• Member Since 26th Jun, 2011
  • offline last seen Dec 15th, 2023

Cereal Velocity


Blog author for Equestria Daily and writer of fiction that may or may not include marshmallow ponies.

E

Ancient magicians filled scrolls with their powerful, untested magic. Most of these lay forgotten, lost to the ages. Some, unfortunately for those brave enough to search, are found.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 19 )

Really solid story in a genre I adore...but it has a few wonky bits. I supremely enjoyed the slow breakdowns of the dreamer reality and the more surreal bits of it (including the short pieces of incomplete scenes). The basic core of the story was really nice (I always like seeing people delve into Rarity's background/personality), but the devices that get in going are a little bit rough. I'm having a little bit of trouble figuring out Twilight's encounter with the shadow beast and its relationship to Rarity's. I have theories drawn out of the story (e.g. that the beast was held back by the scroll and somehow used Twilight to create a trap scroll in an effort to free itself), but they're not substantiated in any sort of denouement/concluding scene. I think a lot of these could be fixed with a bit of an afterwards, but, even without one, this is a really solid story.

384

Hey, thanks for reading! The discontinuity between the first chapter and the later ones was both intentional and kind of a mistake on my part. The first chapter was written as a stand-alone story, and I was determined not to go back and change anything that happened in it, but the ponies wanted more of the story, so I added on Rarity's tale on top of that. As a result there is some stretching of facts! I'm glad you still enjoyed it, though.

Wanderer D
Moderator

Loved this story! I'm a sucker for self-discovery, character-oriented stories, and this is an awesome example of it. Thank you for writing it!

Where do I recognize you from? *Looks at your works*

Don't recognize any of them...

Cereal Velocity....

Cereal Velocity...

...EqD staff? I dunno.

22389

Yay! I feel smart now.

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

Great (terrifying) story! I was certainly getting a Lovecraftian feel, though you managed to capture that feeling without obfuscating detail like Lovecraft did.

Twilight... burns a book. :pinkiegasp: :rainbowderp: I never thought I'd see THAT, even in fanfiction!

Seems like it could've used a little bit more to cement the believability. Something like, re-reading the description, with her nightmare casting it in a more sinister light... "demolished. Living substance is rendered inconsequential. All besides is ravished"... "leaves the caster as a silent and solitary witness to forever." Sounds rather like the end of the world if you think about it! And while that lovable, excitable egghead can certainly be excused for not getting it the first time, I think a bit of "chills down her spine, horrified realization," or something to that effect would've served the story well, especially in light of the early part of chapter two. "Burning books wasn't her style" seems like a vast understatement!

that's awesome! I love Luna as Rarity's magic in this, it just makes too much sense. Celestia taught Twilight magic, and the rage is Rarity's jealousy, so of course Rarity would want to view her magic as someone she imagined to be powerful, but Celestia isn't an option because Celestia is the source of Twilight's magic, so Rarity chooses her opposite- Luna.

... of course, in truth I just love anything I can analyze to death and understand better afterwords. Give me something with logic behind it and half an explanation and I am happy as a pig in slop.

:applejackconfused:

Dude. That was good. Like, wow.

I have to commend you on doing something that's not really done around here. I honestly think that you, Cereal, may deserve the title, "Brony," more than most--because you didn't just write a 'fic.' No, you went into the minds of the characters and analyzed relationships that actually exist in the universe, picked up a lead, and followed it to a "what if?" point. There is not a trace of shipping, self-service, or whatever in here... this piece was legitimately made by a real fan who wanted to tell a real story about an event that, were it allowed, could have very well been a genuine episode. It is smart, it is real, it has meaning. I never thought about how Twilight's presence and status made Rarity feel--or could make Rarity feel--but now that it's been presented to me, it makes incredible sense. Knowing that such a seed of doubt in their friendship could exist in this way renders you a true thinker and believer in this thing.

FIMFiction is full of shit. I will tout that fact forever. But you have presented a gemstone of a story, an appreciation piece by a heart-and-mind fan, that makes Equestria just a little more real. It takes a really good writer and a person with conviction to earn my respect and, more so, my admiration on this site. And you did it, boy.

Note: One thing I thought was genius? The following:

And yet, if she crawled back to that insufferable purple unicorn, she would just prove to her, much less to herself, that she wasn’t competent enough to wield the magic she had been born with.

It was just a little thought that had been inserted--that "insufferable purple unicorn." In one glimpse, we get a real look at how Rarity actually feels, and it is so quick, so subtle, and so in-tune that it raises the story to another level. Bless you, Cereal Velocity.

You make me want to be a better writer. :pinkiesmile:

1257214

That was the nicest comment I've ever gotten, and you really made my morning. Thank you for taking the time to read the story!

1258673

Thank YOU for being legitimate! There may not be a dragon's hoard of good fics on this site, but damnit, every one counts! The minority faces an insurmountable challenge... but every soldier brave enough to show talent and practiced skill without doing service to peon desires is worth their weight in gold. :ajbemused:

This is now a link in an episode followup on EqD! I MUST READ IT NOW!
dtlux1

Having seen your guides to writing pony fan fiction, I was really curious about what any of your own works were like. So, I looked up your page, and was at first kind of bemused when I noticed the relatively small number of stories that you actually had out there. ("Hah, look who's talking!" But then again, I also didn't write any fanfic guides for others along the way...)

Still, this story in particular caught my attention, mainly because of the title, not to mention the category. I love "dark" stories, and when it comes to pony, the good ones are few and far between (also: RARITY :raritywink:). However, I never got around to actually reading it until just recently, after you've brought it up in an episode followup on EQD.

I have to admit, even though you pretty much gave away the "Luna is in your dreams" thing in that post, it still caught me completely by surprise. As for the story itself: it was one of the most interesting stories I've read for quite a while. The "dream sequence" in particular was pulled off in a superb fashion. It actually read, nay, felt like going through a dream, which other authors seem incapable of doing well these days. (A dream isn't supposed to look like you're just "watching a video", or something).

Friendship, mystery, dark magic, anger, insanity... everything we need for a good creepy story is right here, and in the right place. Sweetie Belle was freaking me out... :unsuresweetie:

One complaint that I might have is that the story seems to wrap up just a little too quickly. Then again, with this kind length and structure, it could almost pass for an episode from the show, if not for the "near-grimdark" content. We get our friendship problem, the resulting conundrum, and finally: the lesson to have learned from it all. If that is what you were going for, then I guess that works just as well.

Overall, this is a really tight and well-written story. I was very pleasantly surprised, and am looking forward to reading more of your works, because apparently what you do write, you make sure to write well.

This story needs far more views than it has.

But not all things should be forgotten. Something can be learned from. Like if you feed your dog beans and it sleeps with its butt facing you.... you'll soon remember this for ever and learn from the mistake

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