When Scootaloo wonders why Rainbow Dash seems to be avoiding her, Dash decides to tell a story from her youth, about friendship gained, and friendship changed, in order to explain why seeing Scootaloo has been making her sad.
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- Member Since 11th Oct, 2011
- online
Pascoite
I'm older than your average brony, but then I've always enjoyed cartoons. I'm an experienced reviewer, EqD pre-reader, and occasional author.
Pascoite
Joined 11th Oct, 2011 ·
Online
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wow that was brilliant, tearjerkingly beautiful
Oh, dear. Poor Ditzy....and Dashie.
Wow...now that is a tearjerker.
I can't think of another story that had this sort of premise (usually it's Rainbow Dash inflicting terrible injuries on herself, but let's not go there), so kudos on that front. The whole story flows at a nice pace, and there's a real emotional punch with the reveal of Ditzy's problem.
A couple of things that stood out for me:
-> 'It wasn’t fair for Scootaloo to bear the consequences of her melancholy' - A very little gripe, but the rhythm of this sentence just doesn't seem right to me. Personally, I think that consequences could be replaced with 'brunt'.
-> 'In this corner of Cloudsdale, there were only a few households with young fillies.' - Again, very small issue, but I get the feeling you mean 'foals'.
-> '"Sometimes it looks like it might be there, buried deeply. I’d love to see that light again, and know that my sister was back. But I’m too afraid that if it did happen, and she did remember everything, I’d see a look of hate staring back at me.”' - I don't have anything to say, so this will have to do:
I also liked the little changes to the wording when it came to Ditzy's perspective, and the subtle inclusion of some slightly technical weather terms was a nice touch during the action scene. The whole flashback segment felt a little short to me, truth be told, but then again this is Rainbow Dash's flashback. Plus it got over everything that needed to be conveyed (poor, poor Ditzy...) without dragging on.
Great job...but it does leave a slightly empty feeling
Ok. The only reason why I didn't cry was simply for 1 reason.
You tell us. Normaly that's good but if you want to really connect with the reader you need to show us instead of tell us. Show us the confrontations when they were fillys. Show how they had a sister like bond. Include flashbacks. And don't tell us it's ditzy doo until rainbow dash takes scoot to meet up with her. You do that and I think this could he as emotional as "my little dashie"
13108 It was my original plan to hold the Ditzy reveal to the end, but I couldn't figure a way to handle the cutie mark plot points without having to rehash it all. Plus Ditzy in the character list would be a giveaway, too.
*Brohoof*
This, this I like; Sure, Ditzy doesn't really remember her past right now but now that Dashie and Scootaloo are there to help, she can get at least some of it back.
I didn't read the whole thing, just the new ending since I've seen the old version...
All I can say is.... terrific job.
Great story, and who doesn't love a happy ending?
13615 Love the username. I'd love to pick something like Someone_with_a_fever_is_yelling_at_my_pants, but that's a little cumbersome.
that was beautiful
13753
Ah, a fellow Venture Bros. fan; It seems that we're not alone in wanting to combine the fanbases.
Great story! I loved both versions though I wish Ditzy was able to remember enough to say "I don't blame you" but either way I love it.
14908 But she did say it to Dash! She just didn't know why she wanted to say it.
I love it! I read 3/4 of it this morning and couldn't focus through school all day cause I wanted to know what happened. Now I just finished it and it was lovely :) nice job! I almost even want a sequel if that was possible so... Consider that :P
Dear god... stop making me weep! This fic was great! I loved it, and it makes me so sad until the end.
Awwww bless this is a wonderfully well written story
at the start i was like
then at the next part i was like
then at the accident i was like
then later i was like
then i was like
then i was like
and finaly i was like
so it is my conclusion that
+
+
=
Holy cripe it makes scence and is well written! Nice going
Ohmygoshhh that was so sad
Great fic, I loved every moment of it
I finally read my first MLP fanfic, and it was great! This is terrific.
You tied up the two pegasi with an interesting stoy. Enjoyed it much, and can't really point out anything that would be bad. However, it's... nice. Good story, but for me, they're all good. I enjoy almost every fic I read.. well, almost.
I loved ever word
I loved ever word
21070 *every
must... not... cry!
*sniff*
THESE ARE MANLY TEARS, DAMMIT!
this was a great fanfiction, now if y'all excuse me I have to go cry in the corner
Ha, I knew it was Derpy. I win.
17542 ya i wouldn't mind a sequel ether
5/5, I can honestly say that this is one of the few sad fics that I thoroughly enjoyed from start to finish. And this is coming from a guy who usually can't stand sad fics.
This is the most touching DD origin story I've seen in ages. I didn't see it coming until RD was just about coming out of the flashback, but then it was... "woah."
Two things "bothered" me slightly as I read this:
#1 Ditzy Doo can be seen as a grown mare during the flashback in episode 23. Sure, she is a background pony so the animators might not have given it much thought, but I simply couldn't look past it as I read this story.
#2 Second issue is a smaller one, I just personally prefer the explaination that Ditzy Doo is Dinky Doo's birthmother only that her father was a unicorn, thus making her a unicorn too, over the explaination that Dinky was adopted.
Still, my comment might come off as harsher than it is supposed to since I otherwise enjoyed the story greatly. Thank you for writing it.
Oh holy crap that was good. The sudden revelation near the end brought forth some manly watery eyes. This was wonderfully done and I thank you for making it.
21227 I'll cut-and-paste a comment I made about your point #1, among other things, over at EqD, so you can see what I was thinking:
I actually spent some time researching this. There's usually 3 colts, but in "The Cutie Mark Chronicles," the football one's not there yet as of the race. The basketball one's already got his cutie mark, but Dash said in "Call of the Cutie" that she was the first in her class to get one, so they're different ages. I figure he'd brag more about getting it first if he was younger than Dash, so he must be older. Also, Ditzy appears in the background in "The Cutie Mark Chronicles," and already looks older, so I put her in the older class. Thanks everypony for reading.
sweet...
Love this.
but then i got some 
when she told the story i was like 
and at the end I was all
and after reading this fic i will finally be able to appreciate 
as a true character, not just a face. BTW, 
is not a chicken!
When the story started i was ready for some
I've been saddened by a Derpy fic, what is this world coming to?!
Excellent story. Yet more proof that Dash can indeed draw upon more than three base emotions!
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That was absolutely beautiful
When I realised it was ditzy who was crippled my sadness levels tripled.
This relationship seems to be one of my favourite canon interpretations I've seen, real good job.
Great story, I was wondering for ever who was in the accident and I didn't really see the sad side till you said it was Derpy AKA Ditzy Doo
and thats when I got a little teary eyed 
, another great story with Dash and Scoot 
Thank you 
AMAZING STORY. When I realized it was Derpy(or Ditzy) I actually gasped.
However, I did think the line "That was the day the laughter stopped." was too cliche.
Just one quibble with the terminology in this story.
Ponies do not go from being Fillies and Colts to being Mares and Stallions when they get their Cutie Marks as they are more or less pubescent and not actually adults. Filly and Colt would still apply until they are fully grown. If you wanted to make a terminology distinction you could say they went from being Foals to being "mature" Colts and Fillies.
Such a nice snuggly story. My mind was blown when it was Ditzy.
Nicely done. I enjoyed this story.
21017
I agree completely.