• Member Since 4th May, 2013
  • offline last seen 22 minutes ago


On the Sliding Scale Of Idealism Vs. Cynicism, I like to think of myself as being idyllically cynical. (Patreon page.)


Are you a pony who travels?

Do you need to communicate on the go?

And do you totally lack any and all dragons in your life?

Then you need -- Slate!

Everypony does!

Unless they can think.

Which just might leave Trixie out.

(Part of the Triptych Continuum, which has its own TVTropes page and FIMFiction group. New members and trope edits welcome.)

Now with author Patreon page.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 53 )

Gonna give it a preemptive like because i like a lot of your other stories. will read.

This was awesome

This is delightfully ridiculously and far too familiar. :pinkiehappy:

I really like stories like this, where it's just back and forth dialogue/banter, but it's hard to find stories that do it well. Glad I found this one!

This was a charming little story. I'm guessing the salesman might be one of the Flim Flam Brothers?

That aside, I like how you paint a picture of the situation with nothing but pure dialogue between two characters throughout the whole thing! That in itself is an amazing feat few could perform, and you my friend are the first person I've seen do this. ^~^

And that's why I only use prepaid phone services now.

Screw you Verizon!

Ooh, nice. Trixie is not to be tricked, I see! :trixieshiftright:

(Also, once again I'm happy that I live in Finland instead of, say, the US, so that I can get good, cheap, reliable cellphone service without any gouging gotchas.)

The moral of the story: It's the Great and Powerful Trixie, not the Great and Gullible Trixie. :trixieshiftleft:

You seem to have a knack for creating a humorous story using nothing but dialogue. Dialogue that's relatively easy to follow no less. It's quite easy to tell who's talking even though it's very rarely stated explicitly. That takes some major talent. Kudos. :moustache:


This is in fact what happens when you read the details of too many data plans in one week. I'm not saying one of them was a Verizon offer. I'm also not saying it wasn't.


There's probably supposed to be a kneejerk reaction word to that statement. I'm going to go with 'Lucky...'

*Grins and slow claps* Bravo.

Maybe it's because I've still got an unlimited data plan... but I have nothing but love for my carrier... then again I've never actually read the contract.... so yeah...

Ignorance is bliss... dangerous and stupid... but still blissful nonetheless.

This is the problem I have with marketing, they're always trying to shove their products down your throat when you had little to no interest in them in the first place, and then the proceed to solidify my judgement that "if I lived without it for my entire life until now, I can probably live the rest of my life without it as well".

Also, the 2000 bit head start fee is a stroke of genius.

At least I don't have that many problems with Verizon. Sheesh. :ajsmug:

Also dat ending was great. :rainbowlaugh: I do have a soft spot in my heart for stories that convey everything with dialogue.

Awesome job as usual! :twilightsmile:

This started out as a fun little inept swindling, then turned into a pretty stale satire of the cellphone industry. I got tired of the gag around halfway in. Every joke that can be told about the cellphone companies has been told. It's like making a joke about Cable. It's ridiculous. We know. We've moved on. I like the set up and execution, I like how you've painted the entire story only through dialog, I think the salesman's absurd, inept sales pitch is funny. But I still can't dredge up any response more than a shrug and a, "Yup, that's exactly how they are. Good observation."

What's next? Patents on rounded rectangles?

Sometimes you've got to spend money to make money, and establishing the infrastructure for portable, quantum-entangled blackboards is definitely one of those times. A shame this fellow has worse sense than the Flimflam brothers.
And what does the thaum funnel do to anything unfortunate enough to be nearby? :twilightoops:


then again I've never actually read the contract.

I don't remember all the details in my phone's plan, but the insurance coverage is void if my phone is exposed to nuclear radiation, acts of war, or is involved in a marine accident.


phone is exposed to nuclear radiation,

... I really need to read mine because that is a genuine possibility for me. :twilightoops:


Just hope that if you ever have to take it in for repair, they don't have a dosimeter handy.

Salespony- That'll be ten quintillion bits. Why? Existing fee. Only applies to salesponies like you, for some reason. Everyone else paid already.


the insurance coverage is void if my phone is exposed to nuclear radiation, acts of war, or is involved in a marine accident.

one of these is not like the other........
but they're all weird......


Well, all three of them could happen on a boat.

4605225 that would be the ultimate middle finger from the universe, to have all three happen at once.......


I think an act of nature needs to be involved for it to truly count. Maybe all three of those things happen, and you're counting your blessings that you're still alive--even though your phone is dead, and won't be covered--and then a meteor crashes through your lifeboat. Or a heretofore unknown volcano erupts. Or you get eaten by a whale.

That would be a Circular Transportation Facilitation Device, sir, and you now owe mister Keogh sixty bits. :trixieshiftright:

Angels (which do not exist and you should know nothing about) lead me here.

Fun tale! Kudos for the effective satire and well-executed, dialog-exclusive style. :twilightsmile:

Comment posted by swyrl deleted Aug 22nd, 2014

I concur with the assessment of my esteemed colleague.

Then he showed up in Ponyville and tried to sell it to Twilight without knowing who she was... :pinkiecrazy:

I almost feel sorry for the salespony


"That'll be two thousand bits."

"...for what?"

"Head start fee."


If this was half the length is currently is, it could be funny. Instead, however, it drags on and on and on and on and on.


You should probably skip everything else I've written, then. Trust me, it's not going to get any better from here.

I think I really, really like your Trixie.

That was WONDERFUL! You truly captured every shyster I've come across in my life...all 50 years. Keep writing. I love the dialogue.


That would mean that one of them's dead.

This story is so not finished. The guy's got a business that Trixie can co-opt...

Wait. Does he actually have 0 customers, which makes it so that even if Trixie were the kind of pony to beat him to a pulp and take over his business, she'd be at like... Square 2 at best?

Where in the timeline is this? Are there any laws that Trixie could bring against this guy? ... What is Trixie gonna do with the platinum wire? ... Where did she even get the bits to buy six ounces of platinum wire? ... Platinum wire isn't expensive, is it?

... Does Trixie's cutie mark mean that she can use wands? How are wands better than horns? Or if they're not, what was the point of wands?

7151278 The purpose of wands is to distract the audience from what your horn is doing.


Wait... Is it possibly in the Triptych-verse for dual use glow? A spell and TK at the same time? ... I want to say Yes, but I can't precisely recall any such instance...

I love Trixie anyway, but this was hilarious.

I am tremendously amused by this story, and by your characterization of the Great and Powerful Trixie.

I'm not trying to be That Guy, but it's just that "0G" mobile communications devices were a real thing, once, though that term was not applied to them at the time.

The cool thing is, Equestria already has something superior. Sunset's and Celestia's journals have the same functionality, and can even cross universes. Just make a cheaper version of that.

And if you don't pay the bill on time...
(Wait for it)... :pinkiesmile:
... ther's a Slate fee.

Heh, this is a great fic honestly. Made me smile at certain points. This would be nice if this happens to the Mane Six. :ajsmug:

Do I want to know what Trixie did to the poor bastard? XD

Ahhh from the school of Cut me Own Throat Dibbler, a profit to be made at every corner, bricks and cobbles included in pricing! Else I'll be cutting me own throat!

this reminds me of a story in a book, "dumbest business decisions", where a company tried to sell an early model of Satellite phone...
it was the size AND weight of a brick...
it only worked outdoors...
and several other problems that dragged the company into bankruptcy.

oh, yeah, and a second story, someone ruined his company by boasting about how good his NEXT model of computer would be, so NOBODY bought the first model...then did the SAME THING with the second model, putting himself out business since his company NEVER MADE A SINGLE SALE...

"May I make a suggestion?"


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