III: An Exchange
The class watched in morbid curiosity as the mares on the screen began kissing and feeling each other up. Caps Lock sat there with the screen in his hooves, and a smile on his face. He wasn’t interested in the video; he was interested in his classmate’s reactions.
“I don’t get it,” Snips whispered. “Is something supposed to happen?”
“Just wait,” Caps Lock replied, trying not to laugh.
The class leaned in closer to the screen and their faces turned to disgust. “Why-why is she doing that?!” Snips asked, unable to look away from the screen. “Wait…What? No…No! NO!”
Caps Lock burst out laughing as everypony watching the screen began gagging and screaming. Several threw up right there on the floor, the rest made a mad dash for the door, waking Cherilee from her slumber.
“Class dismissed,” she said woozily. “Your homework for tonight…Get me some more whiskey.”
Her head hit the desk again as the rest of the class walked, trudged, and even crawled out of the building. Caps Lock shut his device off and tossed it into his school bag with another laugh.
“This is gonna be so easy, trolololol,” Caps Lock said to himself. He swung his bag over his shoulder and left the classroom singing, “I’m so fresh, you can suck my nuts!”
Outside, Snips and Snails were standing together with their eyes closed and their knees shaking. The sheer willpower it was taking them to refrain from vomiting was amazing.
“Why?” Snips asked quietly. “Why did it look like…like soft-serve chocolate ice-cream? Why did it-why did…why-BLEEEURRRRRR!”
The short unicorn could no longer keep his breakfast down and vomited into Snail’s face. Snails in turn then had the contents of his stomach travel up his esophagus and spray all over his friend. They sat there coughing and crying, dripping and shaking, when Caps Lock finally walked out.
“’Sup, phallus heads?” Caps Lock asked, pointing to the unicorns’ horns. They looked at him and nearly sent up whatever was left in their stomachs. “Hey, you two look like you have tummy-aches.”
“It…it hurts!” Snails moaned, closing his eyes and rubbing his stomach.
Caps Lock’s grin got a little wider as an idea came to him. “Hey, you wanna know a good medicine for upset stomach?”
The two unicorns looked at him, then to each other, and nodded. A few of the other sick ponies gathered around to listen.
“Okay listen, your parents probably have some under the sink in your kitchen,” Caps Lock started. “It comes in a blue and white jug…red label…says “BLEACH” on it. Works like a charm.”
“How…how does it taste?” Snails asked warily.
“It tastes like bleach, duh,” Caps Lock replied, rolling his eyes.
“But, what does bleach taste like?” Snips questioned.
“BLEACH. IT TASTES LIKE BLEACH,” Caps Lock replied once more, loudly and calmly. “Just drink some, you’ll feel better.”
The ponies dispersed, muttering amongst themselves, but feeling better knowing all they had to do was drink some bleach to feel better. Caps Lock, feeling extremely accomplished, decided he was going to go home and play some Battle Stallion 3.
Caps Lock was reaching into his schoolbag for his helmet when he saw the shadows of three fillies standing over him. “Gentlemares?” he asked, looking up with a big smile.
“What’s wrong with you?!” Apple Bloom asked, looking at the colt angrily. “Why did ya cut Sweetie’s mane?”
“And why did you show that GROSS video?!” Sweetie Belle asked shrilly.
“I…don’t wanna talk about the video,” Scootaloo mumbled, holding her stomach and closing her eyes.
“Why does anypony do anything?” Caps Lock asked, putting his helmet on and clicking the straps. “For the lulz.”
The CMC, not happy with his answer, followed him to the tree Scootaloo always left her scooter under. Next to it was another scooter, only this one had some strange attachments. There were two large U magnets; one on the front of the handlebars, and one suspended a foot in front of that. The two magnets were facing each other and made for a very odd sight. On top of that, there were flashlights on either side of the scooter, pointing backwards.
“Unless you noobs have something for me, we’re done here,” Caps Lock said, hopping onto his scooter. He flipped on the flashlights and prepared to travel faster than the speed of light with no effort required. The CMC watched as the odd pony scooted away, still using his hooves to achieve forward motion.
“AAARG!” Sweetie Belle growled angrily. “What is his deal?!”
“He’s so weird!” Apple Bloom added in.
“I’m gonna be sick,” Scootaloo gurgled. The poor filly couldn’t keep from throwing up any longer, and collapsed to the ground. “Why…Why did they kiss…after...Urrrrrrrg.”
Cherilee stumbled out of the schoolhouse and looked around at the puddles of vomit that covered the schoolyard. After a short pause, she bent over and added to it; throwing up her liquid breakfast of coffee and whiskey. Aaaaand then she passed out, face first into the puddle.
“Come on girls,” Apple Bloom said, trying not to look at her inebriated teacher. “Let’s go see if Rarity can fix Sweetie’s mane, and maybe tell us something about Caps Lock.”
---------------------------
“I’m so fresh, you can suck my nuts. I’m so fresh, you can suck my nuts.” Caps Lock continued to sing the inappropriate tune as he rolled through the Ponyville streets. He had to come to a stop when Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon stepped out in front of him, devious smiles on their faces.
“Hello, Caps Lock,” Diamond Tiara said, looking over the colt’s strange ride.
“TITS OR—!”
“STOP AND LISTEN!” Diamond Tiara interrupted. Caps Lock raised an eyebrow and actually gave the filly his attention.
“Speak before I mute you,” Caps Lock said, crossing his forearms across his chest.
“You’re weird…but I think I like you,” Diamond Tiara said, batting her eyelashes.
“You want the D,” Caps Lock said, a large grin on his face.
“I…don’t know what that means,” Diamond Tiara replied. Her look of confusion disappeared as she continued. “Anyway, I think you could help us play a little trick on those stupid blank flanks from school. It’ll be fun.”
“S my D and it’s a deal,” Caps Lock replied.
“I, I don’t know what that—”
“ESSSSSSSSS. MY. DEEEEEEEE.” He slowly pronounced the letters as loud as he could. A few passing ponies looked at him with strange glances.
“But, what, how—UGH! Just tell me how to S your D and I will!” Diamond Tiara shouted.
Caps Lock grinned and smoothly replied, “Soft…and slow.” He then beckoned for Diamond Tiara to follow him behind the building they were standing next to. She and Silver Spoon went to follow, but Caps Lock stopped and put his hoof up to Silver Spoon. He looked her up and down before shouting, “TWO OUTTA TEN! WOULD NOT BANG!”
“Just wait here while I S his D,” Diamond Tiara whispered to Silver Spoon. “Ugh, that sounds so stupid,” she shouted, turning to Caps Lock. “What’s it even mean?”
“Oh,” Caps Lock said, “you’re gonna find out.”
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3633287
It's a roller coaster!
For the love of Celestia, what have you brought upon those poor schoolchildren (and teacher)? After what the kids said about the video, I KNOW I don't wanna see the actual one.
lol
Ummm.... Okay the bleach thing was kinda dark. The other stuff was expected.
3633307
That works out for the best in the next chapter, I will try to keep this all light hearted trolling
HELL YEAH!
You used dat phrase!
But, wait... Is this gonna turn out into a clopfic?
so this is what a troll would do in ponyville? fair nuff
Holy shit.
3633316
HELLLL NO! No clop, simply Diamond Tiara getting what she deserves,
3633333
I'm listening...
3633344
THANK YOU FOR POINTING THAT OUT BEFORE I GOT OFF FOR THE NIGHT
...this could prove interesting.
Although personally I think Diamond's the 2 out of 10. Silver's actually kinda cute, and when she gets older those glasses could make her quite sexy. That and her coat and mane color contrast is far more appealing.
...course, could be I'm just prejudiced against Diamond Tiara.
Usually I wait for a story to finish before I add it to my favorites, this is an exception.
Not sure whether to cheer for caps lock or feel bad for DT
Wow, I didn't expect you to throw that much troll into the kid. Wow. Now I actually feel sort of bad for everyone else. I was thinking casual troll, forgetting how bad they could be.
Alright CMC, what you've got is a classic troll. Now you've been presented with the rare and mystical opportunity of actually meeting one face to face. So you have three different options on how to deal with him.
1. Gratuitous amounts of violence. Beat his face in so bad, every time he takes a number two he'll be spitting it out his mouth.
2. Ignore him. Just don't acknowledge his presence . . . at all. Trolls sustain themselves with the acknowledgement you give them.
3. Out troll him. No one likes a troll, not even other trolls. Troll him so bad you force out his troll-ness with yours. However you run the risk of becoming a troll yourself and getting generally disliked by the public.
>> Final Draft (I still don't fully know how to do that)
Could you possibly, in your free time, make CAPS LOCK in something like a pony creator, possibly?
Why am I still reading this?
SO.
Much.
TROLLING.
~Skeeter The Lurker
S my D?
Oh shit.......
*through magic compiled with his masssive hatred for trolls heavy devloped teleportation powers and appears right next to caps lock*
problem? cap locks askes the massive human next to him
heavy fires his mini gun reducing caps lock to soup
i have squashed you like bug! TROIOIOIOIOI that! baby!
heavy then teleports back to earth with a *pop*
sorry bro for killing your main character i just hate trolls so much!
I liked the touch of his troll science-inspired scooter.
funny-pictures-blog.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/lolpics-rofl.jpg
This was funny. A good selection of slapstick-y jokes. The barfing was funny, the drinking was funny, and the trolly physics scooter was icing on the cake. You're doing such a good job of compacting internet trolls into a single entity.
3633289
No, it's a lollercoaster!
fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/001/c/9/clapping_pony_icon___princess_celestia_by_taritoons-d5pozf0.gif dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png
Trollestia approves.
3635121
Dude, you can just say that the story is good. Instead of posting 3 comments.
So I've been thinking of how to counter Caps. What's his kryptonite?
I'm guessing it's the government. Either through a law to restrict privacy or a group like the NSA.
3635544
His Kryptonite is people ignoring him.
It's strange... I feel like I should hate him, but I wanna see more...
Caps Lock, the Bodil40 of the pony universe
only he doesn't use the word 'LOL' as much or have a hilarious laugh or a Bulgarian accent. 
3636059
That can be arranged
3636069 if you do, I will love you forever.
3636069 you could just add Bodil40 (AKA Cactus40) that would be so cool. And Zexy Zek. Yes
images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130318171252/animaniacs/images/c/c0/YakkoWakkoDot-Goodnight-Everybody.gif
"she shouted, turning to Caps Lock. “What’s it even mean?”"
basically sums up this entire story.
please, do continue.
Quite.
... nope, I can die happy now.
Oh god I'm gonna be sick...
Great trolling of Caps Lock.
And now for all of you poor souls who have the video of two girls one cup in your head right now and feel like vomiting all over your neighbourhood.
Save it. The girls in the video were cleaning themselves up inside properly and filled their rear end with chocolate mousse before the film startet.
So don't worry. There is nothing too disgusting about it.
It was more of food play than anything else.
Dragon
In this fic. DT+SS: Citizen Kane
CL: Every 8-year old on COD servers. EVER.
Wut