• Member Since 12th Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen Oct 27th, 2013

Mystic


T

Through fire and fear, and darkness and shadow, when the end of the world came, it came swiftly to the peaceful land of Equestria. Now, almost ten years after this cataclysm, a lone mare and her daughter embark on an epic journey of survival across the wasted Equestrian landscape, trying to find hope and meaning in a world where harmony is nothing but a memory.

Inspired by Cormac McCarthy’s ‘The Road’.
Featured on EqD!

Chapters (10)
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Comments ( 213 )

Nice to see this up on fimfiction now! :)

This fic has potential. I'm a huge sucker for post-apocalyptic stories and I'm enjoying what I've read so far.
It was a bit hard to imagine what the cave looked like as the mare and her daughter navigated it though.

looks good i'll read it.

I'm hoping the main character is Derpy and dinky :3

312034 Thanks! I am glad you're liking it! However, I have to ask, was the description not clear enough, or was it the layout or something that made the cave so hard to imagine? Thanks for the feedback!

312666 This is set well over one-hundred years after the the events in the show. I would very impressed if it was those two! Haha

312922 Well, in episode 19, cutie mark chronicles, derpy was seen the same way she is now in the croud, and on the carousel, when Twilight was just a filly. Also, there were multiple copies of her...so apparently she can teleport through time, and clone herself.

_ _
\_0_/

I suck at making shrugs

313003 Haha, true, true. But after what I put these characters through, that would be depressing as hell, haha. I couldn't bring myself to make Derpy struggle like that. I love her too much!


313100 you do have a point. It's for the better. D:

312922
It's the layout, actually. Maybe it's my own fault for not paying enough attention, but I had a hard time imagining the whole structure after they crossed the first bridge and especially during the chase. But don't worry, it's probably just me. Don't go editing parts on my behalf!

Also keep in mind that Derpy is the Doctor's time-travelling companion :derpyderp1:

313225 never read doctor whooves, though i should. It seems like a really good story, but i can't find the original

Ask eqd to link here instead of gdocs

Great story, can't wait to see where it goes.
here's a couple grammar issues I found:
"The mare watched the filly’s eyes grew wide."

"The room always seems darker after the immediate aftermath of a lightning strike."
This sorta caught me up while reading. How about simply, " The room seems darker in the aftermath of a lightning strike."

Also you switched between defense and defence.

313225 Ah ok! Yeah, that's the problem with the perspective that this story is told from. The audience only knows what the mare knows or sees, and when the pedal is to the floor, so to speak, the description suffers a little. Rest assured, the mare didn't really know where she was either, haha! For reference, the cave was separated into three pretty much identical levels. So what was being described in the first level they were in was pretty similar to the lower floors. Thanks for the comment!

314148 Thanks! I am glad you are liking it! Also, thanks for catching those for me!

As far as linking EqD to here, I will next chapter update. I'll give people two options, all of the links here, or to the original google docs. I guess the advantage of following it here means it will be live a couple of hours before it hits EqD!

313236
There is no original story ;) The Doctor was a fanon idea that evolved into having Derpy as his companion. Similar to Lyra's obsession with humans. Just fanon that eventually spawned stories.

354725 Thank you! Ironically, I thought this was one of the slower chapters, haha. I hope you like what's to come!

Hey, glad to see this here! I was actually going to suggest it.
I occasionally forget to check the chapter updates on EQD, so it's nice to get an e-mail whenever a story gets updated so I don't miss anything.

377795 I am glad you are liking it! Chapter 5 is pretty much almost ready, so it hopefully should be up in a couple of days!

Aagh! Hope the filly's okay ;/

Good stuff as always.

389683 My poor characters. 'Okay' is such a wonderfully relative and subjective term. :trollestia:
Thanks for the comment!

390897:raritydespair::raritydespair:

(EDIT - I don't know how I got double Rarities, but I like it =P)

Good chapter, maybe a little slow-paced. But: Cliffhanger! :applecry:

393073 I have a real thing for cliffhangers. I feel so sorry for anybody who reads my stories, haha. Hopefully the next chapter will be out sooner rather than later to compensate. Also, sorry about the slow pacing; the next few chapters are definitely a little faster! (I hope!)

Thanks for the comment!

Gah~ I read this through work tody undercover from my bossXD best work day ever because of this story! :3 can't wait to read the rest when I get home:3

422410 Haha, I am really glad you're liking it! :twilightsmile: Thanks so much for the comment!

422835

What can I say? THINE FANS HAVE SPOKEN! XD

The whole situation with the stallion hit me a bit. This is one of those stories that make me, as the reader, wish to be there and to help the characters.

429975 Haha, that's exactly what I was going for! :twilightsmile: I wanted it to be quite shocking and hard hitting. It's a dark world filled with dark choices, after all.

Thanks for the comment!

Wow, that scene with the stallion... The world you've created is so bleak and depressing. I'm on the edge of my seat the entire time worrying for the filly and her mother. I just wish I could reach into the story and give them both a hug.

431254 Haha, bleak and depressing is exactly what I am going for. I am glad to hear that it's keeping you engaged. The next few chapters have some pretty cool stuff coming your way now that they are drawing closer to their goal, so I hope you like what's to come!

Thanks for the comment!

You're keeping me engaged in the actions of the mother and filly, but I tend to skip the flashbacks, to my shame. :twilightblush: I kept hoping that they'd go back for the stallion, especially after she read what I am assuming was the suicide note written by 'Star'. :fluttercry:

Normally I don't read stories this emotionally oppressive as I find they cause my own mood to swing. I'm hopeful for some sort of happy resolution for the mother and filly.

432290 :pinkiegasp: Skip the flashbacks? But they make it super depressing! Take the one at the end of this chapter, for example - that should hit really hard, and it's all important character development.

As for the ending, it's not over till it's over. I hope you enjoy what's to come!

432340

Truthfully, I started skipping the flashbacks because I was more interested in what was happening with the mother and filly. I wasn't interested in back-story. :twilightoops: It's nothing new for me. I have a habit of skipping chapters in books if they aren't following a certain character. I also have the habit of reading the first quarter of a book, and then the ending. :rainbowlaugh: I am a terrible reader of stories in that regards. The incremental nature of the stories written in the brony community thankfully negates this habit, usually.

So, not your story and writing, which is both wonderful, but me as to why I skip the flashbacks. :twilightsmile:

432399 Haha, fair enough. I know I'm always tempted to skip chapters in books if they're not following the main/my favorite chracter, so I can get that.

Looks to be excellent; I'll sink my teeth into it when I get a free moment. Can't wait to get to it.

In the meantime though, know this:

If you include a foal impaled on a cooking spit, I'm going to gut you.

That is all.

432801 Well, I hope you like it! And while this story is labelled dark for a reason, I can safely say that I do not include a foal impaled on a cooking spit, haha.

>>Mystic
Awesome. I love grimdark and Cormac McCarthy, but that scene with the impaled infant in The Road was just too much for me. I'm glad to hear that it's not in there.

I should get some free time tomorrow to break into the first couple chapters. I can't wait. :pinkiehappy:

434884 Well, I really hope you like it! :twilightsmile:

Here's some grammar 'n stuff.
------------------------------------------
The mare didn’t want to spend any more time then they had to on these blackened peaks.
From their campsite, the river was in a valley was less than a mile or so away, the peaks on the gentle rises visible above the tops of the trees.
While they would have once been colourful and vibrant, the cubes were now filthy with soot, the occasional entire panel missing from its roof, revealing black holes beyond. Awkward sentence?

This is my main fic right now.
also, grammar!
“I love you, Mommy,” she says sleepily, rapidly loosing the fight to stay awake.

Wow, pretty heavy, even for this story.

436033 Thanks for catching those - consider them fixed! I am glad you are liking it, and I hope you enjoy what's to come.

Thanks for the comment!

436942 Yeah, it was heavy. I wanted it to hit hard, but never be overly gratuitous. In other words, I wanted to make sure it was 'high impact', but never super violent or anything. I hope I succeeded!

Thanks for the comment!

I've been following this story since chapter one. Glad to see it's up on FiM Fiction now, now I can find updates much easier. :twilightsmile:

I LOVE your story. :heart:

439972 Haha, why thank you! I'm glad you're liking it!

Thanks for the comment!

A really heartbreaking chapter, but at least it ended on a bit of an upswing.

There have been a lot of times where they just barely evaded capture--can't help but wonder if their luck will run out at some point.

456640 Heartbreaking indeed! Next chapter sees an interesting development, one that I hope you like. The story is moving into its last quarter, after all. But yes, luck always runs out eventually. But in what ways? :twilightsmile:

Heya Mystic!

I've been reading this since it's debut on EqD, and only recently found it on here! Ugk, my work-addled brain keeps me from seeing the obvious.

Just loving this story! So dark, so hopeless, yet... it's all about hope. Love, determination, faith and family - just a brilliant read.

Thank you for a great series so far! Can't wait for more! :pinkiehappy:

466039 Hey there!

I am super glad to hear you are enjoying it! It really means a lot! The story is moving into its last quarter now, so I really hope you enjoy what's to come.

Thanks so much for the comment!

Why did it take me his long to read the next chapter? I must be crazy again... :pinkiecrazy:

Anyways, great story still, gonna read the next chapter now~ my boss now likes your story too :derpytongue2:

I wonder if spades is still alive though... And if he holds a grudge! There is still so much to ur story... MUST READ DURING BORING WORK HOURS! :rainbowwild:

...I have no clue how I already posted on this chapter... Dang my insanity! :pinkiecrazy:

Idk if I have mentioned it before, but I absolutely love that you use he flash backsto both give a pause in the story and help us see the difference between then and now! Also, it truly helps us relate to the your nameless protagonists... Use of this = masterful! :raritystarry:

Saddened though that my spades idea got debunked... Ah well~ now I am just worried about the filly! MAY SHE LIVEEEEEEEE!!! :raritydespair:

Yes! Third chapter today at work~ IM ON A ROLL!:rainbowdetermined2:

Anyways, great like always! everything is just weaving into each other so nicely that it makes this sub a great story~ I swear, this should be its on book if I haven't mentioned it before :yay:

Though the father part... Just wow... I can't believe him! And our mother hero... So much regret, huh? I feel so sad for her... :raritycry::raritydespair::fluttercry:

469388 Haha, why thank you! It's really great to see you 'get' everything you're supposed to in terms of story construction. Means I'm not failing too badly! Haha

However, something to remember with Spades is that not all of the memories are in chronological order. There might be some credence yet to your idea. :trollestia:

Also, about your boss liking it, I laughed for like 30 seconds when I read that, so thank you, haha.

I'm really glad you're liking it and thanks for the comment!

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