Until The End

Youcannoterasethepast

Youcannoterasethepast #1 · Dec 16th, 2013 · · ·

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Not bad. Feels have been felt.

Jack of a Few Trades

Jack of a Few Trades #2 · Dec 16th, 2013 · 2 · ·

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The feels on the bus go round and round...
*bursts into tears*

Jet Lignite

Jet Lignite #3 · Dec 16th, 2013 · · ·

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That's so unbelievably sad.

Jet Lignite

Jet Lignite #4 · Dec 16th, 2013 · · ·

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I'm not crying, I have allergies. But that was pretty sad though.

one_winged_nightmare

one_winged_nightmare #5 · Dec 16th, 2013 · · ·

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Ok, that one hit me in the feels.

Kickback

Kickback #6 · Dec 16th, 2013 · · ·

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Why give up...?
Why give in...?
It's not enough...
It never is...
But I will go on Until the End...

FluxerCry

FluxerCry #7 · Dec 18th, 2013 · · ·

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Well, you gave a valiant effort. Good job on that front.

I think this fic's major flaw is the one you already mentioned: It's corny. A little corny is okay, but you went a bit over the limit for me. I think what bothered me the most is how each character was referred to as their element at least once. There is (congratulations, you made me say "was" the first time. ) more to them than that, and calling Applejack "honesty" or Rarity "generosity" kind of takes away from that.

Your writing here was solid and enjoyable, and I commend you for making me feel something. There are a few concepts I would have loved to see expanded upon that might have added a bit more originality to the story. First of all, Twilight's new relationship with Spike. I found the interaction between these two to be very intriguing, and I would have liked to see more. Two: What became of each of Twilight's friends. Not how they died, but what they did with their lives. We know Rainbow became a Wonderbolt (predictably), but what about everypony else?

Using this format for a story like this also becomes rather repetitive. That's not your fault, it's the fault of the fact that you have 5 ponies to go through. You could have fixed this by basing the story in a time where most of Twilight's friends are dead, but not all of them. Then you could have ended it with Twily going to her friends' graves with her remaining one or two friends.

It ended up feeling like each character deserved to be fleshed out just a bit more, and a few tweaks could have done wonders for your story.

Your Rating: (You had my interest, but your story ended before you could have my attention)

Hey, I hope you appreciated my feedback! I can tell I'll have my hooves full this week, so it'd be really, really awesome if you could support me by joining Weekly Watch! Your rating, and many others, will appear in a results thread later this week. Hope to see you there!

XineLegacy

XineLegacy #8 · Dec 18th, 2013 · · ·

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3646883 Thanks for the feedback.
This story was actually kind of an experiment for me; it was the first time I had ever tried to write anything genuinely sad. My only goal was to create the proper atmosphere (bring the feels), and it seems I succeeded in that. When I try something a little more fleshed out, I'm going to take everything you said into consideration.
I actually do have another sad fic on my roster with a similar concept, so I'm grateful you took the time to give some criticism. It will certainly help.