Uncivil Diplomacy

by Okhlahoma Beat-Down

"This cat's ours, now."

Star blearily opened his eyes to see where he was. He could remember a...job offer...a warm embrace...and...that was it. However, that was surely a dream, right? Luna would never let him guard her 24/7, and the Princesses get along too well to start an argument that bad.

Right?

Confused as to why he was sleeping, Star looked around the room. To his surprise, he was in a large, dark room, with a tall ceiling that was decorated with stars and a moon, illuminating the room gently with an eerily natural glow. In the middle of the room, there was a quad-poster bed, with blue silk slung between the pillars as curtains. The windows opposite him were colossally large, with long thick curtains tucked away at the side to reveal a beautiful view of night-time Equestria. He remained absolutely silent in shock, jaw hanging open like some kind of broken door in a house tilted on its side.

This is not my room.

Just then, he noticed the crackling sound coming from across the room, and looked over to investigate. He had only just closed his mouth, and this room was yet to damage his jaw further. There, illuminated by moonlight at her dressing table just across the room, was Princess Luna herself. She was using a very, very expensive-looking comb and running it through her mane, the loud crackling sound ringing out every time she moved it through her smooth hair. However, she seemed less than pleased. She was almost frowning in the mirror at her mane maintenance, wincing occasionally as she ran over a knot with the brush. Quietly, amidst the very faint noises of the brush crackling, and the Canterlot city night-life below the palace, he could hear the Night Princess murmuring.

More accurately, complaining.

"Faust-damned knots..." she grumbled, still unaware that Star was watching her. Even in the low light, he could see exactly what she was doing. He was born with it, it runs through his family. Well, he was told. "One of these days, I'll replace you with a mane like I had when I was a Nightmare, and I won't have to deal with these confounded knots..." Star decided now, in spite of the Princess' mood, he would make his appearance known. However, she beat him to it. "Ah, Star, you're awake again," she smiled, lowering the hair brush and standing up to move over to him. He did the same, minus the hairbrush, standing up in his full glory as her Private Guard.

Unless that was a dream.

Best one he'd had for a while, though.

"Yes, y-your Majesty." he replied cautiously. He was attempting to avoid eye-contact with the Princess, darting his blue eyes around. Luna simply rolled her own turquoise eyes, and put a hoof to his shoulder.

"Corporal, I am completely fine with you making eye-contact." she sighed, smiling slightly. "I don't banish ponies to the moon for such trivial things. Unlike my sister." Star smiled himself at the small insult towards the Sun Goddess. It was unlikely he'd know exactly what started the argument, but until then, he'd just have to enjoy the behind-the-back insults that Luna issued to her rivals. He cleared his throat.

"Aha, um, I suppose that's, ah, a tad more comforting to know that I won't be banished for looking you in the eyes, ma'am." he replied, stopping his eyes from darting and resting them on the Princess' eyes. He now had confirmation of the rumour that she had the most beautiful gaze in Equestria, since she was directing it upon him. Well. Back to business. "What are my orders, your Majesty?" he asked. Luna smiled, turning and moving across the room to a table covered in maps, star charts, navigation assisting devices, and other such like. Star didn't notice that table at first glance, and he also could never have assumed that Princess Luna must have been quite the adventurer. She looked over the table, before gesturing for Star to approach.

"Corporal, could you come here, please?" she asked politely. Since it was his job to obey, Star carefully made his way across the room to where she was stood, ensuring not to trip on his first 3 minutes of the job. When he did arrive, Luna flicked on a small electrical lamp that illuminated the table. "Tell me, Star Flare, what do you see on this table?" He looked at the maps. Each one was of a different jungle, wasteland, or mountain range in Equestria, and all had one single similarity: a large, red circle at certain points on each map.

"Well, ma'am," Star began, "I see several maps of solitary and dangerous locations, each one bearing the same red circle around a specific point." Luna nodded.

"Correct." she replied, levitating the first one on the pile up in front of the window, allowing light to slip through the translucent white colouring on the paper. "Now, as you rightly said, these are all solitary places. Each one has not been fully explored, but if you were to note what was in the red circles, you may see what looks like a cluster of buildings." Now Star could see those. Small grey, brown, and misshapen objects positioned in groups in small clearings. "As it turns out, this map is of the forest below the castle. And these objects only appeared after my...fellow monarchs stormed away after losing the argument. So, I have reason to be suspicious."

"If I may, ma'am," Star began, "But I don't think they can do much down there. Plus, they also may not bear any significance to your argument." Luna paused, and considered this.

"Well, yes, you may be correct," she replied, "But is it worth taking the risk of allowing them to remain?" Now it was Star's turn to consider this. She might be right. What if it were some kind of assault base? On a lighter possibility, they might just be travelling merchants. Otherwise, probably not the best thing to keep them around.

"I suppose you are correct, ma'am," he replied in as formal a tone he could muster. "I'm at your service, after all. Do you want me to investigate?" To his surprise, Princess Luna simply rolled the map up, and stored it, then looked him right in the eyes.

"No," she said calmly, "We are going to investigate."

---

Sharp Aim looked up at Celestia's balcony, his sunglasses being nearly transparent now to avoid making it impossible to see in the dark courtyard. Of course, there were torches in places, but it was still difficult to see much else of the lavish garden. The Austallion scratched the back of his head with his hoof very briefly, and then decided it was time. Celestia stood on the balcony in question, looking over her city, so it'd be an easy shot. Readying the arrow, Sharp stood on his hind legs, aimed his steel bow up towards the balcony, and emptied his lungs whilst he aimed. Once he was certain he was guaranteed a hit, he released the arrow. It disappeared temporarily, lost in the night and its only evidence of existence being the quiet whoosh as it sailed to the upper deck. Finally, in the blink of an eye, it appeared in Celestia's balcony lights and smacked into the masonry by her doorframe. Celestia yelped in fright, and quickly turned to look at the object with hammering heartbeats.

There, stuck in the small gap between the marble door arch, was a long black arrow, feathers smooth and almost oily looking in the lamplight. The head had made no damages or even scratches to the stone doorway, and attached to the centre was a small basket. Curiously, Celestia approached, removing the lid on the basket with great caution and peeping inside.

To her undying surprise, inside the basket was a small kitten, gently sleeping as though it hadn't just gone from 0-50MPH in a second. It had deep black fur, with a white belly and tip on its tail. Beside it, there was a collar and small letter. Carefully, she picked both up and lowered the basket to the small table beside her in one smooth magical movement. She first decided that the letter was important, and opened it.

Princess Celestia,

Found this little guy wandering the castle on his own

Looked a little lost

Followed him and he went to sleep in a basket

So I improvised

Love from Sharp Aim

(P.S: I intended to launch a crazy cat into Cadence's room, but then I didn't think I could fit your sister in a basket. So, again, I improvised.)

Celestia couldn't help but chuckle at her new bodyguard's interesting sense of humour. He was...respectful. At times. But sometimes he just didn't care and wanted it done. She'd told him to pass a message to a Noble's room, about a Diplomatic meeting with some Saddle Arabian oil barons, and rather than conventionally deliver it, Sharp took the letter, pinned it to an arrow, then launched it all the way over the courtyard into a wall just beside the Noble, who promptly fainted. Then Sharp complained about not hitting the apple on the table, which was what he seemed to be aiming for. Otherwise, while he showed respect for rank on some occasions, she liked having him around. Sure, she'd had to tell a General to give Sharp a talk about respect in the past, but now she'd actually met him, he was possibly the most interesting pony she'd met in over two hundred years.

Before she got too deep into thought, she remembered that she had a cat to inspect. As she looked at the collar, she noted it said 'BlAkE' in almost foal-like hoofwriting, giving the impression that it had belonged to a child somewhere. However, a small patch of fur missing on its side indicated it had met with other cats in the past. She was still conflicted whether she should keep it: She did mention that Philomena seemed lonely during the day to Sharp, so this did demonstrate he was listening. However, she wasn't certain that in a crisis period she should be getting a cat.

Suddenly, the sound of another arrow hitting the wall rang out, and this time it had neatly lodged into one of the decorative Fleur-de-Lis she had on the wall. Again, no damage. This one also had a note strapped to it.

Princess Celestia,

Yeah, sorry for the surprise again, but I was just gonna say that Moonbutt and Star Flare just flew off together down the mountain. I think they've found something, so I'll get to you quickly and you can tell me what to do.

Love from your favourite Austallion markstallion, Sharp Aim.

(P.S: You're gonna want to turn your telescope to Candyass' room if you want dirt on her, she's playing with magic spells.)

Celestia, not one to miss out on such a golden opportunity, quickly put the cat basket on the table and magically put the collar around its neck, then grabbed her telescope and pointed it at Cadence's window. One of the many perks of having the tallest tower in the castle was the advantage of height: She could easily see what anypony in the palace was doing by peering through her telescope.

And what she saw Cadence doing was pure gold for insult material.

Author's Note:

Ideas on what she's doing? What could Cadence have been trying? Post below!

Comments

[OmniFox]

Least no one said monkey-ass famous.

[AlphaThroughZeta]

umm futanari spell?

[Seether00]

Turning ponies into love slaves

[keam]

Trying different spells at her guard to see how long it takes before somepony stop screaming......
Finally a new chapter! I thought you where dead or something!

[Okhlahoma Beat-Down]

4530339 Eh, I've been working on a side-project I probably won't publish for a while. To explain it, I'll quote Simon Pegg: "So, plllllthb! JOG ON!"
No offense, of course. Simon Pegg is just cool.

[keam]

4531384
Okay, good to know that your alife at least! ^^