Baby Steps
Nigel was lying on the stone floor of the cell, having given up trying to provoke the current guards to attack him. The pair guarding his cell was the twelfth in three hours, Nigel having successfully driven the others away. These two must have been veterans, no matter how hard Nigel insulted their mothers they did not retaliate. He had instead pre-occupied himself with learning how to walk, finally managing to stand without falling, however as soon as he tried to move forward he stumbled and collapsed. He decided he had tried enough for the day and so he just rolled onto his side and thought about the many ways one can painfully kill a horse.
The only other objects that existed in the small cell were a bowl filled with water and a hole in the ground, a make-shift toilet. Nigel had found that the water was surprisingly clean, although he had refused to touch it based on principle alone. There were no windows in the cell, the only way to tell the time existing in the form of a clock located at the end of the corridor, Nigel just being able to see it if he walked right up to the bars. A small ding was heard as the clock reached seven PM, the door at the end of the corridor opening. Nigel lifted his head from the floor and switched sides so he was facing the cell door, the two guards standing opposite turning their heads.
A pair of what Nigel could only describe as bat-ponies came into view, the purple armoured grey equines an unusual sight to the former human. The bat-ponies’ eyes were cat-like, a slit-like pupil framed by gold, no doubt quite well suited to low-light conditions. Their ears were larger than the ponies that Nigel had seen so far, appearing to be more bat-like with small tuffs of fur on the ends. Their wings also looked like they belonged on a bat, the membrane of which was a deep purple, almost like the manes and tails of the newcomers, except that the purple hairs were a few shades lighter. Nigel noticed that one of the new ponies appeared to be a little shorter than the other, that and its longer eyelashes led him to the conclusion that it was female.
“Alright, your shifts over, we’ve got it from here” the male bat-pony spoke, the two golden armoured guards nodding their heads. They moved past the two newcomers heading towards the exit when one of them paused, looking towards the female bat-pony.
“I haven’t seen you around before, are you a new recruit?”
“She is,” the male guard answered “just arrived from Nocturnia a few days ago, I’m showing her the ropes, orders from Captain Equinox himself”
The Solar guard grimaced a little, the Lunar guard Captain had only been promoted a month ago and was already acquiring an infamous reputation.
“Well, he picked a bad time, this prisoner is quite a hoof-full an-”
“That’s what your mother said the other night” Nigel provided, the guard he had interrupted clenching his jaw before turning around and exiting the dungeon. The two new guards looked at the retreating stallion with suprise, before the male took up position opposite Nigel, the female following shortly after, both guards looking straight ahead.
“Well,” started Nigel, adjusting his body to make himself more comfortable “what brings such fine company into my humble domain?”
“Don’t interact with it Midnight, the changeling only wants attention” the male guard spoke, his eyes not moving at all, although the female had glanced at Nigel when he spoke.
Nigel was annoyed that they were ignoring him; the fact that the male guard was right about him wanting attention also didn’t help.
“I’ll have you know you moron that I’m perfectly fine with sitting here by myself, all I did was ask a simple question, hoping to help make your job easier and more enjoyable but no, you want to just stand there like a statue and stare at my magnificent body” at this Nigel flexed an arm, not much happening as unlike most prisons his cell did not include a gym and the body he was currently occupying was not buff in the slightest.
The female Nigel now knew was named ‘Midnight’ giggled a little before she managed to supress it, the male shooting her a glance before glaring at Nigel,
“You’re not helping, just be quiet and be a good changeling”
“Screw that, this place is dull, at least in our prisons you get to see someone get shanked every second day”
The two guards looked at him with horrified expressions.
“You… you really mean that, someone gets killed almost every day?” Midnight stammered, the male guard too shocked to correct her for talking.
“More than that” continued Nigel “when you put a bunch of murderers in one place you’re bound to lose some, it’s not that much of a problem the way I see it, saves us from executing them”
Nigel was surprised when the mare looked at him in …pity?
“Where you come from must be really awful” she said.
“It’s not that bad, at least where I come from I don’t end up getting locked up purely because of what I look like. I mean, I did knock out that guard but the arse had it coming to him, interrupting my bath”
“Right, that’s it” the male guard found his voice “Changeling, stop bothering us and just go to sleep or something, I don’t want to hear any more of your lies, I was warned that you were crazy and you’re not helping your case, so just stop distracting us”
“I’ll have you know that my name’s Nigel and I’m not a ruddy Changeling, I’m a human you stupid horse and I go to sleep when I want to, not when a seven-year Old’s birthday present tells me to”
Nigel could see that the guard was not amused, the pony grinding his teeth, two fangs showing periodically. The mare however was looking at him in interest and he could see that she was mouthing ‘Nigel’ to herself, probably confused as to why he wasn’t called ‘Sparkling Lovekisses’ or ‘Rainbow Cuddles’ or some equally stupid pony name. Nigel decided that he had tormented enough guards for the day, rolling over so his back was facing the pair as he lay on the floor, refusing to fall asleep even though he body called for it, just to spite the guards.
____________________________________________________________________________
“Changeling, wake up!”
Nigel bolted awake at the sound of the voice, shaking his head and rolling over onto his side to face its source.
Standing outside of his cell was the large pony Princess from before accompanied by the officer who had arrested him. also present were several guards, all armoured in gold.
“What the hell do you want, can’t you see I’m sleeping?”
“Her Royal Majesty Princess Celestia” one of the normal guards announced “has decreed that any changeling found within Equestria is to be detain and questioned-“
“I’ll take it from here, Sergeant” the pony Captain interrupted before looking down at Nigel “Changeling-“
“My names Nigel, learn it already for it shall be the name that ye shall forever fear, foul beast”
The Captain rolled his eyes “Nigel, Princess Celestia would like to ask you a few questions due to your… state of mind”
“What, is she going to get you to ask them for her as well?” Nigel said as he looked up at the Princess, the white pony looking down at the Changeling with a warm expression.
“Well,” she began “at least your vocabulary has improved significantly since yesterday”
“I would like to enlighten you, my cherished arbitrator that my knowledge of literature, both verbal and transcribed is quite exemplarity, a flawless illustration of my vast wealth of intelligence and higher learning”
All of the ponies in the dungeon, including the normally stoic guards were trapped in states of shock, Nigel’s grasp upon the lang-
“Also, Bugger off you wench”
The Princess snapped out of her trance, a slight smile adorning her features
“Well, it’s a start, so let’s begin” the Princess gestured towards a nearby unicorn guard, the pony levitating a paper and quill in front of him “What is your name?”
“Nigel M Chalmers” Nigel replied, the pony scribbling down his answer. The Princess paused at this.
“And what, may I ask, does the M stand for?”
“Motherfucking” Nigel deadpanned, Celestia drawing back at the vulgarity
“Do I write that down?” questioned the guard
“That will not be needed Sergeant” Celestia responded before turning to face Nigel again “I’ll just leave it at ‘M’ for the time being, now, how did you breach our defences and infiltrate the city?”
“I fell from the sky out of a hole ripped in time and space that formed in my fridge”
The Sergeant once again stopped his notation “Do I put that down?”
Celestia sighed, “Yes Sergeant, from now on write down everything he says”
Nigel seized his opportunity.
“The Princess’s arse is as large as the sun, blotting out all light as it sways back and forth, its obscene size warping the very fabric of reality itself”
Silence reigned in the room, save for the scratching of the Sergeants quill. Every one of the ponies, including the Princess watched as he went about his task, documenting the sentence down to the very last letter.
“I think that’s all we’ll accomplish today,” the Princess declared “It’s almost time for day court, maybe Nigel will feel more co-operative after another day and night imprisoned”
The Princess began to leave accompanied by all of the guards except two. Just as she exited out of the door Nigel yelled after her.
“Don’t bet your fat flank on it you jezebel!”
____________________________________________________________________________
The clock once again struck seven, two more night guards releaving the day ones as Nigel watched. He was surprised when one of the bat-ponies gave him a little wave when the other wasn’t looking. He then recognised it as the mare from the night before, ‘Midnight’ he believed she was named. He waggled a hoof from his position on the ground in return, the mare’s face growing into a smile.
Just as the pair of guards had taken up positions the doors at the end of the corridor were flung open, another bat-pony rushing towards the cell.
“Sergeant Nightfall, Captain Equinox has requested that every available Lunar guard head to the barracks for an important meeting, with the exception of the patrols”
“I can’t leave, we have to guard this prisoner” the Sergeant replied, gesturing towards Nigel.
“That’s why I addressed you Sergeant, your subordinate has been ordered to remain” the messenger replied.
“But she’s only a rookie!” the Sergeant protested “What if the prisoner tries to escape?”
“I can’t even walk idiot,” Nigel supplied “how am I going to escape, propel myself along the ground using my mouth after biting through the metal bars with these pitiful teeth?” Nigel opened his mouth, two large solitary fangs it’s only occupants.
“You know what,” the Sergeant replied after looking at Nigel “Buck it, have fun rookie” with these words he departed with the messenger through the door, leaving the solitary guard alone with Nigel.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Midnight watched as the Sergeant left the room, leaving her alone with the changeling. The Nocturne mare had never seen a changeling before, the creatures being non-existent back in her home country. She looked back towards the changeling, the creature currently trying to walk but failing every time it tried to take a step. Midnight noticed that he seemed to be trying to walk with one leg at a time, instead of using a fore and hind leg at once.
“So is it true that you feed by stealing love from ponies?” she asked, curious as to how life was as a changeling. All she had been told was that they were able to change form to appear like ponies and that they fed on stolen love, most often by replacing a member of a pony family. The Changeling toppled over again, righting himself once more before he turned to answer her.
“I don’t have a single clue about what you’re talking about, I’ve only been a Changeling or whatever you called me since two days ago” the Changeling once again attempted to walk, only to fall down again.
Midnight watched the changeling as it continued to try to walk, her mind thinking about what the creature had said. He claimed that he had been Human; in fact he still believed he was one, whatever a ‘human’ was. Nocturnia was cut off from the rest of the world, many creatures feeling un-comfortable around the Bat-like ponies. This suited the Nocturnes fine, after all they were not the most outgoing of species, preferring to keep to themselves. In fact the only Nocturnes to see any of the rest of the world were the ones employed as Lunar Guards.Luna was held in very high regard by the Nocturne ponies and to serve as one of her guards was seen as a great honor.
While the idea that the changeling was insane seemed to be prevalent amongst the majority of the guards that had dealt with him, Midnight was not so sure. The changeling was having difficulty walking on four legs, seemed to be unaware of any details about its own race and as Midnight had noted the night before he even swore differently. While she could possibly attribute the difference in cursing to him being a Changeling it did not explain the other two points. He must either be a really good actor, insane or telling the truth and Midnight believed that it was the latter, primarily because for a creature that relies on love as a food source he wasn’t particularly lovable.
While he was fairly vulgar he only really seemed to target the ponies that responded negatively to him. After all, if she was in his place she wouldn’t be incredibly happy or co-operative either so she could understand that. She once again watched him as he fell over, the changeling scraping his jaw against the floor causing a small amount of green blood to dribble out. The changeling stared at the green fluid after having wiped his chin with a hoof.
“Nothing says ‘you’re an alien’ more than having green blood, just great”
“Do you need some help?” Midnight asked, a little concerned that if the changeling continued like he was he would end up hurting himself more.
“I need lots of help, care to be more specific?” he responded as he once again stood up, preparing to try again.
“With your walking” Midnight answered, moving a little closer to the bars, the changeling looking at her strangely.
“Aren’t you supposed to not ‘interact’ with me” the changeling sat on his rump, making some gestures with his hooves that Midnight did not understand. The changeling looked at his hooves with a longing look.
“I wish I had my fingers back” he mumbled, before standing back up once more and facing Midnight, his eyes scanning her body.
Midnight would normally have felt a bit uncomfortable with having a male look at her like the changeling was but she guessed that it was the first time the changeling had seen a Nocturne pony, just like he was the first changeling she had met. Midnight noticed that the changeling was paying particular attention to her purple wings, a confused look on his face.
“So how come you look half-bat, is that just how your species evolved or is the effect artificial?”
“It’s how we’ve always been, at least as far as I know” she replied, extending one wing so the changeling could see it more clearly “What about you, I mean humans, what are they like?”
The changeling sighed, sitting down in-front of her.
“You may want to take a seat” he said, Midnight sitting down in front of the bars at his recommendation.
“This is going to take a while…”
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pffft hahahahaha ohh .... that made my day.
3645412 This is why celestia has to take her interrogatie into consideration when giving orders
Still liking this story, but I wonder when Nigel might discover the up & downsides of being a changeling? Will he find out how to use his shapeshiting powers & that he needs to feed on emotion?
With his luck, he'll probably discover those things in that order & right after each other.
Good chapter, I'm bored now.
Man, Nigel is seriously the best OC that I've ever read.
3645825 Who says he's full changeling?
First chapter did say he had normal pony eyes when he looked into his reflection :D
Or he's a bald changeling king? :P
Don't listen to him, Midnight! Nigel is a liar!
Oh my, Celestia... This is fuckin' GREAT!
I'm going to be followin' this story like Scootaloo tryina fly.
Also gonna share this with all my friends.
Awww, that bat pony mare is sweet. :) but once again I'm coughing too much from laughing!
WHOOO! Keep it up!
BWAHABAHJDSFV *COUGH* SSJHDFGSDFHGFD SDFKJBFDFBF*COUGH* JDFJHFHDBFF *CHOKE*
This chapter is about twenty percent cooler than the previous. The last one was just a bunch of "what the hell" from Nigel
This is actually a pretty good story! I didn't have high hopes for it because of how nonsensical it seemed, but I have to admit that I am greatly enjoying it! =D
Loving the story so far! Excellent job
Nigel is quite the character.
3646145
actually its the exact opposite he so brutally honest that most individuals won't believe him, even if he is a bit dramatic at times and tends to exaggerate a little.
Hail The Nigel!
Well, now that I have seen Nigel in the Crystal Empire, I can see how he might just starve here. Or not.
Great story, I hope to see more of this
3657739 Ahh, thank you. I have noticed it a bit around here, but very little elsewhere so I was not entirely sure on what was going on. It has been bothering me for a while now, so again, thank you.
You are killing me with this story seriously its so gosh darn funny XD
not bad
If only more people pursue the truth like she did, or at least take his words with a grain of salt.
Im reading this in a library and trying to keep quiet! Damn this is hilarious
You don't know the struggle until your in class and try reading this without showing any facial expressions
You have no idea how much I hate that term.
Read it this far, no more. Poor dialogue, stereotypical British personality, feels super rushed. I'm done, have fun.
5364217 What, "rookie"?
I'm allergic to funny beca-
...
Well, that backfired spectacularly.
I ship Midnight and Nigel! They are cute together!
6450185 it will probably be canon.
Nocturne. Prepare for mental scaring.
I'm sorry, if I was that guard I would have been dying of laughter as I wrote that down HAHAHAHAH!!!!
Holy crap this guy is a master troll, I love it
6868268
Also probably required for his survival
Ouch
Oh dear god, Nigel, Dropbear, thank you so much
How does it not have more likes???
I’m fucking crying
Can I please stop laugh-choking?
Yeah! What are you, Americans?
10142419
With shame I have to attest to this. You're significantly more likely to be pulled by the cops if you don't look tidy. Forget about race, everyone will favour those in suit and tie than those in t-shirt and shorts.
I can see why Princess didn't stop scribe. That's a good piece of poetry.