• Published 10th Dec 2013
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My Family and Other Equestrians - Blade Star



A HiE fic with a twist. Our protagonist is not alone. How does one approach being in Equestria, when their family is along for the ride?

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Interlude 8 - The Inspector Cometh

With winter completely wrapped up, as ponies seem to be fond of saying, the school spring term had begun. Only a couple of days in, Cheerilee had received a letter from the top brass. The letter, which was postmarked as having come from Manehatten, stated that within one week a surprise inspection would be conducted at Ponyville School. The inspectors would assess my ability to teach a variety of subjects of their choice, as well as observing my interactions with the students. It sounded like a tough slog.

“You know,” I said. “If this was Earth, we’d have sent Snips and Snails home and told them to stay there until the inspection was done.” Unfortunately for us, that old trick was something Cheerilee was not willing to permit. I guess I’d just have to pray that the inspectors left them alone and didn’t ask them anything. They weren’t bad students, Celestia knows they try, but at times they could be just plain thick.

Still, the rest of the students were a good bunch. As trying as Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon can be, they at least get decent grades. And then of course, we had our trump card, Dinky. That little filly has to be one of the smartest kids I’ve ever met. Honestly, I think she might turn into one of those child prodigies. She’s especially good at maths and sciences; I never thought I’d see a six year old complete a long division question in thirty seconds.

And regardless of that, I knew I could teach these kids. I’d been teaching for twenty years, at times in far rougher schools than this one. I knew all I needed to teach them, I could plan lessons, I could help struggling kids. But it all gets much harder when you’re put under the microscope.


Two days after we received the letter, the inspectors turned up. There were three of them altogether; one representative from each of the three pony tribes. An earth pony stallion, a pegasus stallion and a unicorn mare. Each of them wore a jacket and collar, with a small pin on the lapel, bearing the emblem of the Equestrian ministry of education. All three regarded me with a stern expression.

“I take it you are Mrs Owen?” the earth pony said. I promptly nodded.

“Yes,” I replied. The pegasus stepped forward.

“The three of us shall be monitoring you throughout the course of the day, both in lessons and while the class is in recess. You will begin with a mathematics lesson. Proceed when you are ready.” With that, they all moved silently, and with a hint of malice, to the back of the room and settled themselves down. Even as I turned round to write on the board, I could feel their gazes burning into me.


The lesson actually went rather well. We went through the multiplication tables concluding with a brief test to ensure everypony had understood what had been taught. All the while, I heard three quills scratching on parchment at the back.

Unlike previous lessons, Cheerilee would not be on hand today. She was in the classroom and would take over if an emergency arose, but other than that she just had to sit and watch. Even more annoying for her, she was not made privy to the inspectors’ judgement. Neither of us would know anything until the end of the day when they delivered their final verdict.

I did my best to keep myself calm, though I had to occasionally, and discreetly, wipe a few beads of sweat from my forehead. It was so annoying when this happened; I’d been teaching here for a couple of months now, and every day I’d done absolutely fine. Now though, with those three suits keeping an eye on me, I felt like I was back in training college again with my first class. Eventually though, the school bell rang out and I dismissed the children from their class. Cheerilee had warned me though that the inspectors would be just as vigilant at recess. So a few days prior I had made an arrangement.


"When do we ever cause trouble though?” Scootaloo complained irritably. “It’s those two spoilt chumps who ruin everything all the time.”

“Scoots,” I warned. She pouted irritably, leaving things to be settled by her two compadres.

“So you just want us to ignore anything Diamond Tiara does?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“Just on the day of the inspection. You guys know I can keep those two in check, but if things get out of hand like they did last time, the inspectors could throw the book at me.”

The three fillies turned and moved into a huddle to discuss my request. If they swallowed their pride and ignored anything Diamond Tiara might do, I would be willing to occasionally show leniency to them. I wouldn’t be letting them get off scot free, hell I’d been pretty biased toward them already, but I would be more willing to forgive say late homework or forgotten books. Eventually they broke their huddle and turned back to me.

“You got yourself a deal,” Apple Bloom said. Spitting on her hoof, she sealed the deal in the time-honoured fashion.

“Thanks you three,” I said. With that they returned to whatever in God’s name they were planning. As long as it didn’t involve medieval weaponry this time, I’d be fine with it.


Standing outside, I did my best to keep a keen eye on the foals around me. Again, I’d done this loads of times over the years, and with kids that were far older than this lot, and in some cases taller than me. But as ever today, I was conscious if that uneasy feeling of being watched. What was that joke my son had made the other day? Ah yes:

‘Nervous? Don’t be ridiculous. You’re only facing a large crowd of ponies who will be watching your every move and silently judging you.’

If only I could still laugh at that. That was exactly what was happening today. Okay it wasn’t a large crowd, it was three ponies, but still my point stands.

As I looked on, I saw Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon meandering about. Believe it or not, they tended to follow something of a pattern in matters of bullying. They’d just tried to annoy little Dinky; which was of course impossible; the filly just countered them with logic, usually leaving Diamond thoroughly confused. They were probably going to make a move on the Crusaders now.

It wasn’t the fact that they’d get into arguments and fights that was the issue, it was the fact that often the only way to separate them was to physically manhandle them, which was technically not allowed. I didn’t pick them up or anything, I usually just pushed them apart, Cheerilee did the same thing, it was the only way to prevent hooves from flying. The two irritants marched up to the Crusaders. I moved in the general direction of the group to keep an eye on them, and to prove to those inspectors I was watching.

Luckily though, in spite of Diamond Tiara’s continued attempts to annoy, irritate and outright bully them, the Cutie Mark Crusaders were not to be moved. In a display of great maturity, they simply walked away from the two. Even when they followed, the Crusaders just ignored them, infuriating Diamond Tiara even more. Thus when I finally went over to confront Diamond, with inspectors in tow, I didn’t have to break up a near brawl first.

“Is something going on here?” I asked the group as I walked over.

“No, Mrs Owen,” the three Crusaders instantly replied.

“We were just talkin’ ‘bout what we all did in Winter Wrap Up,” Apple Bloom added. I turned to the other two fillies.

“And what about you two? What are you up to?” Seeing an opportunity for revenge for keeping her back an hour, Diamond Tiara struck.

“These three are being mean to us,” she said, gesturing to the girls and pulling her best sad face. “We’re trying to be friendly with them and they’re just ignoring us.” At this point she even brought out the fake tears. She’s a good actress I’ll give her that. Annoyingly, from the inspector’s point of view that is what it looked like. She’d been badgering the Crusaders and they’d been ignoring her. Of course, they didn’t know what Diamond was really like.

It was then though, that things took a turn for the worse.

“I know you from somewhere don’t I?” the earth pony stallion said. He paused to think. “Ah yes, I remember now, you’re Mr Rich’s little filly aren’t you?” Diamond nodded. That was just great; important ponies who ‘knew’ Filthy tended to also be in his pocket. I probably had one inspector who was already set against me. With my hands tied, I turned back to the Crusaders.

“Girls, why don’t you let Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon play with you today?” I hoped that they could read my rather desperate face and go along with it. Luckily the trio nodded, though their faces showed that they didn’t care for the idea, but they were willing to be the better ponies. With that crisis resolved, I returned to my previous spot and a short while later the kids all filed back inside again.


The next class I was to teach was science. In this lesson we’d be looking at biology. My heart skipped a beat or two when the examiners told me the topic was to be on equine anatomy, luckily, they meant biology in general. For one horrifying moment, I thought I was going to have to give over a dozen colts and fillies ‘the talk’.

Instead, I would be teaching about the vital organs of the body, basically how the various organs functioned and in cases naming important parts. I was thankful for this little break; human and equine anatomy was not overly different aside from the way they digested food. The heart and lungs and so on were the same.

I began by teaching them all to find a vein in their canon, akin to the one found on my wrist. This then went on to talk about the heart, quite quickly they all managed to find their own and each other’s heartbeat. Using the board, I then managed a basic diagram of the heart and lungs on a pony’s chest. The foals then attempted to find their heart; they are placed differently for everypony you know. As it turned out though, this caused something of an issue.

I’d known that Dinky would be able to help me through any troubles by being the star pupil she always was, and I also knew that Snips and Snails could quite easily sink me, and Cheerilee too if I wasn’t careful. So when Snails said that there was something odd with Dinky’s heart, I just prayed that it would be easy to explain to him.

“Alright, what’s the matter, Snails?” I asked, doing my best to help him.

“Dinky’s heart’s over here,” he said, pointing at her right side. “It should be here.” He put his hoof to her left. I smiled, hoping that I was being given a chance to both teach the kids something interesting and show off my knowledge to the inspectors.

“Let me have a look see,” I replied. Placing my hand on Dinky’s chest, which was pretty much covered by my hand, I felt for her heartbeat. On the right side, I did indeed feel her heartbeat. I stood up to impart a bit of knowledge to the rest.

“Everypony listen up for a moment,” I called. The chatter around me stopped. “Snails has just found out something very interesting. Dinky here has dextrocardia.” I moved to write it on the blackboard. “Her heart is on the opposite side of where it normally is in ponies.” Normally, any sign of difference is enough to bring the bullies around your ears, but in twenty years of teaching I had not found this particular issue to be problematic. Everything would have been settled then, if not for Snails speaking again. Though in retrospect, he may have made the find of the century.

“Oh, sorry, Mrs Owen, I found it now,” he cheered. His hoof was on the left side; her heart was on the right, I’d felt it there. I returned to the two. To her credit, Dinky had been quiet about the whole thing, though she did show a bit of surprise. Tell a child they have something that only presents in 0.01% of the population and it’s bound to go to their head.

“No, Snails, it’s over here,” I pointed to the opposite side. “See?” I felt the tell-tale heartbeat. Snails though shook his head.

“Nuh-uh,” he countered. “It’s here.” To settle this problem, I put my hand again to the empty area.

I felt a heart beating.

I moved my hand back to the other side.

I felt a heart beating, a different one.

“Impossible,” I muttered. Something was very wrong here.

“Is there a problem, Mrs Owen?” the unicorn examiner asked, having been watching my antics for several minutes. I quickly calmed myself.

“No, no problem,” I replied quickly. I’d talk to Twilight about this; I had a lesson to teach. “Everypony, let’s move on now,” I called.


The day steadily wound to a close. Aside from a couple incidents, and the fact that little Dinky seemed to have two hearts notwithstanding, it all went rather well. The inspectors naturally remained impassive throughout their examination, never so much as batting an eyelid. I’d taken the class through three lessons today; maths, sciences and we’d finished up with a bit of literature. I had to catch myself a few times from calling it English out of habit.

One lesson I was glad to avoid though was anything relating to cutie marks. Aside from the fact that such lessons tend to be a catalyst for incidents involving certain spoilt fillies and the Crusaders, it was a bloody difficult concept to teach. The marks could appear at any time in adolescence, and could be literally anything, whatever a pony’s special talent might be. And, they could vary hugely in the exactness of what they meant. For example, Applejack had a trio of apples for her cutie mark, symbolising her incredible ability to grow and harvest them, never mind sell them at a tidy profit. On the other hand, Rarity’s was a trio of gems, and while she was skilled with a gem finding spell, her special talent was her fashion sense and design ability. What does that have to do with gems?

Still, it was not as bad as magic, which was something even Cheerilee did not teach. Most of the foals here weren’t unicorns, and while from what I can work out, all three tribes have magic of sorts, only unicorns can use it fully. Magic tended to become usable to a unicorn foal around the age most of the students were. When they were new-borns they could be subject to powerful surges, only in later years could they control it. For that, they went to Twilight Sparkle. For the record, she has a confusing cutie mark; how the hell does a bunch of stars mean magic?

At long last the final bell of the day went and I allowed the students to leave, reminding them of the impending homework on Friday. It was then just me, Cheerilee and the three inspectors. The pegasus set his clipboard and quill down and addressed me.

“Alright, Mrs Owen. We’ve examined your teaching ability over the course of the day, we would just like to ask you a few questions before we pass our judgement.” I nodded.

“Sure, go ahead.”

“First of all, what qualifications do you have in teaching?” I did my best to recall the 1970’s.

“Err, three years at teacher training college, five years teaching full time at Mosley Primary School. Then four years as an assistant as St Michael’s Church School, and then four years at Trefeglwys Primary School. After I retired I stayed on there as a parent helper and then returned to teaching when the school was put into special measures by the local authority. Two years after that, I arrived here and have been assisting Ms Cheerilee here in Ponyville for four and a half months.” All of this was carefully noted down.

“What was the name of the teacher training college you attended so we can cross check with them?” I struggled to avoid chortling.

“Bromsgrove,” I said. Predictably, all three of the inspectors looked up from their work. The unicorn mare asked the obvious question.

“I’m not familiar with that establishment. I take it is not in Equestria?” Well duh, sweetheart.

“No, it’s in Britain,” I replied, enjoying the confusion on their faces a bit too much. When they continued to throw me questioning looks I elaborated. “I am not native to this world; Great Britain was my original home country, though I now hold Equestrian citizenship.” Needless to say, these extra-terrestrial qualifications proved troublesome. I had no certificates, nor could they contact the college. Luckily, Cheerilee vouched for me, going as far as to say I was more qualified than she was to teach.

The questions continued for another twenty minutes or so. The subjects ranged from my own history, to my knowledge of Equestrian schools and teaching practices, down to how I would handle hypothetical situations. Finally though, there came the tricky one. The earth pony stallion asked me one final question.

“Prior to conducting this inspection, we spoke to several of the students’ parents regarding your teaching. The results were somewhat mixed. While some parents claim, like Ms Cheerilee here, that you teach to an excellent standard, we have received some concerns regarding your ability to keep all the students in check.” It looked like this fellow was in Filthy’s camp after all.

“May I enquire to the nature of these concerns?” I asked, now was not the time to be calling this guy out.

“According to some, you tend to favour some of the more troublesome students over those who have far more promise in terms of their potential, going so far as to neglect other students to help them.” Now was the time to call him out.

“Every student in this class is just as capable as any other, given sufficient aid. Some do require more help than others, but I do not ever neglect a student or place their education at risk. If you examine the test scores since I began here, you’ll see that all students have maintained a good to excellent record. I see no sign of neglect.” The earth pony, now making his dislike of me clear, continued regardless.

“There is also the issue of your species. Some parents have expressed understandable concern at leaving their foals to be taught by a carnivorous creature that may or may not be dangerous. And that doesn’t even cover the fact that we have no way of checking your criminal history.” At this point, he descended into what I believe the locals call ‘pure horseapples’

Cheerilee’s expression was one of complete shock and disgust, particularly when you consider that, on rare occasions, earth ponies have been known to get the short end of the stick from the other tribes. I on the other hand was quietly considering what I was going to do to Filthy Rich after this; I would certainly be having a word with the governors. But it was the unicorn inspector who moved first.

“Pencil Neck!” she exclaimed crossly. “What in the name of Celestia are you yammering on about?!” she quickly rounded on him. “We just watched six hours of some of the best teaching I’ve seen in a long time. I’ve only got her down for two minor infractions and you’re saying she can’t be trusted. Did that jackass Filthy put you up to this?”

Pencil Neck noticeably shrank back from his angry counterpart, her outburst had scared the hell out of me too. She turned back to me and Cheerilee.

“I do apologise for my ‘associate’s’ behaviour. I’m guessing you had a run in with Filthy Rich at some point?” The two of us briefly explained how I’d neglected to give his daughter any kind of special treatment, undoubtedly drawing his ire.

“Well, in view of all that, I’d say we’ll have to discount Pencil Neck’s analysis. But, that is why there are three of us after all; to ensure everypony gets an even chance. I and my associate are happy to pass you to teach foals. You should receive your certification in a week or so.” She then handed Cheerilee a copy of her examination results.

“Well, I’m just glad that that’s all sorted and cleared,” Cheerilee said as the remaining two inspectors packed up their things. Pencil Neck stood in the corner, undoubtedly feeling like an idiot. “So I take it we’ll be seeing you in a couple of years?” The inspector nodded.

“Now that you’re both cleared to teach, it’ll just be an inspection every now and then to ensure you’re up to standard.” She paused to levitate her small bag. “Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’ll be heading back to Manehatten.” With that they departed, leaving me a teacher once again.

Author's Note:

Proofread by Sidetrack.

Obviously, this chapter is going to feed into our previous encounters with Time Turner. But that will come later. Next, we must examine matters of the heart.

In the real world, this is the last chapter before I go back to university to start my final year. Hopefully, I will be able to find time to keep my schedule of one chapter per week. However, circumstances may overtake me, I do have a 12,000 word dissertation to plan, research and write, so you'll forgive me if in the future, the fic is reduced to fortnightly updates.

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