Chapter Six: "This is Industry"
Rainbow Dash‘s eyes swiveled about in her skull, her pupils focusing on the ponies before her: Claude, Cauterium, Crimson Thunder, and Narcissus – not that she knew any of them but Crimson. Suffice it to say that were Dash the mare from Krypton, everypony before her would have been sliced into ribbons by laser visions – which is why it’s probably a good thing Dash isn’t a comic book hero.
“You again?” groaned Crimson Thunder. “I thought we had our kiss? What? Want another? I’d be happy to oblige.”
Dash blinked, her cheek flushing with color. “S-shutup!”
“Wait, you know dzis girl through an oral exchange?” Narcissus asked.
“Yeah,” Crimson replied, momentarily forgetting about Rainbow Dash. “She was all like ‘Oh, Crimson Thunder, I’ve totally got the hots for you – have my babies!’ and I was all like ‘Sorry baby, Crimson Thunder’s a lone wolf who don’t operate with a mate save for the occasional equo y equo’ and she was like ‘I can’t live without you – must stalk him like the psycho ex I am’.”
Dash’s face began to positively seeth with a tidal flow of red. “S-shut your mouth, traitor!”
“Rainbow Dash, THE Rainbow Dash, has the hots for you?” Cau inquired, adjusting his glasses, his mouth hanging open.
“Yeah. Didn’t I make that clear enough? And what do you mean ‘THE’ Rainbow Dash. What? Is she some kind of celebrity or something?”
“Do you even read the papers?”
Crimson shrugged, using his wings to accentuate the gesture. “Nah.”
“Uh, fellers, I’m all fer discussing the problems with today’s youth an’ all, but we still got a problem on our hooves,” Claude intoned in a dry voice
“So babe,” Crimson cooed, “up for round numero dos?” Somewhere an acoustic guitar played off a sweet rift for Crimson.
Dash’s face contorted to an impossible degree. It was a wonder how her face didn’t cave in on itself, she was scowling so hard. “You’re lucky I’m a nice pony, or else I would STRANGLE YOU TO DEATH!”
Crimson pouted. “Maybe I’m a masochist. Maybe that kinda stuff gets me off.”
“You-ef-s-disut,” Dash flustered.
Flaring his wings out as if to race off, Crimson said, “I love you just fluster like an old mare. Really shows your age, honey.”
Her neck pulled scrunched back, her teeth grinding themselves into dust as her eyes threatened to shoot laser beams regardless of her less-than extraterrestrial heritage.
“Maybe we should not be antagonizing dze pegasus who can break dze sound barrier, eh?” Narcissus remarked.
“Now ah ain’t no fraidy cat, but I think sissy boy’s gotta point,” Claude added, evoking a pout from Narcissus.
“JUST WHO THE HAY ARE YOU FREAKS‽” Dash snarled, arm flailing about in a random direction which ended up pointing at Cauterium.
“Moi?” Cau asked.
“Oi, that’s moi line, beau.”
Cau rolled his eyes. “Narcissus, let me have my moment here, okay?”
“Fine, moi will.”
Dash’s jaw threatened to abandon her face for a new home where it could live off the earth.
“Y’all wanna stop bickerin’ and, ya know, introduce yourselves? Or do you just want me to tear her wings off?” said Claude.
“Right, sorry,” said Cauterium, straightening his glasses with a hoof. “Oh, I’m just a nopony. Just a down-on-his-luck scientist. Though ‘inventor’ might be a better term.” He glanced up-and-to-the-right as if thinking. “Oh yeah, and I’m also the future Autocrat of Equestria.”
Dash blinked. “Sooooo you’re a crazy pony?”
“He prefers dze term ‘sanity-liberated individual’,” Narcissus chimed.
Cauterium nodded, offering Dash a toothy grin. “Oh, yes indeed. Sanity is just so overrated. I think you’ll find that sanity’s left us all blind.”
“Okay, seriously, what’s with this dude?” Crimson whispered to Narcissus. “I thought he was just eccentric, but this?”
“Yeah, he’s just playing. Cauterium has a habit of dzis, believe it or not. Just look at his face, he gets a weird feeling of enjoyment out of it, I think.”
Cauterium chuckled. “So how are your friends, doing, Miss Dash?”
“Better than you are!” Dash retorted. “At least better than you’ll be after I’m done with you!”
“Oh? Tell me how you intend to accomplish this herculean feat. Please, I’m all ears. Enlighten me with your prismatic ways; your methodology intrigues me so.”
Dash opened her mouth to speak, only to have her attention rapt to the earth pony, Claude. He stood at a predatory pose, his shoulder and legs bent as if to pounce upon her. Claude’s expression was twisted into something of a cat’s stare as if sizing up his prey, judging it for weaknesses, where best to strike, and how much threat she might cause him.
Without rhyme or reason, his posture relaxed, his limbs moving back into a stand. “Get. Out. Of. Here. Now.”
Dash’s eyes narrowed at Claude. “Who are you to tell me what to do?”
“I’m the guy letting you out of here alive,” Claude growled.
“You-you know what‽” Dash snarled, flaring her wings to the side, both being sufficiently dry to fly. “Princess Celestia’ll stop you dead!” She leapt into the air, her wings flapping as she dove skyward.
“We outta follow her, I ain’t too big on fightin’ ol Celestia. Crimson, follow ‘er.” A moment of pause. “Uh, hotshot, I said ‘follow her’, not ‘stand there with your hoof up your-”
“Asking won’t help,” Crimson replied. “There’s no point; I know I can beat her fair and square. There’s no more fun in it for me.”
Cauterium grimaced, Crimson’s implication sinking in deep. “This could be a problem in the long run.”
***
“… And then-” Spike bared his teeth “-John was a zombie!” He glanced side-to-side, his claws exposed and at an attacking position, emphasizing his story. The girls exchanged looked, immediately breaking out into an unapologetic laughter. “What?” he asked, grimacing. “Wasn’t that story scary?"
“Spike!” Twilight guffawed, tears threatening to stream down her cheeks. “That story wasn’t scary at all!”
“Yeah!” Pinkie chimed, rolling around on the floor, clutching at her stomach. “It was hi-larious!”
“But this story is about space demon; the protagonist's struggle with himself over the demons, ending with his own demise! How can you just laugh off something so deep‽”
“Oh, Spike!” Twilight laughed, struggling to maintain her balance. “I think that’s honestly the first time I’ve heard a story so bad it’s good!”
Spike tilted his head to the side. “So, do you like my epic, ‘Repercussions of Evil’?”
“We most certainly do!” Rarity replied, holding a hoof over her mouth to suppress a unladylike bout of laughter. “But not because it’s good, but because it’s bad.”
Spike tilted his head to the other side. “I don’t understand. I thought my use of ‘danube’ as a verb was very innova-”
“LOOK OUT BELOW!”
A window exploded as Rainbow Dash burst through, spraying shards of loose glass all over the room, evoking shrieks from some of the girls. She collided head-first with a bookshelf, knocking it to the floor and raising an illogically huge column of dust.
“Rainbow Dash‽” Rarity gasped.
Dash poked her head out from a wretched pile of books, a copy of the “Encyclopedia Dramatica” spread out across the top of her head. She jerked her head, the book flying off her.
“Twilight, no time explain, gotta letter a Princess send!”
“Woah, woah, easy there, Dashie. What’s the rush?” Pinkie asked.
“Spike, letter, take now!”
“Wait, slow down and explain yourself. I can’t very well write or send the letter if I have no idea what they’re saying,” Spike replied, pulling out a quill and scroll from the aether.
Dash paused to take a deep breath. “Spike, got the letter?”
“Um, duh.”
“Okay, okay!” She cleared her throat. “Dear Princess Celestia,
“It is my wholehearted belief that Equestria is in danger! I met-”
“Hold it! Lemme finish writing. D-A-N-G-E-R. Okay, proceed.”
“Okay, so there were these four guys.” She paused to let Spike finish. “The first guy was a scientist, he was wearing black glasses – the whole nine yards.”
“Hold up, hold up,” said Twilight. “A scientist?”
“Didn’t I just say that?”
“Did he have golden eyes?”
“No-yes, I dunno, I think so. Why?”
Twilight’s expression deadened, the implications running through her head, connecting two plus two and getting four. “Oh dear.”
Dash shook her head. “The next guy was a green guy, kinda girly, pink flower in his mane, spoke with a French accent – I think.”
“French?” chimed Rarity.
“Yeah, he kept saying stuff like ‘dzis, moi, and dzat’ and stuff.”
“Strange.”
“Okay, next bit,” Spike goaded.
“Okay, so there was this... pegasus named Crimson thunder.”
“Sounds like you really like him,” Rarity chuckled.
“I don’t want to talk about,” Dash replied through gritted teeth.
“Anything else?”
“Yeah, there was this other guy: mean, grumpy, angry.” She shrugged. “That’s it.”
“And how are four ponies going to overthrow Celestia?” Rarity asked.
“I was just getting to that part!” Dash paused for breath. “They were talking about a way to overthrow Celestia. The scientist – their leader, I think – was saying he had a way to grant anypony infinite power. The kind of power to ‘change the country’ for good.”
“Hold it! Lemme finish writing this down!” Dash blew a puff of air out as she tapped a hoof. It felt like forever. “Done. Continue.”
“Ugh, finally! So they had this power-plan-thing going on.” A brief pause. “Got that, Spike?”
“No need to be condescending,” he grumbled. “I got all the points and whatnot.”
“And there’s no way you misheard them or that you’re overreacting?” Twilight asked.
“I know what I heard! The scientist-egghead-type offered Crimson magical power and stuff. Crimson asked if it was high treason. The egghead smiled a-and said ‘yes’. Then Crimson agreed on those grounds.” Her piece said, she began panting.
“Okay, Twilight do you think we should...?” Spike asked.
“Dash, this isn’t one of you pranks, is it?” Twilight inquired.
“No, it’s not,” Pinkie chimed. Everypony turned to look at her. “What? I know a prank when I see one. This isn’t one.”
“Fine, alright. Any last words before I send it off to the princess? No? Alright then, it's your funeral.” Spike rolled the letter up and inhaled. The gases inside his gut ignited as they collided with the catalyst, sending forth a spew of emerald green fire. The flame incinerated the letter whole, rematerializing it in before Princess Celestia.
***
Tick. Tock… Tick. Tock… Screech… Screep…
“Born to make and not to break,” somepony, a stallion, sang. “The good job, don’t be a slob.”
Tick. Tock... Tick. Tock...
“This. Is. In-dus-try.... REPEAT. This. Is. In-dus-try.
Screech.. Screep...
“One, two, hoof me the screw. Three, four, from the floor. Five, six, whatever ticks.”
Clank. Clink... Hiss...
“Seven, eight, there’s time, just wait. Nine, ten, just tell me when!”
The stone floor was wreathed by bits of scrap metal, springs, cogs, and gears; the only clean place being the cave’s center. In the dead center of the room was a table, standing before the table was a pegasus stallion holding a screwdriver in each wing.
“To create, that is my trait. Don't abate for this is great.”
The stallion was copper-colored in coat, his mane a dull brown, his actual hair being short and unruly. His eyes were covered by a pair of self-made industrial goggles.
“Compute machine, I’m oh so keen.”
On the table before him was an unaesthetic machine bearing some semblance the lower half of an egg. It was jury rigged from metals of all different sizes and colors, none of which complemented each other. The device had a strange clock-like instrument at its zenith.
“Seid bereit, work through the night. Es ist zeit, time to make right.”
The engineer set the screwdrivers onto the table, removing his goggles for good measure. He picked up a welder’s mask, put it on, and grabbed a welder’s torch.
Hiss... Burn...
“I am Gear, this you’ll hear. I am Grinder, a reminder.”
The sparks of the torch burned with a solar intensity, if not for his mask he would’ve got totally blind.
“Gear Grinder – that is my name. To tinker, that is my game. Panzerhengst, I cause you angst.”
The last bits of metal soldered together perfectly.
“This. Is. In-dus-try... This. Is. In-dus-try... REPEAT... This. Is. In-dus-try... This. Is. In-dus-try.”
Gear Grinder removed his welding mask, revealing his tan-red eyes, setting the soldering gun aside. He marveled as his half-baked creation, hideous though it wall. “Phew! Finally finished!” He scratched at the side of his head. “Now all that’s left is to figure out just what the hay this does.”
“Hey, Gear!”
The only way into Gear’s steampunk stronghold was through a sizeable hole in the cave’s roof. Through that hole flew a young, female griffon.
“Ah, Gilda! What brings you to my humble abode, eh?”
“What is this piece of garbage?” she asked, pointing to Gear’s new egg.
“This? Why this is my latest creation!”
“Uh-huh,” she deadpanned. “And it does...?”
Gear beamed. “I have absolutely no idea.”
Gilda slapped a talon to her face. ”Ugh, why do you always do that?”
“Do what?”
“Remind me of a mare.”
“What mare?”
Gilda rolled her eyes. “The mare with the power.”
“What power?”
“The power of who-do.”
“Who-do?”
“You do.”
Gear scratched his head. “Do what?”
“Remind me of a mare.”
“What mare?”
Gilda sighed. “Never mind, egghead. Here, take a look at this.” She pulled out a paper scroll and unfurled it, spreading it across Gear’s worktable.
Bit of sparkles danced across Gear’s eyes. “Ooh. A contract?”
“You betcha, honcho.”
He shoved his face into the contract, absorbing every detail. “Who we hunting? What are we hunting? Is it a hydra? Is it a bear? Is it the true meaning of Christmas?”
“What’s Christmas?”
Gear frowned. “I dunno.”
Gilda shook her head. “Look, it’s a pony, alright?”
“Say what?”
“Yeah. It’s some asshole with a hayuva price on his flank,” she chuckled.
“Curious... Here it says theat the reward is – hummana hummana hum! THIRTY THOUSAND BITS‽”
Gilda grinned. “Yeah. Our target's definity pissed the right people off. It says here that he’s wanted for theft. What can you steal in the wide, wide world of Equestria-”
“We’re a country.”
“-to get a bounty like this?”
Gear shrugged. “Celestia’s prized purple panties?”
Gilda glanced at Gear. “Does she even wear-”
“I don’t wanna know. I do not want to know.”
A moment’s pause. “Fair enough.”
“Oh, hey, look at this. Says here that his cohorts are also wanted. The bounty is oh so extreme! Can you do the ‘money dance’?”
“No.”
“Aww.”
Gilda sighed. “So what d'ya say? Wanna go kick some butt?” Gear didn't reply, he just stood there giving her a thousand-yard stare. She snapped her talons. “Hey, shotshot. Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey.”
He shook his head. “Uh, sorry. I was just imagining all that dosh we’d be rolling in.”
“Uh-huh, so are you in or-”
“Hay yeah, I’m in!
“Good, then saddle up. We’re going on a trip.”
“Sure thing, hoss.” He glanced around the cave. “Now where did I put my cola jetpack?”
***
A silver-maned stallion clad in Cerchen’s trademarked barding lurched inside the building. His gray coat did nothing to help hide his age, nor the crows feet around his eyes
“Tesla! There he iz, lazy sunuva-”
“Coooooomrads!” *hic* ”It is good to be seeing you here!” Tesla spread his hooves, aiming to hug Azure, only to completely miss her by four whole feet.
“You… you incompetent drunkard! How DARE you even show your face here!”
Tesla swayed back and forth. “Vhoa vhoa, Azure! I am very much the happy to see you – is good for health!” *hic* ”You look even more better when you are angry.”
He stumbled onto Azure, forcing her to shove him off her and onto the wooden floor. Doc, standing next to Azure, just stared at Tesla.
“Listen, I am very much the sorry!” Tesla whinnied, prying his body off the floor. “The only of myself was at stake! My honor!” *hic*
“YOU INCOMPETENT, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING JERK! We failed to capture Cauterium because YOU had to get pizz drunk!”
“Calm down, Azure,” Power Pill sighed. “Don’t forget that he holds rank over you, drunkard or not.”
Azure bit her lip. “Zorry, doctor.”
“Aw, Doc, do not be so stingy.” *hic* “Have to admit, I really did do kind of stupid thing.” He steadied himself on all four hooves. “It vill not happen again!”
“Commizzar Tesla, you’re ALWAYZ promising that,” Azure snarled.
“Nah, this time I vill keep my-” *hic* “-promise! I promise.” He took a step forward, only to stumble over his own hoof, falling to the ground. He rolled around making cat-like grunt noises as he repositioned himself – his right side on the ground, his hind legs extended but crossed over themselves, and his right elbow on the ground propping up to support his head as he gazed at Azure and Roy.
“Anyvay, vhat’s the deal with the suspect guy, eh? I heard that you let him go.”
“We-” Azure growled.
“We were outmustanged and outbowed Cauterium had more ponies with him and they were VERY well armed,” Doc interjected. “He did admit his guilt, though.”
“Oh, so he IS guilty.“ *hic* “So what? Are ve going to arrest him?” Tesla yawned.
“Don’t worry,” the Doc replied. “We’ve got every two-bit bounty hunter out looking for them. Cau and his confederates have their faces plastered across every city, town, and hamlet this side of Canterlot.”
Tesla’s pupils completely shrunk into little black dots. “You did VHAT‽” He leapt to his hooves. “You IDIOTS! Do you not realize vhat you have done‽”
Azure and the Doc exchanged looks.“Made our job easier?” Power prodded.
Teeth grinding, Tesla began pacing back and forth like a caged lion. “You. Are. Brainless. Idiots. If somepony else vill try to catch him, he may reveal VHAT he stole beside the Gems of Clarity! Do you realize what problems da Cherchen Committee vill have if everypony will be knowing that ve vere holding a part of Firstborn Darkness - illegally, I might add!” With every word his tempo increased for both his rate of speech and walking pace.
“Ummm, woops?” Roy and Azure deadpanned in unison.
“Idiots… idiots… brainless -bucking!- morons…”
“Well, half the things we do are less-than illegal,” Roy intoned.
“Well, EXCUZE ME!” Azure shouted.“If YOU hadn’t been late -no, never arriving- to the battle, we could've caught him ALREADY! And you dare to call UZ idiotz‽”
Tesla froze in place. “You know vhat? You’re right… You’re right.” He swallowed. “So everypony has their moments of the failure, da? Everything is in past now!” A short pause. “We need to think of plan of attack for future to stop Cauterium. Ideas, ponies?”
“Maybe if we add ‘compulsive liar’ to hiz description, poniez won’t listen to anything he sayz?” Azure prodded.
“Ideally so, but we all know he bathes his tongue in molten silver,” Tesla replied. “So-”
“Comissars!” a stallion burst into the cemetery-like emptiness of the hotel lobby.
“Ah, Quickstep,” Doc said. “How’s your wound?”
“I-it was just a scratch,” Quickstep dismissed. “A-anyway, we’re getting reports about Cauterium - lots of ‘em! And-”
Quickstep was cut off as two ponies – scratch that, a griffon and a pony – burst in. The griffon was female, the pony was a male pegasus with a pair of goggles.
“Hey, are you the guys giving the bounty on this ‘Cauterium’ dude?” the griffon demanded, unfurling the bounty.
Tesla facehoofed. The Doc offered an ostensibly real smile. “Then may I know your names?”
“I’m Gilda and this dweeb is Gear Grinder. That a problem?”
“No,” Doc intoned. “But you don’t need to come to us, that kinda defeats the purpose of putting bounty posters all about.”
“Keen,” Gear chimed.
“Vhile you’re here, it might be doing you well to hear a little something ve may have left out,” Tesla said, earning himself a sideways glance from Azure. “Cauterium is a compulsive but convincing liar.”
“Right, so don’t trust a word he says and bring him in -mostly- alive, right?”
“Yes. Now scurry off. Time is money.” Azure sneezed something awful. “Bud’ Zdorov, Azure.”
“Neat-o. Gilda, shall we?”
“You know it!” Just as fast as they entered, they left.
Tesla signed. “I hate this. We’re sending kids to their inevitable slaughter by the droves, are we not?”
Roy levitated out a large, Cuben cigar fresh from the land of bears. With a single tap against his horn it was light. “These guys may have less-than admirable motives, but are our motives any less ulterior?” He put the cigar into his mouth.
“I know that look very vell.”
Roy’s eyes swiveled to Tesla. “Azure put a ‘spydoll’ on the griffon’s feathers, we can track her movements – and by extension Cau’s.”
Tesla’s brow furrowed. “And, uh, how exactly did this happen?”
“When I, hehe, sneeze. How unladylike of me, no?” Azure winked.
Roy smiled, taking the cigar from his lips. “I love it when a plan comes together.”
Something started to beep in Azure’s saddlebag. She unlatched her tag’s top drawstring and pulled out a small, bronze cube. Pulling out a silver key and inserting it into a matching hole in the box, she turned it thrice over.
Gears sliding, clanking, and scrapping against themselves as the box unraveled itself into a new object entirely. The new object was a vaguely donut-shaped object with insectoid-like “legs” and small, glowing gems haphazardly scattered around it.
The centermost gem, a large emerald, began to glow. As if by magic, the insides of the gem began to swirl, revealing the face of Twilight Sparkle. Azure glanced to either side of her where both stallions were shoving about in order to get a look at her device.
“Miss Azure Knowledge?” said Twilight’s voice through the static. “We may have information you might want to hear.”
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I looks interesting but the word count is staggering. lol Ill read it for sure, I would like art but the story it would go to is well....grimdark-rific...
Ill read your story anyway considering it looks so interesting just from the description. happy trails, and tracking
529526
). And no gore on it
I CAN make a cover for grimdark, but for that i will need a full description of it (cuz i wont read the story
Okay, the evil guys play well off each other. It's like they're a twisted set of friends. (Which they are.
)
)
Okay, this guy can do anything. Just send him against the bad guys and it'll be done five seconds flat. (HA! Beat that Dashy.)
And Gears...
I couldn't stop laughing. That guy is hilarious. And he works with Gilda. And now he's even more interesting. An Engineer...I wonder if erects dispensor and wears hard hats?
(Now I'm imaging him singing Erectin' a River.
A cola Jetpack...
Speaking of her, it seems she's quite taken with this new pegasus stallion. (HOpefully, he'll tone down the insults...How's he going to impress her, if he keep calling her old. Well, she'll show him that age has experience.
*Tucker appears* Bow Chicka Bow Bow.
I WASN"T TALKING ABOUT IT LIKE THAT!
"I love it when a plan comes together." Roy said with a cigar in his mouth.
A_TEAM FOR THE WIN! (That and Roy is now 20% cooler.)
Alternate Scene:
Roy: How's the wound?
Quickstep: Tis but a scratch.
Roy: A scratch? They nearly beat you to death.
Quickstep: I've had worse.
Roy: You lie.
Quickstep: I"m not a liar. I'm invincible.
Roy: You're a loony.
Awesome German Engie! He's building a panzer and annoys Gilda with it lol. Plus he sings!
I give it
529584
oh wow ok then thats easy enough to do, ill make sure to get back to you on that one
529684 Red VS Blue AND Monty Python references?! Amazing.
Great job, Stalin. I'm really enjoying this now. There is quite a bit going on and it somewhat hard to follow, but I'm enjoying it none-the-less. Keep up the great work!
530904>>530174>>529684
Tnx to all! by the way, there's about 4 chapters left untill first arc finale, then second arc shall emerge:)
Great job on the new chapter. Love the references in this one, A-Team, RvB, and I'm pretty sure there were some others that a can't put my finger on. I love the characters Gear Grinder and Tesla, and can already tell that they will be awesome, because:
(Not really sure why I added that emote, I just felt the need to.)
Gear Grinder: He's german, and the best part is I could understand what he was saying! He's also a bounty hunter, which makes for instant awesome!
Tesla: He's russian. Need I say more?
There is one thing I found strange however. It said that Gear Grinder was holding two screwdrivers in his wings. How the hay is he doing that? We've seen Fluttershy use her wing tips to snap open her saddlebags before, but never a pegasai using their wings like hands. Looking forward to the next chapter!
Gear Grinder is my favorite character so far, especially how he was singing. Wish I knew german so i could understand it better. perhaps someone can translate for me out of morbid curiosity?
532453
Sure thing.
Seid bereit = Be Ready.
Es ist ziet = It is time.
Panzerhengst = tank-stallion.
Well, definitely another awesome addition to the story. I simply loved the way everyone were making fun of Dash in the beginning, half the time unintentionally. The fact that her rivaling pegasus took that as an opportunity to grate on her nervs and her never really denying anything just makes it all the more hilarious.
The plot is thickening. So now there will also be bounty hunters and (maybe) an alert princess. Our villains will be having trouble finding the rest of their elements. Wonder what impact will Gilda and her new acquaintance make on the story, or what role will the new (assumingly) russian pony take. Their introductions were neatly done, so I'm sure they'll be pretty important.
Also, I found a little mistake that was left unchecked, during the talk between Crimson and Dash.
“I love you just fluster like an old mare. Really shows your age, honey.”
Pretty sure there was planned to be a 'how' in between 'love' and 'you'.
Overall, very nice new chapter! My analyzing and reviewing skills are really poor, but hopefully I could provide sufficient feedback.
532306>>532453>>532832
Thanks to all, guys! Next chapter shall be written (probably) by Crushric, who is my co-writer, ultra editor and overall a nice guy :) Check his awesome story Everypony!
Ok, so now we know that Dash holds an enormous grudge on Crimson now.
And for some reason, the way Gear spoke to Gilda made me think he'll become the Element of Lying.
533246
Nah, he is not falcity :) Not even close :)
530904 I do my best, *holding a glass of grape juice* But then, what is a writer. *throws the glass to the side, which shatters* A grand compartment of ideas. But enough talk, *pulls out my computer* Let's write.
And now, Gear's hit single, Makin' a Jetpack
*Cau and Gear stare off* It's just you and me, Cau.
Jetpack going up, down, Darn it
)
Cut the blue wire.
This thing aint on autopilot, darn it
Cut the blue wire.
Hold it Cau, don't touch the jetpack, darn it.
Cut the blue wire.
That guard aint on our Gear Gear, get down, Darn it.
Cut the blue wire.
Jetpack going up down, darn it.
Cut the blue wire.
This thing aint on autopilot, darn it
Cut the blue wire.
Hold it Cau, don't touch the jetpack, darn it.
Cut the blue wire.
Grab him Gilda, before he does on get
Get Get Da Da Da Get Get Get Get him, darn it
Cut the blue wire.
Get Get Da Da Da Get Get Get Get him, darn it
Cut the blue wire.
(And the rest is history.
Encyclopedia dramatica. If you know that site....
Little grammar error. "An logically huge column of dust". "An" only goes on vowels, as you must obviously know.
Also, The Psychopath is quite pleased that Cauterium is here. He wishes he was in that world to show the pony the true meaning of insanity and illogic. He would also like to prank Claude. That stallion needs to pass by hilarious and fun times.
534210
Lol
By the way, i have something special planned on Cau vs Gear faceoff. Don't ask me what, i wont spoil it :)
534217 They face off, that's all I need to know.
I love how you're characterizing Crimson, he is just in it for the fun.
Cau: GO GET HER!
Crimson: Nope. No fun.
Love it.
534254
Glad you like him
534665
Now THAT's some helpful comment! Thanks, mr.batman! Most of mistakes are corrected
534615
It's not me! I still suck, it's at it is only because my co-writer Crushric
Sorry for not commenting on the last two chapters
Been busy with my own fic...
Anyways, a great one as always. Just the character of Crimson Thunder made me crack on too many occasions.
The grammar has definately improved a whole lot, but I still managed to find a single error:
“Okay, so there was this... pegasus named Crimson thunder.”
Shouldn't the 't' be capitalized, as it's part of the name. Rainbow Dash isn't Rainbow dash.
I was also wondering if you still need any pre-readers, thought I highly doubt you'd need me, seeing that you've got an co-author.
Still, if you need me, you know where to find me
-Hydkore-
542668
Thanks for offer, i'll call you if you'll be needed :)
542668
Know what? We're taking your offer. We need a pre=reader :) Whence next chapter shall be ready we will let you know
Interesting chapter, I do think this chapter bounces around alot between characters a bit to much for my taste, but other wise it was a good chapter all in all, your grammar has improved as well, making this chapter a much more enjoyable read than some of the earlier chapters.
542995
All thanks to Crushric! By the way, did you like art i send you?
543071 its freakin epic
Chapter 6! This is the Part where Dashie does something about it!
Oh Crimson, you'll always CRACK me up! heheheheheheheh
And Now for "MEET THE TEAM".
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Poor Spike, Making a terrible Story for all to laugh at. In fact, Why Arent I laughing?
MUCH better.
And now we wait for the Royal reply!
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Huh, So this character's Gear...and GILDA?
Oh dear god-- YOU REMIND ME OF A MAN! WHAT MAN? OH THE MAN WITH THE--NO! No. Not singing that addicting Music. NO. BAD.
Thirty thousand? holy jubeebus.
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I think I'll stop doing that, it's about time I got serious. :3
My BOTTOM LINE FOR THIS CHAPTER: German Engie right there, He's my second favorite. First, he's german, much like I am. Second, He sings!
I think the song itself is enough to clap, as I thought it was nice to hear in my head as best as I could.
The Duo of Gilda and said Pony might be fun to watch, for this, I cannot wait to see in action. My final verdict on the chapter altogether is 7.5 out of 10.
We will see what the latest chapter looks in my view, as per everything so far.
This is the funniest chapter so far! With Crimson's and Rainbow's interactions to the Spike scene:
“… And then-” Spike bared his teeth “-John was a zombie!”
Spike tilted his head to the side. “So, do you like my epic, ‘Repercussions of Evil’?”
And even the whole Gear Grinder scene:
He shoved his face into the contract, absorbing every detail. “Who we hunting? What are we hunting? Is it a hydra? Is it a bear? Is it the true meaning of Christmas?”
“What’s Christmas?”
Gear frowned. “I dunno.”
I love you so much man!