Guardian Angels: Prologue

by Scattershot

Connections

Chapter 6
Connections

Twilight arrived at the café a half hour before everypony was supposed to meet. She needed a break, though it wasn’t lost on her that poor Dash was still alone with them. The sun was just starting to set, so there weren’t many ponies in the café. Also a stroke of good luck. No need to subject a dozen innocent ponies, to the inevitable chaos. Things were looking up for the first time today! As if the spark of hope had been some universal cue, Mobius and Scattershot landed outside the café.

“I knew there was a reason I liked you two,” Dash hovered next to them. “Are you sure you’ve never flown before? You had some pretty cool moves.”

“I’m something of an aircraft aficionado,” Mobius explained.

“By which he means aircraft nerd,” Scattershot corrected. Surprisingly, Mobius just nodded. “I bet this is the one thing you actually like about being here.”

Mobius shrugged, “It’s not quite the same. Fixed wing aircraft have rules, you know?” Everypony looked at him questioningly. “Let me put it this way,” Mobius elaborated, “I’d rather be an F-22A than an AV-8B, if you know what I mean.”

“Not really,” Twilight spoke for everypony.

Mobius groaned. “Oh, that reminds me of a great joke!” Twilight was not convinced of the jokes ‘greatness’. “What do you get when you cross a Sukhoi SU-37 Terminator with a-“

“Only you know, moving on,” Scattershot interrupted. He was promptly batted with a sky-blue wing.

“Howdy,” a voice called from a few steps down the street. An orange earth pony trotted toward the group. “These the new fellas?” Applejack asked.

“Applejack!!” Scattershot tried to leap forward, but was stopped short. Mobius was standing on his tail.

“Look, don’t touch. Are you going to do this every time you see someone you know?” Mobius asked, “Because if you do, one of us isn’t going to survive the other three introductions.”

Scattershot composed himself remarkably well and straightened back up. “You’re right, I’m good now.” He was still gushing excitement, but now it was much more under control. “But I thought you were for the pony traumatizing. Why’d you stop me?”

“Because Ms. Applejack here ‘has an agreeable sense about her in any delirium’,” Mobius stated easily, giving it a slight British accent to the last part.

“What was that one, Pirates?”

“Yes.”

“Good on ye, Jack.”

Applejack blinked a few times, trying to keep up. “You two aren’t all together upstairs, are ya?” she asked carefully. They both shook their heads. “An’ how did y’all know mah name?”

“Reasons.” Mobius and Scattershot barked in unison.

Applejack was about to protest when Dash stopped her. “Just go with it,” she said, “When they actually agree, it’s worth listening. Just kinda tune out everything else.”

“You became an expert pretty quickly.” Mobius noted with some insult.

“I don’t blame her, it’s the right technique. I do it to you all the time.” Scattershot quipped in.

“O… K,” Applejack tentatively agreed. She trotted to Twilight as the perpetual bickering began anew. “You didn’t mention these fellas were plum crazy,” she said privately.

“I didn’t say they weren’t?” Twilight offered, starting to sweat.

“Hello, there,” a proper, lady-like voice called out from a way down the other road.

“Miss Rarity!!” Scattershot beamed, jumping though he managed to restrain himself by going up, not forward. That didn’t mean Mobius had moved off his tail, though. “Can you, I dunno, move?”

“No!” Mobius scolded, “You can’t keep yourself under control for five minutes!”

“Next time we’ll meet your fictional idols and see how long you last,” Scattershot hissed.

Mobius started to argue, but Rarity was within earshot before he could start. “My, oh my. Twilight, you didn’t tell me your new friends were so handsome.”

Mixed reactions from the peanut gallery. The thought hadn’t occurred to Twilight or Dash, who were too concerned about their utter insanity to be concerned with their physical appearance. Applejack hadn’t been much concerned with that either, but she looked the boys down despite herself at the mention. Scattershot’s expression had become some mix of arrogance and snickering. Mobius groaned and rolled his eyes at being complimented by a talking pony.

“So, gentlecolts, what are your names?”

“My name is Scattershot. It’s a pleasure to meet you Miss Rarity.”

“Oh, my!” Rarity sighed happily, “Such manners. Why, anypony could mistake you for a Canterlot pony.”

“Unbelievable!” Mobius groaned quietly.

“Where’s Pinkie Pie?” Twilight asked Rarity, remembering she was last helping the pink party pony.

“She’s putting the finishing touches on the…” Rarity started with shifty eyes.

“Surprise party?” Mobius and Scattershot finished in unison.

Rarity and Applejack’s jaws dropped at the seeming psychic abilities. “With Pinkie, it’s pretty easy to guess.” Scattershot clarified.

“Buh… but how did you…?” Rarity stuttered.

“Reasons.” This time it was Twilight and Dash speaking in tandem.

“I’m sensing a pattern emerging,” Scattershot noted.

“I concur,” his friend said.

“In… any event,” Rarity continued, “Pinkie should be here in just a few moments.”

“And that would be my cue to leave,” Mobius turned away and tried to leave. Unfortunately for him, AJ cut him off.

“An’ where do ya think yer goin’?” she asked accusingly.

“He’s scared of Pinkie Pie,” Scattershot answered for him.

Twilight snorted mockingly. “You are scared of Pinkie?”

“You’d be a fool not to be afraid of that eldritch demon,” Mobius admitted easily. “So, yes. I’m scared of Pinkie Pie.”

“Really?” Pinkie said, her head popping out from behind Mobius’s back, “Why?”

“THAT!” the mad, blue pony yelped in terror. He skidded away from the bright-eyed, smiling, cotton candy colored creature. “Because that! Don’t do that!”

“Do what?”

“Also, I think everyone’s here,” Mobius added, still catching his breath.

It took a moment for Twilight to put together the fact that everyone equated to everypony. “But what about Fluttershy?”

“It’s just that…” Mobius glanced over his shoulder, “Every time we all turn our backs, that bush gets closer.”

A pair of teal eyes darted deeper into the bush in question. “Eeep!”

“Come on out and meet Mobius and Scattershot,” Twilight implored the moving bush.

“Do I have to?” the bush squeaked.

“Yes!” Dash insisted as she pushed Fluttershy out of her leafy armor with her head.

Fluttershy scrunched up as tightly as she could, trying to be as small as possible. If she had her way, she’d have scrunched up into nothing. “H-h-h-h-hello…?” she squeaked as quietly as she could while still being heard.

“I think I’m having a heart attack,” Scattershot said, rather calmly for someone in such a dire medical situation.

“Even I must admit seeing this in person is one of the cutest things ever,” Mobius agreed, also not showing much concern for his friend’s cardiac problems.

“A heart attack?!” Fluttershy yelped. She at least seemed worried for Scattershot’s health. “W-we have to get you to a h-hospital!!”

“He was just kiddin’, sugarcube,” Applejack assured.

“Really?”

“Come on,” Mobius said mirthfully, “Let her squirm a little.” Fluttershy looked at the strangers tearfully. Mobius smiled down kindly at the shy pegesus, “He’s fine. You need to learn to lighten up.” He nudged her lightly in the shoulder. She stumbled a step, but easily caught herself. Everypony laughed. Even Fluttershy giggled. The mood of things changed drastically. No longer were these stallions a pair of crazy, possibly dangerous strangers. For the next few minutes, anyway.

“Let’s go get something to drink,” Twilight suggested, to which everypony agreed.

“I propose a toast,” Rarity recommended once they’d all been seated and got their drinks.

“To new friends?” Scattershot agreed. “You know a good one Mobius?”

“I got one,” he grinned, “We’ll celebrate like its 1991 and the Soviet Union just collapsed; may they all be killed!” He raised his glass with a wing, Scattershot doing the same.

“Nice one,” Scattershot complimented, “May they all be killed!”

“You taught me that one, actually,” Mobius nodded to his friend.

“Knew I knew it from somewhere. It’s an old Soviet toast.”

“I know! It sounds Russian, right? Watch, Joe Communist is sitting right behind me.”

“Quick, don’t think about capitalism!” After a moment of laughter, Scattershot continued. “Weren’t you born in ’91?”

“My mom and the doctor were discussing whether or not Gorbachev was going to destroy the Berlin Wall just hours before she went into labor.”

“No kidding?”

It was the strangest exchange Applejack, Rarity, and Fluttershy had ever heard. Fluttershy was hiding under the table in the fetal position by the end of the toast. Twilight and Dash were just starting to almost kind of get sort of used to their weirdness. The strangest part of the whole affair was not the conversation itself, but the fact that Pinkie was following the conversation as if she understood every word. It was a good thing that Mobius hadn’t noticed that since it would have sent him running away in terror, if running from Pinkie could accomplish anything, that is.

“Uhm, an’ where did y’all say you were from?” Applejack asked.

“An insane asylum,” Mobius answered instantly. Scattershot kicked him under the table, causing an inaudible whimper from Fluttershy.

“Ya don’t say…”

“He’s kidding!” Scattershot assured, “We’ve never actually been institutionalized!”

“That’s only because they haven’t been caught yet.”

“True, but my point remains valid.”

“No, it doesn’t,” Twilight sighed, finally numb to their insanity.

“You two are really insane? That’s neat! I’ve never met a crazy pony before!” Pinkie said quickly.

“Look in the mirror lately?” Mobius mumbled.

“Excuse me?” Pinkie asked.

“Nothing ma’am!”

“You two aren’t really crazy, are you?” Rarity asked tentatively.

Mobius shook his head lightly, “Not really.”

“We might be a little strange,” Scattershot agreed, “But I think ‘insane’ is a little much.”

“Well, that’s fine,” Rarity smiled, “After all, who isn’t a little strange? You’re most certainly an interesting pair.”

“Well, where are our manners?” Applejack spoke up, “We haven’t introduced ourselves!”

“Oh, we already know who you are!” Scattershot assured. Applejack suddenly got really nervous and contemplated changing her locks. “For example, you are Applejack, or ‘AJ’. You’re a farmer pony who works at your family farm Sweet Apple Acres. You are very determined, sometimes stubborn, and the Spirit of Honesty.” First thing AJ was going to do when she got home? Change her locks. Maybe add a few.

“You can assume we know you about as well as you know each other,” Mobius explained. “Like Miss Fluttershy here…” Fluttershy let out another frightened whimper. “…Is a sort of freelance veterinarian working out of her cottage next to the Everfree Forest. She’s meek and easily frightened, but can show stunning strength when it’s needed. And, of course, she is the Spirit of Kindness.” Suddenly he got such a sad expression on his face even Twilight almost felt sorry for him. “Oh, god! I knew all that off the top of my head!” he whimpered pathetically, dropping his head to the table.

“It’ll be okay, Mobius,” Scattershot assured, patting him on the back.

“I don’t need pity,” Mobius snapped, “I need Ace Combat! Stat!”

“I’m pretty sure the nearest PlayStation is a dimension or two away.”

“Don’t remind me!” The poor bastard was nearly in tears.

“You weren’t planning on neglecting me, were you?” Rarity asked.

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Scattershot answered, “You are Miss Rarity. You work out of Carousel Boutique, ‘where every garment is chic, unique, and magnifique’. You’re into fashion, gossip, and sequins, but you’re also a devoted friend and the Spirit of Generosity.” Rarity seemed pleased with the assessment. On that note, Dash was wondering why she got such a harsh evaluation before and everypony else was getting the kid gloves treatment.

“And you,” Mobius pointed at Pinkie accusingly, assuming she wanted her turn. Judging by the extra-large smile on her face, he was right. “You’re either a demon or some kind of robot. Either way, you scare me.”

“Maybe she’s both?” Scattershot offered.

“Yeah!” Pinkie agreed, “Maybe I am both! That would be so cool right Dashie?”

“Oh, dear God, it’s true!” Mobius shrieked and darted under the table. This caused Fluttershy to vacate her hiding place only to see Scattershot staring right at her. This of course caused her to panic and dart under the table, only to be met again with Mobius, causing the process to repeat itself. Finally she tired herself out and Fluttershy Flutterfainted. Mobius popped his head out from under the table. “Huh. That happened.”

“The poor dear,” Rarity sighed, “Someone should really take her home.”

“I’ll do it,” Mobius volunteered, already hoisting the unconscious yellow pegusus onto his back, “Wow, she’s light.”

“Now hold on there, partner,” AJ spoke up warningly, “How do we know you ain’t gonna do somethin’ funny? That’s mah friend there.”

Mobius smiled back at the entire group kindly. Everypony sans Scattershot had the same concerns on their minds. “The ‘may they all be killed’ stuff, that’s just a shtick,” he said assuring, “I may resent being kidnapped, but I don’t intend to hurt anybody.” With that he turned to leave, nopony feeling any need to stop him.

“Wait a minute…” Scattershot leaned over and spoke quietly to his friend. “You’re just doing this to get out of Pinkie’s party, aren’t you?” Mobius only smiled in return before leaving. True enough, by the time the bills were paid and the group set out, he hadn’t returned.