• Member Since 3rd Dec, 2013
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGjHsLnUO1U. So kik me if you want, I'm Railtaiser.

Comments ( 85 )

Oh buck this is quite a funny read, Thunderlane is sure in for some fun :rainbowlaugh:

Words can't express how much I love this. The kissing is made so well and all.. I .. I ...

love it!!! need more!!!

Fimfic needs less coltcuddling.

Jotos (Gays) Lmfao

:twilightblush:Really? I was worried I didn't write it well enough

That's quite the statement considering the abundance of f/f ships. :duck: Don't like coltcuddling? Don't read it.

If you don't want to see coltcuddling, you should probably avoid people with a username like mine. ThatOneColtCuddler is kind of a dead giveaway.

However, you are correct in the sense that not everything on FiM should be coltcuddling. I shall be writing a serious story soon, that will not involve coltcuddling, if this pleases you.

Flint Sparks!
<insert Rarity's reaction to Sapphire Shores here>


Actually, I think you'll find it needs substantially more.

Dang it! Just when they were getting to the good stuff!

Please do more forthis

3585030 No fimfiction needs less assholes who think their preferences are the most important and other people have no right to have different preferences.Screw you,you little douchebag.

Let me show you how to find artists of pony pictures. Here we have Soarin and Thunderlane in a gayish situation. So we just need to open Derpibooru and search for soarin, thunderlane, gay. Right now this picture is fourth for this search (with my filters at least), and the artist appears to be Acstlu.

Thanks. I really don't like to leave cover art uncredited as it seems unfair to the artisit.

And you shall have more.

Eeyup. I will continue this, although I will have to change the rating.:raritywink:


Besides - if nothing else, so far we don't have anything that contains the implied "if you wanna be a Bolt, you'll let me under your tail" in the title. ;)

Oh it's going to get waaaaay more serious.

Hello again.
Now that i have read this story, I will try to give you some advice. You will decide if it is nonsense or something useful.
The main problem is severe lack of thoughts on Thunderlane's part. His thought process here is basically: "I want to be a Wonderbolt, so I better go to training early. Oh, Soarin! Oh, he's hot! Oh, now I am in trouble. Oh, we're going to kiss and maybe more! Damn, a cockblocker. This will have to wait until the evening." You did not establish what kind of feelings Thunderlane has for Soarin: is Soarin his lifetime crush, or just the only attractive stallion around, or something else? Since this is supposedly a romance story, that should be the main focus.
And then there is Soarin, whose behavior is incomprehensible for me. Some cadet who happened to be in the same place with him gets a wingboner, so he immediately takes this cadet to his office and initiates sex with him. Even though he knows this cadet must be training in less than 15 minutes. As far as I know, people usually do not get in the mood for sex in this short time without even expecting it. And then we have this:

Soarin was done playing around. Done hiding his feelings.

What feelings, exactly? All I see is some unhealthy lust without any actual emotions.
Also, "Celestia's orb" made me laugh for a couple minutes. Is "the sun" not fancy enough for you?

In short: for the main character you should describe his thoughts and emotions that lead to actions before he takes that actions. And for other characters, their thoughts and emotions should be possible to infer from their actions and words, at least in most cases.

Thank you for the feedback. That was something I've worried about for some time but I didn't really know how to address it. I will attempt to do better in the next chapter, and I'll fix this one to the best of my ability.

It is pretty good for your first clop. It is much better then others first times.

Please sir may we have some more?

I really like it.

I always find it very cliche for a guy to deep throat flawlessly on first try, makes it more porno less real. Stumbling and difficulty in a sexual situation helps me get into it.
But that and the fact tHAT CLIFFHANGER WAS CRUEL are my only remotely negative thoughts.
:pinkiehappy: :pinkiehappy: :pinkiehappy: MOAAAAAAR??

Yeah, I know it's pretty unlikely but I figured ponies have rather large throats so...

When the mounting begins, I'll need to make it a bit more awkward, which I will.
Anyway, who said anything about this being Thunderlane's first time?:raritywink::raritywink::raritywink:

Does...that mean...you like it?


3610733 love it but when he knows that he completely loves him and can't resist well shit..... good story though:pinkiehappy:

I don't think either of them have really said or thought anything about love yet. But thanks.

But the spark he felt when he had looked into Thunderlane's eyes was indescribable.

eh i assumed :derpytongue2:

Forgot about that. Well, looks like my fingers decided for me. Sorry for the misunderstanding.:pinkiehappy:

This is the best clopfic story ever!!!

Actually, I think this one's kind of shit. I didn't do very well,


I thought it said that at one point, but also it would work better.
Thunderlane always waiting for the perfect stallion, and not thinking that when he actually DID get to the perfect stallion he wouldn't be that great at it.

Plus maybe it would work, yknow? Soarin a bit worried by taking Thunderlane's virginity, making it even more deliciously awkward :rainbowkiss:

I guess I'll see what happens.

THAT WAS AMAZING! i am hoping for chapter three soon! :twilightsmile:

First time I read a colt cuddling clop. Not my thing, it is funny in places...I just can't ship f/f or m/m ponies with their own tribe. <shrug> Also,

can i just have the cover image?....

I'm not normally one for these kinds of fics....but.....

DAMN THAT WAS HOT!!!!! *squee*

I keep reading this over and over PLEASE MORE!!!

I know, it's been a while since I updated.:twilightangry2:
But I need to be in a certain mood to write clop well, or it just turns out shitty. I will try my best though.

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