Hiding
You huddle underneath the musty sleeping bag, your body shaking like a leaf in a hurricane.
It’s kinda funny really. Just ten minutes ago you would have killed to meet the Mane Six. Now you’re cowering in a closet, trying desperately not to be killed by the Mane Six.
God you hate irony.
Crrsh
You jump a little in your hiding spot. What was that?
“Nothing here!”
Crrsh “Nothing here.”
Creeak “Definitely nothing here.”
That sounds like Pinkie Pie, and it sounds like she’s searching your kitchen. Very thoroughly you might add.
The dishwasher opens. “Nothing here.”
The oven opens. “Nothing here.”
The fridge door opens. “Nothing here--ooh Cake!”
You hear the hyperactive horse wolf down the last slice of your birthday cake.
You hear Rarity groan, “Honestly Pinkie, must you?”
“Whath?” Pinkie mumbles through a mouthful of cake. “Ith good cake!”
“Yes, I’m certain that it’s delicious, but we’re not here to eat this ruffian’s food.” Rarity chides. “We’re here to teach him a lesson.”
You digest Rarity’s words for a minute. ‘We’re here teach him a lesson.’ That could mean one of two things: either the ponies came to Earth so they could teach you some sort of life lesson, or it’s a euphemism for them beating the ever-loving crap out of you.
Given the way they’re acting, you’re betting on the latter.
Now that you think about it, the Mane Six are acting really out of character. Sure, they aren’t above beating up bad guys, and there are times when they’ve acted like jerks, but they’d never do this. They star in a show about friendship for cripes sake!
What the hell did you do?
A thought bubbles out of your subconscious; what if they aren’t the Mane six? Maybe the Changelings have chosen our world as their new feeding grounds, and they’re disguising themselves as ponies to induce feelings of love and affection?
You shake you head. No, that’s just stupid. If these ponies really were changelings, they wouldn’t have attacked you in the first place. You don’t know how things work in Equestria, but on Earth, assault and battery generally doesn’t stir up feelings of love.
Another thought crosses your mind; maybe these ponies aren’t the Mane Six from the show. Maybe they’re from some other universe entirely. Your eyes widen. Maybe they aren’t ponies at all. Maybe they’re invading aliens who’ve taken the form of ponies.
Yeah, that‘s right. These aliens could have tapped into our telecommunications system. They‘d know about the fandom, and they‘d know that most humans would consider ponies cute. So they’d take the form of various ponies and use that very cuteness against us. An alien Fluttershy alone could bring an army to its knees without firing a shot!
It still doesn’t explain why they’re attacking you instead of, say, the president or some general. You doubt that you're that vital to Earth's security
One last clang derails your train of thought. “Well, he’s definitely not in the kitchen.” Pinkie says. You detect a hint of disappointment in her voice.
“And I couldn’t find a trace of him in that horribly tacky living room.“ Rarity huffs, “I swear, if I weren’t so angry at him I’d personally redecorate this entire house, free of charge.”
You have to agree with her there.
More hooves on the hardwood floors. “Hmm… personally, if I were that uncouth barbarian I would hide in this closet.”
Your blood freezes in your veins. You turn your body into a statue, breathing as softly and as slowly as possible. If you could, you would merge with the cloth bags, becoming one with their synthetic fibers.
You hear the warble of magic being used. The door knob rattles and shakes in its socket, then slowly, slowly turns. The door creaks open ever so slowly…
“MY WORD!”
Your stomach does an Immelman. There’s another set of hooves. “Oooh!Oooh! Is it him!”
“No, but these clothes are simply awful!” You hear Rarity pluck something off of the rack.”
Seriously, what barbarian would put sequins on a sweater?”
If you weren’t so afraid of being killed by cartoon horses, you’d agree with her. Though you’d hardly call your mother a barbarian.
You hear the closet door close. “He’s not down here, Twilight!”
Your body relaxes and your blood slowly thaws. Those have to be the sweetest words you have ever heard.
The front door squeaks open. “Nuthin’ outside,” says Applejack.
“Um, he’s not upstairs,” Fluttershy adds. You hear the sound of wings.
“UGH!” Rainbow Dash grunts, “How did he give us the slip?!”
“ I don’t know. “ Says Twilight. You hear more of that warbling. “I can still feel his presence somewhere nearby. Maybe there‘s some hiding place we missed.”
Your nose twitches. Your eyes widen. No, not here, not now.
Ahh…
“Applejack, Rainbow, check the outdoors again. Try going out a little further.”
Ahhh….
“Pinkie Pie, Rarity, check the downstairs again. Look carefully; there might be something you missed.”
AHHH… The sneeze builds in your throat, like a volcano about to erupt.
“Fluttershy and I will guard the front door. He may try to make a break for it while…”
"WA-CHOOO!"
The sneeze explodes from your mouth like a bomb.
“Bless you.” The girls say to each other in unison. There‘s a moment of silence. You hold your breath; maybe you‘re not dead.
“Wait, which one of us sneezed?” Says AppleJack.
You stomach twists itself into a square knot. You’re dead.
“Wasn’t me”
“I didn’t sneeze.”
“Nope”
“Um, I think it came from that closet,” Fluttershy points out. Her voice is as soft as ever, but it somehow scares you more than all the other ponies.
You can feel the blood drain from your face. Well, it’s been a nice life, you guess.
“C’mon girls, let’s get him!”
You can hear the Mane Six clop their way over to the closet door. To you, every hoofstep sounds like a funeral bell. Your funeral.
A desperate plan quickly develops in your mind. Quickly, you grab the zipper of the sleeping bag covering you and unzip it. You doubt it’ll work, but you have to try.
A raspberry glow surrounds the closet door and yanks it off its hinges, revealing six very angry ponies.
“There you are!” Twilight yells. Her horn begins to glow. That strange tingling feeling starts to move up your body. The whole world suddenly slows down. As if by reflex, you hurl the unzipped sleeping bag at your idols. The rolled-up bundle slowly unfolds in midair like a flower of musty fabric, covering the ponies like a collapsed tent..
“What in tarnation?!”
“I’M BLIND!”
“Gracious!”
You can’t believe that actually worked.
Before the ponies can free themselves from their nylon prison, you book it towards the front door and practically tear it off its hinges. You then shoot off down the sidewalk like a marathon runner being chased by rabid dogs.
That’s a good simile. You should write that down when this is over.
“OH NO YOU DON’T!” a yell sounds from behind you. You hear something like a jet engine being fired up. You turn around-- for a split second, you catch a glimpse of a rainbow contrail and a cyan blur.
WHAM!
Something like a flying brick wall slams you into the asphalt. You flip yourself over to see Rainbow Dash pinning you to the ground.
You grab the enraged equine by the shoulders and try to pull her off. You’re surprised by how muscular she is; she may be lean, but her muscles are like steel cables. There’s no way you can pull her off.
“AJ, NOW!”
“Ah’m comin’, Sugarcube!” Applejack rushes out, twirling her lasso in her mouth. Before you can react, the orange earth pony flings the lasso at you and loops it around your ankles. She tugs on the rope and reels you in like a pink, hairless fish.
Twilight trots out, her face painted with a nasty scowl. Your body glows with a raspberry aura, and you’re plucked off the asphalt like a bug off of a wall. For some reason, you picture yourself floating in a blob of raspberry jam.
You’re weird like that.
Twilight jerks her head, and you’re yanked towards her like a fish on a line, stopping only a few inches away from her muzzle. You can feel her hot breath on your face. Surprisingly, she doesn’t really smell like lavender. Her scent is more of an animal musk. Not at all unpleasant, but definitely not what you expected.
The pastel horse glares at you. Her pupils are like tiny drills, boring deep into your soul.
“We need to talk.”
Talk? If she wanted to talk why where they?
A final hoof to the face interrupts your thoughts, and the world goes black.
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Here's my theory: they've somehow gotten hooked up to the Internet in Equestria, have picked up on Earth's internet, and aren't proud of the fanfic's we've written about them.
Thoughts?
3621956
I wonder what they'd think of "Cupcakes"?
"Talk? Why didn't you just talk instead of beating the ever-loving crap out of me in my bedroom?"
Breaking and entering. Assault and battery. You're looking at some serious charges, girls.
3621967 Lots of vomiting, followed by flaming manes and tails all around...
3621967
Good idea? Let's start here?
3621987
What about "My Little Dashie" and its countless spinoffs?
You should have tried to bite Rainbow's wings.
3621956
I'm with you. But I'm thinking they may not know there's more than one person writing all this stuff and think he's the sole perpetrator? Or maybe they're on a quest out of Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and are out to whoop the ass of anyone who wrote bad about them
I'd probably run, screaming 'What did I do to youuuu D:'
And then it'd all be resolved ^^... Hopefully...
I bet that the moment that Rarity came in, i'd probably be cowering and ask why she's so angry. Yes, that's more me.
Okay, so diplomacy is an option. I'll be holding on to this tantō for you just in case.
3621956>>3621967
That doesn't explain the fact why they would attack "HIM" though...
I mean, if they were mad about the fanfics made about them then they would attack the one who made them first, like cupcakes and such.
3621994 Hmm... not sure. Probably a lot of twitching eyes and brains exploding from being unable to comprehend how stories like that became popular. Myself, I've nothing against those stories, but ponies themselves...
3621956 My thoughts are... RUN! EVERYBRONY FOR HIMSELF!! WE ARE ALL DEAD!!! Or something like that
3622027
What about the countless hordes of human/pony clopfics?
Teleporting and entering, and assault and battery. Just so they could talk. GG GIRLS, GG.
Well at least I have the honour of being beaten to death by the ponies I look up to.
Better yet than the first chapter, you've earned yourself a thumbs up.
So, any plans on letting us know what vendetta they have soon?
3622045
You'll see soon enough.
3622039 Well, most likely they would be disgusted at the various acts of 'intimacy' between humans and ponies... especially the darker stuff...
3622054
What about the crap fics?
3622057 Which type of crap fics?
Maybe they've all written REALLY BAD fanfics and he was a little too harsh in his reviews.
3621956 If they come after me, I'm going down fighting.
There are many reasons and arguments I can say to the ponies that would make that sort of scenario a 'shame on you' on their part...
But I've always had the sick curiosity of how well I could fair against them if I threw all the 'rules' out the window.
Rainbow pins me? Bite into her throat or wings.
Twilight tries to magic me? Throw something at her to preoccupy her, then punch her horn.
Fluttershy stares at me? Induce vomiting to freak her out.
Applejack? Go for her legs.
Pinkie Pie? Throw my physics book at her, it will cause an explosion similar to anti-matter meeting matter.
Rarity?...Spit in her mane.
There is no way to justify what the ponies are doing to him. Assault and Kidnapping can't be brushed off by 'Oh, we don't like what you write about us.'
So...go all out, let the monster you keep inside of you loose, you can just claim self defense.
i.imgur.com/Eabqx.jpg?1
3622071
You know, the ones with alicorn OCs, instant romances, harems, Mary-sues, and the like?
Too many HiE, so little patience.
3622084 Hmm, I think they'd berate the writers for their lack of creativity, unless somehow said writer made a story that was actually good despite those clichés...
Gah! in the name of all that is holy! I NEED MOAR!
When can we expect another chapter I cant wait
Maybe they themselves wrote a few stories and he critisised them.
Should have grabbed a weapon on the way out, Chief. Nice try. Let's have ourselves a nice little look-see around the interrogation room, maybe ask them why they're being so racist. Act sad, get Pinkie to help you? I dunno...
They'll probably tie you to a chair. If AJ only has one rope, they'll have tied your body. Legs are free. Get smashing. I never thought I'd say this, but...
RD is primary target. Twilight next. Throw some fabric or something to stun Rarity, or get AJ to accidentally hit another pony. Fluttershy wouldn't be a problem, hold her hostage and demand answers or something. Pinkie's southpaw. Unpredicable. Avoid contact.
If they take you back to Equestria, play the guilt card, but don't play stupid. Remember your t-shirt has a pony.
If in your kitchen, it's time to, erm, 'Re-enact' some 'Knife Party', if you catch my drift.
Please update,the tension is killing me!
I hope the guy can defend himself and point out the right contradictions and their accusations otherwise I'm seeing a very bad deal that the mane six came up with for him.
what did you he/she really do?
Natural musk!
more more more more more more more PLEAAAASSSEEEEE <3 one of the best fanfics i've ever read!!!
At the end of the chapter, it says
'Were' doesn't have an 'H'.
Great chapter by the way! So eager to know what happens next! 
No seriously boy, WHAT DID YOU DO?!
Thank you for chapter 2
you can have a cookie!
Also please hurreh with chapter 3
I'm loving this story line. I really am wondering what is going on at this point. It totally makes me wonder what I would do in this situation.
Keep on rocking!
*reads description* i don't have a crush on fluttershy due to my favorite pairing involving her. and it's not my fucking OC
3622161 Nah, he'll forgive them all, and they'll be holding hands and hooves and singing Kumbayah by a fireside.
3621956
If that's so, then why are they attacking him? As far we know he has been pointing out the bad ones.
Again, my guess is that his commenting on Fimfiction has gotten him in trouble. Maybe the ponies go there regularly, and he unknowingly insulted their work?
Captured by the mane six. I'm sure that's /every/ Brony's worst nightmare. Being tied up and held down. By the mane six.
Apparently I don't talk. If this was me, as the tense assumes, I would have just asked them what was up from the beginning. :P
Ack vell. Great story, broski. I read the first chapter and prayed that you could keep things running smoothly into the next. I was pleasantly unsurprised when you did. Can't wait to read more... I would love if this became a big fantasy epic because it starts off really well but unfortunately it's 2nd person so it'll probably only be a few chapters.
Very smart and professional story telling. Cannot praise you enough, inspires me to get something written for once to publish on here.
When can we expect the next update? I know when authors post a really good story, or a chapter to said story, within an hour they get 20 questions asking when the next update will be. But I would really like to know when you plan on posting the next chapter.
SO MUCH TWIBASHING GOING ON IN MY HEAD RIGHT NOW I'M LOVIN IT
3622352 considering how many bondage fics i've seen...
*Taps foot*
I'm hoping the next chapter is longer. I hate cliffhangers :P
Good chapter anyway
OMG WHY PONIES WHYYYYYYYYY
I still love it doh