• Member Since 10th Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen March 18th

Matt11


I'm a recently returned writer and plan to release alot of stories again.

T

Rainbow Dash has been an idol to Scootaloo ever since the day they met. It also triggered a twisted and obsessive side of Scootaloo, who wants Dash to be hers -- no matter what the cost is.

Set before the Flight To The Finish

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 49 )

This will not end well. Scoots will end up in a looney bin...next to that cupcakes-obsessed pink mare...:pinkiecrazy:

this is good wonder what will happen

Good. Someone had to write a story like this. Faved. :scootangel:

Edit (after reading the whole thing): OH MY GOSH CANNOT WAIT FOR NEXT CHAPTER *stares at PC screen*

You have my attention! Please do post more.

Ara

The idea is really interesting, but I think you need to fire your editor.

3641753
I'll get a editor on it.

YB

Still needs further editing, I spotted quite a lot of missing commas, line breaks and tense inconsistency :s

So *pulls check-list*
Originality? check
General narration and storytelling? not bad
Grammar and global writing? ugh
Fun to read? quite

Okay, you have my attention. This little baby has quite a lot of potential, there are a lot of fun moments, like the discussion between the CMC (well pictured), but... read it again and try to spot the writing mistakes. You can improve it. I'll see with the next chapter if it deserves an upvote.

I'm staying tuned, now please feed me with more of this :pinkiecrazy:

Ok, after reading this, I have to say that ShadowBllades did not do all that good of an editing job. Still, the premise of this story feels sound, and it interests me enough that it earned an upvote and a fav from me.

If you would like another editor, I would be willing to help you with it. Do you use Gdocs at all?

3642006
Yes I did and sure I would grateful if you edited it for me.

Honestly, man. You need multiple editors, as it seems one just will never cut it. :rainbowwild:

3642198
I know right. I'm just not good at writing at all.:twilightsheepish:

I read "Currently editted by the voice in my head" and got really impressed/concered. I really need to read more carefully.

3642256
Don't worry it'll be edited and probably ready later today.

3642268
Oh I wasn't concerned about the editing, it was rather good. Especially if it wasn't done by voices in your head.

3642273
Don't worry I will and glad you like it.

I will definitely keep my eye on this story. It seems to have a lot of potential. :rainbowkiss:

YB

Ah, now it's been edited that's much clearer. Still some little details (commas and line breaks needed, double spaces) but nothing really annoying.

Here, take my upvote :twilightsmile:

3650573
Thanks hey can I ask you to check something out for me? I understand if you don't have time.

YB

3650578
I have an hour straight. I'd love to help :twilightsmile:

The new cupcakes?

YES!

Liking and favouriting, a few teeny spelling mistakes here and there but I await the unfoldment of this with baited breath.:rainbowwild:

YOU CAN’T SHUT ME UP! the voice shouted. YOU CREATED ME THE DAY YOU FIRST SAW RAINBOW DASH! I’M THE SICK TWISTED AND OBSESSIVE SIDE SIDE OF YOU! MUAHAHAHA!

:facehoof: Sorry, but this is really cliche.

Anyway, it's overall an interesting concept, and one I'll be following. :twilightsmile:

3761173
Glad you like it:twilightsmile:

4011767 yeah it was the best way to end this there was supposed to be an alt ending but i cant thank of how i would do it :pinkiesad2::applecry::fluttercry::fluttershbad:

this needs a sequel! one where she falls in love, and does whatever it takes to get the love of her life.

4013506 hmm i might do one that will wait for a while and by the love u meant sweetie belle or dash

4013534 could be either one, but i have always been partial to scootadash. at least, i am when there is a filly involved. my favorite pairing is twidash for adults, CMCxCMC for fillys, and scootadash for fillyXadult.

4013588 hmm might do both scootabelle and twidash then but it will have to wait i got alot of planning to do

4013635 perfectly understandable.

4013865 since u were the one asking for a seqal i will prob be working on one in 3 months if and that if i got time

4317506 yayayayayayayayayayayay! can't wait! but, no pressure or anything. if you decide to not do one, then i'd understand.

Awwwwww this was so sweet!

Great ending. It felt a little rushed but that's just me I think. :3

noooooooo come on add some more intruigue like sweetie bell and appelbloom telling the truth

4317506 please make a sequel to this story

This really needs a sequel.

Also, the title image reminds me of something from Motherly Scootaloo... I think it might be what we see of the mane style. Was that on purpose?

We can have Dash, Scoots. Scootaloo shook her head to shake the voice off, but it kept trying to convince her that she needed Dash to be the one. Don’t deny it, Scootaloo. Me and you both know you really want Dash to be your mother instead of those...how do you said, ‘lame parents’

Why does this remind me of Nightmare Moon? :rainbowlaugh:

Aww...I went into this expecting an unhealthy obsession, not a chance for a lesson about lying being bad to be learned! :pinkiesad2:
Now, what Scootaloo should've done is kill her family. That's the hallmark of an unhealthy obsession. Not that I would know...:pinkiecrazy:

i was expecting a kidnapping and stockholm syndrome case

Login or register to comment