Rainbow Dash
Discord Babysitting
Rainbow Dash
Scootaloo munched away on her slice of apple pie like a wild pig, sighing contently when there was nothing left on her plate. She rubbed her stomach and said, "Mister Discord, I have to admit, you're an amazing cook. That apple pie was delicious!"
Discord smirked and said, "Then can we assume you're delicious? Considering now you're covered in it." Scootaloo blushed and looked over herself, covered in patches of pie filling. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle giggled, having eaten their pie without making a mess. "Alright, I think it's time you three took a bath."
Scootaloo cringed. "You'll never take me alive! Fly away!" She leapt off the chair flapping her wings, and fell flat on her face.
Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom walked over. Sweetie said, "What was that supposed to accomplish?"
Scootaloo looked up rubbing her nose. "I thought if I really wanted to avoid him, I could fly."
Apple Bloom giggled and said, "Scootaloo, you're silly. Chickens can't fly."
"I'm gonna hurt you,"
Discord snapped his fingers, and Apple Bloom became a yellow chicken. She squawked and flailed her wings. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle cheered, "Chicken!" and clung to the unfortunate pony. They pet her and chanted "Pet the chicken" while Apple Bloom began to look irritated and pecked at them.
Discord chuckled at the scene. "It's not nice to call others names Apple Bloom. Let that be a lesson to you." He snapped his finger and she changed back.
The little filly and looked down, seeing she was sitting on an egg. "What in tarnation? Where did this come from?"
Sweetie Belle gasped. "Oh my gosh! Apple Bloom, you're a mom!"
Scootaloo stuck out her tongue and said, "Bet it hatches into a pegasus." The three of them laughed, and the egg cracked. "Apple Bloom, get your big butt off it, it's cracking!"
Apple Bloom squeaked and leapt off it, and they all gathered around it. "This is so weird. I wonder what it will hatch into…" The egg exploded with spring loaded fake snakes and confetti, and they all stood there staring confused and shocked where an egg once was.
Discord laughed in delight. "That was priceless! You should see the looks on your faces! Hoo hoo hoo!" He wiped away a tear with a sigh. Then he scooped up the three girls and said, "Alright, bath time!" Scootaloo yelped and squirmed to get free. He scowled and said, "Oh would you stop your fussing? You're starting to remind me of someone."
He carries them to the bathroom and sets them down on the edge of the tub, turning on the water flow and adding some bubble bath. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle giggle and jump in the tub, but Scootaloo just glares at it. "I'm not getting in that tub! It's cool to be dirty!"
Discord shrugs and says, "But it's fun to be clean! Like when you're so squeaky clean, you actually squeak like rubbing two pickles together." He takes out a pair of pickles and rubs them together, lighting them on fire. "Hmm, maybe it was pickle slices." He blows them out and takes a bite off their tops. He munches and gulps and says, "Well here's the problem. These are bananas. See?" He aims the bitten off tips at Scootaloo, and squeezes, making them fire a pair of bananas at her which splat against her sending her back into the tub.
Scootaloo splashes to the surface of the rising bubbly water and says, "Treachery!"
Discord tosses the peels and says, "You hate baths almost as much as a certain Rainbow mane filly used to when she was your age." Scootaloo's eyes grow to the size of dinner plates and she grins wide. "Yeah that's right, I'm talking about Rainbow Dash. Want to hear the story?" The little fan pony gasps and begins to jump up and down excitedly, clenching her eyes shut as she chanted the word 'yes' repeatedly. He grabs her sides and lifts her up, setting her on his back as she continued excitedly bouncing around. He sighs and says, "A little to the left. Right there, that's the spot." The other girls giggle at this before he sets her back down in the tub. "Now let's see… it all began one late afternoon as Rainbow Dash was playing on a cloud filled with rather dirty rain…"
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The rainbow maned filly flies holes through a rain cloud, cheering to herself as she lands and shakes off, covered in dirt. "I love it when water brings dirt with its evaporation. It's like playing in the mud. What are you just standing around for Surprise? Come join me!"
The white pegasus with a blonde mane shakes her head and says, "No thanks Rainbow Dash. As much as I love playing in mud clouds, I need to stay clean for dinner."
"I do too but you don't see that stopping me." Rainbow blinks as Ditsy Doo hums by, flapping backwards as she drags her head along the cloud. "See, Derpy's got the right idea. Live a little!" Her name can be heard getting called out and she groaned. "Sorry girls, sounds like suppers done. I gotta go home and eat,"
Her friends nod and Surprise tells her, "We'll see you tomorrow." Ditsy waves, spastically, as the two of them fly off.
As she hurries home, Rainbow Dash is greeted by her babysitter in the doorway. Discord picks her up and hugs her tight. "Oh Rainbow Dash, I was so worried you would never come home… clean… and I was right." He makes a face as he holds her away, sticking out his tongue as some of the muddy water on her got on him. "How you manage to get dirty in clouds always impresses me, especially since they are not made of cotton candy." He takes out a pink cloud and takes a bite. "Delicious!" He tips it a bit pouring chocolate milk in his mouth, sighing as he drops it with a splat. "That hit the spot. Thanks for letting me borrow your hair Pinkie Pie."
A small pink filly below and to his side laps at the chocolate milk dripping from her hair onto her face and says, "Oki-doki-loki! I'm gonna go get more chocolate milk for my hair. Bye!" She runs off with a giggle.
"That girl has a lot of potential for chaos one day. And you my dear Rainbow have the potential to get clean before dinner. Now let's get you a bath." He looks only to see he was holding a pie where Rainbow Dash was a moment before. "You're not Rainbow Dash… why is this thing ticking?" The pie explodes and he finds himself covered in a rainbow of colors, dripping from him as he and the area around him was covered in the colorful ooze. "You know, that kid has some potential too." He slurps up all the rainbow ooze on his face and smacks his lips. "Spicy. Alright Dashie, if it's a chase you want I'm game."
Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash had rushed off into Cloudsdale, trying desperately to find a place to hide. She blinks and smacks her head, pulling up some cloud and hopping inside of it. Her mane and her tail sticks out, and she giggles mischievously. "He'll never suspect that I'm a cloud." She begins to float along, and gasps when she comes face to face with Discord.
He glared at her and asks, "Have you seen a rainbow maned filly around here? Cyan fur, covered in mud?"
"Nope.... I'm a cloud. Beep beep." She floats past him carefully before dashing off.
"Well, sorry for wasting your… wait a minute, clouds don't go beep." He growls and goes after the cloud, having already lost it as he reaches the rainbow fountain in the center of town. He looks around, trying to find it, but then notices one of the statues of the fountain seemed a little off. He looks at it carefully, realizing it was Rainbow Dash spraying rainbow from her mouth. He crosses his arms with a smirk, and her spitting slowly comes to a stop when she realizes he wasn't buying it. She begins to sweat, and then spits what she's got left in her mouth in his face before rushing off again. He wipes it off and shouts "Get back here and take a bath!"
"You'll never take me alive!" She notices him flying after her fast, and looks for a means to get away, spotting a curved wall and flying for it. Once she reaches it, she lands on the wall and runs up it, curving over head and dropping just in time to land on a rather shocked Discord's head. She furthered his confusion by doing a quick little tap dance, humming to herself. Then she abruptly leapt off his head at high speed, sending it flying forward and slamming into the wall.
As his face dented a hole in the wall, Discord stood there for a moment. "Normally I'd be mad, but I am rather proud of her." He plucks his face from the wall and gives chase again. She looks back and blows him a raspberry, laughing and blissfully unaware of what she was flying towards. Discord goes wide eyed as she makes her way towards the end of the town straight into a giant storm cloud that filled all he could see. "That wasn't on today's forecast. Rainbow Dash, stop, please!"
"You're not the boss of- Huh? What is this?" She looks around confused, and shrieks as she gets swept up in the winds being created around the thundering wall of black. She flaps her wings but can't regain control, beginning to panic as lightning struck wildly and violently around her. She gets pushed around like a paper bag, rain splashing against her and not giving her a moment to even think straight. She begins to cry, and in her terror she shouts, "Mommy! Save me mommy! I'm scared!" She could barely hear herself over the roar of the storm, and sobbed as she flailed in her dismay. Then she was finally able to make something out, a figure coming right towards her. "Mommy?"
As the figure gets closer she can see it's Discord, holding an inside out umbrella with one hand which seems to be gliding him through the storm. He snatches her up in his free hand and says, "Rainbow Dash, hold on tight and don't let go!"
She clings to him as tight as she can and buries her face in him, not wanting to see the storm anymore. "I'm sorry mister Discord! I'm so scared! Please save me!"
"Already on it," he replies as he shoots straight upward, several clouds clearing a path for him as he goes up and over the storm cloud itself. The air chilled and the darkness cleared, everything went silent. "You can open your eyes now, you know."
She slowly does, weary of what she might see. She gasps to see a flat layer of clouds as far as the eye can see, and the sun setting slowly behind them. "It's… beautiful…"
Discord nods in agreement with a smile. "As much as I love chaos like that storm, it can hurt ponies sometimes and break my concentration. It's good to have a little peace to balance things out. That way I can focus my magic a little easier, like this." He closes his eyes, and with a magical poof they were back home.
Before she can marvel at his trick, Rainbow Dash notices they're in the bathroom. She also notices the tub is full of water, and pouts grumbling. "This is a trap."
Rolling his eyes, Discord walks over to the tub and says, "Rainbow Dash, it's not like there's anything in the tub that can hurt you." A set of tentacles rise from the water and a voice echoes, "Cthulhu fhtagn!" He growls and says, "Not now!" and the tentacles recede into the water. "Now just get in the tub." He tries to drop her in, but she clings to his hand. He raises an eyebrow, and shakes his hand. When he finishes she's clinging to the top of his arm, and he shakes it again. This time she clings to the bottom when he stops, and he growls shaking it once more. He smirks as she sits in his hand, wearing fancy clothes like a tuxedo, top hat, and a monocle. He turns his hand upside down and she drops into the tub with a yelp. "See? The water isn't so bad now is it?"
She grumbles and splashes him, giggling. "You tell me!" His brow furrows, and a smirk grows across his lips as he kneels down and gives her a playful splash. She squeals and returns fire, both of them laughing as they splashed each other.
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"After that Rainbow Dash never avoided one more bath, ever again." The three fillies clap their hooves together and he takes a bow. "Oh, you flatter me with your praise, but do go on."
Scootaloo is the first to speak up as she says, "That was an amazing story! Rainbow Dash gave even you a hard time, and then you swooped in and saved the day! I can't believe she wasn't able to handle that storm though."
"She was still a little girl, just like you Scootaloo. Rainbow Dash isn't always brave you know. There are some things even she can't handle and she knows it. Knowing our limits is an important thing." He notices Apple Bloom raising her hoof, and throws on a set of glasses pulling up a podium. He points to her and says, "A question from the audience?"
Apple Bloom nods and responds, "What's the deal with that explosive pie you mentioned? How'd she get that into your mitts?
Discord removes his glasses leaning on the podium and says, "Actually that's an old prank we put together that she caught me by surprise with. She is very fast you know. Of course, I am too since I can just do this." He pulls a pie out from behind the podium, which begins to tick. "Tada!"
The girls stare at it, and Sweetie Belle is the one to speak up and ask, "Is that thing activated? It's ticking."
Discord blinks and puts his ear to it for a moment. "Oh snap crackle pop, you're right! We've got to get rid of this, and I know just how to!" He takes a deep breath, and the upper half of his body presses into the water, the girls just staring for a moment before he comes back up without the pie. "That takes care of that!"
As he wipes off his hands, the girls look at each other worriedly. They all ask carefully, "What did you do with the pie?"
He looks at them as they ask this and chuckles. "Don't worry, I put it to good use…"
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Celestia hums as she uses her magic to lift a brush and scrub herself. "It's nice to have some time to relax. I'm sure Luna is handling everything just fine at the ceremony." She yelps as Discord pops up in her tub. "What are 'you' doing here? Can't I have any privacy from you?"
"FIRE IN THE HOLE!" He throws the pie straight into her face, and rushes back beneath the surface.
She growls and uses her magic to lift it from her face. "Discord! How dare you pie me in the… wait, what's this thing filled with? Rainbow? And why is it tick-" At that moment the pie exploded, covering Celestia as well as her entire bathroom in Rainbow. She blinks and goes slack jawed, staring at the mess her lavatory was now in. She growls and splashes the now rainbow water of her tub. "I hate him so much! I hate him so- Oh sweet mercy it burns my eyes! I forgot how spicy this stuff was!"
End Part 2
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Awww, so cute X3
"I'm sorry, mister Discord!"
Nicley Written, Hope to see more like always
absolutely brilliant. I cant wait to see where you continue to go with this.
...Edd Ed n Eddy reference: check.
"Beep beep, I'm a jeep": Check.
Scootachicken: Check.
I love this story. I can't wait to see what a little diva Rarity must have been. And if it involves bedtime, be sure to reference "Art of the mattress"! :)
God of trolling, also Cthulhu fhtagn lol
Awesome.
And poor Celestia. I would help you....But Troll Discord is just too funny!
Dat ending...
that...that was genius. The bit about clouds not going beep made me think of the thief from thief and the cobbler. Which also made me realize that this version of Discord makes me think of Johnathan Winters.
And I loved Cthulhu popping in out of nowhere.
You know, I'm starting to wonder how it is that Celestia hasn't zapped him to the moon yet or sealed him in stone. The only answer I can think of is that she pranks him right back.
Cthulhu in the bath tub? Applebloom's a chicken? Pie-ing Celestia?
I'm throwing money at the screen but nothings happening, are you getting it?
So awsome!
The sad thing is that Discord really would make a damn fine babysitter if he was given the chance.
FIRE IN THE HOLE
I get the feeling that Discord messing with Celestia at the end of each chapter is going to be the running gag of this fanfiction. If that is the case, I want to see Celestia getting revenge at the very end.
So epic! This is so funny, it really is! Discord is an awesome troll! Troll Face himself couldn't do any better!
The humour, it's so damn perfect. It flows smoothly from sentence to sentence, the chaos is both creative and fun.
Young Rainbow Dash hung out with Ditzy and Surprise, that is no pun intended a Surprise
. Nice to see background ponies are not forgotten 
. Discord trolling Celestia is hilarious, I wonder if she'll ever get him back, the exploding pie bit was hilarious.
Also Cthulhu fhtagn. That made me laugh a lot too
I'm just amazed at how well you're playing out Discord's persona. Little jokes, side gags, and whatever he says literally happening are just the things you'd expect from him. And for that, have ze mouztachez!
I love this. I really do. It's deliciously CHAOTIC!
hahahahahaha. i love this
why couldent this be cannon
Discord needs to stop pushing his luck.
Fine fic, and a Chaotic Good Discord is always a laugh, rather that the Chaotic Neutral I usually find.
Ohh, so thats why discord got put in stone. An exploding rainbow pie....
"Oh, you flatter me with your praise, but do go on." The best way to get praise and seem modest.
Wonderfully done sir.
Q is such a funny guy! "-oh sweet mercy, I forgot how spicy this stuff was!" That's buckin' funny!
This story is amazing. I love what you did with Discord. THe "Beep Beep I'm a cloud" got me laughing
NOT THE RAINBOW!
AUGH, IT'S IN MY EYES! IT'S IN MY EYES!
Another hilarious chapter! keep up the good work!
Is Celestia gonna trolled at the end of every chapter? Cause that would be awesome!
Anyway, Ed Edd n' Eddy reference, Spongebob reference, beep beep I'm a cloud, and someone needs to make a picture of Rainbow Dash in a tuxedo, top hat and monocle.
images.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw454_19_-_animated%20twilight_sparkle.gif
Can't wait for Pinkie's story, and I hope you'll add some form of fight between Celestia and Discord, though we all know who's gonna win
This is fun, very very fun.
326162
where did the "beep beep, Im a X" started?
also PIE IN THE HOLE!!! *boom*
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Troll is sad you say that about him.
It is unfortunate that I agree with you: Discord is not easily beaten when it comes to trolling.
So I am guessing that pissing off Celestia is going to be a running gag.
I am absolutely ok with this.
dash.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/132729119467.jpg
This is beyond awesome, this is pure hilarity.
dat ending
ah i remember when i got hit in the face with a pie
I would love to pie someone right now if I had one of those pies
"IT BURNS MY EYES!" best line
Loving these shorts
So much giggle! Some might say it had been doubled, but I'm not sure who...
Discord trollin celest, love it.
Love how everything Discord has done so far, ends up affecting Celestia. this is the best Discord story ever!!!
Tia is going to kill discord before this thing is done
and they need to put this in the show
.
Celestia is the best prank victim
That ending was the most hilarious thing I have read in weeks!
"Pet the chicken"
you are now my favorite person in the world.
"This is a trap."
It's a trap!
I like this series, but by Celestia's Beard man, please pick a tense and stick with it! Or, rather, write it in the past tense, this is a story not a report.
326562
I think it's a children's song. I can't really say any more than that. All I know is that there's a pic out there of a cloud with dash's wings, eyes and mane/tail visible with the caption "Beep beep, I'm a cloud" and it's adorable.
327247
yeah, the pic is cute, but not being from north america/england/wherever it might be
I haven´t got the slightest idea of where it came from...
You sure know how to wrap up a chapter extremely well! I can just see him pop up from the tub, pie her then shoot back down again.
Very funny. There's a few times the dialogue or description seemed a bit stilted, but I think that's just the limitations of the written word - as a cartoon, this would be even more hilarious.