• Member Since 5th May, 2013
  • offline last seen May 25th, 2019




Princess Celestia has a hot date and a room full of naughty accessories. Twilight Sparkle has a question about her homework and a flair for showing up at unexpected times. Suddenly Twilight has many questions, and Celestia is pushed into a situation she has lived in terror of for years; 'The Talk.'

This story isn't clop, and no sex actually happens, but the subjects do come up. Thus the tag.

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 275 )
Comment posted by the parasprite deleted Dec 9th, 2013

This is surprisingly cute. I like it! *fav&likes*

I found this enjoyable. Good work!

A rather amusing story. Nicely done.

Nice story.

I thought this was fun. It did have two flaws, one major, one small.

First, it took the crux of the joke far too long to get there. I don't think following Twilight around for so long during the first chapter was necessary and really slowed down the pace of the story. I actually found myself skimming a lot of that section.

Second, Celestia mentions she founded Equestria with her sister. That is something she never divulged to Twilight before, as Twilight appeared to have no idea that Celestia had a sister in the first episode(even though the book basically spelled it out) That's just a minor nitpick though.

Overall, I found the story hilarious, especially Celestia's inner monologues.

Celestia opened her eyes as she heard a polite knock on the door, which she had left slightly, invitingly ajar. Aww, she thought. So considerate. Early though. Her date, one Purple Prose, gentlepony extraordinaire, was usually strictly punctual. Not early, not late, but always exactly on time

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Aww, this is one of the cutest and most hilarious things I've ever read! :pinkiesmile:

Celestia's inner monolog especially, is what sells it to me, and Twilight's innocent curiosity is just plain adorable. Also, kudos for taking what could be a cheap raunchy premise and actually making it funny and cute.

Excellent work.

Yay, sounds like a good story.

Fun and impressive story telling.

I laughed, I cried, and and laughed again.

Who know 'twilight getting THE TALK' would be so freaking hilarious?

Great work dude.


Second, Celestia mentions she founded Equestria with her sister. That is something she never divulged to Twilight before, as Twilight appeared to have no idea that Celestia had a sister in the first episode(even though the book basically spelled it out)

That, unfortunately, is a continuity error within the first episode itself, since as you say, the book Twilight was reading in the opener pretty much spelled it out, and someone as obsessively detail-oriented as Twilight should've caught it right away. So fanfic writers are kind of screwed on that point no matter which way they go. :facehoof:

Couldn't stop grinning. Celestia's character really drives everything here with wonderful quirky design. Can just see her retreating into that wine glass as the questions keep coming, 'til she hits her limit and just goes "fuck it, spill the beans, spill all the beans."

A very fun read, and very well done. 'twas a pleasure.

I have a suggestion for cover at.

Longinius-II on deviant art, has a great set of lingerie pones including Celestia.


And the pic of Celestia.

I also have to say I love this. Mostly because I feel like too many people don't get a good discussion about things like sex. Yes they may get a good detailed academic understanding of sex but I know too few who really get someone to talk them about things in adult way.

This was a great story and it made me feel for Celestia throughout the story :) I hope you keep writing! :twilightsmile:

3600499 Twilight's a foal, and it would make Celestia a bigger pedophile than Pedobear. Not happening.

Okay, I gotta admit, this story was hilarious! Wonderfully done, and it felt very real. Also, love how Twilight and Celestia's interactions ended on an emotional connection with that question. Beautiful.

Such an adorable Lil story. :pinkiesmile::twilightsmile:

Good on Purple Prose for sticking around, too.:raritywink:

Very good piece. You kept with the cannon charecters, there was little to no spelling errors, and it was simply well made. You have easily gotten a favorite from me. Twilight and Celestia's reactions were spot on.

I look forward to reading your future works, if you decide to write more. I will also congradulate you on getting another follower.

I just love the sheer joy the Big Sexy has in her preparations for a fun evening, night and possibly morning. :trollestia:

:rainbowlaugh: I can imagine the look on Celestia's face when Twilight came in!! :twilightblush:

...Revealing to other people...

how dare you...:flutterrage:

Celestia having difficulty getting laid often AND trouble with telling time with a clock? :heart:

Not bad, amusing and warm in a pure way.
Oh... by the way, spoiler block.
My only complaint is the level of detail Celestia went into, even I a colossal pervert as I am know that much of that was too much. I wont lie I knew more than your Twilight does now at her age but I know myself that my children will only be getting the science behind it and a warning about the deep emotional and moral implications applied.
Of course when they get older and if they ask the right questions...
Which brings me to the point of the complaint, do not explain things to innocent fillies when you're drunk... and certainly don't allow them access to the blue wing of the library!
Tutt tutt Princess! :rainbowlaugh:

Love this story, liked and favorited!

Bi the way, Is Puerple Prose a stallion or a mare?:rainbowlaugh:

I'm sorry to be one of those singularly unhelpful commentators who just gushes and says they like it but... I liked it. :) The funniest thing is that Twilight taking this all very seriously and studiously is so perfectly plausible that the humor is enhanced by you playing it straight like that.



Oh deary me.

Now I want to see what would happen when in this continuity Spike needs The Talk, and whether it will come from Celestia. Or Twilight. Or both...


Great story, but could have been greater.

Don't be so scared of toeing the line between veiled innuendo and subtext and outright prudishness.

>>>“Oh,” said Twilight, giving the Princess an odd look. “Sex is fun, then? And you can just do it with whoever you feel like?”>>>

"Exactly, Twilight!" exclaimed Molestia joyously. "I knew you'd figure it out! And not just with anypony either! You can do griffons and minotaurs, and if you're feeling really into sizeplay, dragons are wonderful!" Molestia's face took on a sultry expression, "I remember my tryst with Smaug... dear Faust, talk about copious! It took HOURS to wash all it all off! A vat of vanilla pudding's got NOTHING on a full-grown dragon that's in the mood for Princess Pony Playtime!"

And Twilight was scarred for life. :twilightoops:


>>>Celestia suppressed a giggle. It appeared that ‘Dragons, Ponies, and the Making of Love Between Them’ was a bit much for her>>>

I WAS RIGHT!!! IT'S MOLESTIA!! :pinkiegasp:


"nopony was eaten by a grue"

I love you for that reference.


It'll be a sad day when kids have to ask their grandparents about parser games.

3602573 Episode 1: Twilight reads, "So after the Princess banished her sister to the moon, she raised the Sun and the Moon and reigned over Equestria. Wow, I wonder if Celestia knows this Princess!"

At the end of Episode 2: Twilight blinks, "Wait a minute..." :twilightoops:


Of course the sequel will have to be Twilight returning home to tell her parents all teh wonderful things she learned! :twilightsmile:

A few minor corrections, if you don't mind:

Chapter 1:
"when she sitting here, alone" -> "she was sitting"
"can you please give my student and I a moment?" -> Oh, boy. The last time I made this point I had people arguing with me. :facehoof: Look, just trust me on this; I really do know what I'm talking about. I know it might sound more formal or dignified, but it's wrong. It should be "my student and me" or "me and my student". This clause functions as the object of the sentence, so it requires the objective pronoun "me", and not the subjective pronoun "I".

Chapter 3:
"And there was anything wrong with that, either." -> Needs some kind of negation somewhere.

I'm not sure what to say about this, apart from young Twilight being impeccably adorkable, but there I one thing I can definitely be sure to inform you.

I just can't stop smiling this big goofy grin of mine.


Kudos for using the proper feminine invicta instead of invictus.

Though the gender-neutral solum might have been more appropriate than the usual sol.

But then, the object is sol and invicta is the modifier, so Sola Invictum might be more appropriate, depending on how you like your nominative genders.

:rainbowlaugh:That ending.....

This story just felt 'off' to me - feels very meh for a reason I cannot quite put a finger on.

not even the Princess but it was prefect for this situation.


3603594 Does it matter? The Princess can do what she likes! And who she likes... :trollestia:

I could handle it. I could handle all of it until

“The whole thing? In your mouth? Really!?” exclaimed Twilight.

THEN, I couldn't handle it.

I would like to give a massive thank you to Spice of Life for ruining JoeShogun's life and making this hilarious story possible!

I could've just read this fanfic back when i was innocent instead of having my mom explain it to me and my sisters in an extremely embarrassing way

I have to admit, I originally clicked on this just to read the description, with no intent of actually reading it... but the idea struck me as ridiculously funny, and I was not disappointed.

Being a father myself, the subject of "the Talk" has always been one of suspense and trepidation; that being said, I thought you perfectly captured Celestia's reactions upon not only having to give this talk to a pony much younger than she would have liked, but also upon being discovered with very sexy things. The kind of horror that such a situation provokes is hard to write, but you did it very well- I especially loved her "ripping a hole in space" to get away from Twilight's prying eyes. If only I could do that...

This story made me giggle out loud, and while it may have been in poor taste for Celestia to start drinking during this talk it's certainly understandable. If nothing else, it's a talk that Twilight will never forget! And I'm glad that poor Tia got what she wanted at the end of the evening; she deserved it!

Very well done, in my opinion; taking those little moments that happen in life and making them fun and/or amusing is hard to do, but you did it very well. Kudos!


Except that solum does not mean sun at all. And since sol is third declension, if it were feminine instead of masculine it would be... exactly identical in all cases.

this is hilarious first chapter. Beautifully written as well.... the only way it could have been funnier is if Celestia's toy date for the evening had turned out to be a certain rapidly rising young Officer in the Guard known to have a taste for Alicorn Plot.:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::twilightoops::rainbowwild::rainbowwild::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:


If you want to thank me proper, go read I Dream of Pink, In Pursuit of Happiness, and Always a Bridesmaid. They need loooooove.

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