• Member Since 21st Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen March 31st

MidnightFMare


I fear that nothing I see is real, so I write to make sense of it. I see things that can't exist yet I feel them breathing under my fingers. I will not forget this place nor the friends I've made. MFM

E

why do these things happen?
divine providence? bad luck? karma?
personally? all of the above.
how i met lyra heartstrings, got to annoy an old friend, and gave a second look at humanity
(also, this is one of my favorite pics)

Chapters (0)
Comments ( 29 )

Hrrmmm...

“I wish I could touch those colorful images…” I mutter staring at the computer screen “Oh wait, I can!” looking both ways, I pull out my D4 and shout under my breath “DIGI-PORT OPEN!” with a bright flash, I disappear, leaving a holo-disc on the chair.

Never before in my entire life have I gotten so lost in such a short amount of time. Ever heard of the word ''exposition''? No wonder this thing got so many downvotes.

And the rest of chapter 1 and 2 are just as horrible. Stuff happens, we have no idea who anyone is, what they are doing, what anyone's motive is, if there is a plot, a protagonist, anything! Just remove this trash and try again.
assets.diylol.com/hfs/b8f/2cf/8c8/resized/joseph-ducreux-meme-generator-if-at-first-thou-does-not-succeed-dust-oneself-off-and-try-again-fc59fe.jpg

I feel like this is the second part to a trilogy only you haven't bothered telling me it's the second part.

Also

due to my kind nature I transform into an alicorn, and fly her home.

lol

Dear god, this is horrible.:pinkiesick:

No. Absolutely not.

EXPOSITION MOTHERFUCKER!!! DO YOU USE IT?!?!
No. You don't.

due to my kind nature I transform into an alicorn, and fly her home.

0-media-cdn.foolz.us/ffuuka/board/wsg/image/1358/20/1358205986226.gif

Dear Lord...

I hope you realize that no one is really taking this fic seriously.

I'm sorry. but turning into an alicorn at whim, is... wow.

I'm sooooo done.

- Indy

3632575
i worked hard on that! trash it is not and i do not enjoy your flaming, or what ever it is your... doing... need... candy... BITTER! not cool!

3635133
oh well, i try my hardest,:derpytongue2:
and if i messed up, don't insult my work... and i turned into one to draw attention from the comatose unicorn on my back... and i felt like it... and it's what happens when you try to seem incognito:pinkiesmile:

3633442
what? why does every one hate my work?! it's starting to hurt my feelings...(or what i think are feelings... kind of like a small hole in ones gut)
and if theres no exposition, then that is up to the reader's imagination! i leave my stories open ended so that others can build off what i do! because of how i am! like yesterday i gave away a pair of drey beats to a friend that i won, but all my close friends said that was beyond generous! i want to know someone is able to finish one of my stories for themselves, not as a favor, but to make it their own, and i feel that if they can make the crude idea into a better one, then i've been a good writer, and that is good enough

3632928
why?
3633406
and the exposition is up to the reader! not me! i want others to be able to be better by turning my idea into a better one!

3661488 That's not the reader's job. It's your job to provide readers with a story that they will want to read. Your story has promise, but give us a REASON as to WHY stuff happens. WHY can the main character go to Equestria? WHY can he turn into a fucking stupid alicorn? You need to EXPLAIN these things.

3661991
that sounds like an unimaginitive mind stuck in the box, but i understand where you are coming from, i will try that later... out of candy... need moar

3662067 If you think it's unimaginative, that's too bad. The readers are lost. You have a chance to redeem yourself here, but give us a fucking REASON why things happen.

3661488 No, exposition is up to the author. It's up to the reader to VISUALISE what is described in the story within their minds as they read it.

This is why some are upset when their favourite books get turned into movies, because the movie may go against what they have personally visualised when they read the book.

3661456

and i turned into one to draw attention from the comatose unicorn on my back... and i felt like it... and it's what happens when you try to seem incognito:pinkiesmile:

So transforming into a species of which only four exist is somehow incognito?

3662952
wheres the fun in making sense?
and yeah, i felt like it, is having no common sense a horrible thing? it makes life (and un-life) fun! at least that's my opinion... sorry for the randomness

3662099
i will add two more parts, first, an exposition and then as commissar-rarity suggested, add a third chapter to the mix... and hope the flaming stops

I did a three blog review on this story. Check it out, if you want.

Read this please. Do us all a favor. There's a reason many people look down on fanfiction, and, I'm sorry to say, but this story is kind of a poster-child as to why.

4340138 Well, my philosophy is that stories are whole worlds in themselves and ideas are the only living things in and outside of existance. If you want to promote such a thing as homicide or terracide or omnicide ( the killling of all humans or what have you) on a planetarry scale, go meet the "main man" lobo (rough translation of his name in his now-dead language, "One who devours your entrails, and thoroughly enjoys it")
I will never take something down unless it becomes diseased (Has happened once... I don't want to think about it)

4367862
This... is in no way a reply to my comment. At all. In fact, I think it reinforces the point I tried to make in the first place.

4368429 sorry, I guess that my work wasn't the best when I wrote this, When I have a free day or something I'll re-work it. I hope that when I do, you will read again and tell me what I did wrong then. sorry for wasting your time

4409813
If the rework is actually an improvement, it will not have been wasted time.

3662067 So apparently this guy uses candy instead of alchohol. I mean, I understand you might be under drinking age, like I am, but no need to point it out. We don't need to know that you are out of candy, it is unrelated.

Hey Midnight, How you doing?

You need to sort this fic out bro—it's ruining your rep. I may be bending the rules of my favourite group here, but I feel I should probably tell you that this fic just got raged.

Your other stories are good, but this—isn't. I don't wanna see you become one of those authors that everyone sees a joke, so you should probably rework this, maybe even revoke the submission until you do.

With that said, I hope it works out for you :moustache:

“I wish I could touch those colorful images…” I mutter staring at the computer screen “Oh wait, I can!” looking both ways, I pull out my D4 and shout under my breath “DIGI-PORT OPEN!” with a bright flash, I disappear, leaving a holo-disc on the chair.

And like that you've lost me

5272819 I have a REP?!
And it's GOOD?!
DEAR LUNA!
I AM ACTUALLY GOOD!
Or... know for my errant suckage and my "Yog may care attitude but... I just typed what I wrote.. yeah, might as well fix this, i've been looking for a distraction