• Member Since 5th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Rinnaul


I do nothing of merit. On occasion, I give the impression of being creative, but this is a deception. I am merely derivative in clever ways.

E

Not long after her release back into the general population of Ponyville, Screw Loose vanishes without a trace. During a search of her home one week after she was last seen, a video recording of her apparent final hours is found. A video explaining that she was being hunted by creatures which evaded sight. A video intended as a warning.

A different perspective on "Peripherals" by electreXcessive and Flint Sparks.

Cover art assembled from various screen captures and vectors, mostly from here.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 43 )

Really enjoyed this, great work author :)

Is this like the Spanish film REC?

3618034 Don't know, never heard of it. "REC [O]" was just in reference to the symbol that usually appears in the corner of a camcorder video, since the basic idea was that this was "found footage", like the movies "Blair Witch" or "Cloverfield".

Great work :D I really enjoyed reading this. :)

3618034
Okay, now that I'm at home instead of posting with a Nook, I've looked the film up.

Yes, it's exactly like that, except with unseen monsters instead of the rage virus thing the film had going.

3619553

But you got to admit as soon as you typed the words "rage virus" it sounded quite amusing - considering.

Talk about jumping at shadows, huh? ba-dum-tsh!

Also, the present tense “found footage” conceit of this story was surprisingly difficult to write.

Actually, I feel the horror elements of a story are much more greatly emphasized through present tense. It possesses this sense of immediate danger and tension that clings to the reader in ways past tense cannot. Without it, this story wouldn't have been nearly as immersive or terrifying.

Have a moustache. :moustache:

Luz

3618034 I was going to write a story about that movie. It was amazing.

3718372

You should have totally done that!

Technically, I was thinking of one too!

Maybe we can collaborate? We may never know...:rainbowderp:

Luz

3719332

Eh, I guess. I was never that good with stories in the first place. It's up to you, I guess?

Just looking through my Review folder, and seeing what stories I am going to review. I have to say, I am looking forward to this one. I shall let you know when I have the review ready for you.:scootangel:

Huh.
This was pretty good!
Well done, it kept me interested all the way until the end.

I've heard that name is destiny, but I still feel sorry for Screw Loose. This reminds me of that screw cutie mark that barking mad pony had in "Ream Em and weep". Imagine your special talent is being crazy. And not the fun kind of crazy, either.
I can see how listening to Aphex Twin's Ambient Works 2 can get your brain gears turning. When I was writing "Equus Mortis", I listened to a bunch of dark ambient music from the likes of Accurst, Aghast Manor and Tombstone.
Anyway, I liked this story, so it gets an upvote, fave and a watch from me.
By the way, in case you didn't see my response to your review of my story, thank you very much for your positive review and smart feedback. It helps a lot.

3848242 That barking mad pony was Screw Loose. She appears there and in the background of "Just For Sidekicks". The card game gave her the official name "Screwy", but I prefer the fanon name, so I'm calling that one a nickname.

Thanks for the fave and watch, and happy to help with the review.

3846539 3618399 3617567
Thank you.

3841197
Good to know that I was engaging, at least.

3833717
I'll just have to clear the backlog of Dark fics so you get to it sooner.

3698217
I agree, it's one of the things that always made Lovecraft so effective, despite the absurdity of recording one's own demise in a journal. A camcorder, however...

Just meant I struggled a bit with how to write the descriptions, though. Thanks for the comment.

Loved the story :twilightsheepish: but reminded me a lot of Silent Hill 4

JLB

This one is plain, simple, and good. I kind of feel assed that something like this has already been written, as I had a very similar concept in mind, but I suppose I could change a few things around. If anything, you took a recently popularized concept and made it work pretty well, for rather few issues.

This was interesting. Great work.

Hi! I just wanted to let you know I've done a reading of this story. thank you for writing such an awesome story :)

5541692
Thank you! That was an amazing treatment of this, almost exactly how I'd expect her to sound. And I'd been wondering where all the sudden attention on a year-old one-shot was coming from.

I really enjoyed the story! :raritywink:

Using certain experiences everyone has experienced, and giving an explanation for them, as well as what/who caused it, added on to the scare-factor, such as these parts:

"...That feeling of something with you when you’re alone, like somepony sitting behind you. The feeling that makes us turn on the lights in the next room because we’re afraid of what might be in the shadows there. We all know it because we’ve all felt them, because they’re everywhere. They’re everywhere and once you notice you know they’re watching you."

"...When you’re alone they know you’re an easy target. That’s why you feel them when you’re alone, because you’re not alone. You’re never alone. Alone is when they size you up. They’re there, watching, waiting in the corner of your eye. Just waiting for you to be alone and let your guard down.”

Again, I really enjoyed this darkfic!

5541692
I just herd this while I was working on a school project. Absolutely great!!! All around awesome in story and

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

After listening to the reading of this and enjoying the heck out of it, I went and read Peripherals. I was dismayed to see that you had basically taken the exact same story and just done it better. :/ Well, you at least got the original author's go-ahead, so I guess nothing can really be said against this. What did electreXcessive say about this piece, I wonder?

5756164
Yeah. Like I told him, I thought it just needed a POV change. And the message he sent to me after it went up was "I like it. Ironically enough, however, I think the story would have been more complete if it had a mixture of both of the styles that we used XD"

Exquisitely creepy. That I was alone in the house as I read it didn't hurt. I can still feel a tingle between my shoulder blades. Suspense isn't usually my thing, but I'm glad I made an exception for this. Thank you for it.

God damn Gristers!

Really enjoyed this, genuinely creepy and interesting.

Ah Selected Ambient Works II, Only you could conjure up nightmare fuel. *coughHankiecough*

I love this so much ahh! Very well written. :) :heart:
If you don't mind, I'd really love to write a horror story based off of this story. You see, one of my friends wants me to write a horror story for them to read in front of their class for some sort of assignment and I just so happened to stumble across TheLostNarrator's reading of this story and it gave me an idea for a plot involving the creatures in this story and video recordings as well haha. I can tell you the plot I have if you can drop me a message or something since it would probably take up too much space on this comment. ^.^ I've already commented on the original story asking for permission from the original author and now I'd like to ask for yours since it will also be very much based on your interpretation of the original story. Can I have your permission to write a horror story with these creatures and with an almost (but not really) similar type of writing style/POV? (It won't be an mlp fiction for your information) I'd love it if you could give me a reply asap! :twilightsmile:

6493481
Go right ahead. I don't need to know the plot, but if you want to share it you can send a PM or something. I think it's kind of great that this is producing a third-generation spinoff at this point.

6493546 Thank you very much, I appreciate it !

I like how we can't know for sure what happened. This being Screw Loose, she could've just gotten mad and paranoid but those cracks sure are suspitious.

Great story bro, 10/10 :rainbowdetermined2:

God Damn NightMare Fuel! By The Way I Wouldent Turn Around If I were you.....

PFFFT!!!!! I'M NOT SCARED *grabs shotgun and looks around*

Sure, be afraid of what lies in the dark. You should be, it keeps you alive. But you should be more afraid of what Lies in the light. able to hunt in broad daylight, but never seen. That’s what you should be truly afraid of.

Anyone else read this and think “oh shit Scp-870!

Having read the original and this, I do have to say that I enjoy this format a bit better. It definitely lends a bit more uncertainty to the entire situation. Also, taking some time to describe the camera's view rather than Screw Loose explaining all of the details helps with the mental image and avoids some of the original's repetition.

I definitely enjoy the idea too, of things we can't see being always there, and have had more than a few experiences late at night with "shadow people" out of the corner of my eyes.

- Twilight Sparkle

....she’s an idiot

Ok I don't know why but I think this fanfic is based on a short film don't know why but I swear I saw a short film similar to this fanfic

Hol-y flip! As I was reading this, I subconsciously kept focusing on my peripheral... Made me paranoid for a good 5 minutes!

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