Reader and writer of all things shipping and Rainbow Dash. Also, AppleDash will forever be the ultimate ship.
When doing heart's warming shopping together, Applejack and Twilight accidentally end up under the mistletoe. Applejack is happy to simply shrug of the kiss they shared, but there's something lingering on Twilight's mind.
Written for the TwiJack competition.
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Cute TwiJack moment. Hope you end up making more
Cute yes, but that damn "I love you. Yeah well I love you too" convention used in most stories on this site is kind of stale. Doesn't make it a bad story, just been irritating to me lately.
3614494
I will in the future, I actually have a multi-chapter story planned.
3616093
Heh, sorry, I'll try to avoid using that
I think it should be early not earlier, in the two first sentences and some ponies, instead of someponies. Also you missed a space, between that one point and "Ya have to feed pigs,". Besides that. Yes! There is not enough TwiJack. Thank you!
3617685
Thanks! I'll go through and correct those,
3617702
No problem. It's a honor, to do that for a TwiJack romance and a fellow brony.
3617804
/)
Not quite sure it's that big of an honor, but thanks anyway
So I loved the story! But it's Hearths Warming not Hearts. I've seen that mistake in quite a few of these stories. But like I said very good story!
3617254
Not your fault, but it will make your writing stronger if you build up the relationship first.
Nice story, the confession was a bit rushed and it could do with a wee bit more middle and a proper catalyst but the start and ending are both very strong.
This. Was. So. ADORABLE.
Great work on this, too bad they dint get any shooing done.
Just a small error.
3620314
Yeah, I did think it might be a bit rushed
3620696
Yeah, but I'm glad to hear the other parts were good.
3619614
I'll go and correct it 
Oh, I didn't know that
3621097
Well thanks, but what do you mean by 'shooing'?
3622348
Whoops, I'll correct that, thanks for pointing it out
3626022
, i meant shopping (damn you auto correct 
)
Sorry, that's me at 3 AM writing
Not bad, needs some fine tuning and an editor but not bad. My only complaint is that it all feels very rushed, one kiss and suddenly they're head-over-hooves for each other. Not very believable to me. All complaining aside it was a nice read, the world could always use more Twijack after all.
I have no idea if I'm allowed to comment on here or not, being a judge and all. So I'll try to be vague without spoiling any of my comments.
Y'know, it was a cute enough story. And an actual story. The plot was thin, and nothing really happened considering the importance of the event, but still. For a little bit of fluff it was cute.
Weirdly inconsistent grammar though, with some stretches of alright broken by stretches of needing some polish. Still, with a lot more practice and refreshing, I can see you could totally have some talent here. Hope you keep working at it. Good job!
3638392
Well, thanks for taking the time to comment. At some point I'll go over it and see if I can polish it up some more.
The story was cute, loveable, and sweet. I loved it and favourited it, but it was a bit too rushed, especially the "confession".
Also this needs a nice proofreading. A bunch of wrong words here and there, or at least the incorrect conjugation of them, a couple missing words, a couple extra words... They're small, but plenty and it can kill a bit of the mood, it'd be much better if you give it an extra read, and keep an eye out for those errors and fix them
I actually read this one a long while back, but I didn't usually offer constructive criticism back then and I didn't know you were the type who appreciates that.
Once again, I like the story. Concept and premise are good, this one just has a few problems with execution.
It needs an edit. There are a lot of small mistakes that are easy to miss when you read them. Fortunately they are easy to catch if you use the sites text to speech function.
My biggest problem is with the setup. Like I said, the premise is good, but it's mostly setup in the description. Details as to why they decided to go shopping together would help.
Also, while I did like the dialog in the setup itself, it was out of place. It was dialog for ponies just getting to know each other, not good friends that have had many adventures together. This story becomes much better if you have it take place during Twilight's first winter in Ponyville. Still getting to know her friends and suddenly finding something much deeper.
Just FYI though, I don't consider myself a good writer, so feel free not to take me seriously. Like I said, the story is already good.