• Member Since 16th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen October 3rd

RemareShadows


Your Party Over Lord :SmugTrixie:

T

These slash warning things are useful.
// Twist has her lisp //

It's Time for the Snowy Level, every game has one.

The digital plane is so inviting, the outside so harsh.
Button Mash has a thing for the digital.
Twist wants to play outside.
Let's see how this goes.

Game Start.
--------
A/N
-entered in a group contest-
Want to hear the fanfic reading? watch it here.
Thank the editor and proof.
Editor- no really Thank them.
Minette

Proof readers-
Tidaka

Gaming Fics here

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 11 )

Friendly Comment Passing by with a Cake balanced on top. Nothing to see here. xD It looks like a great story to read but I need to sleep so when I get back on I'll read it.

I really don't mean to offend, but has your editor actually had a chance to go over this yet? It really needs some work. Just one example: when someone is directly addressed in dialogue, there should always be a comma separating their name from the rest of the dialogue.

Yes Button Mash

"Yes, Button Mash."

Button what did I tell you about this?

"Button, what did I tell you about this?"

And as for Twist's dialogue, I really don't know where you're going with that. Whatever it is, it's not a lisp.

3591155

Awww >:(
Sadly when transferring from gdocs. It some times loses things
My scan of the text seem to miss that.

Thx.

An Twist, def gonna need some exp there. My lisp tech is centered around the s sound. Q.o

I'll admit my bad on that one, but it is very clear an editor, myself, has gone over the story. To be fair, I was tired as shit when editing the second half of the story. Also, there isn't any one correct way to portray Twist's lisp, it is entirely up to the author.

The game guide joke was funny, even if I kinda like game guides.

I do like Button envisioning reality as if he's playing a game, also his 'gamer tag'.

You may want to go back and add tabs to the lines that don't have them in front and double check your line breaks in places. Not a major problem but it's irksome.

I liked Buttons envisioning things as a video game and it's kinda a stroke of brilliance to pair him up with Twist. I also liked the writing of her with a lisp. One of those things that looks kinda strange, but the lines actually sound like a lisp to me if I read them out loud.

Keep it up!

3759056
thx :pinkiehappy:
glad you like the joke.

May Button fics be good to you .
*Rushes off to March the lines back in place

A very cute fic but a bit lacking in description so it was kinda hard to follow what was going on. For example, describe the characters locations more or the objects they're interacting with. The bit with the magazine and the stache was very cute too.

As for Twist's accent I'd suggest giving it another listen in the show. She stresses her "c"s and "s"es slightly making more of a "th" than a typical soft c sound. So the word candy wouldn't be affected but noticed becomes notithed. Make sense? Her voice is a bit funny as she only lisps on certain words. I think a good rule of thumb is to say it out loud with and without the lisp and see how it sounds.

Very cute and promising fic, I'm gonna have to check out more of your work. :twilightsmile:

3833898
Ah, Thx for the great review good Ferret.
I will mark down more details on area interaction as a spot to expand on.

O3o phew those c's too eh. Crazyness. I was trying to do every s' sound. Let me mark that down also..
*uses it to go over more fics
*salutes

4839840

Yay, I'm glad it provided a bit of fun~
Button just can't resist a gaming challenge.
It's win or win with this colt.

... If he's not crying over a loss

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