- Member Since 25th Aug, 2013
- offline last seen 9 minutes ago
IDigAPony
"I, dig a pony, well you can celebrate anything you want, yeah, you can celebrate anything you want..."
IDigAPony
Joined 25th Aug, 2013 ·
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IDigAPony · 71k words · 40 8 · 703 views
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this is interesting...
Thank you very much. There are some rather confusing parts here which I see need work.
I hope you lt's not considered bad form to edit after publishing but I'm afraid I have to.
I hope the second chapter is enjoyable.
The nicknames and the "OMG" feel really out of place
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Thanks again -
Interesting... Is "OMG" too 21st century earth or out of character? Maybe it's the whole God/Gosh thing. (not very Equestrian.) It seemed kind of cute and not too far from the character, but author's are often the worst judges of things like that. Tend to get too close to the work...
Ahhh, Macca - It's Paul McCartney's nickname. I figured if any Beatles fans were drawn to the story due to the subtle theme thingy
and read it they'd have a laugh, but it's a very obscure bit of info. I'm sort of glad you said that - and with apologies to Sir Paul, the name sounds a bit like a cat coughing up a hairball. Think I'll just go with Macintosh. Actually now that I think of it, I went with those nicknames because they provided a counterpoint to the cerebral nature of their friendship. A bit hackneyed, that...
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I do think it's a little too modern, but that's ultimately your decision. And kudos to you, you take criticism better than most people on this site.
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Thanks yet again-
My chief objective, above all else, is to stay as true to the characters as I can while telling their story. I've seen a lot of great stories here but often, when it comes to the nature of the character they go off the tracks. It can be very challenging, especially when characters are taken out of their universe.
I suppose that people are fans for a variety of reasons, but I happen to love the Mane Six, and for me if I stray too far from who they are (at least to me) then I'm wasting my time as well as the readers.
Of course having said that I give Big Macintosh a secret identity as the president of MENSA.
If I can't take the time to consider your critique then it's disrespectful to someone who took the time to read what I wrote and then offer their take on it and help to keep me on track. I was very happy to get the 7 thumbs up but I was also kind of psyched to get the thumbs down - it was like getting in the mix.
Ultimately I hope to continue to live up to your initial take. Interesting is a great adjective to have applied to you writing.
The first chapter should be broken up a little.
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Perhaps it is all too much...
It was a challenge to find the place to break it -but 10K words is a bit much - I'd like to make it 3 chapters but couldn't find another split point...
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Split it right before the story about the knife and right after the bookshelf falls on AJ. That should work. You might have to edit it a little bit after and maybe add a little style, but that's where your best breaks will be.
A chapter might still be lopsided, but not the behemoth it is now.
Pacing is a little odd here and there with a few grammatical errors, but it isn't all that bad. Characterization is kinda funky...can't really describe it anyway else. Especially with Celestia and Applejack(May be plot device, dunno).
Ummmm....Chapter 2 is the last third of the first chapter.
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Thanks for the help! I took care of the redundancy.
Clearly I'm in need of an editor...
I think I know what you're saying about the Celestia/AJ thing. It went a little overboard. I think it comes from how much I like AJ and how I'd like to think that someone of Celestia's rank would be moved by the tragedy of AJ's life. [Correction- it's a critical future plot point]
Actually - was it Celestia's reaction to the scene with respect to AJ or was it the therapy and subsequent visits to Sweet Apple Acres? (Or all of it?)
What I was trying to convey was that one of the people closest to AJ's heart said probably one of the cruelest things you could say to her and yet all AJ can think of is Twilight's welfare. After all she's dealt with in her life I feel that's pretty noble of her and worthy of Celestia's esteem.
It's hard getting the characters "voices" right. Much harder than I thought t would be...(hence maybe the "funkiness")
This reads like a soap opera. I keep imagining Gone With the Wind or Guiding Light as I read.
Also, maybe put all flashbacks in italics? It would make it an easier read, in my opinion, if one could more easily differentiate between scene changes of past and present.
I'm not saying it's bad, but the pacing changes and out-of-character moments seem to be cropping up more often. Has anyone suggested getting a pre-reader to help you with some of the details?
Just no break for twi
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Do you remember when Kevin Bacon was on Guiding Light?
12-18-13 WOAH!!
An Apology.
I was getting worried about readers losing interest so I thought I'd spice things up with a racy but unnecessary scene where Twilight has to relieve her tensions/desires "solo". MOMENTS later BANG! Thumbs down. MOMENTS later BANG another thumbs down. So I pulled it back from publication and I'm going with what I had originally written.
I had broken Steven King's first rule about the craft. (and Applejack's first rule of life!) Be Honest. And I was not. I disrespected the piece and I disrespected Twilight. I was called on it quickly and deservedly. But...frankly I feel deeply honored. I feel like those reading this care about it and slapped me for cheapening it.
I think what I love most about this story is that it only works in the MLP:FIM universe and with these characters.. Moving it to our world just would not work. I consider it a gift and I want to share it. I hope my writing is up to the task.
Don't get me wrong - at some point this piece WILL be moving to the "Mature" section because it has to move there out of honesty. And there it will stay, even if the thumbs down start rolling in by the hundreds, the sex has got to be there and it has got to be graphic. (don't worry, it's not violent - it's very loving) If that offends you I am sorry.(in advance) It was always intended to be there and I will not take it out. It would be obvious and bad writing.
Those of you who gave me the thumbs down - if it was for any reason other than my assumed reason stated above. please let me know.
Some charming interactions here, especially with the reunions of AJ and Dash and AJ with her siblings.
It's a little awkward how well everypony is handling news of AJ's amnesia, but maybe the reality just hasn't set in and everypony is in shock. More chapters will tell.
Awkward, eh? Hmmmm.
My experience regarding people’s reactions to the illness of friends/family, etc.is that it’s unique to the individual.
Rainbow Dash has never struck me as one who likes social drama. It hits her, she reacts and gets past it as soon as she can. When she injured her wing all she cared about was getting out of the hospital and back to flying.
I doubt Rarity, for example, would have behaved the same way
Dash is pragmatic and realizes that worrying won’t do much. She was terrified at first - Applejack might die. Once it became obvious that that was unlikely, she calmed a bit, in fact was pretty cheery the next morning. Then, as we saw at the diner, her next greatest fear was that AJ might be paralyzed. Since a big part of their friendship is athletic competition, I thought that made sense.
Dash is out of her depth in her understanding of amnesia. She turns to Twilight who offers hope, which Dash grabs on to. Twilight had talked with Applejack about all the ponies in the Mane Six. so Applejack gets the idea to start some banter about competing. I don’t think Dash’s reaction is all that surprising. She’s back on solid ground with one of her closest friends talking just like they used to. She’s full of hope and looking forward to things getting back to normal.
One aspect that may be too subtle is that Applejack senses the nature and feelings of all the ponies who come to see her and is able to bring them some comfort by being more like they need her to be. She can “read” what’s in the hearts of everypony except Twilight, who is practically bursting at the seams with love for her.
Applebloom doesn’t really understand what amnesia is, only that you don’t know who you are, whatever that means. She’s heard all kinds of stories about Applejack from decapitation to split ends in her mane. The closer she gets to the library, the more her fear builds and all she want’s to see is that her sister is ok. Running up those stairs to that loft and into her sisters loving arms was all that she needed. Again, as with Dash, a great many of the little filly’s fears were laid to rest in that hug. Words of love and re-assurance followed by her protective older brother putting his arms around them both, sealed the deal. Believe me, Applebloom is loving that moment.
None of the ponies have any reason to be in shock, they see that Applejack looks good, is well taken care of, is happy, seems to know them and will probably get better.
Finally, as my wife said, if nothing else, these ponies are incredibly positive souls, without being Pollyanna’s, which is a big part of what makes the show so unique.
'
Wait’ll Pinky get’s there...
I should point out, however, that although the ponies might feel that Applejack will probably get better, in the words of Cole Porter "It Ain't Necessarily So..."
i see its been awhile from your last post, i hope you post a new one soon!
i really like this story so far though you might need to put a slice of life tag on it!
i think the characters are handling everything exactly the way they would in the show, at least in my head its how they would handle it!
You are doing good with this, keep up the good work!
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Yeah that jump just happened. I don't know why, but it does matter a lot in the future...
It's supposed to be a flashback to Twilight getting really stressed out. I was hoping to show just how unbalanced her life is/was. I'm trying to give weight to how much her love for Applejack is changing who she is and how she sees herself.
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Woah. I really can't go into what your comment means to me, just know that you made my week. And then some. You said everything I've been hoping to hear since I started this.
I just saw it as I posted
The next chapter!
Interesting to see Twilight gain a rival... I hope that she doesn't grow too catty over it. I'm impressed that she's kept her hopes as high as she has, after AJ has made multiple comments as to her personal preferences. Of course, AJ has also been sending some mixed signals as well...
And I never need an apology for a long chapter!
3866778
The last few comments I've received (including yours) have been very helpful in giving me guidance as to how others are seeing this story. I'll be using them for help as I move forward.
Twilight is, for the first time in her life probably, living minute to minute. She is acting purely out of romantic love, in other words she's utterly clueless...
Nicely done so far. maybe a bit too much drama, but I don't care.
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WOOO! You did post a new chapter!!!
Okay... but I have stuff I need to to so I can't read it just yet...
[later] ok now I read it!
love it, though I feel sorry for twilight!
parts of this makes me mad at AJ but I don't want this story to change at all!
I had a prediction that AJ is going to get her memory back and act like she has still lost it just to stay with Twilight longer....
I can still see that happening but it looks like its going to go on a different route than I thought...
either way I still cant wait for the next chapters! should be interesting to read.... and I oh so hope she tells Rainbow, i would love to see the look on her face!
oh and I prefer chapters with 6k ish words in them... but if they are shorter I expect more uploads... so i guess its good either way to me
I know it's not a Beatles song and the backing vocals and strings make it a bit schmaltzy. But if you replace the word hoof for hand and mare for guy, this is pretty much what's in Twilight's heart right now...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_s3ecXkIhNo
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First, thank you very much for staying with the piece, it's my first. Secondly I will never do that again but your reaction is exactly what I was hoping for. When Spike returns he discovers a Twilight that has lost all perspective. ALL perspective. She needs a straight acket. The tone shift was jarring - it was supposed to be, BUT maybe that's just not good writiing.
Macho, I have to come clean - the damn scene basically wrote itself and every time I went back to try to change it, it kept getting darker. The image of Twilight from "lesson one" kept appearing in my head and I kept asking "What would happen if the stakes were more than being late with a letter? Like if they involved a three day exam covering most of what Twilight knew?" Twilight struck me as being on a razors edge there. She ended up getting dangerously silly but she could have gone dangerously dangerous just as easily
Btw, that exam scenario is taken from the structure of the Cisco CCIE certification test.
I'll comment more about this shortly but your views and comments are invaluable to me. Thanks
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It's such a great escape from the somewhat intense challenges I have in my life. 
(<-AJ's lack of faith notwithstanding...)
I just wanted to let the faithful know that I have not forgotten this story. Everyday driving to and from work I talk it out with myself and I work on it if not every day then every other day. I think I would just about pay someone to let me write about the ponies.
I should also say that this story is not a rambling tale. It is fully developed, beginning to end and right now we are just past the half way point. Since the plot is complete it allows me to work on several parts at the same time, which is nice. Hopefully it means that all the plot points will tie up nicely at the end.
I have had quite a number of other ideas for Pony stories, some short and funny, some adventures, some slice of life, but nothing on the scale of this.
If you're reading this then you're still following me, and for that I'm grateful. The next chapter should be done within the week...
"My wife tells me that since I’ve become a Brony I’ve been a much happier and nicer person. Thank you all so much.
I hope you enjoy this…"
Thats good
I'm happy for you 
Beautiful
There is one more chapter after this and then the 13th chapter moves this to Mature.
Look, I've already finished that chapter and the love scene is absolutely necessary. The nature of the love scene speaks volumes about the relationship between the two characters, and if you'll follow I think you'll find it worth your while.
Yes it's explicit sex, okay, not too explicit. Okay, a little explicit. Actually it's that all the necessary body parts are mentioned,
but it's good. And it's funny. And you'll be the judge of that, I know, you're right and I should just shut up and let you decide. (but it is funny, and sweet and cute...and hot 
)
Not in the "Wow, that's hot sex" but in the "Wow, that really seems like what would happen with these two characters when they make love.for the first time"
)
(Shut up Dash.)
The 12th chapter is almost done. If you're following this, again, thank you. I promise, everything will tie up. I was driving last night thinking about this and all of a sudden a character said a single line in my head and I freaked and the story exploded
. (Not literally Pinkie) An entire story could be written on it but I'm going to add it to this and it fits like a dovetail and it delves into a theme I've already established and I can't believe that my Twilight and Applejack (and yes you too Dashie) (my muses,) gave it to me. It's going to add about 4 chapters. 
So now I'm looking at about 35...
35?!
eYup
3974569
You've read the whole story so far? And you think it's beautiful? Then I'm doing a really good job.
Thank you just doesn't cut it, but it's all I got.
Thank you.
Just keep it up, man! This is some damn good fiction, and I don't want it to end too soon.
Took me a while to get to chapter seven with all the emotion in it, but I'm glad that you haven't given up yet!!
Five outta five from me!
i'm very interested to see where that whole thing with thorn goes. maybe AJ will get jealous? that'd make for an interesting development!
3863750
I know. And it's important. More so now than when I wrote it.
4009266
I suck at thank you's. I really appreciate your kind words. I'm trying to think of what I'd like to hear back from I writer I liked. It's harder than I thought. I will try to keep up the quality,
Thanks!! And don't worry . This isn't ending anytime soon...
4009720
Thanks!!
Thorn will figure tremendously down the road. Just remember I said that.
I don't know if you read the long post I put up a few hours ago, but it was Thorn that spoke the line in my mind that made the future of this piece explode.
She is my first OC and she is awesome.
It's true, these characters suddenly appear. I mean I thought I had this story mapped out and then she shows up. I wish I could take credit for this, but I feel them just enter my head,
Would you like to see what she looks like? Well here is her twin sister Firefly:
http://equestria-prevails.deviantart.com/art/Firefly-351657539
Thorn is the dark half of this coin...
(I love you Equestria Prevails)
4009933 hey, she looks pretty awesome! and i know what you mean! i write stories for my own entertainment, and i'll have it all planned out, then i just get a new character in my head i just have to add in!
I love this story so much!
I know it was just last month that you updated this but it feels like forever!
Pleas keep up this amazing work, and as always I cant wait for the next chapter!
Bravo sir for such a wonderful story!
The letter at the end changes between referring to Applejack in second and third person
This is a very strong letter from Twilight... it's like writing down in a journal you don't want another to see until it's right...
Whether or not she ever shows Applejack this... well, it would help explaining things a bit.
Wouldn't you think so??
YYYYYYEEEESSSSS!!!!!!
Twelve chapters for those three words.... but the pacing, and the hesitancy that Twilight had was more than enough to make up for the wait.
I guess the only questions now are, where do they go, and will Applejack get her memory back?
Can't wait for the next update on this, that's for sure!!
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You just made the fact that I lost 4 years worth of data in a drive crash seem not as bad. Thanks for the pick me up.
Nothing from the story was lost. It's all safely backed up and encrypted online and in a flash drive.
Thanks!
4070746
Right? close to 50K words for that?
But hey, they're really great words.
Well that about wraps it up...:
::
Not even close.
There is much story left - this is just a major turning point.
Tomorrow or the next day I'll be posting the infamous 13th chapter. It picks up moment's after the end of the 12th. I hope the fact that it moves to mature isn't going to be a problem...
I guess we'll see...
4070890 your quite welcome! anything to help someone who's feeling down!
I am so happy that we are finally at this point, the wait was well worth it!
I love this Story, and I hope you know that! I can not wait for more of this amazing story!
At this point no matter what you choose to do with this story, ill be along for the ride!
I fear I could explode from the excitement/happiness I get from this!