bellhop just keeps the change. Its left out to make a nice riddle :P 25/3 = 8.33333333, so when he gave 3 back in change, it meant that they paid 9.3333 each...blah blah im sure I dont have to keep on
I have a similar one that I can prove 1 = -2 using algebra..if you dont catch the mistake XD
The story it self did not make sense to me, but then again.... what fun is there in making sense?
So, keep up the good work.
I guess that the reason why the story is off to me is that Ditzy is not portrayed in the way I imagine her.... but that is a personal preference.
Oh, mystery! I love mysteries! And I love the way you had Ditzy act, it just felt fitting for the show.
3696486 It's not supposed to.
This was a nice set-up, but honestly, I was a bit disappointed that we didn't find out the big secret. I understand that sometimes you leave the big reveal out, but it didn't feel like the story set up that kind of ending. And I'm aware of jokes where the whole punchline is that there is no punchline, but this didn't even highlight the lack of explanation as part of the humor. It just... stopped.
I could accept a conclusion with the answer, or a conclusion where the story avoids the answer. A lack of any conclusion at all, though, is another matter entirely.
At that point, unanswered questions aren't intriguing, they're frustrating.
3875889 I know right?
This really felt less like a whole, complete story and more like a scene. As written, it's just...there.
4549797 yea there should be more chapter
I feel cheated.
Huh. The mystery will never be solved I guess.