A Watery Desert
A land ponies had once called home, Equestria, had swiftly crumbled under the weight of what was considered to be a pony pandemic. A long since extinct magical parasite had found it’s way back into existence and it’s sole purpose was to decimated the pony race. The parasite would enter through any means necessary. Meaning it mimicked the properties of a virus, spreading far past believable bounds. Infecting ponies left and right, causing them act violent and unpredictable.
Despite research, there were very little noticeable signs of infection. Except for the later stages of involuntary muscle movement and blindness. But by that time it would have be too late, the victim would have had to been killed to prevent them from further infecting others. However, these precautions weren’t taken, for nothing of that magnitude had even been encountered by a princess. That’s when things got bad, food had become scarce, water contaminated, the air polluted with death. Anarchy then broke loose, everypony either fled their dying society or fought for what was left against the remnants of a government and the likes of the infected. All hope had almost been abandoned, harmony was no force to combat the darkness that was shrouding their country.
But hope was revived when messages of support and salvation reached what was left of Equestria. Saddle Arabia, the distant desert country had offered refuge to anypony who could reach there country safely. It was said that whatever was plaguing Equestria hadn’t reached or affected their lands. Possibly do to their dry climate, but either way. This caused a grand exodus of ponies from Equestria to try to make the trip to Saddle Arabia, risking their lives crossing a inhospitable desert that more than many of them never even heard of before. That meant that there was countless casualties to mysterious creatures, misdirection, and lack of food and water. Still there was those who traveled, those who saw salvation in a invitation that had been in effect for several months at that point.
That was a year ago and now the number of travelers attempting to reach there had decreased, but there was still two ponies out there. Risking there lives just like all the others before them. But there story differs from that of your typical refugees fleeing from their crumbling homeland. They hold the utmost conviction and hope, they have endured pain, trials, and tribulations to get where they are now. And one of those two ponies is far more optimistic than the other.
The pony in question was taking lead ahead of the pegasus behind her in their travels. She even begun to gallop in the rolling sand of the desert. A gust of wind blew past the large dunes to cause the mares rainbow mane to flow ever so gently with the breeze, as the sand that was picked up from the gust pelted her cyan coat. Causing small grains to get intertwined within here matted fur. Although she didn’t care, she only saw the destination ahead. Yet her counterpart a small Purple maned mare followed ever so slowly. Her orange coat was in no better condition than the pegasus before her. She only walked and watched the mare rush as if it was a race to the finish line.
The orange mare stops concerned at the thought that had just crossed her mind, She reached down to her side to unlock a saddle bag that was safely secured around her. She extended a wing to pull out a small canteen that was nearly empty. Terror filled her face as shock overwhelmed her body. She knew the severity of having water, they wouldn’t last a day without it. The orange pegasus looks back up at her oblivious counterpart to yell words the words that were very well enviable.
“RAINBOW DASH, we are out of water!” Yelled the concerned mare.
The words stopped the rainbow maned pegasus in her tracks. She glanced back at the smaller pegasus who just sat there in utter disappointment. “Scootaloo, pick up your tail then, we are going to need to find some more water.”
Shocked with the pegasus named Rainbow Dash’s response. She spoke in a very pessimistic tone.” But we have been out here for two days now, and we haven’t yet found a single source of water. We only had the supply we came with and look where that’s at now.”
“Well then, you're going to have to FLY!” Rainbow Dash said.
“Fly?!”
“Yes, we need water right, well the best way to get it is with a birds eye view Scootaloo.” Rainbow Dash adds, walking back towards her distraught follower. “You and me both know I can’t fly anymore, so that leaves you Scoots”
“Umm, uhhh….” Scootaloo couldn’t force the words out of her mouth. Instead she just glanced at Rainbow Dash, looking at her left side, which was exposed due to the fact that she was missing her left wing. Scootaloo still remembered the time when Rainbow Dash had opted to have it amputated because she had saved her from being infected in Trottingham. Only if she would have knew how to fly that day, then maybe Rainbow Dash still would have had her wing, had her life. But no she gave it all up for her. Now she couldn’t even look the cyan pegasus in the eyes anymore because it would only bring tears to her eyes. And Rainbow Dash hated that type of pity, to be a matter of fact she despised it.
“Scootaloo! You're going to have to fly.” Rainbow Dash demanded. The orange pegasus only tried to further negate direct eye contact, there was no way she could bear it. But Rainbow wasn’t having it, she walked up into the face of Scootaloo. She brought the dreary mares sight back up to hers with the slight movement of her hoof from underneath her muzzle. “Now if you don’t start flapping, you’ll force me to start flying with one wing.”
Scootaloo knew she couldn’t fly and it was only a tactic to get get her motivated. Still her inhibitions swallowed her whole, the orange pegasus was beginning to quiver with fear. Even though she had learned how to fly, she had also developed a phobia of leaving Dash’s side. Because despite losing a wing, the rainbow maned pegasus was still entirely to bold and head strong. Rainbow Dash never viewed losing her wing as a disability. Scootaloo felt obligated to never leave her side, it just wasn’t safe, especially in an unknown region like that.
But if they didn’t find water soon, their journey wouldn’t last much longer. So it didn’t take long for her to come up with a decision. She had to do it to survive and she had to do it for Rainbow Dash. Who at that point was impatiently waiting. So Scootaloo stepped back wasting no more time. Her wings unfurled slowly, revealing her true wingspan and it was impressive. One day it could even rival that of Rainbow Dash or a late wonderbolt.
“I’ll be waiting right here, Scoots.” Rainbow Dash said nonchalantly, waving a hoof.
“Yea, I know.” Scootaloo dead panned. Knowing full well Rainbow Dash wouldn’t be going too far, but she still disapproved of leaving her alone for even the slightest moment. Yet she spreaded her wings wide to propel herself off the sandy ground. The strength of her launch demonstrated her raw talents as a young flier. Rainbow Dash could only admire her work as a teacher when she watched the young mare fade into the distance, but Scootaloo was doing her best to not look back and let Rainbow Dash see her tears. Still the rainbow maned pegasus held a smile close, for that was all that she could do. Sit and have full faith in her companions abilities.
~V~V~V~V~V~
“Why am I doing this? Nothing in my life should be like this. Everything I once knew is either gone, destroyed, o-or infected. Why and how did the world become so tormenting and dismal. It only took a matter of years to rip everything apart. Even my idol is no longer who she use to be, well not physically. I-I Just don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know who we are anymore!”
Scootaloo was stuck in deep thought as she was gliding across the sky. She was scanning the ground like a hawk, looking for the most essential but scarce resource in the desert. She had never imagined herself in a situation such as this, even a place. She was never prepared for that type of life. Tears begun to flow again down Scootaloo’s eyes, the crying had become much more frequent. If anything she knew she had to stop to reserve hydration, because crying was a clear waste of fluids that meant either life or death. But the young mares eyes still wanted to well up with emotion, she had no idea on how Rainbow Dash was able to survive her situation without crying herself to sleep every night. Or maybe she does cry, but just not in front of her follower. Scootaloos mind was racing with preconceived notions.
But something broke her seemingly concentrated thoughts. She spotted it out of the corner of her eye. Trees, and a small patch of brush and other greenery surrounded by a watery oasis. Scootaloo wanted to immediately fly straight into it, for she hadn’t felt pure water on her coat in so long. But as she changed direction to fly closer to see what was actually there, she saw three large black masses arise out from the sand around the oasis. Scootaloo was instantly frightened at the sight. It even caused her to abruptly stop and beeline towards the nearest cloud for cover. As the three masses were completely uncovered by the sand, it was clear then that they were some sort of strange creatures.
Each of them had eight legs and a pair of large clamp like claws. Not to mention the curved tail that appeared shortly after there raising. It had a large spike like tip on it, the pegasus cowered behind her cloud cover, hoping they had not noticed her. The massive black creatures scurried around the oasis for a brief moment, making horrid screeching noises that made her cringe. She had never saw anything like them before, it was like they had crawled out of Tartarus. Examining the area further, she could see bones scattered across the area. Meaning that the area had been a key ambush point for those monstrous predators. They obviously were other pony refugees unaware of the dangers.
Scootaloo was deeply disappointed because now she would have to look even further for water and avoid those creatures at the same time. But as she was getting ready to silently fly away, leaving the creatures to settle back into the sand, a tomboyish voice rang out in the distance.
“SCOOTALOO! What you see up there.”
Scootaloo turns around quickly to see Rainbow Dash rushing to the scene. It was clear then that she had been following her. Scootaloo knew she wouldn’t be able to sit still, but at a time like this. It was just nightmarish, that’s when she heard the displacement of the sand again around the oasis. The creatures had heard her to and they was rushing towards the sound of the voice at full speed. Scootaloo was filled with absolute terror, Rainbow Dash had yet to get over a small dune that was obstructing her vision of the oasis and the creatures. She had no Idea of the creatures approaching her. There was no way of fighting them off and at their speeds it was clear that Rainbow wouldn’t be able to outrun them either. Those creatures were much more nimble in the sand than the ponies would ever be. But Scootaloo concocted a desperate plan in seconds, she had to bait them away. There was no other choice.
Diving down from the cloud she was hiding in. Scootaloo was racing to intercept those demonic creatures before they could reach Rainbow Dash. Scootaloo glanced once at the arriving pegasus. Rainbow had noticed Scootaloos terrified look and stopped at the top of the dune where she slowly looked down and noticed the three monsters charging towards her. Rainbow’s face lacked the complexity of emotion that Scootaloos had. She didn’t turn and run away either like Scootaloo was hoping she would do. No, she hunched down and was bracing for impact. This caused the orange pegasus to fly even faster, no thoughts could cross her mind. She just had to get in between those things and Rainbow Dash.
But her descent was interrupted by a critical failure. Dehydration had kicked in and her wings started to cramp. The instantaneous pain struck her as if a pony had wedged a blade in between her wings. She fell quickly from the sky, causing the creatures to advert their attention to behind them to where Scootaloo hit the sand with a thud. Now the whole situation flipped, Scootaloo was the one who needed saving. And Rainbow Dash Took no time just as her partner did to jump into action.
“SCOOTALOO, HANG ON!!!” Rainbow Dash yelled, Sliding down from the top of the sand dune as if she had done it before. She had no more of an idea of what those things were then Scootaloo did, but she didn’t care. They wasn’t hurting her friend without her interfering. Making it to the bottom of the dune she raced as fast she could in the loose sand to get to Scootaloo.
The orange mare was on the brink of passing out. One part due to the dehydration and second part on the account of the high fall she had just survived. Still, she was conscious enough to understand what was going on around her. She knew the creatures were now after her and it was only a matter of seconds before she would find out what those terrible things could do. “So I screwed up again, just great, now this time we will both lose more than a wing...”
Closing her eyes Scootaloo accepted what she had thought was fate at that point. But Rainbow Dash had other plans. Just as the creatures had reached the motionless pegasus and all had seemed over for her. Rainbow Dash managed to slide in between the creatures and Scootaloo some how. Again hunched down as if she was raring to attack. The creatures actually stopped and all three of them made the horrid screeching noise, Rainbow Dash also cringed at the sound they made. But the moment she closed her eyes, one of them attacked with it’s deadly stinger. Rainbow acted on instinct in that second and swiftly dodged the attack to launch a counter attack of her own.
Even though it was three on one and each one of those creatures was three times the size of a stallion. She still tried to fight back, Rainbow Dash leaped forward at the one that had just attacked. Only to be intercepted by it’s claws that moved almost as fast as it’s stinger. It was aiming for her neck, a easy kill. But again Rainbow still proved more agile because she evaded both claws with the simplest of movements. Then that’s when another one joined the fray, it proceeded with the same type of attack pattern as the first one did. It wasn’t hard for Rainbow to keep up the game with the two creatures.
But the third one had no interest in the cyan pegasus. It wanted the easy target, the creature raised it’s stinger to strike the defenseless pony. Rainbow Dash luckily had noticed the creature before it was too late. While still being attacked by the other two she did a quick power slide underneath one of the creatures. She pushed herself under using her one wing. As she did the slide, the other attacking creature tried to pursue her. But instead he collided into the creature that Rainbow had slid under causing them to both fall over. Rainbow Dash bolted up and hopped on the back of the third creature that was getting ready to attack Scootaloo. While on top of the creature, she could feel the roughness of its exoskeleton and she knew it’s purpose was obviously to serve as some type of armor.
The creature was shaking and squirming violently to dismount the pegasus. It tried a few times to try to attack her with it’s stinger but in the position she was in it was extremely difficult for the monster to get a clear shot. At that time the other two creatures had recovered from the attack. But they weren’t going for the ponies anymore. They started attacking each other, rolling over and hitting the third creature, causing Rainbow Dash to get tossed off the back of it.
Getting up, she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. They were destroying each other, and it was a brutal display of violence. “Stupid bugs!” She had thought to herself, but her attention was turned back to Scootaloo who had begun moving again. Carefully getting down by her side ignoring the rumble before them she whisper to the orange pegasus.
“Can u walk?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“R-Rainbow…” Scootaloo weakly responded.
“Don’t worry, were getting out of her.” Rainbow Dash said, looking back at the fighting monsters. It was obvious that they weren’t going to stop until they killed each other, being such primal and mindless creatures. So Rainbow Dash just lifted Scootaloo over her shoulder and started walking her away from that horror show. That’s when the young mare that was clinching to Rainbow started to fade again due to the dehydration.
~V~V~V~V~V~
Rainbow Dash had carried Scootaloo all the way back to the oasis she had found. It wasn’t to far away from where the fight had took place. Rainbow Dash wasn’t worried about anymore visitors because those creatures had tore each other to shreds. Leaving the oasis all to the two ponies. Rainbow Dash was sitting at the edge of the water while she tended to the unconscious scootaloo. But as usual Rainbow’s patients had ran thin by time then. So she took some water and dumped it on the peaceful pegasus’s face. That caused a hilarious screaming reaction from Scootaloo that made the cyan mare laugh uncontrollably.
“AHHH, WHAT, RAINBOW DASH!!!” The now wet Scootaloo exclaimed.
“Hahahah! You should see the look on your face.” Rainbow Dash laughs, pointing a hoof at the young wet mare.
“B-but those things, but what, how, WHAT HAPPENED!” Scootaloo yells, looking around, severely confused with the situation.
“Aww, you know, I thought I’d show those overgrown bugs the what for.” Rainbow Dash bragged, putting on a masculine front.
But Scootaloo wasn’t buying it, she knew what ever had happened was that of a stroke of luck. Otherwise they’d be both dead right now, the only other thing she could think about is how she failed to even be of any use in the situation. Again Rainbow Dash had saved her, and this time she only did it with one wing. Causing Scootaloo’s surprise to quickly dissolve into pity. Again she refused to even look at Rainbow Dash for what had just happened.
Tears begun to form in Scootaloo’s purple eyes. This time she couldn’t hold it back, she needed to cry. She needed to be treated like a little filly again. Still with her head down, she lunged at Rainbow. Burying her head in the cyan pegasus’s chest, crying uncontrollably. “ WHO AM I, WHO ARE WE!”
Rainbow acted as if she was a mother to the young, she took both of her forelegs and wrapped them tightly around Scootaloo. Giving her the embrace she so desperately deserved and needed. Rainbow Dash just nuzzled the top of her head and said nothing. Scootaloo had been pent up with so much emotion ever since Trottingham, it was only a matter of time. The emotionally reviving moment lasted for a good few minutes before Rainbow actually spoke.
“Scootaloo, we’re survivors…” Rainbow Dash said in a rather unfamiliar sincere tone. It caused Scootaloo to immediately stop crying to look up at her idol. “We survived and were going to keep doing that till…”
“Till what, till we DIE!” Scootaloo replied, wiping the tears off her face.
“Maybe, maybe not, but we are here together now and that all that matters.” Rainbow Dash pointed out. Brushing Scootaloos purple mane, which was still slightly wet from her soaking.
Scootaloo didn’t know what to think, but she did know she didn’t want that moment to ever end. So she just buried her head back in Rainbows chest, releasing a deep exhausted sigh. Rainbow Dash only looked up at the sky, more so the clouds. Reminiscing of the times she would be lounging up there catching the best Z’s she ever had. But something else came to the pegasus’s mind as she realized that she was hungry as well and they were running out of food to. She didn’t want to ruin the moment Scootaloo was having. Yet she still had to think “I wonder what those overgrown bugs taste like?”
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Grammar fix.
3658904 Ok, I appreciate the comment. I hadn't had this story completely edited, I kinda rushed through it. But I'll pay more attention next time to that.
But if I may ask, was it punctuation, comma placement, or overall bad spelling.
3660155 Grammar as in spelling and word placement, overall spelling is the worst problems but do check everything else.
3661099 Alrighty then, I'll remember that. I promise, the next thing I write will be far better and thanks for the constructive criticism.
Awesome story! You are a great writer!
3684349 Thanks, glad to know somebody thinks so.
Your review has been completed sir, and I'm sad at the thought of any of the other characters being dead
Here is the link to check out my review! I hope you write that prequel or sequel
Unfortunately, this story has been graded a Flawed Quartz by The Gem Hunters.
Interesting concept. Your grammar is probably the biggest negative point. It's all over the place, and needs to be fixed. I would recommend getting an editor or a prereader.
The story is good, but your exposition is a bit heavy handed. You spend like three or four large paragraphs at the very beginning telling us what happened. That isn't interesting. It won't hold a reader's attention. A reader will look at that, say "Oh, I know the story now," and then leave. Exposition is like salt; let your hand slip and you've ruined the fic. Instead, a light sprinkling throughout the story is better.
I like this, and I am curious what happened to the others. Me, I like background. The more the better. It's a sign of world building.
5775830 Me I am totally a world builder and actually I'm already four chapters into the newest story for this thing here. I've just haven't been able to find any editors or proof readers, so I have it on hold atm.
5776896 Screw Proof Readers, put it up! This is a good story and I for one am interested to what happens to everyone else! You can always make fixes down the road or review each chapter a few times looking for problems.
5777075 I second that, I had this stored away for a while. Now I just want more, HOW DARE YOU HOLD OUT ON ME!!!
5777298 Yo... I'm working on it, lol!
Took me a while to find some time to start reading your stories, but today is the day, prepare your...self. (Got ya, you definitely thought I would say something filthy.
)
Anyway, I want to share a few thoughts on your story.
First and foremost, the setting is great. I see so much potential for great emotional moments in just this story, I love it.
Also, the character feel really good. Scoots is torn apart by her guilt towards Dash. She feels like she took away the most precious thing her idol got and this is a weight that might crush her without.
Rainbow Dash would surely be devastated to never be able to fly again, but you showed nicely that flying is not all she is about. In the end, she sacrifice her wing for her friend and that's loyalty on scale truly worth Rainbow Dash's awesomeness.
The only thing really to criticize is what most people already did point out. Your grammar needs some fixing.
Here comes the huge BUT (wow, that really a huge one
)
If you need an editor or proofreader, I volunteer. Granted, I don’t think I will find every mistake made, but the recent weeks bestowed me with some confidence into my English grammar. Besides, you gave my first story a read, so it's only fair to return the favor.
If you ever need me, you know where to find me.
5780393 Hey, thanks a bunch for lookin at this old thing! Oh, and I know.... My grammar on this one was absolutely horrible, however it still managed to attract a few look sees. I mean I put pride in character and world building, still it isn't always enough to mask the fact that I slept my way through all my English classes in the past... Kinda pathetic really, lol.
Also I might just take ya up on that offer, I've already written out the first few chapts of the sequel. But I learned my lesson here and I want it to have a good look over before I go posting it like crazy.
5777299
The idea and story is interesting. The concept can be expanded on, it definitely has potential. But you need to work on some of the story, it has errors.
For example:
you*
So, I suggest looking over it or getting an proofreader/editor.
But I do like the story, you get a like and a fav
5947311 Thanks, and this story here is so old there is no real reason for me to revamp it. But the sequel I'm writing actually has a decent proofreader and editor, not to mention four completed chapters... I hope not to make the same mistake twice.
5948165
You know what? I like this, I like this very much. The premise was great and I loved your portrayal of Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo just fighting for their own lives in general! However, there are many grammar mistakes that can be found. But overall, cool story, bro.
6293151 Yo yo, thanks bubbles. Yea this story is riddled with grammatical errors, lookin' back at it I'd swear I was typing upside down. However, I've recently started to pick up steam on the sequel and it will be out sometime this month. Hopefully with actual rewriting and support it will build upon this vague little world I've conceived and make for a interesting story.
6294337 Sure, that'll be nice.
You can has review!