Guardian Angels: Prologue

by Scattershot

Initial Introductions

Guardian Angels
Chapter 2
Initial Introductions

Twilight Sparkle eyed the pair of stallion pegasi as they trotted in behind Rainbow Dash. They were… utterly bizarre! Like, “lock ‘em up because they’re a danger to themselves and others” bizarre. But there was something about them that felt nonthreatening. They acted like they were criminally insane (and the blue one attested that they were!), but there was also a feeling of kindness emanating from them. And despite the death threats (phrases almost never uttered in Equestria) and kicks they delivered to each other, they were friends. Twilight had a sixth sense about these things.

“So,” she said tentatively, still not sure what to make of the strange pair, “What are your names?”

“My name’s Sam,” the green pony blurted out quickly, “and I just want to say, it is such an honor to meet you! Both of you! But especially you, Rainbow Dash! You’re so cool, like unbelievably so and being here is totally-“ He was cut off by a sharp jab from his companion.

“Uh… thanks?” Dash said after a moment of thought. She put on her proud face and puffed out her chest a little, “I guess my reputation precedes me!”

“And you?” Twilight asked the sky-colored pony.

“Jacob,” he said simply.

“You guys have weird names,” Dash said just as easily.

“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight gasped at her friend’s poor manners, “Apologize!”

“That’s okay!” Sam assured, “Our names are weird!”

“Have you no shame?” Jake asked, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Not today, no.”

“You’re going to be so disappointed when this psychotic episode is over.”

“I might cry a little,” Sam admitted.

“Sooo, where are you from?” Twilight asked, still trying to figure out the strange duo.

“You haven’t heard of it,” Jake supplied right away.

Before Twilight could inquire further, Spike waddled in carrying a large tome. “I found that reference guide you wanted, Twi,” he informed as the large book landed with a hard thud. He quickly noticed they had company. “Who are they?”

Dash leaned over to Twilight. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for Spike to be around these guys,” she whispered, to which her friend instantly agreed.

“Uh…” Twilight thought quickly, “They’re from out of town.” Spike saw through Twilight’s weak poker face, putting his hands on his hips. “Now could you go get… Uhhm… Applejack?”

“What do you need Applejack for?” Spike asked suspiciously.

“Just do it,” she insisted. Begrudgingly, he complied.

“That’s a good serf you’ve got there,” Jake said drolly.

“Serf?” Dash asked, obviously not understanding the joke. She had only heard the word “surf” in one context and it didn’t make any sense here.

“H-h-h-he’s not a serf!!” Twilight said, aghast by the thought, “He’s my assistant!”

“Right,” Jake said dismissively, “And how much are you paying him?”

“I… Uh…”

“Ignore him,” Sam said while kicking his friend in the side with his back leg, “He’s an ass.”

“Uhh, he’s not a donkey, he’s a pegasus,” Dash stated the obvious.

“Oh she’s a sharp one,” Jake said, coughing a little from the kick, “I think she’s got your number, Sam.”

“Hey! You’re makin’ fun of me, aren’t you?!” Dash demanded.

“Uh, I have something to do,” Twilight said, trying to come up with an excuse to write her letter to Celestia. She also had to catch up with Spike so she could send the letter. “You can keep them company for a little while, can’t you?”

“No! Don’t leave me alone with them!” Dash pleaded. But Twilight was already out the door. Dash looked helplessly back at the two weirdoes she discovered on a cloud just a few minutes before. She was really starting to regret helping them. Though it also dawned on her that she would have felt worse if she hadn’t. Quickly she shook herself out of her thoughts and noticed “Sam” staring at her with a stupidly huge grin. “Uh, is he okay?” she asked pointing a hoof at Sam.

“Have you ever heard the term ‘fanboy’?” Jake asked.

“No…”

Jake thought for a moment for a way to quickly explain the complex and slightly disturbing phenomenon of fanboy/girlism without breaking the universe. “It’s kind of like being a stalker, only it’s legal and it tends to be done en mass.”

“You make it sound like a bad thing!” Sam protested.

“It is.”

“Well, you’re a Lyn fanboy!” Sam countered, “And a Katniss fanboy!”

“That doesn’t count!” Jake exclaimed, tensing up like a statue.

Dash started laughing. “You two may be crazy,” she said through gasps of laughter, “Like, ‘makes Pinkie look normal’ crazy, but you sure are funny!”

“You think we’re funny?” Sam asked, genuinely touched since he knew how high Dash’s standards were. She nodded, still cracking up. “Hear that?” he beamed, turning to Jake, “Rainbow Dash thinks we’re funny!”

“You can post it on one of your weird brony sites,” Jake sighed as he calmed down. Suddenly his ears perked up and he got an evil grin on his face. “That reminds me… There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you, Ms. Dash.”

She stopped laughing and saw his expression. Sure it was creepy, but it wasn’t threatening. The worst she’d probably get was a mean joke at her expense. “What is it?”

Sam’s face grew pale when he saw his friend’s grin, realizing what he was thinking. “You wouldn’t dare!”

“I was just wondering,” he started with a dark glee, “how you felt about the fact that ninety-five percent of the internet thinks you are a-“

Sam tackled Jake hard and shoved his hoof in the blue pony’s mouth. “She must NEVER know!” he exclaimed desperately.

“Know what?” she asked, not sure what to think of the unfinished question. “What is the internet? What do they think I am?”

Jake threw Sam off him. “The cat’s out of the bag now!” he said triumphantly, “You know her better than I do. She won’t stop until she finds out.”

“I don’t care!” Sam said vehemently, “She will not hear about that from us!”

“What?!” Dash demanded, “Come on, guys! It can’t be that bad!”

Sam shook his head violently. “No, really,” he assured, “It is that bad.”

Jake nodded and grinned in agreement, “It’s true.”

“Does nopony like me?” Dash asked sadly, “Is that it? Nopony likes me?”

“That’s not it!” Sam told her, “You have millions of fans!”

“And knowing what most of those fans think of you won’t ruin your complex,” Jake said, “Might piss you off, though.”

“M-m-m-millions?” Dash stuttered. Suddenly she shook her head, “Wait, complex?! I don’t have a complex!!”

“Yeah! Dash doesn’t have a complex!” Sam said just as fervently.

“Sam, you were agreeing with me on this, like, twelve hours ago!”

“That was before I met her in person,” he countered.

“That was, what? Fifteen minutes ago?”

“It counts!”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Dash interrupted, “What ‘complex’ am I supposed to have?”

“Well, you act really brazen unless the problem is your own, you make everything a competition and chose a really showy hobby to prove yourself even though you don’t have anything to prove, and you have low self-esteem all stemming from a poor self-image (for some odd reason). It’s a classic inferiority complex.” Dash’s jaw hung lower than should have been physically possible as Jake’s brutally honest and analytical diagnosis continued. She even started to stutter as she tried to find the words to refute the analysis. “Why do you have a poor self-image, by the way? Did mommy not hug you enough as a child?”

“Jake,” Sam sighed.

The sky-colored pony sighed, “Okay, that was the line. Sorry.” His apology was sincere, but Dash didn’t hear it. She didn’t really hear anything said after “inferiority complex”.

“Buh… I… That…”

“Way to go, Jake,” Sam complained, “I think you broke her. You broke my favorite pony!”

“At least it was entertaining while it lasted.” Sam hoof-punched Jake in the back of the head so hard he saw stars. He doubled over, clutching his head with his fingerless hooves.

Twilight returned right about then (which was odd since she was supposed to be in the other room and not outside). She seemed frazzled as she shut the door behind her. “I got a letter from Princess Celest-“ she noticed the odd scene, Dash stuttering like an idiot, Jake rolling on the floor in pain and Sam simultaneously trying to console Dash and laugh at Jake’s pain. “What’s going on here?”

“Jake did it!” Sam offered instantly.

Twilight’s head started to hurt. Why would Princess Celestia call for these weirdoes?!

Author's Note:

Note: This is the first chapter written by Mobius and not me. The author of the chapters will alternate as such from this point forward. That being said, I hope everypony enjoys and feel free to leave a comment!