• Published 10th Dec 2013
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My Family and Other Equestrians - Blade Star



A HiE fic with a twist. Our protagonist is not alone. How does one approach being in Equestria, when their family is along for the ride?

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Chapter 63 - The Zap Apples are Coming! The Zap Apples are Coming!

By this point in early April, the grip of winter had loosened completely and vanished in the returning warmth. Flowers blossomed, trees were filled with lush green leaves, and animals of every kind were burdened with the joys of parenting. There was however, one exception to this rule. Only two examples of this anti-springtime phenomenon were to be found; one in the deep, dark depths of the unnatural Everfree Forest, and the other on the orchards of Sweet Apple Acres.

In spite of the season, and in spite of its neighbours contentedly blossoming, growing leaves as well as the beginnings of fruit, one part of the orchard remained bare and lifeless as it did for the majority of the year. Only for seven days could these, on the surface, normal looking trees be found to have anything. And even then, they were temperamental about it, only releasing their crop when they were good and ready.

These were, of course, the famous Zap Apple trees. Without these fantastical, even by Equestria’s standards, plants there would be no zap apple jam which sold by the bucket load every year, bringing in even more money than the cider sales in the autumn. I knew a little bit about them from the twenty minutes or so that I’d seen them, but apart from that I was a novice. I knew that the blossoms first began to appear when timberwolves began to howl and electrical storms manifested over the farm uncommanded by the pegasi. This was then followed by a minor meteor shower, which was the fourth sign in the cycle. A final electrical storm, which also manifested a rainbow gave the unusual apples their namesake colour and allowed them to be harvested. Any attempt to do so before resulted in a severe electric shock.

On its own, this was amazing enough and I looked forward to helping out in the harvest; not least because after seven days the zap apples vanish, not rotting, just vanishing, from the trees. The issue for me was, well, dignity. To properly harvest the zap apples and make zap apple jam, a variety of, eccentric, steps had to be taken.

“Oh don’t be so down, Bones,” Applejack said encouragingly. “We all gotta learn to laugh at ourselves sometime.” She patted me on the back reassuringly.

“Yeah, sure, AJ; Ah suppose so,” I replied, unconsciously pulling my hat lower down on my head. I couldn’t really say I was looking forward to this though. The first sign had begun last night with the howling of the timberwolves, with Granny Smith banging pots and pans as loudly as she could. The leaves would appear on the previously bare trees a day or later.

I suppose I just never did learn to ‘laugh at myself’ as a child, given I garnered enough laughter from my peers. Though I do know at times, I take things far too seriously, MLP for instance. But it did little to soften the blow to my ego that would be caused by my actions over the next few days. The zap apples would appear in four days’ time.


It was now the second day of the zap apples cycle. By sunset tonight, an unnatural wind would blow through the zap apple orchards, electric static charges would shoot up through the plants and the first of the leaves would appear on the trees.

On any other day, I would be doing typical farm work. Tending the apple trees, as I had been since Winter Wrap Up, or maybe checking on the animals; in addition to helping the cattle during winter, we also used pigs, which were not as intelligent as their bovine contemporaries, as a sort of organic waste disposal. Bad apples, rotten ones or bruised ones could obviously not be sold at the Apples’ stand in Ponyville market, plus this way, we also got fresh fertilizer by the bucket load. Then there were the other crops on the farm, Golden Harvest uses some of our land on lease to grow carrots, then there are the corn fields and the grapes. I would happily have tended to any of these aspects of the farm. But no.

Instead of doing that, I was in the kitchen, with a tin of paint and a brush. I don’t know how she knows it, I don’t know how in Celestia’s name it’s possible, but apparently, the zap apples like polka dots and results in a better quality jam. Thus, I was under orders to decorate the entire kitchen with them. Pink polka dots I might add. Of course, the paint wasn’t waterproof; at the end of every harvest it was washed off. However, I couldn’t help but feel it affected the usual rustic, homely nature of the kitchen/dining room that we all used. It sure as hay would make anypony’s hangover worse.

I was however, permitted to use my magic for this task, which made things much easier. When I say the entire kitchen had to be covered, I mean the entire kitchen; including the ceiling. Having magic on my side negated the need for that rickety old step ladder. Applejack assured me the thing was serviceable, but it looked ready to collapse at any moment. As I continued to work, Apple Bloom trotted inside.

“Well hey there, little lady,” I said kindly, the sight of the filly bringing a smile to my previously dull features.

“Blade Star, is somethin’ the matter with ya?” the filly asked, looking at me curiously.

“Ah don’t think so, AB. What makes ya say that?” I replied. The filly paused to paw at the ground a little.

“Well, it’s just, everypony else is getting’ real excited for the zap apples and you seem kinda, angry.” My eyes widened in shock; I hadn’t for a moment thought that I’d let any of my irritation show. The thought that it might have caused Apple Bloom upset made my stomach twist. I put down the paintbrush I’d been using and sat down with her, placing a comforting hoof on her shoulder.

“Oh, Ah ain’t angry, Apple Bloom. Ah guess Ah just feel a mite silly doin’ all this stuff.” I didn’t dare voice my opinion if Granny Smith was in hearing range or even Applejack, but with the youngest of the family, I was willing to impart the odd secret. Plus, she’d been in the same boat not so long ago.

“It’s not that bad,” she countered. “At least ya don’t have to put on one of those bunny costumes and sing to the water. At least, Ah don’t think ya do.” My heart skipped at that, and my cheeks unconsciously flushed at the extremely embarrassing image of me in one of those suits. With Fluttershy, it’s cute and adorable, with me, not so much. Still, we both chuckled.

“Ah just s’pose, AJ’s right; Ah’ve gotta learn to laugh at myself. Trouble is Ah ain’t got the first idea on how to.

“What do ya mean?” I imagine at this point, my expression became wistful and my tone nostalgic. I resettled myself as I began to spin my tale.

“Well, when Ah was just a youngen, er, foal, Ah always took things real seriously, even when Ah was in kindergarten. Ah never did, you know, stuff foals do. Ah never got in trouble, or did somethin’ just for fun. Ah figured if Ah did somethin’ like that, everypony would laugh at me and make fun of me.” Apple Bloom cocked her head to one side.

“But, everypony does stuff like that sometimes,” she said. “And even with all the stuff me, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo do, nopony laughs at us. Well, except that stupid Diamond Tiara.” I sighed to myself; if only I’d had a bully like that annoying filly.

“The difference is AB, that where Ah used to live, bullies were a heck of a lot meaner than Diamond Tiara.” Apple Bloom’s eyes widened in shock. “Ah mean, one time, Ah accidentally called my teacher ‘mom’, and ya can laugh at that. Trouble was that they kept on laughin’, every day, for months and months. They’d play tricks on me and makes jokes all the time. So, Ah got real scared that if Ah did somethin’ else that made ponies laugh, it’d just start all over again.”

“But you’re a grown stallion now, Blade Star. Ponies don’t act like that when they’re grown up.”

“Ah know that, AB. But, Ah’ve been like that since Ah was a kid, so it’s kinda hard to just drop it.” At this point, I realised I’d been throwing a bit of a pity party for myself. “Ah’m sorry, Apple Bloom, this ain’t nothin’ for you to worry yourself ‘bout. Ah’ll get over it in the end.” The filly sensed I didn’t mean what I said and promptly blocked my return to work. She quickly wrapped herself around me in a hug in an attempt to make me feel better.

“Blade Star, can Ah tell ya somethin’?” I nodded. “Ah felt just the same as you did a couple years back. Ah was certain everypony would laugh at me doin’ all the silly things for the zap apple harvest.” I recalled the episode in question fondly, which brought the ghost of a smile to my lips. “It took me ages to realise it, but ya have to understand.”

“Understand what?” I asked.

“Well, it is kinda silly!” the filly exclaimed, jumping up in the air briefly. “We all feel a mite silly singin’ to the water or paintin’ the kitchen up, but we all do it. We can’t laugh at each other though, without laughin’ at ourselves.”

With that, the bit dropped. It wasn’t just me who was doing a few dumb things this week. For some reason, possibly because at times I can be a little self-centred, I had thought that everypony else took the harvest preparations seriously. In reality though, it was all one big joke that we could all laugh about together. I was reminded of the words of General Patton; ‘If it’s stupid but works, it isn’t stupid’.

Apple Bloom watched my little internal monologue with interest before offering to help me out with the kitchen. The two of us had loads of fun, with me levitating the little filly up to the ceiling and then flying her around the room so she could do the painting herself. As were finishing up, we heard the wind pick up outside. Rushing to the kitchen window, we watched the electricity spark and jump between the trees, moments later, the white blossoms appeared and the sky quickly cleared. Outside, by some of the bee hives, I heard Applejack yell.

“Yee-haw! That’s the third sign everypony! The zap apples’ll be comin' tomorrow.”


Exactly as Applejack predicted, the apples did appear the next day. Whilst the previous three stages had been preceded with ominous metaphors, such as the timberwolves howling late at night, or the sudden appearing and disappearing storm clouds, the fourth stage was actually a beautiful sight to behold. Presumably by Luna’s command, shooting stars appeared in the evening sky dashing across the horizon like quicksilver. The blossoms all fell away and floated from the trees, leaving apples in their place. However, they were not quite ripe just yet and lacked the rainbow stripped colour for which they were famous.

Having got over my stupid and foalish inhibitions the day before, I happily helped out with the continued preparations for the harvest. I was sent out to the Ponyville market to buy new pots and pans; zap apple jam amongst its other properties corrodes metal quite quickly, so new pans were needed for each harvest. Granny Smith was very specific on what kind of pans she needed, going so far as to describe the brittleness of the metal and encouraging me to attempt to bite the pans as I would a suspect bit.

Now, I did indeed check the pans while I was at the market, but with Twilight’s help; the mare was also out shopping with Spike when I bumped into her. Having been warned by the stall owner ‘You bite it; you buy it!’ I consulted her on ways to analyse the metal without ruining my teeth. To that end, Twilight taught me a simple spell used by a lot of unicorn metal workers. It temporarily altered my vision colour coding the metal based on its strength. While quite a specialised skill, it was something to add to my repertoire and I purchased only the strongest of pans.

I returned to find Granny Smith, with Apple Bloom in attendance, lecturing the various assembled glass jars that the jam was to be stored and sold in. On each of the ponies heads was a helmet you’d expect to find on an American G.I.. Granny stalked back and forth in front of the jars on the kitchen table, yelling at them in a manner similar to a drill sergeant. As I looked on, one of the glass jars literally cracked, possibly due to the sheer volume of Granny’s lecturing. This resulted in the jar being unceremoniously discarded and the other ones presumably shaking in their non-existent boots.

With my part done for the day, I headed outside again to wander around the zap apple orchards. They were truly fascinating trees; and despite the many harvests over the years, they were still not fully understood. It can safely be assumed that the trees themselves are magical in some way; I’ve yet to see any other tree interact so closely with the environment or grow at such a rapid pace without the use of radiation. Then of course, it is known that wild zap apple trees are native to the Everfree Forest, where magic is in a constant state of flux, wild in and of itself, controlled only by the Tree of Harmony. There was nothing wrong about them; the magic was positive, it was just that it wasn’t controllable. A zap apple tree cannot be harvested before it is ready to be.

The sun was just beginning to dip below the horizon as I reached the furthest point in my walk. Due to the sheer demand for zap apple jam each year, the orchard was about four times the size of a typical apple plantation. The stars were just beginning to appear in the sky and any time now the changing of the guard would occur. Naturally, the spirit of chaos and disharmony could not let that go by unchallenged.

“Is it ready yet? Is it? Is it? Is it?” the draconequus asked with excitement, literally bouncing up and down on the spot just as Pinkie likes to do.

“The harvest starts tomorrow, Discord,” I replied, for once forcing myself not to sigh. “And since when do you like zap apple jam anyway?” Discord looked at me in surprise.

“Blade Star! The idea that anypony cannot like zap apple jam! I…I need to sit down a moment.” Snapping his talons, he summoned himself a small chair and sat down a look of shock on his features. Perhaps he ought to go into the theatre as a second job.

It was then that a plan began to form in my mind, and a devious one at that. Since I met him, Discord has hit me with more than a few practical jokes, the last of which being my brief ascension to alicorn-hood. I saw an opportunity for some light revenge, so I took it. Looking at a tree in contemplation, I began my little charade.

“Hmm, this one looks just about ripe, Discord. Ah suppose if we harvested it now, Granny could make a few jars or so.” Discord’s slightly unsettling eyes became pleading. “Tell ya what, why don’t you have a go at harvesting them?” And thus a car crash in slow motion began.

Cracking his knuckles and stretching to make himself limber, Discord went over to the ‘ripe’ zap apple tree. He projected an air of confidence about himself. This of course promptly vanished when the tree was struck. Giving the tree a swift kick in an attempt to dislodge the apples, it somehow charged up with electricity and gave the very surprised draconequus a mild electric shock that sent him flying, landing a few feet from the tree. He eventually propped himself up, putting a lion paw against his spinning head.

“There,” I said triumphantly. “Now will you wait?” Discord nodded unsteadily, still a bit shocked from the tree’s reaction. He then snapped his talons and disappeared, leaving me feeling a little happy at getting one up on him.

“Hayseed, Bones, Ah bet that had to hurt,” called a voice; it was Applejack, come to fetch me for dinner. I cracked a smile.

“He had it comin’, ‘Jack,” I replied. “Besides, it won’t hurt him that much; it didn’t do anythin’ to Sweetie Belle last time now did it? Plus, it was kinda nice to get a bit of revenge on him.” Applejack trotted over to me, and wrapping me in a hug, gave me a peck on the cheek.

“Oh, horseapples, Bones. Ya shouldn’t be holdin’ on to grudges like that. Life’s too short for all that fussin’. Plus, ya know how Ah feel ‘bout ponies trickin’ each other anyway.” I kissed her back.

“Ah know, ‘Jack. Ah know.”

We sat there, under the zap apple trees for some time, watching the sun go down. That’s what you’re supposed to do when you’re in love with somepony isn’t it; watch the sunset? Try as I might, I still haven’t been able to shake the feeling that this shouldn’t be happening. I know I like Applejack, I know I love her. But where does all that lead in the end?

I didn’t need to think about it, nor did I want to. At that point all I was fussed about was the mare leaning beside me. All that mattered was what was happening now. And at that particular moment, a great many things happened.

With the sun just about to set, clouds formed all over the farm and rain hammered down. Quite quickly, the two of us found our hats drooping and our manes and coats getting matted, sticking to our sides. In the space of a few seconds, we were thoroughly soaked to the skin by the sudden, rapid downpour. If nothing else, to avoid catching a cold, we both took shelter under one of the zap apple trees. Since the rain had just started, it kept most of the rain off us. After a few more moments of downpour, the heavens parted and the sun shone again. The result was naturally, a rainbow above the zap apple orchard. This quickly became solid and rainbows began to dash around above our heads as the trees hummed with electrical energy. One by one, each touched by the rainbow, the apples gained their signature rainbow colour. In the dying sunlight, it was a beautiful sight to behold. As the display ended, Applejack turned to me, her forelegs still wrapped around me.

“Well, that’s it, the zap apples are ready. C’mon, let’s go tell Granny; we’ve got five days to clear everythin’ before they vanish.” We quickly galloped back to the house to tell everypony else. The ripening process had come a few hours early. We were now on the clock; five days to harvest everything, lest our produce vanish into thin air. It was going to be a busy week. But I had far more important issue to think about. Like how AJ looks when she’s dripping wet.

Author's Note:

Proofread by Sidetrack.

Spot the historical reference in the chapter title.

For once I have actually put a fair bit of myself into Blade Star. By my nature, I'm a very serious person and tend to feel secondary embarrassment quite easily.

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